I am so sorry. This is really long. Please don't hate me.

Yunho was only fifteen years old, but he remembered it like it was yesterday.

"Hello," the boy in front of him greeted shyly. His big, round eyes and odd shaped lips caught Yunho's attention almost immediately. "My name is Shim Changmin." His soft voice almost matched the delicate features of his face.

He's like a cute reindeer, Yunho supplied in his mind. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen someone with eyes that big. If he hadn't been so careful, he would have let his facial features soften significantly, staring at the strange boy with much amazement. Yunho couldn't let that happen. He was in charge of discipline, and he refused to let his tough exterior fall so easily. 

That realization brought about a concern for Yunho. Will he be able to handle my training? Did the scouts and executives warn him about me? Does Changmin know that I'm very strict with what I do? He looks so tender. I don't think he'll last. I feel so guilty already...

"Nice to meet you, Changmin," Yunho said with a smile, holding his hand out and breaking his own thoughts. "My name is Jung Yunho."

The two of them shook hands.

I give him a month.

"Do you dance?" Yunho asked, attempting to start a conversation with the younger one. 

Changmin's eyes got impossibly wider as he looked up at the older one before shaking his head. "I only sing," he answered timidly, as if he would be revoked of his trainee status over something as small as that.

Yunho looked at the younger one, and it hurt his heart to see how nervous Changmin really was. Yunho smiled, hoping to calm Changmin's anxiety a bit. "Don't worry," Yunho replied. "I'll help you, okay?" he promised as he started guiding the younger one to a studio.

Changmin nodded. "Thank you," he muttered in a voice so low, Yunho never heard it. 

December 26th, 2003.

His hands were shaking.

His entire body was shaking, in fact.

He was standing in utter disbelief, trying to understand the fact that he and the rest of his team were about to debut as Dong Bang Shin Ki.

Yunho had been waiting for this moment, and never did he imagine that a day that was to be filled with excitement would be filled with so much anxiety. Tonight he was debuting in a kpop idol group. He refused to let anything mess that up.

He was never the shy type. But for some reason, standing backstage and hearing the roaring crowd only made him more nervous. All Yunho could think about was how much this performance could impact the fame of the group and he couldn't let them down, no matter how small his role seemed.

It was then that he realized something as he noticed Junsu and Yoochun excitedly talking to each other, while Jaejoong was teasing BoA as usual.

Changmin wasn't anywhere to be found. Yunho's gut told him that the maknae must be a nervous wreck.

Yunho rushed over to Jaejoong, interrupting he and BoA's moment. After politely apologizing, he cut to the chase. "Changmin. Have you seen him?"

"Oh," Jaejoong replied. "He said he was going to the bathroom."

Yunho nodded before taking his leave, heading straight for the bathrooms. 

"Changmin!" he called out as he entered the bathroom, only greeted by the white walls and closed stalls. He was starting to think that Changmin had already left, but he froze upon hearing the creak of a slowly opening stall. 

Out of the very last stall came Changmin.

His eyes were glued to the floor, and Yunho didn't take long to notice how stiff Changmin's body seemed.

"Changmin-ah," Yunho said softly. "Are you okay?" It was a painfully dumb question. Changmin clearly was not okay, and Yunho knew that already. He just wanted to hear the maknae admit it.

"There are so many people out there," Changmin muttered. 

Yunho nodded. "I know," he replied. "And I'm frightened too."

Changmin released a shuddering breath before shaking his head. "I always thought I'd be ready for this day," he said shakily. "I thought I could do this but I'm so scared and I don't think-"

"Stop, Changmin," Yunho said, feeling guilty for interrupting the maknae so harshly. "I want you to stop for a second and hear me out, okay?"

Changmin slowly nodded, and Yunho took that as permission to continue.

"Tonight, you're going out there and you're gonna do great," Yunho began. "I watched you train, Changmin." He smiled. "You have such a beautiful voice and I never saw another trainee work as hard as you did. You're ready for this, okay?"

Changmin looked to the leader, his eyes widening slightly. "But what if-"

"Nothing bad is gonna happen, Min," Yunho said said he got closer to Changmin and placed his arm around his shoulders, slowly guiding him out of the bathroom. "You're gonna do great."

Changmin stopped walking and swallowed the lump in his throat. "But what if I don't?" he asked, his eyes scrunching in concern. 

"But you won't," Yunho replied confidently. He smiled, removing his arm from Changmin's shoulders. "I know you won't mess up." He leaned closer to the maknae. "It's Jaejoong we need to watch out for," he whispered, causing Changmin to laugh softly. Yunho's smile only grew bigger as he noticed Changmin had relaxed a little bit. He moved his hand to fix Changmin's hair. "Are you ready?"

Changmin bit his lip, looking down to the floor. He squeezed his eyes shut. 

"It's okay to be nervous," Yunho informed him. "It gets our adrenaline pumping." He smiled again, placing his finger under Changmin's chin, forcing the both of them to look eye to eye. "We just have to know how to channel our energy. I'm nervous too. We all are."

"Where does all your energy go?" Changmin asked.

"I just dance even stronger," Yunho answered truthfully. "But everyone is different. Where you put your energy is up to you."

Changmin nodded in understanding. "How do I know it'll work?" he asked.

"It will," Yunho said. "You trust me, don't you?"

Changmin nodded. "Of course I do," he replied.

Yunho smiled, grabbing Changmin's hand as he started leading the maknae out again. It was almost time for them to debut. "Then trust me when I say that you're gonna do great."

"He'll be okay," Jaejoong whispered into Changmin's ear. Those words did nothing to calm the maknae's panic though, because upon hearing those words, his shoulders began trembling even more. All Jaejoong could do was look at Changmin full of sympathy. He was only 18 years old, and he had been completely unconsolable ever since all of them had been rushed to the hospital.

Changmin had been curled up, burying his face in his knees as ever since they got here.

Jaejoong was extremely scared, he would never deny that. But seeing Changmin in this state made something snap inside of Jaejoong.

Yunho was the one in the hospital right now, and that meant Jaejoong was the one who was to take his place for now.

He hated it, because he realized how much pain Yunho usually hid when something went wrong, just so he could take care of the others.

Jaejoong made a point to make sure that Yunho never carried that much burden from then on.

Jaejoong looked up to see their manager pacing in front of them, waiting for the doctor to tell them something about Yunho. Junsu and Yoochun were watching the manager with concerned eyes as well; both of their eyes were wet from recent crying.

A doctor walked up to them soon after, even though it felt like decades later.

While their manager was the one to do all the talking and listening, the four young ones only heard five words.

"You can see him now."

They didn't even wait for their manager's approval, and began rushing to Yunho's room. Even Changmin in his seemingly catatonic state, was lucid enough to rush along with them.

Yunho was asleep when they all burst into his room, but he looked much better than he had after he started coughing up blood.

The four of them slowly approached Yunho's bed, their manager leaving the room to give them some privacy.

"Yunho," Jaejoong whispered softly, grabbing the leader's hand.

As if Yunho heard Jaejoong's call, his eyes began fluttering, a soft moan escaping his lips. 

Everyone's eyes widened.

"Yunho," Jaejoong said again, this time a little louder.

Yunho slowly opened his eyes. "Hey," he said casually with a smile, though exhaustion was still in his voice. 

Changmin felt his body tense up at the sight of Yunho smiling. 

Yunho shouldn't be smiling, not after what just happened.

"Hyung," Junsu said. "How do you feel?"

Yunho sighed as he closed his eyes. "Tired," he answered simply. "They pumped my stomach and now I feel kinda weird too."

"Go back to sleep, Hyung," Yoochun said, wiping away a stray tear. "They're letting us spend the night with you."

Yunho sighed again, this time in relief. Another smile crossed his face as he opened his eyes. "Good," he replied. "I don't want to be alone right now."

Jaejoong nodded. "We know."

Yunho turned to Changmin, noticing that the maknae had been shockingly quiet. "Minnie," he called to the maknae. "Are you okay?"

Changmin lifted his eyes to meet Yunho. "Of course I'm fine," he replied coldly. "I'm not the one who was poisoned."

"And I'm glad," Yunho replied, the smile still on his face. "If something happened to you, I would have died on the spot."

Changmin's eyes started watering up again, that's something everyone noticed, including Yunho despite his sleepy state. Seeing Changmin on the verge of tears only made Yunho wonder if he had said the wrong thing.

"Changmin-"

"Why did you even drink it?!" Changmin suddenly asked, causing everyone in the room to slightly jump. "She laced your juice with super glue. Didn't it taste funny to you?"

"Changmin," Junsu said, almost sounding breathless. None of them had ever seen Changmin act like this.

Whether Changmin didn't hear Junsu, or he just chose to ignore him, they weren't sure, because he just kept on going. "Didn't it feel thicker than normal? Why did you have to drink that entire bottle?" He looked to Jaejoong now, the tears finally spilling from his eyes. "And you," he said to the oldest one as he pointed to him in an accusatory manner. "You always fuss over us like a mother hen. How did you let Yunho drink that? Didn't you know something was wrong with it?"

Jaejoong looked to the floor, a sudden pang of guilt forming in his chest.

"Changmin," Yoochun said this time. "Neither of them is at fault. We were all tired and had been caught up in the excitement of the day. Yunho's sick because of a crazy anti-fan, not because of a fault of their own or anyone here."

"We should just be glad Yunho's okay," Junsu said with a smile, even though the sadness in his eyes were still noticeable.

"This is a stupid drink Yunho has every day!" Changmin argued, stomping his right foot in the process. "He should have known that something was wrong with it!"

Yunho suddenly felt uncomfortable as he listened to the others talk about him almost as if he weren't even there. "Um..." he quietly said. "Do you guys mind if Changmin and I have a moment alone?"

Jaejoong glanced at Changmin before turning back to Yunho. He knew Changmin would never do anything to harm Yunho, but Jaejoong suddenly felt uncomfortable leaving the two of them alone. 

"Please?" Yunho added.

"Come on," Yoochun said softly as he grabbed Jaejoong's hand and led him out the door, followed by an equally nervous Junsu.

The silence in the room was so strong that Yunho could feel his body tensing up. "I thought it tasted kinda weird at first," Yunho finally muttered, causing the maknae to look at him in shock. "But I figured it was all in my head, so I kept drinking."

Changmin stared at the ground, biting his lip, another stray tear falling from his face. 

"I'm sorry, Min," Yunho said.

Changmin finally looked up. "What?" he asked

Yunho swallowed the lump in his throat. "I'm sorry," he repeated.

Changmin buried his face in his hands before gripping at his hair. "Why are you even apologizing?!" he asked. Changmin knew he wasn't making any sense at the moment. Even with that knowledge, he couldn't stop himself.

It could have been because of the shock, but it still puzzled Changmin every time he thought back to this moment.

"I'm sorry I made you upset," Yunho answered. "You know I would never want to do something like that."

Changmin didn't have anything to say. He was too busy trying to wonder how Yunho could continue acting like this despite Changmin's behavior. 

"Changmin-ah," Yunho said, this time he voice sounding significantly sadder than before. "Can you come here?"

"Hyung-"

"Please?" Yunho pleaded. "Even if it's just for a few seconds."

The room was silent, save for Changmin's deep breaths. Several seconds passed before he slowly started making his way towards Yunho's bed. He kept his gaze down, and didn't see the smile that formed on Yunho's face as the maknae approached him.

Yunho patted the space next to him. "Have a seat," he offered, glad when Changmin obeyed, even though he sat with his back towards the older one.

"Are you really okay?" Changmin asked.

The fact that Changmin was willing to initiate conversation really surprised Yunho. "I'm fine, Yunho answered truthfully. 

"You were really scared, right?" Changmin asked.

"I was," Yunho replied with a nod. "I didn't understand what was going on at the time and it really frightened me." Yunho paused, taking a look at his shaken maknae. "I know all of you were really scared too. I wish you guys hadn't seen any of this."

Changmin's body stiffened once again as he realized what Yunho was feeling. The leader just went through a near death experience, and the concern he had was not wanting to worry his band mates. Finally, Changmin turned, facing the leader. For some strange reason, Changmin still couldn't meet his eyes, but he figured his slight change in position was progress. "Hyung," he said. "We should have protected you."

"There's nothing that you could have done, Min," Yunho argued. "I'm alive right now, and I'm thankful for that. I'm thankful that everyone is okay."

"You didn't deserve this," Changmin said.

 "Trust me, Min," Yunho began. "I wouldn't wish this on anyone." He smiled, still waiting for the maknae to finally look at him. "But I already told you that I'm okay."

What Changmin did next completely shocked Yunho. 

The maknae laid down next to Yunho, wrapping his skinny arms around Yunho's waist, almost burying his face into the older one's chest.

"Changmin..." Yunho said, completely at a loss for words. 

"Promise you'll be more careful," Changmin pleaded. "You could have died."

"I'll do my best to be careful," Yunho promised with a smile. "I'm sorry for scaring you like this."

"I'm sorry for yelling at you," Changmin replied. "I shouldn't have said any of that and I'm sorry. I know this isn't your fault."

Yunho smiled. "You were upset, Minnie," he reasoned as he briefly started combing his fingers through Changmin's hair. "It's okay. You can't blame yourself for what you said."

Changmin shook his head. "It doesn't matter. I still said it."

"Changmin, look at me," Yunho commanded.

The maknae was hesitant, but slowly, he moved his head to look at the leader in the eyes for the first time.

"I don't want you beating yourself up over this," Yunho said, his voice was still gentle, but Changmin could hear the authoratative tone behind it. "What happened tonight scared you very much and no one can blame you for how you reacted."

Changmin held Yunho tighter.

"You want to go to sleep?" Yunho asked.

Changmin shook his head. "I just want to stay here with you," he said truthfully, despite the fact that he really was tired.. "Is that okay?"

Yunho nodded. "Of course it's okay," he answered. "That would make me very happy."

Changmin smiled. "Good," he replied. "Because you're not gonna get a lotta privacy for a while." He stirred a little, stiffling the yawn that tried to escape from his lips. "We'll be watching you like hawks. No more accepting drinks or food unless it's from one of us, okay?"

Yunho chuckled. "You don't have to tell me twice," he admitted petting Changmin's hair. "But isn't taking away my privacy a little too far?"

"If it means making sure you're okay, then no," Changmin answered.

"Okay," Yunho gave in, smiling as he watched Changmin slowly close his eyes. He leaned down and kissed Changmin's forehead. "If that's what will make you happy."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Yunho asked, his eyes furiously roaming the maknae's body as he checked for injury. 

Changmin nodded. "I'm fine, Yunho," he answered for what seemed like the thousandth time. "They really didn't hurt me."

Yunho bit his lip as he stared at the youngest one. Changmin really did look fine, but that didn't make Yunho or the others worry any less.

"That still doesn't give them a right to throw things at you," Jaejoong said bitterly. The fact that the girls that did this to Changmin claimed to be fans of Jaejoong made the oldest one feel especially guilty. He had no control over what happened today, and he was very aware of that, but everything still really upset him.

As if he could read Jaejoong's mind, Changmin turned to him and smiled. "Don't be too hard on yourself, okay?" he said. "Your fans were just jealous that I'm so much more handsome than you. They couldn't handle the competition." Changmin dramatically put his hand on his chest, closing his ey