LEE EUNHYUK

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It is a known fact that I hated him from the very start. I loathe him and I admit I once desired for him to go to hell for ruining my peaceful and ordinary life.

For me, my life is not perfect, but at least it is bearable.

I am a part of the Lee clan who are the well-known family because we had companies and such and I was destined to be the next head clan.

I had Ji Eun; my girl friend. She’s a sweet and pretty girl and I really like her.

I may be cold on the outside, but those close to me knew who Lee HyukJae is. I just didn’t want people to take advantage of the fact that I am the next heir so I stayed away from other people; only being close to those I think are trustworthy. And that’s how I became a bit of a loner. But I was okay and I hated attention anyway.

I like my life.

I was contented.

But then, he came.

Lee Donghae.

Lee Donghae, the grandson of my grandfather’s best friend.

Lee Donghae, the person I was bound to marry.

Lee Donghae, the one who destroyed my life.

When I was informed I would marry someone, of course, I refused. I tried so hard to reason out with my grandfather but he just wouldn’t listen and he even threatened me that he’d disown me if I did not abide to his wishes. And that left me with no choice, really. Because even if I hated him for planning my life, for forcing me into this marriage, I love my grandfather and one thing I never wanted was to be a disappointment to him. So, I flew to New York with my family to get married to a stranger.

But I never expected my bride to be a guy.

My first impression of him is that he looks like a girl, like seriously. With his soft features, he could have pulled it off if he wears women’s clothing and a wig. He was also silent and quite understanding when we had that divorce agreement and that’s when I knew he was against this too, and he was only doing this for his grandfather. Since we had the same reason for accepting this ridiculous marriage, I thought we’d get along just fine.

Then, he became annoying.

When the whole school learned my supposedly cousin is gay, the word spread and of course, being his relative, I was involved and it pissed me off to no end so I got mad. I shouted at him, and just let everything I kept inside out so that I’d feel light after. I told him to die and to go away. And for a second I felt happy that I told him all those things. At first, I was smiling secretly because I felt so relieved.

But then, there come his tears.

I’ve never seen a guy cry up close. The only person I witnessed crying was IU and all I do to comfort her was to wrap her in my arms. But something about his tears made me stoned in my position. I silently watched as he tried to wipe it away, as he tried to compose his expression and I felt something inside me turning soft as he looked into my eyes. He told me he wanted to be friends, and then he left. And I felt like a douche. That night, I wasn’t able to sleep well because every time I close my eyes, I’d see his tear-streaked face and I’d lose all thoughts of sleeping altogether as I made up my mind that I should make it up to him. And that’s exactly what I did when I asked him that I’d like to be his friend, but what surprised me was that I actually felt happy when he accepted my apology and wanted to be friends. It surprisingly felt nice.

He wasn’t so bad when I got to know him. We shared things about each other and no matter how random they are, it was fun just talking to him. I opened up to him in a way I never did to anyone and I really felt so close to him but it feels a little bit different because I never felt this drawn to Kyuhyun or the other guys and that’s when I thought that maybe he’s the best friend I was looking for and I liked that idea, to be honest. I liked thinking that Donghae is my best friend, and the way he takes care of me tells me that he sees me as a best friend to and I was happy, again.

But life is really unfair, because Kim Kibum just had to appear.

Donghae’s best friend.

Knowing that he had someone much closer than me made something boil inside. I felt like I was losing him, and I didn’t want that. I hated seeing them so close.

I hated Kibum in general.

When he became part of our school, I was more pissed than I was before because he’d just stuck to Donghae like glue. To make matters worse, the entire student body seems like they liked how the two act, and I even heard some girls saying the two looked perfect and it just annoys me more because Donghae’s supposed to be my wife and he’s not supposed to look good with another guy other than me, his husband.

So, I was really thankful when we were sent to have our 2-week honeymoon. There was that burst of happiness to know that Kibum won’t be with Donghae; a sudden contentment knowing that I’d have Donghae for myself for two weeks, and I thought that maybe I was feeling this way because I can finally have some time with the person I am treating as my best friend, the person who became so important to me in such a short time.

Even with just the two of us, I never got bored because I’m with Donghae and just that thought alone is enough for me to look forward to every morning, especially since I’d wake up beside him. Unknown to Hae, every morning that I’d wake up earlier than him, I turn around and stare at his face. I know it’s a bit creepy but I can’t help myself. Oddly, I liked the Donghae’s sleeping form; the way his chest rise and fall steadily, his lips slightly parted, and his face looking so peaceful and angelic. Tentatively, I’d reach out a hand to cup his cheek, and I’d smile when he’d just lean in to my touch and his lips would turn into a slight smile. I loved those mornings, but I never told him and it would be my secret alone.

I don’t know how he does it.

But he makes me feel things I never felt before. He makes me enjoy stuff I once deemed a waste of time. And he makes me do actions I never once dreamed of doing.

Like, for example, the way I’d reach out for his hand and for not letting go.

And talking to people who I don’t even know.

And this feeling called jealousy.

I have been jealous before, believe me, I did. But not in this extent. Not to the extent that I’d sulk in a corner and drag Donghae away from every guy who’d hit on him. I was never this jealous before and it’s confusing me.

 And to add to that, the way Donghae would just plant a soft kiss on my cheek just to calm me down; it’s like I am under his spell because just that action is enough for the tension to leave my body, a mere touch of Donghae’s hand is enough to ease my anxiousness.

Skinship has never been my forte.  But with Donghae, it feels as if it’s the most natural thing in the world to do. We hug and occasionally kiss each other’s cheek and I like every second of it because there’s this feeling that I get from him that makes me feel…content. It was a surprise how we suddenly got this close but  admit I liked how we are now; I liked being able to hold him in my arms or just being able to be in touch with him.

At times I can’t help but wonder why he suddenly became such an important person for me.

Is it because of his innocent features that make me think that I am with a 5 year old instead of having a guy with the same age as me? Is it because of the gentle aura and that comforting warmth he is radiating every time I am so close to him? Or is it because of his childish and adorable antics that never fail to make me smile whenever he shows it? Or maybe because of his wit when he teases me or answers back to me?

I don’t know anymore. And I don’t know how he does it.

But what I do know is that I crossed the line.

Lifting my hand, I traced my finger to my lips and I remembered what I did a while ago.

I remembered how I kissed Donghae.

Passionately.

Why I did that? I have no idea. It’s just that---one minute we were back to being like best of friends, and another minute I was feeling that black bubble of jealousy again, and I can’t help but realize how childish I was for being jealous over a gladiator that made me do something I never should have.

But why the hell did my heart beat so fast that time? And right now, just recalling it, my heart rate is obviously increasing.

I looked at the closed door where Donghae shut himself in and sighed. After that happening, he didn’t utter a word and it was as if he’s not with me anymore. He was just looking out the window the entire ride while I give him small glances, and his eyes looked so empty that it scared me.

What the hell have I done?

But the real question is why did I do it?

I know even if I’m impulsive, I was never the one to do those kinds of actions. Even when IU and I would fight, I won’t do that. But---why did I?

Do I---

Do I like Donghae?

I shook my head and chuckled at my idiocy. Of course not. I am damn straight and Donghae’s just a friend.

He is just my best friend.

But why do I feel like wanting to kiss him again?

And just feeling that scares me.

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SORRY IF I DID NOT MEET YOUR EXPECTATIONS... :(

THIS WAS RUSHED AND NOT CAREFULLY THOUGHT OF...

I JUST FELT LIKE I NEEDED TO UPDATE.

BUT ANYWAY, HERE'S HYUKJAE'S THOUGHTS...

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