(Hyukjae POV)

It was Monday morning and as I would do every week day, I left out of my house early, but today I took my time as I walked down the empty streets.

My mind was going over the last two days. How weird I felt when I was around Donghae. Well, not weird but foreign, when I was with him it was like he clouded my mind. I couldn’t think about anything else but him and what we were doing. And then there was the peculiar feeling whenever I would walk up to him, I’d just want to pull him into a hug and hold him for as long as possible. I didn’t like whatever this feeling was because it was making my head hurt, and whenever I’d try to make sense of it, I’d just come up empty and with a headache from overthinking things.

I thought back to how happy he was yesterday morning. And how I’d ruined it…

We’d woken up at around 10 and Donghae decided to check his phone. Turns out he had a message from Sungmin. He and Kyu are officially an item. Gees, took long enough! But what kind of upset me was the fact that my friend of god knows how long, decided to tell Hae and not me!

What I did next made me feel kind of guilty. I don’t know why I did it, but Donghae hasn’t spoken to me since, except to tell me to leave…

*Flashback*

“Sungmin and Kyuhyun are dating!” Donghae beamed at me as he read his text from the bunny. We’d just gotten dressed and made our way down to the kitchen, hoping to find something for breakfast.

“Really?” I laughed, “It’s about time!” I checked my phone too, anticipating that I would have a similar message, but nothing.

What? Why hadn’t he text me but had told a guy that he’d know a week!

“Are you okay, Hyukkie?” Donghae asked, looking at me with innocent eyes, but that only fuelled my anger.

“YAH! What the hell is wrong with you?!” I yelled, unable to stop myself for some reason.

“W-What are y-”

I cut him off “You think you can just come here and steal all my friends away?” I shouted, standing away from the counter where Donghae was now looking at me incredulously, “You think that they really like you? They just felt sorry for you because they know you’re all alone.”

“What are you talking about? Is this just because he text me and not you?” he asked, his voice quieter than usual. Fuel to the fire.

“Oh, so now you want to rub it in my face? Was that your plan all along huh? To get close to me so you could make me a loner like you? So you could take them all from me?!”

“Aniyo, I’m not- ”

“God! No wonder everyone leaves you! No wonder you’re here all alone all the time with nobody, not even your parents, because they know what you’re playing at!” I shouted. Only then did I realise the words that had just left my mouth.

I looked up to see tears falling down his face. He looked so hurt and instantly guilt took over me. I never meant to say any of that, I was just angry and confused!

“Donghae… I…”

“Get out” he whispered, not looking at me.

“Please, I didn’t mean to. I’m so-”

He snapped his head up and cut me off, his voice slightly raised now “Don’t you dare say you’re sorry! After everything I told you last night! After all the you know I’m going through. You bring my parents into this… this… jealousy you’re feeling over a ing text message?! Get the hell out of my house Hyukjae!” he glared at me. It was weird hearing him speak like that, so hostile and angry, when usually he was so gentle and sweet.

“Please, I honestly didn’t mean to say that” I tried to get him to listen, but it seemed I only angered him more.

“I SAID GET OUT! DID YOU NOT HEAR ME OR DO I NEED TO TELL YOU AGAIN!? GET OUT! GET OUT! GET THE OUT!!!” he screamed, shoving me towards the door. He pushed me out, making me land on my on the porch before throwing my shoes and jacket and me and slamming the door shut.

The entire time, he’d had tears falling down his face so fast it was impossible to tell one from the other.

I am so sorry Lee Donghae. Please forgive me….

*End of Flashback*

I’d tried texting, calling, getting Min and Kyu to talk to him, but none of it worked. I’d crossed the line and I knew it.

I sighed as I walked into the school building, making my way over to the lounge like I usually did. It was empty, like it always was at this time, and honestly I was grateful for that.

I walked over to the table I would normally sit at in the far corner. It was next to the window, it was a low two seater sofa that could easily fit three people on, and in front of it was a coffee table. Not many people would choose to sit here, because it was secluded and even though it was by the window, it was quite dark. But that fit me just fine. Sometimes it was better to not be near people and have some time for myself.

I tried to relax but the guilt that was eating away at me wouldn’t allow it.

It was a thing now, that Donghae would come to school early too and meet me here and we’d just sit and chat. But I had a feeling that he wouldn’t be doing that today. Much to my despair.

I had to make it up to him but I didn’t know how. Every time I was with him it was like my brain and my body just didn’t know how to work together.

Confused was the main feeling I had when I was yelling at him. Yes, I was angry at Sungmin for choosing to tell Hae over me, but at the same time, I was scared and angry and jealous and worried and all because of Lee Donghae. I was scared because I keep on feeling things towards him that don’t make sense, things that I know I shouldn’t. I was angry because I was getting frustrated with myself over all of the overwhelming emotions running though me, I was jealous because Hae was closer to my friends than he was to me and I was worried because I knew that I’d upset the boy and his tears threw me into a state of panic and made me want to make him feel better and happy once more and all of this made me confused because I didn’t understand why this was happening to me. I didn’t know why I felt this way.

The sound of a chair being pulled out from across the room brought me back to reality. I looked up to see Donghae sit down on the table furthest from me, not even sparing me a glance as he put in his earphones and pulled out his homework before getting started.

I know I needed to fix this.

(Donghae POV)

He’d been trying to talk to me and I know it. But I couldn’t. I just couldn’t talk to him, I couldn’t look at him. I’d made myself vulnerable when I spoke to him about my Appa, when I’d opened myself up to him because I really did think he was someone I could trust,

I felt like I was drawn to him and he was becoming my favourite person to be around. But then, he used my weakness against me. He threw it all back in my face as though it meant nothing and I could have sworn that my heart ripped into pieces, what was left of it anyway, as he spat those words at me, full of venom.

Had it come from anyone else, it still would have hurt, but it was the fact that it came from him that made the pain ten times worse.

I sat there, resisting the urge to look up. He’d apologised to me so many times, but that meant nothing. He’d used the one thing he knew I couldn’t handle against me, I understand that he may have done it in a fit of anger, but that doesn’t take away the fact that he’d done it never the less.

“Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved”

The words were sung though my headphones. I don’t know why I was doing this to myself. I was only making the sadness worse and I wanted nothing more than to just go home and hide away from the world whilst I cried. But I couldn’t, I couldn’t let myself be weak again. I had to be strong, not only for myself, but for my Umma too.

“If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me”

My Appa raised me to be a kind man. A man that would do anything for his family, or help out those who needed help. He taught me right from wrong and he taught me to be patient with people. He taught me everything I needed to know as I needed to know it, but he went away before he could teach me everything.

“If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’s dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream”

Oh, how I wished he was still here. I wish he was here to tell me what to do, to tell me how to get through it all. To hold my hand and make everything okay again. To come back and love my Umma and me again. I wish he was here so that I could see that look in his eye that just said how much he loved my Umma and make that smile appear on her face, that smile that was lost the day he left us.

I wish he would be here to witness the day I graduate, to see the day I fall in love for the first time, to see when I get married and have children. I want him to be here so that he would get the chance to play with his grandchildren. I wish he was here just so I could listen to his voice as he tells me stories from his childhood. I could listen to the story of how he met my Umma a thousand times and never get bored.

I just want him back. More than anything. I just want him back.

“Donghae?” I heard over the music that was softly flowing into my ears.

I looked up to see Hyukjae standing there with a sheepish, guilty look on his face. I really wasn’t in the mood to talk to him right now. So before he could say anything else, I stood up and walked away with my things. Shoving them into my backpack as I hurriedly walked away from him.

I knew he was following me, I could hear his footsteps coming closer and closer. As I reached my classroom I saw Kyuhyun and Sungmin standing there talking, as soon as they looked up at me, they knew something was wrong.

“Donghae! Please just talk to me!” I heard Hyukjae call after me, but I didn’t want to. I couldn’t, at least not yet. I knew that as soon as I looked into his eyes I would just break again. Because as much as he say’s he is sorry, I will never forget that look of anger in his eyes as he told me that he isn’t surprised everyone leaves me. I guess that means his promise to always be here was just a lie to shut me up.

I don’t know why, but I felt my heart ache at the idea of him leaving me or not wanting me around. I couldn’t deal with all of this right now!

I rushed past the couple and ran into the classroom, as I did I saw Kyuhyun grab Hyukjae out of the corner of my eye and drag him away as Sungmin came over and pulled me into his arms.

I was happy to have him here for me, but I couldn’t help but compare this to how Hyukjae held me. Sure, I felt kind of safe in Sungmin’s arms, but it was nothing to how safe and happy I felt when Hyuk’s arms were around me, how I would relax into his embrace and wish for him to never let me go.

“I’m so confused” I whispered as I held back the tears that seemed determined to fight their way out of me.

“I know Hae, I know.” Sungmin whispered back as he began to my hair.

He knew? What did he know? Did he know what these feelings meant? Did he know why it hurt so much to have Hyukjae say that my parents basically didn’t want me. Did he know why it killed me inside when he basically implied that my Appa died as a way to escape being with me?

“Why..?” was all I could get out.

“Because he’s an idiot that doesn’t realise yet” Sungmin sighed against my hair.

“What doesn’t he realise?” I bit my lip. These tears just didn’t want to take no for an answer.

“How special you are to him”

No more was said after that. People began to pile into the class and Sungmin had to leave to get to his own, so now Hyukjae was sat next to me, looking down at the table, whereas Kyuhyun kept on glaring at Hyukjae and then throwing me a sad smile.

“Class, did you do your homework? Remember, it was worth 15% of your final grade” Mrs.Kim said as she walked around the room, taking in peoples work. I took mine out of my bag and handed it to Kyu to give to the teacher, without looking at him, I took Hyuk’s and passed it down too.

After about half an hour or so I felt something slide under my arm slightly. Looking down I saw a note.

I sighed and opened it, hiding it in my work so that the teacher wouldn’t notice before I read;

Donghae,

                I know you don’t believe me, but I am really sorry. You honestly have no idea how bad I feel right now. I wasn’t thinking when I said those things and the last thing I would ever want is to hurt you. Over the past week you’ve become like my best friend and I really don’t want to lose what I have with you. Please, can you just meet me after school by my locker so that we can talk? I don’t want to say all of this over a note and I really owe you an apology, a real one. I know it doesn’t excuse what I did, but I will try my best to make it up to you. I know I’m an idiot and let that get the better of me sometimes, but please just give me a chance to make it up to you, Hae. Please.

-Hyukkie<3

I sighed before tearing a piece of paper out of my note book and writing on it;

Hyukjae,

            Fine. I will talk to you after school, but until then can you please just leave me alone. I know you’re sorry or whatever, but you really hurt me. I opened up to you, and I don’t do that very often. When it comes to my family, you know that’s my weakness and you used it against me. This isn’t something you can just fix. I want to hate you for saying those things to me, I want to hate you so god damn much, but I just can’t  for some reason! Please, just let me have until after school to calm down.

-Donghae.

I handed him the note and watched as he read it, he frowned slightly but looked up at me with guilty eyes and nodded.

It was going to be a long day.

(Kyuhyun POV)

I really don’t know what the idiot was thinking. How the hell could he bring Donghae’s Appa into that?! Seriously. Is he trying to get Sungmin to murder him? Hell, is he trying to get me to murder him?!

I don’t know why but I feel protective over Donghae, I know he is older than me, but something about him just makes him different. He’s like the big brother I never had. Yeah, I got stuck with a sister. Don’t get me wrong, she’s great, but she can be annoying a lot of the time and babies me too much. Oh god, I hope she doesn’t find out about me and Min, she’ll fangirl the house down!

Okay, I’m getting off topic…

But really, I can’t tell her about Min.

Lee Sungmin. MY Sungminnie. He is finally mine~

Okay, don’t judge me, I know I’m meant to be ‘EvilKyu’ or ‘The Evil maknae’ or whatever. But really, when it comes to Sungmin, all of that just goes away and he has such a hold over me. To say I love him, I guess would be a fair statement, but on the other hand, I can’t really say for sure I know how love feels. I mean, I’m fifteen almost sixteen, I know I’m mature for my age – and dating an older guy like a boss – but I can’t say for sure because I’ve never been in love before. But the way I feel for Sungmin… I think that’s what love feels like. Because he really is my everything.

“Kyu…” Donghae whispered from beside me.

I turned to look at him, raising an eyebrow as to ask what it was.

“Thank you” he whispered. Obviously knowing that I’d had a little chat with our dear friend Hyukjae.

I smiled and nodded, “Any time hyung.”

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A/N: Hey hey! So, I was going to make you wait another day for this, BUT because I'm nice, I decided to update now~

What do you think??? Any good?

And thus the drama begins!!! Hehehe, what do you think is going to happen?? :D

kekeke

Love you all lots ^.^

Until next time<3