Aera:

And I thought I have finally gotten rid of Dara unnie. The recent final line-up, after all, was the most perfect. Why did Mina have to continue ruining my plans? Why did Seunghyun oppa have to continue siding them?

Why did Dong-Wook oppa have to help, when my plan was just a step away from being set in stone?

It was unfair. Why do I always have to work so hard to get everything that I wanted to have in my life, while Dara unnie just have to cry to make things happen smoothly for her?

I walked as stealthily as I could as I followed Dara unnie along the streets after both of us exited the YGE building. She doesn’t notice a thing, and strangely enough, it irritated me.

But then again, everything that she does either irritates me or infuriates me like no other.

Where was she going, anyway? I’ve known (and followed) her enough to know that this wasn’t her usual route when going home. Was she meeting up with someone? The girls? Mina?

Seunghyun oppa?

Dong-Wook Oppa?

...Jiyong Oppa?


My heart lurched at that one tiny chance of possibility. I felt my legs go weak at the thought, but still I kept walking behind her, my trained eyes never losing her out of my sight. Should she and Jiyong oppa meet, I’ll do whatever pops inside my mind to cut their connection for good.

Who knows, maybe I’ll lunge at her with a knife on my hand, scream my lungs out, and just kill her right on the spot. I cackled loudly at this, and while other people gave me strange looks, Dara unnie remained oblivious. Good for me.

She suddenly stopped at her tracks and I did the same. I was expecting her to finally take a turn to acknowledge my presence, but instead, she took a sharp turn on the left and disappeared.

I took tiny steps from then on, my heart beating furiously, my breathing becoming erratic. Was she lurking under the shadows of that dark alley, waiting to catch me because she knew -- she just knew, that I was following her?

I mean, she had a history of being stalker-ish, just like me, and I knew for a fact that her former bestfriend was one of the worst kind of stalkers you'd come across out there, so she must have learned some old tricks from her, too. She might look fragile now, but girl can’t fool me. She was as treacherous as I am, maybe even more, so I won’t be taking any chances.

“What are you doing here.”

I closed my eyes, silently cussing at myself as a tiny gasp escaped out of my lips. 

“I just wanted to talk.” That was Dara unnie’s voice. I opened my eyes and realized that my body was pressed against a wall leading to the alley. I craned my neck to see where Dara unnie was, and indeed she was there; standing, her back facing me, as she talked to someone. 

I squinted my eyes, trying my best to identify who the other person was, to no avail.

“What about? Get out, you’re interrupting my cigarette break.”

“Ji Eun.”

Ah, her former best friend. I inched closer in anticipation as I continued eavesdropping at their conversation. This ought to be one, interesting talk between them.

“Did you know,” Ji eun started slowly, her voice dangerously low, but still enough for me to hear it from where I was. “that I knew that this was coming -- you getting kicked out of the line-up?”

It was more like a statement, not a question, and I giggled to myself. The ugly truth, regardless of Dara unnie and the other’s plans to redo it.

“I didn’t come here to talk about the line-up.” Dara unnie replied curtly, but there was pain on the edges as she replied, and I could only imagine how Ji Eun was reacting to this. She must have been amused and disgusted at the same time.

A puff of smoke, and I could hear Ji Eun sighing audibly as spoke again. “Oh, you mean, you’re here for something else?” She laughed sardonically, perhaps as she glared at Dara unnie. “I don’t know, Dara, can you tell me?”

“Let’s fix this.”

“Fix what?”

“We used to be friends, Ji Eun.”

“That’s right. Used to. It ended, Dara. You ended it, actually. So why are you still going to fix it?”

“Because you’re the only person left, Ji Eun. After this, I have no one else but you.”

“You b1tch,” Ji Eun spat, and I was surprised at the hatred that came along with it. “The audacity to leave me for dead when you exchanged me for that pathetic excuse of a man, Kwon Jiyong, only to come back here when he trashed you, and say that you have no one else in the world but me? Fcuk you, Dara, this is the exact reason why we will never be friends again.”

“I didn’t leave you for Jiyong.”

“You didn’t?!” Ji Eun was screaming now. “Really, Dara, really?! I can’t even believe that you’re saying this to me while keeping a straight face. Do me a favor, b1tch, and just get out of my sight. Get out of my life!”

“Ji Eun,” Dara unnie pleaded, her voice starting to break. “Just hear me out, just this once. Let’s talk some things out. I’m not even asking for your forgiveness ---”

“Like I would ‘forgive’ you. You might as well just kill yourself.”

I hear Dara unnie gasp as Ji Eun told her this, but it didn’t stop her from trying to explain her side. “I was about to tell you, Ji Eun. No, I had plans of telling you from the moment I knew that I was falling for him. I should have ignored him, my feelings, but I didn’t. It was my fault okay, I know that, but you’re the most important person, Ji Eun. You are. I never forgot you. Not once. I was happy with him yes, but all of it wasn’t as joyful as you and the others have thought, because you weren’t there in my life.”

“Well that’s just sad,” Ji Eun shot back, her voice a combination of sarcasm and hate. “I wasn’t there, big deal. From what I saw, you were having a good damn time just the same. I’m not falling for this, Dara. Not this time.”

“Let’s not end this way, Ji Eun.”

“How should we end, Dara? Should one of us die? I have no plans of killing myself to fix some relationship I don’t want to fix, not to mention have, so maybe you can do the dying part so you can stop pestering me for good.”

“Is that what you want me to do?”

I flinched. Dara unnie’s voice was more like a whisper, but there was determination seeping out from her words, like she was seriously considering the idea.

“Would you do it for the love of me, your former best friend, Dara?” If Ji Eun was as surprised as how I was after hearing her reply, her voice masked it.

“Will you forgive me?”

“Highly unlikely. The idea of getting Jiyong for myself when you’re gone, however, sounds like a pretty good damn payment for your betrayal.”

Wait, Ji Eun? So Dara unnie’s former best friend...

...was just as in love with Jiyong as she was? 

“You could have told me, Ji Eun.”

“But you know me so well. That’s why I couldn’t stand you. I knew you had inkling of how much Jiyong was important to me. Of how my feelings for him were as deep as yours, if not deeper, if not more serious. But you still lied to me, Dara. Did you know how hard I tried to suppress my feelings because I was thinking of you? Did you know how much willpower I used to stop myself from completely devoting myself to him? Oh, I guess I was just being stupid, because you didn’t care if you hurt me in the process, anyway. I’m just another girl to you, another competition for his feelings.”

“That’s not true.”

“See? You’re still lying through your teeth. You disgust me. Look, just leave. My break’s over.”


“Ji Eun…”


“Good-bye.”

I sharply turned the other way as Dara unnie walked out of the alley, with tears streaming down her cheeks. She looked completely crushed, and it gave me a sense of relief, for her current emotional state completely overshadowed my presence. 
The things we learn in the most unexpected places. Oh, well.

I leaned against the wall for a few more minutes, watching Dara’s unnie walk further down the street, until finally disappearing out of my sight. 

I should be doing the same thing, before Ji Eun notices. Adjusting my scarf, I started to walk.

“And who told you to listen?”

Stopping dead at my tracks just as fast, I’ve come face to face with Ji Eun’s piercing stare.

So she knew all along.

Ji Eun:

The nerve of this other girl.

As if seeing Dara, talking with Dara, wasn’t enough.

“Oh.” The girl gave me a saccharine sweet smile, as if to make me feel better. “I didn’t mean to eavesdrop, really, but…”

“You didn’t mean to eavesdrop?” What is this girl, five? “What are you doing here, then?”

“I have something to say to Dara unnie, but she left early, so…”

Another liar, from the same company. I have no time for this. Rolling my eyes dismissively at her, I started to walk on my way back to my workplace.

The girl, however, grabbed my left arm and it made me stop. 

I can’t deal with people touching me, especially when I don’t even know them after all.

“Let go of my arm.” I hissed.

“Unnie, let’s talk.”

What? Unnie? Does this girl have any idea how dumb and disgusting she sounds?

“Let go, or you’ll regret this,” I threatened darkly. She flinched for a moment, but she didn’t let go. 

“Let’s talk.”

“Fcuk off.”

“You love Jiyong oppa, that’s all I wanted to know.”

That did it. Girl was asking for it, I slapped her. Hard.

She screeched and finally let go of my arm, as some people started staring. Like I care. I glared at every person who looked at us, and fortunately that was enough for them not to meddle.

“And who are you to eavesdrop, not to mention talk about my feelings?” 

“I was just saying.”

“You just did, so get the fcuk out of my sight.”

Finally overcoming her shock from the slap I gave her, the girl started to sneer. “I knew it. You’re as pathetic as your best friend.”
Total attitude change here. 

“And you’re not?” I laughed. “You’re the one who followed Dara here. Oh wait, you’re the girl who took pictures, the one who made a few more copies of her diary so you can give it to me and Jiyong, the girl who was the cause of their break-up. Yeah, and I heard Jiyong wasn’t still completely sold on you after all that’s happened. Guess it’s true, it takes one to know one.”

She was speechless, and suddenly her beautiful face suspended in some state of shock made me want to throw some hot coffee at her, just like the time when I first met her.

“Are you leaving now? I guess your pretty little ears also heard, but my cigarette break’s over.”

“You’ll never have Jiyong oppa.”

Give me a break. 

“For your information, lady, you won’t have him either. You tried, no? If you had some sort of success, you won’t be standing here and telling all this sh1t to my face.”

Before she could open , I shoved her, hard, and left.

--------------------

"Unnie."

Two long years of not seeing her, and yet, it was as if she never left at all.

I concentrated on lining up the candy jars in front of our shop's display table, pretending to not have heard Durami. I could hear her sigh in exhaustion; it was audible, and I know her too well to not know that she intended to let me hear her. I guess, she never changed as well. 

"You didn't even visit me at home, unnie. The welcome party you and Dara unnie planned for me never happened, too."

I looked up at her. She had grown a lot, more mature...and a tad wiser. So her stay in Busan did her some good.

"Hey, your shift is over, right? Why don't we go outside and have a drink?"

The candy jars were lined perfectly, the dimmed lights even hitting the small colored candies inside them enticingly. But still I tried adjusting the jars, as if I was playing with a kaleidoscope.

Fully ignoring Durami, hoping that she would just disappear.

"Unnie, I don't have any time left."

"Then just leave."

"Why don't you just leave the damn jars alone? Should I buy a bag of colored jellybeans so I can talk to you?"

----------------------

Fifteen minutes of smoking cigarettes, that's what Durami and I did the moment we went outside. I was surprised that she was smoking now, but I didn't try to bring this up to her. Durami, unlike her sister, just does things for no reason. She does what she wants without explaining things to people.

"Life in Busan wasn't as stressful compared to a day living in Seoul, but the loneliness of being alone just makes you hold on to cigarettes like your life and happiness depended on it, y'know?" 

I shrugged and continued smoking. So Busan made her more talkative, too.

"I just realized how it feels good to have people around you, that is all."

Another puff of smoke, another ignored remark from my former best friend's younger sister.

"I'm just glad to be back. Let's drink some time, unnie. You and me and Dara unnie, parading through the streets, pissed drunk."

I snickered at the mention of her unnie's name I was so trying hard to forget. Looking down to inspect if there was any dirt on my sneakers, I noticed a box lying a few inches away from her feet. I didn't know she had a package with her.

"That box?"

"Oh, some things you left at home."

"You should have thrown those away, I don't need them anymore."

"Oh, I didn't know. why don't you take a look? Just to make sure."

"Just throw it away."

Durami rolled her eyes as she threw her unfinished cigarette away. She bent down and gingerly opened the box, as if she was pulling out something special for me. Curious, I glanced at her direction, trying to see what she was taking out. When she finally stood up, I pretended to mind my own business. She touched my arm to get my attention, and I looked at her hands -- she was holding something I don't even remember having.

"Used cds? You can have them."

"These cds are so hard to find nowadays, unnie."

"Oh? Keep them then."

"But you and Dara unnie used to..."

"Didn't she tell you? We're not friends anymore." I tried my best to sound neutral, like ending our friendship was just something that happens naturally. "You can do whatever you want with those things, Durami. And maybe you should go home."

"Fine." 

We stared at each other for a few more minutes. I knew what Durami's intention was. She was older, wiser, more honest...but she was still the same girl who'd make Dara and I make up whenever we would fight.

Only this wasn't some fight over some trivial matter. 

"I can't believe you guys would fight over a boy." She took the box and hugged it like it was some prized possession of hers. "I always thought that nothing could ever break you guys apart, this ."

"Some things just don't work out, Durami."

"I know. But," I watched her quietly as she took out something from the box once again and handed it to me. "keep this for me, unnie, will you?"

She walked away without saying good bye, and I was left in that alley yet again, with only cigarette butts for company. So Durami decided to throw the cds, but she made me keep some pictures. With nothing better to do, I decided to take a look at the pictures she gave me.

It was a picture of Dara and I. I was smiling and completely hamming it up for the camera, while she sulkily stood beside me. It seemed like an ordinary picture, why would Durami even think of...

08.16.2006

Droplets of water started to fall on the picture I was holding, and I look up, wondering if it was about to rain.

Babo, I thought to myself bitterly. You're crying.

Somehow, as much as I hated to admit it, Durami made me realize what it was like to lose happiness.