Some things that {maybe} are important. I just realized that I never mentioned it. Sejin is not the oldest, nor the youngest. I guess he’s somewhere in the middle, between Jongdae and Chanyeol. It may or may not be necessarily, but I made a time line, since I realized it was helpful for later this chapter. Timeline:

The confession is on the 26th of January.
 The accident was on 9th of February.
 Sejin joins on the 17th of June.
Sehun’s first warning to Sejin in chapter 1 is on the 11th of August.
Chapter 3 doesn’t have specific dates, but it’s around 1-2 weeks after Sehun’s warning.

The exact dates aren’t really important, but like that you guys get a better view of the times that passed and such keke~

Please continue reading for the chapter xD

Chapter 5;

“Where is it…” Luhan murmured as he looked around the desk of the youngest member.

He lifted some books and clothes to get a better look around the desk. He sighed as he looked at the mess and made a mental note to tell Sehun that he should clean up his desk already.

‘Where is my goddamn iPod?’ Luhan cursed Sehun for making him search it on his own in this mess. He should think twice next time when Sehun wants to borrow something from him. It was really impossible to find anything here.

He realized he wasn’t going to find in on the desk, so he decided to search on other parts of the room, but without any luck. He couldn’t find it anywhere.

“Aish!” Luhan ruffled his hair in annoyance and sat on Sehun’s bed. He observed the room, trying to find a place where he hadn’t searched yet.

His eyes landed on the drawers of Sehun’s desk. He realized he hadn’t searched there yet.

He walked toward the desk again, sat down on the ground and looked through the first drawer. But it was only filled with papers, writing utensils and such things. Seeing that those things probably weren’t moved ever since Sehun graduated, Luhan assumed his iPod couldn’t be there.

He moved to the second drawer, which was filled with work related stuff. He decided that maybe his iPod was there. He pulled out some papers, filled with lyrics and notes. He put it on his lap and took out some cd’s. He stopped searching when a small book caught his eyes.

‘What is it?’ Luhan took the book carefully. He looked at the back and realized it was a diary.

He turned it around and was shocked when he read the front, his eyes becoming glassy as he read the line over and over again.

He put the other stuff that was on his lap, back in the drawer, before turning back to the book again.

-Baozi’s! Stay away or prepare for my revenge.-

“Tsk. Baozi sure was childish.” Luhan laughed bitterly. ‘But why is this in Sehun’s drawer?’

He didn’t think any further into it and just opened the diary. He searched for the last entry and started reading it. He felt slightly bad for reading his hyung’s diary, but he was just too curious.  

26th of January 2013,

Dear diary, I wish I could tell you I was okay, but just like the other days, it’s not okay at all.
No, it’s even worse today. I really feel like dying. I feel like being shot right through my heart.
You want to know why?

Today… I got the courage to finally tell my feelings to him.

Remember how I always told you before how he touched me sweetly? How he always takes care of me?  The way he looked at me and the times he would want to sleep with me, because he couldn’t sleep? Yeah, I do too.

 I remember them differently now. I really thought he did all that because he was in love with me, just like how I am in love with him. But he never was. How I know it?

Today is the day that I got rejected by that boy that always acted like that toward me.

Why? Because he fooled me. Because he is a selfish bastard. A stupid selfish bastard, yet I still cry tears for him. Am I pathetic or what?

Yesterday I told you that I thought he and Sehun weren’t dating… They were just really close friends I thought.

But once again, like a fool, I was completely wrong.

He and Sehun are dating. And in love, that is how he said it. Dating and in love. Isn’t he heartless? Isn’t he a total bastard. Breaking my heart and fooling me was one thing, but bringing it like that.

Yet I still love this stupid bastard who broke my heart and fooled me. I still feel the same love toward him, no matter how much it hurts.

Well, he did say sorry after telling me that. But he didn’t seem sorry at all later, when he kept on hugging me from behind and sniggling into my neck.

That’s when I started to think through this whole situation. That brings us to the point why I really feel like dying. How could Luhan act like nothing happened and still touch me whenever he got a chance?

That’s when I realized Luhan didn’t care about me at all. Not like a member, a friend, a hyung, a lover. No, nothing like that. Because you would never use someone precious like that for your own good.

Luhan doesn’t care about me.

That’s why I want to die.

Because I’m in love with Luhan to the point that I don’t think I can ever let go. To the point that I will foolishly let him use me, even after his rejection. That’s why. I don’t want to live my life forever like this.

But you know what’s funny.

I really want to die because I can never let him go.

 Yet I’m afraid. Afraid that even if I die, I won’t be able to let him go, that I won’t be able to stop this feelings.  

Waah~ It’s refreshing actually, letting all my feelings out after holding them back the whole day. Now that all my feelings are out, I’m going to stop writing for a while. I bought this diary to write all my happy memories in it, so that I can keep