A poem begins as a lump in the throat, a sense of wrong,

a homesickness, a lovesickness.
Robert Frost

Our honors class gets to have a field trip by the beach for Biology. And what do you know, Jiyong was in my class.

As we boarded the bus, we were given a free hand to sit with whomever we wanted. I chose a seat near the back by the window and I was surprised that Ji followed me and sat beside me.

“What are you doing?” I asked surprised and panicked that people might see us together. It is well-known that Yoona was crazy jealous of anyone talking to her boyfriends.

“Sitting, is that illegal?” he asked.

“What if Yoona finds out?” I asked.

“Who’ll tell her and why would this matter?” he asked, and I was surprised by his disregard for Yoona’s jealousy.

I smiled inwardly despite of myself and can’t help but feel the corner of my lips turn up.

The trip took 4 hours and in those 4 hours, Yoona did not exist.

As we reached the beach, we were divided in pairs to take pictures of marine life and to draw some. I did not have to go look for a partner as Ji was pulling me with him.

We talked as we walked and did our work. This time I felt less awkward. We caught up with each other’s lives since he moved away. And as we talked. I felt as if he never went away.

As the sun was setting, we were all packed and back in the bus. Ji was tired and sleepy. I was tired too but my mind wouldn’t let me sleep, letting me relive the day in my head.

I felt Ji’s head on my shoulder as his head rolled from the headrest and settled there. The right thing to do would be to place his head back but I didn’t, instead I let him sleep on my shoulder.

It scared me that I didn’t care what was right anymore. And Ji didn’t seem to mind when he woke up later.

When we’ve returned, I saw Yoona waiting for Ji at the school parking lot. It seems reality has a way of getting back at you.

I have never wanted more than ever to turn back time as I felt now. If I could, I would have said no to Ji when he asked me for help.  

It was only now that I learned what yearning meant.

Some people laugh,
And some people cry,
And some people live,
And some people die,
And some people run,
Right into the fire,
And some people hide,
Their every desire

                                                   -Anonymous

Desire

A want, a need

Building up inside

A crave, a hunger

That would not subside

                                                                                                                                   - in bed 11pm, wishing for what I can’t have