NOTE: This is written in 1st person perspective, it also goes hand in hand with the last chapter and shows a different story line that merges with the current one.

Song Inspiration : Be the Light - Block B

PREFACE: 60 Seconds (POV)

I like the dark, or I have more of late. The dark is heavy but it create a somber environment. I can just think in the dark. On the contrary to what everyone thinks I have been doing, such as avoiding my duties, I have been thinking. Perhaps not only thinking but mourning as well. After you have been left in the world alone you being to think of some pretty surreal things. Of course, I didn’t ask to be left alone. My mother brought me into this world and I thank her for that but someone decided she would leave me sooner than expected on this planet. My father too. He helped raised me and was proud of me but just like my mother, he left.

Now this is me. I am here, in a very dark office with no lights on and blinds drawn to cut out the lights of Seoul that illuminate this office with multiple colours and hues. I’m just myself in the dark.

“Dongwoo…”

I didn’t hear the door open whatsoever but Hoya has always been good at sneaking into places he shouldn’t be. Like in high school before he dropped out we used to sneak up the service staircase and sit on the rooftop that was for employees only. Surprisingly we never got caught. It was good to have a friend like him, a brother like him but I am still unable to grasp how lonely and empty everything feels now. It’s like a void has been opened inside the cavern of my body and nothing remains inside me but time and space that will all too soon be wasted.

“Hoya.”

I know he is walking towards me. I know he will place his hand on my shoulder and-

“Dongwoo, you need to go home and sleep.”

No I need to sleep permanently.

“Take the week off, regain some strength. Paint something, open your eyes to the infinite possibilities in your life time. But for god sake don’t throw away everything we have worked for, and everything your parents created. “

He may be over stepping his boundaries but he knew it was what I should hear. Should, being the key word in this situation because I have already made up my mind.  Not only was the room dark, my life was too and nothing seemed to light it up anymore.

“You used to be someone who smiled so wide you made other people’s cheeks hurt, you made mine hurt from laughing. You used to have a bounce to your step and a certain glint in your eyes and that is gone.”

“Hoya-“

“I know, man this is coming out really cheesy and greasy and all that good stuff but I’m just worried.”

“What on earth are you worried about. Your job position? Your financial income?”

I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t want to leave him on bad terms.

“No I’m ing worried about my ing moron of a best friend who is too big of an to pull himself out of a ing hole even when I have my hand hanging down for him to grab!”

He snapped and how could I blame him. He cared, for heaven’s sake he may be the only person left that cares about me. The company cares about me but that’s because I have made it a well-established company that is dominating the industry of organic health alternatives and medicines. They all get healthy pay checks and who could blame them for that pretty number bringing a wide grin to each and every one of their faces.

“Hoya, I don’t want you to pull me back up out of this hole. I’m going to let it take me and suffocate me. Don’t think it’s your fault because I don’t know if anyone can stop it from happening”

His hand dropped from my shoulder and I knew he was upset and defeated.

“Hoya…”

“What.” His voice was sharp and I knew the best I could do was show him my gratitude for him always being by my side. Getting up from my seat I glided over to where he stood, just inches from leaving my office and never seeing me again. Thinking of this goodbye had torn me into two halves. I didn’t want to say goodbye but after two months of trying to survive every minute, I decided finally to call it off. I was done.

“Do-“ I cut him off wrapping my arms around his frame and pressing my face to his shoulder. I knew he could feel my shaking against him as my heart endured its final slice and cascaded like ribbons in my chest.

“I will always love you brother…always, please never forget that”

“Dongwoo, what are you even saying, this is nonsense”

“Just remember that please” Leaning back I cupped his shoulders in my hands and shook him lightly, forcing a hurting smile onto my face.

“Alright” Hoya whispered, his voice shook and I knew he was unsure of what he was agreeing to but I was glad he did.

“I’ll be leaving then.” I patted his back and headed out the door before him, not looking back.

“See you later.”

No you won’t Lee Howon…no you won’t

*~*~*~*~*

The rain was ice cold and each pellet was a shard of glass cutting the top layer of my skin, but stinging to the nerve. I just hoped my departure would be faster and easier, possibly less painful. How could I do this to Hoya, he voice kept lingering in my head. I knew he was all I had left and I was just going to blind side him by leaving him. The only way I could render out in my mind that this was a reasonable option was I wasn’t the only one Hoya had left. It was me who was losing someone.

Suicide is selfish, it never seems like the right option till your left with no other choice. I have nothing more to live for. All I do is work and nurture a company. I work inside the walls my parents built up and every corridor is a reminder of what they left me with but also that they left me behind. I will always feel indebted and fortunate for my time on this world and the things my parents gave me. Yet I was left with no choice or opportunity to tell them what they meant to me.

I often think that if I had had that opportunity to say my last words my mind and body would feel at peace. It would not be easy to carry on without your parents but speaking your parting words to them would let them carry on after this life knowing that they were loved an appreciated. That all I wanted.

Everyone had high hopes for me. I was a kid with a remarkable mind and breathtaking ambition and perseverance and before that was who I was. I loved being with everyone and visiting all the floor of the building. Greeting staff, organizing meetings, just knowing that I was changing the way some people practiced medicine brought a smile to my face. Hoya was right I was a source of energy for a lot of people. But the day that phone rang was the day all my energy was right from me. The colour in my eyes dimmed and it now seemed like more of an effort to smile than for it to come naturally like it always had.

The subway rails looked colder than the rain I just escaped when I walked into the underground railway. The train would be here in a minute. Just a minute left.

60 seconds.

I had 60 seconds before my story came to a halt. Before I left this world.

Tears began to fall from my eyes and my lips quivered, only my sobs echoed and bounce off the cement walls. I was going to die. I love my mom. I love my dad. I love Hoya who was like my brother. I loved living. I loved my job, and now it was time to say goodbye to everything that I was and who I am.

Placing one foot over the edge of the trench where the rails of the subway laid I prepared to jump.

Just let it be fast.

And it was fast.

The screeching of tires and the sound of a girl screaming. The thud of a body against concrete. It sent shivers down my spine. I my heel my chest pulling me up the stairs and towards the scream. I leapt up the stairs two at a time till I saw a body sprawled on the ground. Tears streaking her face and headlights beating down on her as a driver sped towards her, his wheels spinning and swerving. My mind flew to my mother. My father had jumped to push her out of the way as a drunk driver veered and hit her on the sidewalk. The images flashing before my eyes struck a chord in me and send me running. Not only away from my death but towards this girl’s life.

I ran, as fast as my legs would carry me to get her out of the cars way. If I died this way it would be an honourable death, if I lived then I knew that this girl was an angel sent to save me.

I bent down to scoop her up before the car stalled jerking the driver forward. She was whimpering incoherent words and her hand clawed the air to find me. I knew she was confused and she squeezed her eyes shut. I looked down at her face. Both her lips were bruised in lines form her teeth scrapping over them and her hair was jagged, short and blonde but her features were pretty and gentle. The headlights made her seem ethereal swallowing us both in a luminescent white light.

Her heart thudded against me, and it caused my heart to stop. She was alive. I saved someone’s life. For what seemed like an eternity a small smile crept it way to stretch itself lazily over my lips. I did exactly what my father had tried to do and I now understood that sickening feeling you feel before you run to save someone’s life. But I succeeded to see past that gut wrenching feeling.

 “It’s okay” I leaned down, whispering quietly in her ear to assure her. The rain washed away both of our tears and somewhere on the street they pooled together before dripping down a drain.

She’s ok, and I’m ok too.

Looking back minutes ago I thought I had no purpose in life. Even though I knew I did I had no one I wanted to live for and no one to paint my life with. But now I had her, I had found my light. In the sea of dark this girl shone, her weak body pressed to the concrete her scream called for me. And my mother’s spirit shoved me in the right direction. Holding her tightly to my chest I realized there was no way I would let this girl out of my sight when she had just brought me back to the surface and allowed me to inhale a fresh breathe of air.

Thank you Mom.

There was no doubt in my mind that this girl was placed in front of that car on the ground to stop me from taking my own life. There was also no doubt that somewhere that does not exist in our humanly world my mother had been the one who my heel and sent me running. Without my life there would have been no one to save hers. Without this small beacon of light I would be dead by now, crushed on metals rails of the subway, and if I was dead, she would have been under a car wheel and found dead in the morning in a strange country.

It was as if my mother’s death was mirrored but instead this time, there was a chance for a happier ending. The sort of ending my mother had wished for herself and my father and above all, me.

I carried her a block to my condo and was more than relieved when no body was found meandering in the lobby. I stood in the elevator, whispering to her the entire time, as long as I kept talking she stopped fighting and cringing. It was like my voice soothed her strangely. Even though I had no clue who she was and she had no idea who I was she trusted me, and I felt the pull to protect her.

Walking out I swiped my access card, shoving the door open I left off the lights. I could see perfectly fine and heating her up was more important at the moment, or she could in fact die. It was an option I refused to face. I was not going to let her light burn out.

Time was of the essence though. Her body felt like a solid block of ice and her finger tips and lips were starting to discolour. Nervously I set her down on the toilet, her body jerking at the cold contact of the porcelain. I wasn’t quite sure about how to get her in the shower as her body slumped over.

Her clothes needed to come off, and with a hard swallow I found the gumption to undress her.

The jeans and sweater were one story but discarding everything sent chills down my spine. I felt as though I was violating her as she said she couldn’t stand. She was utterly helpless but I need to put mind over matter. It did not matter what she was a woman and she was in front of me. What did matter was getting her body warmed up.

Once again I linked my arm under the back of her knees and under her arms, hoisting her to my chest. Her arm came up to grab the fabric at my collar. I stepped into the tile shower, letting the water flow down both of our bodies. The warm droplets soaked through my clothing and as I let the water relax my tense muscles and revive hers I felt her cheek and lips press against my chest.

“are you an angel?”

I looked down at the girl in my arms with her eyes shut and only her lips moving. How could I be an angel when she saved me? In her mind I was a mere bystander who saved her from being crushed by a car, but it was her that stopped me from committing suicide.

“No, are you?” I whispered softly, tilting my head to watch her eyes open up and scan the darkness that impeded on her eyesight.

Her eyes were light and under the waterfall of the shower and amidst the dark I was sure I encountered an angel.

Thank you for saving me.

AN/

So yeah, you guysget to find out who DW is before Skye (YAY!)

DW= Jang Dongwoo (Infinite) and yes I am throwing Infinite into this because a) Dongwoo is my ultimate bias b) the merge with SM makes this make sense c) CAUES I LIKE IT.

Anywho I would be lying to say this didn't make me cry my eyes out. I really got into the character and thought of how my family members who have commited suicide must have felt and how if there maybe had been that one guiding light to lead them away they would still be here. But being suicidal is alot like sinking into tar and inhaling it. It is frakly a very posonise mindset and can become an illness. 

Making Dongwoo suicidal was something I dreaded doing but it will make the story more effective to watch him slowly return to his chiper state.

So in addition< this plays along with fate. Skye thinks initially Dongwoo is an angel for saving her but on the contrary Dongwoo thinks she is an angel for bein set stratigically inhis life and ultimatly sparing his life. 

Just in advance Dongwoo has not retreated far enough down to only wanting to kill himslef, he is at a level of living where he feels helpless and had no one to be with. This is a different mindset and is often triggered by survivors guilt.

Thank You for reading.

~Authornim Skye