Chapter 26

It wasn’t hard to find Teen Top’s leader. He hadn’t strayed too far, ever conscious of his obligation to be on stage in just a few minutes. He just needed to not be in that room and Chunji understood that. He was willing to give the leader the space he needed if that meant the performance would go of fine without the fans suspecting anything amiss within the group.

Chunji kept his distance, but he was close enough to keep an eye on his only hyung. C.A.P was sitting behind one of the large speakers near the stage area and Chunji lingered near a rack of clothes with the word “Beast” written on a sheet white paper taped to it. He course Chunji kept his distance, but he was close enough to keep an eye on his only hyung should he be needed.

He didn’t expect C.A.P to want to talk. It’s not like the eldest ever really did, so it surprised him to hear C.A.P’s voice. Chunji was startled out of his thoughts – running through his lines in his head – as he registered the sound of C.A.P’s deep voice, but not managing to catch any of the words.

“W,What?!” Chunji perked up, turning his body a bit to face C.A.P who was still seated a few feet away.

“Nothing.”

Chunji sighed and pushed his body off the wall and walked over to close the gap between him and the leader.

“No really,” he said crouching down. “You started it so finish it. What did you say?”

C.A.P rolled his eyes and turned his head away from Chunji, mumbling his words, “I said leave me alone.”

Chunji couldn’t help but smirk, but he hid it in the collar of his jacket. He knew C.A.P wouldn’t do anything to him if he saw, but it was only nice to not show the leader he was laughing at him at any rate. However, he wasn’t sneaky enough because C.A.P elbowed him in the rib.

“What’s so funny?” he asked as Chunji cried out and held his rib.

It didn’t hurt but it had surprised him.

“You,” Chunji shot back. “Laughing because you’re being like this and not wanting to tell me what you said.”

C.A.P shrugged again and shifted his legs, stretching them out in front of him.

“Maybe… maybe it is funny. I mean, back there I must have looked pretty dumb, huh? Not cool at all.”

“Why do you say that?” pressed Chunji.

“I completely lost it but over what, right? That’s what I mean. It must look completely unjustified.”

Chunji stretched his legs as well, letting the sole of his feet hit C.A.P’s ankle as it did. He tapped it with his toe lightly.

“No, it’s not completely unjustified,” Chunji replied, making sure to emphasis the word completely. “I mean, he breeched your privacy, right? And from what I can tell it wasn’t the first time. You’re not perfect, right, but even a perfect person would be annoyed by that.”

C.A.P didn’t say anything in reply and Chunji continued.

“But that’s not all that happened, right? I mean—“

“I don’t even know what happened anymore,” C.A.P interrupted. “I don’t. And I don’t even know if I want to think about it because if I do… If I do—“

C.A.P stopped, abruptly and Chunji could feel a wall attempting to be pushed through. Chunji didn’t know what the point of the conversation was. He wasn’t even planning to be having any conversation at all but if C.A.P needed to talk, if there was something that needed to be said and let off his chest, Chunji was more than willing to be the one to hear it. He pressed on, trying to coax the other to keep talking.

“Because if you do? What will happen if you do? If you keep thinking about it?”

“I don’t know.”

Chunji sighed, knowing he wouldn’t get any more along that train of thought from the other, and decided to approach from a different angle.

“Ok, I get it… you don’t want to think about it, ok. So then why did you go off to be alone then?”

“I needed to calm down. You saw it. Don’t ask stupid questions,” C.A.P said.

“We have a performance soon.”

“Exactly, I can’t go on stage like this,” C.A.P said, and suddenly his expression softened as he looked at Chunji. “How is he? Is he ok…? He was crying when I left.”

“He seemed to be able to bounce back ok,” Chunji said. “He’s in make-up now getting a retouch.”

C.A.P hung his head but he seemed relieved to know Niel was doing ok.

“Even despite being so frustrated I can’t help but be worried about him. You must think it’s pathetic.”

“Not at all.”

“Everything I do… it’s like everything and every thought it goes back to him. Even when he unnerves me,” C.A.P’s clasped fingers wrung together worriedly. “This kind of desperation… it’s frightening.”

“Frightening?” Chunji couldn’t help but echo in a near whisper, surprised and curious about the choice of words. “What’s so frightening about loving and wanting to be loved?”

“Not being loved back.”

C.A.P’s reply left Chunji cold and stunned. He left out a huff and pushed C.A.P’s shoulder.

“Hey! Why are you like this? Why would you even say something like that?” Chunji protested. “You’re both in a relationship right.”

“I’m the only one who wants it to work.”

“Says who? This is all in your mind,” Chunji assured him.

C.A.P’s face showed his frustration but he didn’t lash out, still able to converse smoothly.

“Don’t pretend like you’re oblivious to how the others feel. We fight so much and you’re all sick and tired of it. , I’m sick and tired of it. That at least, Daniel is right about. I’m tired.”

“You really just need to talk to him, ok.”

“That’s easier said than done.”

Chunji couldn’t refute that. He knew firsthand how hard it could be just to sit down and talk to someone who didn’t want to be talked to, but he could only hope for C.A.P (and Niel’s) sake that they both wanted things to work.

Still, there was no time to discuss it further, whether C.A.P wanted to or not. With a glance towards the mounted clock nearby he grabbed C.A.P’s wrist and pulled him to his feet as he stood.

“We have to go,” he said. “It’s starting soon.”

He turned and let go of his leader as he did, expecting him to follow, but in the first few steps he could tell C.A.P was still rooted to his spot.

Chunji turned, tilting his head, “Minsoo?”

“I…” he paused, stumbled over words that didn’t manage to make it out of his mouth. “Thank you.”

Chunji didn’t know what he was being thanked for but he didn’t have the chance because manager came rushing forward frantically scolding them for hiding out there. Chunji would have to let it be then. The only thing he could hope was that C.A.P really felt better now than he did earlier and things wouldn’t continue to be awkward after the show.

-to be continued-

AN - this is shorter than I wanted and there is like 0 Chunji introspective despite this being basically his debut in the dang fic! i am so sorry chunji bean! I lvoe you ;~; i do! but it's 3am so.... SORRY! i feel guilty to post this but i feel worse to post nothing *dives into bed*