Jiyong

“So I’d like to know why you snatched Dara away the moment I entered the recording room again, Jiyong.”

Ah, so Seunghyun hyung waited for two hours so he could ask me that question. It’s almost one o’ clock in the morning and we’re having those really late dinners once again. It’s been a while since we did that as group, and I kinda missed doing this with them because we always have these kinds of bonding moments together whenever we prepare for our Korean promotions.

If only hyung wasn’t being so nosy. Particularly with things that he’s not involved in. Or with things that obviously I prefer keeping in private.

“Right, pretending to not hear me, hm.” Hyung poured himself another drink as he continued pestering me with his questions and whatnot. “I wonder what happened. You did that ninja thing again. You always do that when you can’t keep your emotions in check anymore.”

Youngbae stifled a laugh. I shot him a look and he immediately went back to attacking his meal as if he was really hungry. The eff. In a way hyung was right, as much as I really really hated to admit it. If I only kept my damned emotions in check, hyung wouldn’t grill me like this. I continued ignoring him and took a spoonful of rice instead.

I could feel Seungri, Youngbae and Daesung exchanging meaningful looks at each other.

Oh my God, all of them are suddenly at it. They won’t stop until I spill the details! Out of no one to blame aside from Dara, I started feeling an unexplainable hatred for Jinhee noona all of a sudden. It’s irrational, I know but...if she didn’t ask Dara to do some errands for us, I wouldn’t see her today.

And I wouldn’t kiss her hard as if she was the last girl on earth.

And then pushing her away because I couldn’t seem to give a proper explanation for doing that.

And then feeling so bad.

And to top things off, I continued recording with the guys as if nothing happened when it’s as bright as day that something did transpire between Dara and I because even Seungri and Daesung would whisper to each other like ajhummas gossiping on a summer day while giving me knowing smiles every now and then. God.

“Come on dude,” Hyung pressed, his eyes never leaving me. “Are you...?”

“She was really in pain, hyung,” I replied irritably. “because you were taking so long when it’s so obvious that I made that thing about Youngbae up.”

“And why you made up something like that boggled my mind for a bit,” hyung answered back coolly. “but then again, hm, I guess you still have some...” he didn’t finish his sentence and just smiled suggestively at the others. 

I put my spoon down and looked at them intently. Did one of them see me kissing her hours ago? Fcuk, I’d just die if one of them really did see me. Because no one should see me doing something like that to her. Just no.

“So what happened? When I finally realized that you were just fibbing about how Youngbae needed me, both of you were nowhere to be seen already. What was that about?”

“I am so not gonna respond to this,” I replied through gritted teeth. It’s not even hyung’s or anyone else’s business anyway! I took three huge spoonfuls of my meal before standing up and calling it a day. “Obviously we won’t be able to record properly anymore. I’m out.” Without looking at them, I took my jacket and went outside.

-------------------

“Oppa?”

I turned around to see Aera standing not too far behind me. I sharply looked at my watch and the time 1:53 AM glowered back at me. What was she doing here, at this hour? Wasn’t she supposed to be sleeping now, for their big day tomorrow?

“Why are you still here?” I asked curiously. She shivered (or was that a shrug?) in response and just walked over to where I was and stayed beside me. 

“Not done yet with your recording sessions?”

She looked and sounded too normal, I... “You’re supposed to be dreaming by now, Aera.” I mumbled, trying to reprimand her for staying here so late at night. “You have to get ready for tomorrow. It’s something you wouldn’t want to make a mess of.”

She just smiled innocently in return. I glanced at her for a moment and was a bit taken aback with how she looked tonight; I didn’t notice that she had grown her hair long, the length actually reminding me of someone. The way it framed her face, the way it accentuated her features.

I blinked for several times, trying to make sure that my eyes weren’t playing tricks on me. She caught me looking at her, and right there I was able to catch that certain glint in her eyes -- a playful hint of amusement dancing on those orbs that I used to think were empty. The way her lips curled into a smile was oddly, interestingly became familiar to me as well. 

And there we were standing, looking at each other for who knows how long. I was suddenly, seemingly bewitched with how she looked. The way she presented herself...wait a minute.

A wave of fear suddenly washed over me. It came in small ripples, but the feeling couldn’t be denied. It was glaring.

That night, Aera somehow managed to look a lot like Dara. My eyes widened a bit, and it mirrored her smile that showed total satisfaction at the effect she was having on me each passing minute. 

“I figured out,” She started slowly, her eyes never leaving me. “I figured out that you’d want me to look like this so...”

“Huh?” I asked, completely surprised. “Where did you get the idea?”

“Oppa,” She grazed her hands on mine, her cold fingers sending an eerie sensation all over me. “You don’t have to tell me anything.” 

I just had to take my hands away from hers at that moment. If she felt disappointed with what I did, she didn’t show it. She just kept that knowing smile on her lips instead, perhaps to scare me, or to intimidate me...or to get me curious...

Or to make me fall in love because that smile she was giving me was the exact same smile I’ve gotten obsessed with for the longest time, that smile that Dara used to give me all the time whenever she was being playful...or on the verge of saying that she loved me, too.

It was the same, but at the same time very different. Dara’s smile had innocence. And perhaps, warmth. Aera’s smile on the other hard was cold and a bit deceptive on the edges. I guess both were being manipulative, but Aera’s smile...

She just wasn’t Dara. Never will be. And perhaps I will never go back to her, but that doesn’t mean I would go over to Aera because of that.

“Just go home and sleep, Aera,” I whispered rather darkly. I was trying my best not to run away from her right then and there.

She laughed -- a shrill, cold and hollow laugh. “Alright, oppa. If I scare you so much, I will go back home and sleep.” She let her hand linger on my arm for a good minute before starting to walk away. I refused to look at her anymore. She knew that, and I could just imagine how her face changed into an almost maniacal expression as she said her parting words at me.

“You should sleep as well, oppa. Tomorrow’s going to be a big surprise to all of us.”

--------------------------

Dara:

THE BIG DAY.

That’s how it was exactly written on my mind. All caps, yo. THE BIG DAY. Big for us trainees. Would have been bigger to me if I was still actually considered for the line-up. Even outside YGE -- the netizens, the industry insiders, the media...heck, even ‘rival’ companies, existing idol groups...everyone seemed to be in a frenzy since last week. It had been a while since a girl group came out of YGE and that itself was already a big thing. YG, after years of being secretly ridiculed for being a coward (netizens’ words, not mine.) because he couldn’t seem to produce a successful girl group, was finally taking the plunge. Now or never.

”I can’t even believe Entertainment Extra is having this mini-documentary about you unknown trainees,”Durami commented last night while the three of us were watching TV at home. ”What’s the big deal, right? The guy made up Swi.T, which was the coolest back then. And I doubt, no offense, that you guys would be as big as the Wonder Girls. Or So Nyuh Shi Dae, even.”

”I’m not part of that, Durami,” I answered back. ”But just so you know, my girls are as talented, if not more.”

”Your girls,” Durami scoffed back. ”As if.”

”Stop being such an anti. Just freakin change the channel if you couldn’t believe anything of this is unfolding right before your very eyes.” I snapped. 

Sanghyun, who had been quiet all this time, whistled at my retort. ”Low blow.”

Durami just swatted our younger brother’s arm and flipped her hair dismissively as she glanced at me for a moment. ”I wasn’t being an anti, I was just being critical.”

That was how our conversation ended. We didn’t speak for a good half hour, until a picture of me showed up on TV, along with the rumored members. Both Durami and Sanghyun hollered and cheered like nine-year-old fans at the sight, which made me feel utterly embarrassed. But secretly ecstatic, because they felt that excited for me.

Even if they knew that I wasn’t even on the list anymore.

----------------------------

“Oh, final selection. Everybody seems to be on the verge of fainting today because the president himself would announce the final details. I wonder if they came up with a name yet?”

“I know right! My sister has been bugging me about that since last week. The girl actually thought I had full insider details about the group just because I was working here! The closest thing I ever got as an insider was to bring some coffee for the president himself!” 

The two assistants continued their chat as if I never existed. So it’s YG himself that would be making the announcement. Today. I wonder how the other girls felt. I love them, I really do, but I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. If only I wasn’t so preoccupied with tainting Jiyong’s reputation or even playing with his feelings, I would have been feeling the same excitement and nervousness that they’re feeling now. Are they ready? I’ve expressed this sentiment for so numerous times already, but I just couldn’t believe how time flies so damn fast. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling a wistful, somber smile as I passed by Manager Kim’s office -- I could still remember how Aera and I danced that afternoon away, while Mina just stared blankly at our sunbae’s posters plastered on the walls, uncaring. Seemingly so. Everything looked so simple then. Who knew Aera and I would end up like this, while Mina became the total opposite of everything I thought we were going to be?

I guess I was too absorbed with my thoughts that I didn’t notice the commotion that was happening not too far away from me. I remembered getting bumped by some busy-looking man I’ve never seen before. I was about to protest when I saw none other that Han Mina, miserably tagging along with the man who didn’t even seem to notice me when he passed by.

And surprises of all surprises, Bom, Minji and Chae-rin were there as well. 

All of them looked like they got cut instead of getting the line-up confirmation. I was about to ask them what was happening, but Mina spoke defiantly first at the busy-looking man, who turned out to be her father.

“I’m not giving this up, father.”

Mina’s father looked enraged at what she said. Without any warning, he slapped her face harshly. In front of everyone.

But Han Mina remained calm. We knew that slap humiliated her more than it hurt her, but being the strong girl that she was, she just stood there and looked straight in her father’s eyes.

“Don’t make me slap you harder than that, woman,” her father threatened coldly. “You will stop this nonsense right now. You’re coming home with me. To Paris.”

“NO!” Mina screamed. Hot tears fell down her cheeks. It was a scary sight to see, something that we didn’t expect to happen at all. “I’m staying here! Umma supports my decision and -- “

Another harsh slap landed on her other cheek. “Your mother doesn’t know anything. If she did, she won’t let you do this and make a fool of yourself.”

He walked away as he made some calls on his mobile phone, while Mina was left behind, sobbing uncontrollably. We all rushed to her and started comforting her.

“I’m so sorry guys,” Mina said in between sobs. “I said I will stay here but I know father, he probably would go as far as suing President Yang himself and the rest of YGE if I didn’t go with him...”

“You’re dropping out? You can’t do that, you’re part of the line-up already!” This was absurd. Mina, quitting? On the day of the announcement?

“Oh, Dara unnie,” she answered back, her voice full of grief. “You don’t know him. The best thing to do is to quit.” She looked up to meet my gaze, but instead her eyes landed on another girl.

Her expression of grief turned into shock, then to momentary anger, then back to grief.

“Jiang Aera,” Mina whispered in disbelief, her tears continuously falling down her cheeks. “What are you?”

“A member of the final line-up.” Aera replied simply. Her smile got wider as she continued, “A line-up that you’re not a part of anymore.”

Mina’s eyes flashed dangerously. She attempted to lunge at her, but Bom and Chae-rin were quick enough to stop her. She could only clench her fists in anger and hopelessness.

“Are you happy?!” Mina screamed angrily. “Are you fcukin happy?! Tell me, what kind of things did you say to my father?!”

Aera crossed her arms as she sneered at her. The evil glint on her eye was apparent, and somehow the rest of us were too terrified of her transformation -- it was too drastic, unbelievable. “I didn’t have to say everything to your dad. I just had to casually inform him that you were off prancing here at YGE trying to make it as an artiste, instead of studying at the academy like you and your mom were telling him.” 

Mina was shaking so hard -- the first time we saw her lose her composure completely. She was taking this so hard, and we all know that she couldn’t contain herself anymore. She let out an anguished, painful cry that echoed through the corridors, as if she lost someone she really loved. It was heartbreaking to see her like this.

“Jiang Aera,” Bom whispered in exhaustion. She looked like she wanted to cry as well, for the scene that unfolded right before our eyes was too much. “Please leave now. That’s all I’m asking, just...”

“I’m leaving. You, Minji and Chae-rin should, too.” She stared icily at Mina for a good minute. “I’m sorry, Unnie. This group is too small for us to share. You could have made better choices, but you didn’t.”