DONGHAE

Heechul had always been my source of strength. I idolize him in a way that a kid would idolize a hero. Because that is what he is to me; my hero. He was there when those bully 5 year old kids in my day care pushed me when Iwas at the sand box. He took care of me when I scraped my knee because I was running away from my nanny who wanted to give me those icky vitamin syrup, but he still made me drink the concoction with a promise of ice cream. He tucked me to be on nights when our parents would be out because of work and would read memy bed time story. He lets me inside his room when I tell him I had a nightmare and hold me close whispering that it was just a bad dream. He wiped away my tears when my pet gold fish died, and next day, bought me a kitten we named HeeBum. He was alway there. Constantly protecting me. And always there when I needed him.

But there was that one time.

I was eleven then. School just ended and I got off the car to run inside the house to show my brother my perfect test scores. I studied hard, and hyung helped me to understand the math equations and seeing that I got a 100 in my test, he would surely be proud. I climbed the stairs and opened my brother's room, but he was not there. And the only place in the house that hyung wanted to be in was his room, mine or dad's private library. Deciding that the latter is the best option, I closed the door of my brother's room and walked briskly to the last door on the corridor. True enough, I heard my brother's muffled voice and another person...

"---I'm so sorry," came in hyung's voice. And I knew then that something's wrong. There was a slight tilt to his voice that may be unnoticed by many, he may sound uncaring to some, but not to him. He knew his hyung so much to not know.

"Is that it, then? You're sorry? You don't even---I thought we..." there was silence, then I heard steps coming closer to the door that I panicked. I quickly hid behind the grand clock just at the center of the wall and stood still as the door opened. "Never mind. I guess everything was a farce, ain't it? Goodbye, Heechul."

When the other person finally left, I noted that he was wearing the same uniform as my hyung so I think they are classmates, and got out of my hiding place. I walked towards the door and slowly opening it, peeking in to see that my brother wouldn't mind me eavesdropping. What I saw, however, made me open the door wider, and doing so made him look towards me and my heart cracked. There was my hero, at the center of the room, slumped down with his body shaking, and his eyes are red as tears were slowly running down his cheeks.

"Donghae," he whispered in a broken tone, "what are you---"

But I didn't let him finish as I ran towards him and wrapped my arms around him. "Hyung," I said. "Please don't cry...I scored perfect in my tests today, and I got complimented by Mrs. Cho in my singing class," I told him, reeling in the tears as he shook in my arms. It quite annoyed my how I can't let my short arms completely wrap around my brother, but it'll have to do.

"Really? I'm so proud of you, Donghae-ah," he whispered, and I felt him smile slightly but his tears were still flowing, wetting my uniform as they go and I held on tighter. 

"What happened? Why are you crying, hyung?"

"It's nothing, Hae..."

"Please tell me, hyung. Maybe---maybe if you talk about it you'd feel better. Ms. Shin told us that talkin about the things that makes us sad could make us feel better, so talk, hyung. I'll...evenif I'm still young I'll try hard to listen and understand."

And so he talked. Then I knew that the guy who left was his boyfriend; ex-boyfriend. And they broke up because the other boy's parents discovered about them and talked to hyung telling him that if they didn't end their relationship, they'd disinherit the other guy and would blame it all on him. So hyung had to do it...

"But hyung. You said you love him, and you told me before love conquers all, right? Then why?" I asked, trying to wrap my head around the concept.

He just gave me a sad smile and said, "Sometimes you just have to do the right thing and let go."

*

"Hyukjae?" I called, as I was preparing to go to the bed. 

"Yeah?" the other called out from the bathroom, and not long after he emerged and jumped on our bed, wrapping his arms around me. I snuggled beside him, resting my head on his chest as he drew patterns at my back. He smelled like the strawberry bath gel he loves using, and a hint of mint. I took in a deep breath, marking in my mind his scent.

"I would like to go to the Lee mansion tomorrow, can we?" I asked, and waited.

"Of course, love. We leave tomorrow after breakfast," he answered, and kiss my forehead then bid me good night.

*

Hyukjae was abducted by our cousins once we made it inside the mansion. I chuckled as our older cousins were demanding for HyukJae's attention since he'd been away far too long, and he will make it up to them by playing with them the entire day. Hyuk sent me a look that screamed help, but I just shooed them away and his look turned into betrayal and I laughed before blowing him a kiss. Once they were all gone, I walked up the stairs, feeling my hands shake and my heart beating erratically. When I reached the door, I knocked softly, and opened the door.

"Ah, Donghae, what can I do for you?"

"Grandpa, Lee. I wanted to...can we talk?"

*

"Lee Donghae, Valedictorian."

Applause were heard as I walked towards the stage and received my medal. The entire Lee clan is present, all on their feet as they clapped happily, and I smiled brightly at my family, then I looked at the people who wore the same toga as me, and my eyes landed on the pair of black eyes I have always adored, and he was staring back at me, pride and love shining in his eyes. God, I love him. I love him so much. He mouthed the words 'i love you' towards me and I blushed, before smiling more brightly towards him. A few more seconds, I was on the podium, preparing to give my speech.

"First of all, I wanted to congratulate everyone for this day. For all the hard work everyone had exerted, finally it all payed off. For the parents, realtives and guarding who gave unending love and support to these ladies and gentlemen. For the faculty and staff who guided us every step of the way. I won't make this speech long since I know we are all itching to get out of our toga and throw our caps and celebrate with our families. I just wanted to say that I am greatful to stand here before you, and even if I just had a year to get to know this school, and I got to know a few of you, I would say that this year will be locked away in memory. All the laughs, and cries, the surprises, and the drama, it will forever be engraved in my mind and in my heart.

And now, as we set on a new journey, this chapter of our lives that is about to end, and our lives are bound to change. No matter how much we want things to stay the same, life is all about change. Sometimes change is for the better, and sometimes its not. But no matter why things are changing, we need to be able to let go and move on. Whether it’s the unresolved tension, a painful breakup, a failed exam, or a treacherous betrayal, holding onto pain and resentment will only hold you back. Sooner or later we’ve all got to let go of our past.
In the process of letting go you will lose many things from the past, but you will find yourself. However, remember this, there’s an important difference between giving up and letting go. Giving up means that you have no urge to continue, to let go means that it is the right thing to do; that it is the only way. And it takes courage to let go. You’ve gotta know when it’s time to turn the page. Life moves on, and so should we."