When there is pain, there are no words. All pain is the same.
Toni Morrison

Ji and I were careful not to be seen together at school. But afterwards, we would hang out at my place or his, to do homework and other stuff. If we were at my house, we’d bake cookies or I’ll encourage him to read other books. If we were at his house, he’d teach me to play computer games. It started to feel like old times again.

Often we’d go to the park at the end of our street, and he’d sit with me at my tree. This would be the moments I love best.

Our parents don’t mind. My mother keeps on asking if Ji was my boyfriend and I always tell her no. But I haven’t told her that Ji has a girlfriend.

What I didn’t know was that Ji hasn’t told his parents that his girlfriend is Yoona and that he still hasn’t brought her to his home. But in retrospect, I should have known, because it was unnantural for Ji to be spending that much time with me instead of her.

It happened while Ji and I were out in the park and he left his phone at their house. Yoona was trying to contact him and she had about 20 missed calls. She was so angry she went to his house and looked for him. Ji’s mom answered the door and was surprised to see her looking for Ji. Since his mother didn’t know, she told her that Ji was out with me.

You could just imagine the hell that broke loose the next day.

As I arrived at school the next day, I was surprised to be surrounded by Yoona and her posse of friends.

“Whatever it is you think you’re doing, you better stop now and back away or I’d have no regrets squashing your low social status.” Yoona threatened me.

I heard her friends murmuring in assent.

Not one to be threatened, I answered back, “I’m not sure what you mean. But is social status all you care about?” I asked.

“Watch it you !” I heard one of her friends say.

“Stop being condescending. You should remember which side you come from. Ji is mine. He loves me. He even wrote it in his notes. So don’t think a little nerd like you could come between us.” Yoona said.

Again, I heard a murmur of nerd and thrown at me.

I almost scoffed when she brought up the notes I wrote for Ji to give to her, if she only knew. “I know who I am Yoona. And I’m thankful I’m not you. Ji and I are just friends. You can ask him yourself.”

True enough, Ji arrived.

“Hey what’s going on?” he asked as he approached Yoona. “You told me to meet you here. But why is Dara also here?” he asked nervously, looking between Yoona and her friends then me.

“Oh nothing, just having a chat with your friend.” Yoona said sweetly. “You were so bad yesterday for not answering my calls. How about we hang out at my house today?” she asked, pouting.

“Are you sure? We could go to the mall and catch a movie.” Ji asked.

“I think it’s time you met my parents, don’t you think?” Yoona asked sweetly.

“Okay, if it’s what you want.” Ji agreed distractedly, glancing at me.

“Thanks babe.” She said and pulled in Ji for a kiss.

I‘m not stupid to not know that they’ve done that already a lot of times and maybe more, I don’t know, though I wouldn’t ask, but seeing her kiss Ji in front of me hurt in a way I never expected.

Ji didn’t seem to mind but he pulled back after sometime, telling Yoona not to do that in front of her friends and avoiding looking at me.

“My friends don’t mind. Do you girls?” she asked, which her friends happily answered with a no. “How about you Dara, do you mind?” she asked, with pure malice.

“No.” I managed to choke out, hardening my resolve to be dignified in front of her and her friends. “Why should I?”

Just then the bell rang, signalling the start of first period.

“Excuse me, but I have to get to class.” I said.

“Of course, we don’t wanna be late, don’t we nerd?” Yoona called after me, followed by a round of laugh from her friends.

I wasn’t able to talk to Ji the whole day not that I wanted to. I avoided looking into his direction in between classes. I didn’t go to the cafeteria for lunch, instead I opted to hide at the library, nor did I linger around after class.

When I got home, I immediately went to the park to sit in my tree. But it didn’t feel like it was before. It wasn’t just my tree anymore, it was also Ji’s.

And the mask of indifference I’ve been trying to keep crumbled as the tears came.

I tried to write, but no words came.

For the first time, words have failed me.