(Donghae POV)

I walked through the empty park. The wind blowing through the trees as the sun began to set, casting a beautiful glow over the place. Honestly, I don’t think I’d ever seen something so beautiful before.

“Donghae” a voice I knew all too well called out from behind me.

I turned to see my Appa standing there. A soccer ball held under his arm. A smile stretched across his face as he beckoned me towards him.

I smiled as I began to walk his way, only to have him disappear before my eyes.

Tears began to fall down my face as I looked around for him but came up with nothing.

“Appa?! APPA!!” I yelled, trying to get him to come back to me, but nothing. Once more I was all alone.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist from behind and a chin rest on my shoulder. But I wasn’t scared or worried because I knew that embrace. It was one that I craved.

“Hyukkie?” I whispered as I leaned back into his chest. My hands lifted to rest atop of his.

“Mhmm” he hummed next to my ear.

“Why are you here?” I asked, unable to understand. I thought he didn’t want to know me anymore.

“I promised you that I’d always be here” he whispered, sending a shiver through my body “And I don’t break my promises. You mean too much to me my Hae”

“Your Hae?” I smiled at the thought.

“Ne, you’re mine. You always were and always will be. Just like I’m yours. Isn’t that what you wanted?” he whispered again.

“Ne” I closed my eyes and leaned my head back to rest on his shoulder. I didn’t know how to explain the feeling that pulsated through me right then, but I knew that I liked it and I never wanted to lose it. And I knew that it was all connected to Hyukjae.

“Since I first saw you, I knew I loved you. I just didn’t want to admit it. There was something about you that was special and make me rethink everything. I knew you were going to be someone that meant everything to me. I just knew it. But it was scary to admit because it meant changing everything that I thought I knew about myself” he whispered.

“Then why now?” I asked in a quiet voice.

“Because I can’t keep acting like you don’t mean the world to me. I hate pretending that I don’t love you” he answered, “Please tell me you feel the same way…”

“I…” I paused. He’d just poured his heart out to me but what would happen if I told him the truth. What would happen if I told him that I was falling for him? Would he just leave me too, like I feared? Or worse. Would he stay. You might wonder how that’s worse, but if he stays with me then he will only come to realise that I’m not worth loving. But then, was he even telling the truth right now? He only pushed me away before.

“Please Hae. Please, I need you”

“But you pushed me away. You… You stole my first kiss and along with it, my heart… You stole them both and then you just pushed me away like I meant nothing to you. Why should I believe you now? Why should I believe you now Hyukkie?” I asked, my voice cracking slightly as I cried.

His grip on my tightened as he buried his face further into my neck, and then I felt his breath dance across my skin, making it tingle.

And then just as he was about to speak…

I woke up.

I didn’t know what to think. It all felt so real, so very, very real. I sighed and lifted my hand to rub my eyes. Only then did I realise they were wet with tears. Tears that had been pulled into reality from my dream.

I looked outside the window and noticed it was dark. Time for me to leave. Making sure I looked okay and as though I hadn’t been crying I made myself down stairs.

I thanked Sungmin and Kyuhyun for their help and went home.

My Umma was sat in the living room watching some drama that didn’t interest me. So I said a brief hello before walking up to my room and grabbing some towels then making my way to the bathroom. I stripped myself of my uniform and threw it into the hamper, along with my socks and boxers before stepping into the shower and turning on the hot water, letting it flow over my body and hoping that it would help relax me.

I put my face under the water to wash away the stains that the tears had left down it. Why did I have to realise now? And why did it have to be him.

I didn’t understand any of this. It didn’t make sense. How could my life be flipped over so many times in such a short space of time by this one person. Why did he have to have such a hold over me?! Why me?!

Turning off the water, I let out a deep sigh. I stepped out of the shower and wrapped myself in a towel before making my way into my room to dry and dress, a small towel was around my shoulders to stop my hair dripping onto my pyjama top as I made my way down stairs to where my Umma sat.

She looked over to where I stood in the door way, Nemo plushie in hand and frowned before walking over to me and pulling me over to the sofa. She sat down first then made me sit on the floor in front of her where she began to dry my hair with the towel.

“Talk to me Donghae, what’s wrong? Talk to Umma” she said softly, only making me tear up once again. I think that since I’ve met Hyukjae, I’ve cried more than I ever thought possible and I didn’t like to cry, in fact, I hated crying.

“Umma. I don’t know what to do” I sniffled “I… Umma, can I ask you something?”

“Anything”

“Is it wrong to… I mean… would you hate me if I ever liked a boy and not a girl?” I asked quietly. My Umma stopped drying my hair and I heard her let out a sigh.

“Is that what all this is about? A boy?” she asked, but I didn’t answer so she continued, “I could never hate you Donghae. Not ever. You’re my baby and no matter who you like or what you do, nothing will ever change that. I just want you to be happy my darling. I miss seeing you smile.”

“I’m sorry Umma. It’s just… he… he is confusing me so much…” I cried.

She tossed the towel aside and pulled me up to sit beside her on the sofa and wrapping her arms around me.

“It will all sort itself out in time, don’t you worry. It’ll be alright soon enough” she cooed.

She always did know how to make me feel a little bit better.

(Hyukjae POV)

We hastily made our way to the hospital and had a nurse show us to my Umma’s room.

When we got in there she was sitting up on the bed, one of her legs out of the cover in a cast and one of her arms in a sling. She had shallow cuts and a number of bruises gracing her face but never the less, she smiled as we walked over to her.

“Umma! What happened?! Are you okay?!” I asked, gripping onto her uninjured hand.

“Hyukjae” she chuckled, “Calm down. I’m fine. I’m not sure what happened exactly, I was leaving work and all of a sudden I was hit and then I passed out, the next thing I know, I’m in here all bandaged up. I’m fine though. I have to stay in for a few days for observation but then I am free to carry on my business as usual”

“Oh no you don’t my wife! You are not to carry on as usual, you’re going to rest up until you get better. I will have one of the maids take care of you” my Appa chimed in.

“Oh really yeobo. I’m fine!” my Umma objected.

“Erm… Umma, Appa. I’m just going to use the bathroom then get a drink. I’ll be right back okay?” I said. The both nodded as I left the room and made my way down to the reception.

I pulled out my phone and typed in the number that I had memorised so very quickly. I was about to press the ‘call’ button, when I realised I couldn’t. Not after what I’d done to him earlier.

The one time I need Donghae to be here with me, is the one time I chose to mess up everything so badly.

I sighed and closed my phone.

But I needed to talk to someone. Opening my phone back up I called the only other person I could think of. Sungmin.

“Yoboseyo?” he answered, sounding a little annoyed.

“Sungminnie? I need you… My.. My Umma is in the hospital and Donghae and I had a fight and it’s all just too much and I don’t know what to do.. Please Min, I need someone right now. I need you!” I said, not pausing for a breath.

“woah, woah. Hyuk, calm down. What happened? Are you okay? I’m here” he said, his voice a lot softer than before.

“she.. she got hit by a car when she was leaving work. She seems fine but she’s badly injured. And I… I did something stupid and now I think that Hae hates me… I need him right now but… but I can’t even talk to him because I know he will just… I don’t know what to do…” I let out a shaky breath as I bit back tears.

“Call him, Hyuk. He’s not like you, he won’t hate you for hurting him, no matter how badly you did it. He can’t hate you. So just call him and he’ll be there for you, no matter how much it hurts him” That was all he said before hanging up.

Should I call him?

I stared down at my phone for a couple of minutes and then the next thing I knew, it was by my ears as it began to ring.

“Yo-Yoboseyo?” I heard Donghae’s voice from the other end of the line. I can tell he’s crying. And I know that it’s my fault.

“Donghae… I… My Umma is in hospital…” I didn’t know what else to say. I needed to talk to him. To tell him I was sorry but would that mean anything after last time? I just needed him here with me right now.

“Where are you?” he asked, and I could hear him trying to hold back his tears.

“At the hospital, the one near the huge roundabout” I answered, guilt eating away at me every second.

“Wait for me outside. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes” he answered, hanging up before I had a chance to say anything else to him.

I sent my Appa a text, telling him that I wasn’t feeling well and that I’d gone home, he’d replied telling me that it was okay and he’d more than likely spend the night here with my Umma.

I waited outside of the hospital and sure enough fifteen minutes later Donghae was running up to me. He was wearing grey sweats, a white t-shirt and a grey hoodie along with his black converse. I guess that he’s just been settling down for bed or something because he looked like he’d just thrown on his clothes and ran out the door.

He didn’t say anything when he reached me, he just pulled me into a tight hug and let me cry on his shoulder.

He deserved so much better than this. But I couldn’t tear myself from him. I yearned for his presence and I was selfish enough to keep making him come back to me.

After a long time of just standing there in one another’s arms, we finally separated and began to walk over the road to a large grassy hill. We both sat down on the soft grass, my hand still firmly holding on to his as we did.

“Are you okay?” he asked, breaking the deafening silence.

“Aniyo” I answered honestly.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Aniyo”

It was quiet again after that, for a long time until Donghae spoke again

“Do… Do you hate me now?” he asked in a small voice.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Did I really make him feel that way? I was such a bad person and yet even though he felt that way, he was still here with me now. Putting aside all his own problems and worries, just to be there for a selfish bastard like me.

“I could never hate you Hae” I answered, not sure of what else to say.

“Then why? Why did you say all of those things to me before? Why is it that you said you were sorry but then a second later, you hurt me all over again? What did I do to make you treat me so coldly and then like nothing happened the next minute? Do I really mean that little to you?” he asked, a little frantically.

“Hae… I really don’t mean to hurt you. I just… When I’m around you, I feel like I can’t control myself” I answered. It was lame, I know. But I didn’t know what was happening right now. I was too confused.

He pulled his hand from my grip and sighed.

“Why did you do it?” he asked, laying down on the grass defeated.

“Do what?” I asked, slightly confused as to what he meant. I’d done a lot to him now that I came to think about it.

“Kiss me.” He whispered.

I sighed and laid down next to him “I don’t know”

“That was my first kiss. You stole my first kiss and then you blamed me for it. You yelled at me and made me feel like hell and you don’t know why?” he asked, his voice broken and even in the dark, not looking at his face, I could tell he was crying.

“I’m sorry”

“I don’t want your sorries. They mean nothing. What I want is the truth, I want an explanation” he said with a thick voice.

“I don’t know how to explain. I don’t know why I did it! You were just there and you looked… you just… I don’t know. I just felt like I had to, like I couldn’t let another minute go by without knowing what it was like to feel my lips on yours and it’s stupid I know, because I just cheated on my girlfriend! But believe me when I say this Hae, I am so god damn sorry for all the pain I’ve caused you… I really am” I tugged at my hair in frustration.

He laughed bitterly before asking “Do you love her?”

Love her? Jessica? I didn’t have to think about that for a second, because the answer was simple. Easy.

“Aniyo” I said, my voice quiet and weak.

“She doesn’t love you either” he answered matter-of-factly. “She’s cheating on you. But you already know that don’t you?”

“Ne”

“Then why stay with her? Why be with her and be unhappy? Why be with her if you’re just going to go and kiss me because…. Because you felt like it? Why Hyukjae?” he sighed

“Because… She’s the thing that makes people just leave me alone and not bother me. In case you hadn’t noticed Hae, she’s one of the most popular people in school and she… her reputation, it protects me” I told him. Welcome to honesty hour. I sighed.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked hesitantly.

“Sure, guess we’re being honest now anyway”

“Did it not mean anything to you? Did you just kiss me because you’re that hard up or did you do it because you felt something?” he asked, his voice stronger than I thought it would be.

“I’m not gay, Donghae” I answered, like it was instinct to prove it. But I knew inside that I was conflicted over the statement.

“I didn’t say you were, Hyukjae. And I’m not saying that kissing me makes you gay either. I just want to know if it meant anything to you. Don’t you at least owe me the truth?” he sighed.

“I don’t know… Honestly, I think it did, but I am so confused right now” I bit my lip slightly.

“Did… Did you like it?” he whispered

“Ne… I did. And that confuses me all the more. Because I shouldn’t have liked it, Hae. You’re my best friend and I shouldn’t have liked kissing you, but I did. And all I could think was that I didn’t want to stop and it makes no sense to me” I said back in an equally quiet voice

“If you could… would you go back and undo it?” he asked

Would I? I knew the answer to that too… I wouldn’t go back and undo it. I’d do it the same way a thousand times over if it meant knowing how his lips tasted.

But I couldn’t tell him that, what would he think of me? He’d think I have feelings for him. And I… I don’t… I mean, I like girls. Girls. Not guys. Not even him. I couldn’t.

He sighed, realising that he wasn’t going to get an answer.

“Do I really cause problems?” he asked instead.

“Ne… and aniyo. You do, because you confuse the hell out of me Hae. But you don’t because you’re you and no matter what, you can’t seem to do anything wrong. You’re perfect Hae. And I was just angry and I took it out on you. I’m sorry for making you think that”

“I have to go. We have school in the morning” he said, getting up suddenly and beginning to walk away.

“Wait Hae!” I yelled. Standing up too, but not moving towards him.

He stopped, but didn’t look back as he waited for me to speak.

“Do you forgive me?” I asked, hoping for a good answer.

“No.” he said before walking away again.

And with that, it felt like my heart had been torn out of my chest.

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A/N: Heyy~

Did you guys think tht they would be okay after they had their talk? Well, sorry but nopee~~~ We can't make Donghae-ah a push-over now can we?

kekeke, I'm sorry guys but we need the drama... right?....right?... *cricket noise*

Aigoo... I'll just leave now before people think I'm weird..

Ha. Hope you enjoyed the chapter and don't forget to sub and comment ^.^

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love you guys~

Until next time<3