One merit of poetry few persons will deny;

It says more and in fewer words than prose

Voltaire

Wait, what?! Ji was kissing me!

I pulled away, more confused than I was earlier. Where did that come from? From his confession earlier about Yoona to his confusion over her, where the hell does kissing me fit?

“I’m sorry. I..” Ji was at a loss for words to explain.

“Why would you do that? After everything you’ve told me, why would you do that?” I asked, completely flummoxed and distressed by the turn of events.

“I don’t know. I was just,,, and you looked...you’re my friend and I missed you... and I’ve been thinking of you...and the moment seemed...” Ji continued to falter for words.

“You’re not making any sense.” I told him. 

“I just needed to okay?! Lately, you are all I could think about, even when I’m with Yoona. And I don’t even know what that means.” He declared in an outburst.

Is he trying to toy with my feelings? “You can’t say something like that and not know. You just can’t say things like that to me. You owe it to me as your friend and you owe Yoona, your girlfriend”. I reminded him.

“I don’t know okay. All I know is that I want her but I need you” he said, still trying to explain.

“What does that even mean Ji?” I asked, frustrated.

“It means that I want Yoona, always have, but since I’ve had you in my life again, I can’t imagine you not ever being in it.” He clarified as much as he could.

Is he really trying to be difficult? “There’s a big difference between want and need. Want implies that it’s a choice, something you do voluntarily. Need signifies necessity, it’s involuntary and not chosen freely. You can’t just say it like that and expect to have us both ways. I don’t think Yoona will understand and honestly, neither do I.” I said, feeling drained from this conversation.

 “But why? We could make it work. I swear, if you just hang out with me again then we’ll be back to normal.” he reasoned.

He still can’t understand where I was coming from. “We can’t, because we’ll never be friends as long as Yoona is your girlfriend and even if she wasn’t your girlfriend, I can’t keep being friends with you.”

“Why?” he persisted.

“Because it’s Yoona you want. You chose her. I don’t want you to feel stuck with me out of need. I know we’re friends and I was fine with that but I don’t want you blurring the lines with these declarations plus don’t forget that you still owe me for that kiss. You don’t go around kissing all your friends, do you? So the easiest solution would be for us not to be friends at all.” I ranted.

Other students were starting to arrive, and I was in a hurry to finish our conversation before anyone notices us and report back to Yoona or worse she sees us once again.

Ji was looking guilty and disappointed at the same time.

 “For the meantime forget everything I said, answer me this. Does she make you happy?”

“Yes, but so do you.” he replied. “Why can’t things go back the way they were?”

Because it hurts that I’ll always just be your friend. Because that kiss meant something to me.  Because I love you. Because I tried not loving you and it didn’t work.  Because it hurts that I love you. I have many reasons that I wanted to tell him but we were interrupted.

“Jiyong!” we both turned to see Yoona at the end of the corridor, staring at us disapprovingly.

Ji looked torn between us.

“I have to go.” I said, walking away from him.

I have the next hallway, half-hoping that he would follow me even if I didn’t ask him to.

 But he wasn’t there.

I guess he has made his choice.