HYUKJAE

The sound of grunting and panting filled the room.

Beads of sweat on our foreheads as we move in sync with each other.

Kisses trailed on any patch of skin our lips could reach.

Hands scratctching behind my back, definitely leaving red marks.

Eyes staring right at me, brown and lovingly even in the darkness of the room.

And that expression of full want, ecstacy and love; writhing underneath me as I try to do my best to give it to him harder, faster, as he pleaded in whimpers and moans.

"Hyukie, I---I'm... Ah."

"Me too, baby. I---Together."

"Ah---ah, Hyukkie, I--- I love you, ah!"

*

"I did't hurt you too much, did I?"

The mop of brown hair shook, and Donghae looked up at where he was resting on my chest and gave me that beautiful angelic smile, "You were wonderful."

I can't help smiling back, bringing up a hand to caress his face and my heart melted some more as he leaned into the touch and closed his eyes, face painted with that look of contentedness. "I love you." A small smile grazed his lips as he tightened his arms around me and laid back down on my chest.

"I love you too."

*

We spent the entire half day just looking around the town, buying souvenis left and right; well, I did. Donghae was being particularly subdued in this shopping trip, saying I can shop for the two of us because he's fine just being with me and holding my hand; and reasoned that we'd be giving gift to the same people, anyways. So accepting his reasoning with a peck on his lips, I continued on and bought gifts for our nosy cousins, my parents and Donghae's, for his brother and grandpa and even offered to choose for Kibum and Kyuhyun, to get to their good graces. We left all our bags at the hotel lobby and grabbed a bite at the nearby restaurant before heading towards the train station. I planned for us to ride the train back and forth, just lazing back at the VIP area of the train, letting the scenery of Switzerland fill our eyes before we leave.

I gave our tickets and was on our way to the carriage when Donghae pulled back my hand that he was holding.

"What's wrong, babe?" I asked.

He was quiet, looking around then finally looking back at me before flashing a small smile. "You go board the train first, Hyukkie. I'll call Heechul-hyun and bu us a few snacks."

"I can go with you," I offered.

But he shook his head, still wearing that smile, "I can manage. I'll find you when I'm done." Then he closed the distance between us, rested his forhead with mine, "I love you, Hyukkie."

Confused, but welcoming the gesture, I kissed the tip of his nose and replied, "I love you too."

Slowly opening his eyes, he pressed a soft kiss on my lips, letting it stay for a few seconds before he pulled back.

"See you in a bit."

*

Pressing my phone in my ear for the second time, I was looking out the window trying to catch Donghae to tell him to hurry up. It's been ten minutes or so and the train will be leaving soon and he still hasn't returned. "Pick up. Pick up. Pick up, you fishy," I muttered as I fidgeted in my seat.

"Sir, Lee Hyukjae?"

I looked up and saw a train personel. "Yes?"

"Good afternoon sir. This is for you," she handed me a small brown box before leaving.

The box seemed familiar, and something ushered me to open it so I did and inside was a recorder with earphones. I plugged it in and pressed play.

Lee Hyukjae,

The first time I met you, I hated you. You were mea and just an through and through but something pushed me to try to get to know you better, because I believe everyone had a good in them and I was right. I saw your goodness, how bright your shine amongst the others, how your smile could brighten the room, how you truly are a good person. And it was that that made me love you.

But aside from your goodness, I also loved the mean you. How you could always get in my nerves; how you could easily tease me to no end; how you could be immature and unreasonable most of the times.

I love the good you, the bad you. And maybe I love all of you, all parts of you, everything about you, even the ones I haven't discovered yet.

And it pains me how I can never learn of them.

Hyukkie, I am sorry.

I'm sorry for being a coward and for not saying this to your face.

Please go on with your life like I never came. Be with the people you were once with, but please follow whatever dream you have. Be successfull; prove all of them that you are worth being the heir, that you deserve it because I know you can do it, Hyuk. You are so much more that what you think you are. 

I'm letting you go, Hyukjae. And I am sorry, please...Maybe it is too much to ask for you to not hate me even if you have all the reason to, and maybe you should hate me. If it will make it easier for you to forget me, then please hate me. Hate me so much that one day when you hear my name, you'll just laugh at the memory like it was all a bad dream. Hate me that you'll never once think of me any time of the day. Hate me so much that you'll forget everything about me. Just hate me, please.

I know I said I'll see you in a bit...but Hyukjae,

this is Goodbye.

The train jolted and slowly started to move, the beautiful scenery of Switzerland competely forgotten as I stared at another item inside the box;

Donghae's wedding ring.

*

DONGHAE

I watched as the train moved full speed, and waited til it disappeared in sight. Then that was when I decided to crumble down and lean behind the wall I was shielding myself with. My whole body is shaking, and even the crisp air permeating around was not enough to dry the steady tears streaming down my face.

"I'm sorry, I love you," I muttered, covering my face with my bare hands before I felt someone hugging me and I let myself be enveloped with the warmth; even if it is a different pair of arms I wishing for. No. I don't get to think of that anymore. I let him go...I have no right.

"I love him so much," I whispered tearily, then broke into another sob.

"Let's go, Donghae-ah. Mom and dad are waiting."

I nodded, then stood straight after my futile attempt to wipe the tears. "Let's go home, hyung."