“You knew?”

Dara’s tear-stricken face registered total shock, but who am I to lie of what I really knew at this point in time? Everything was ruined enough already, there’s no point for me to just shrug this thing off and pretend that everything was still fine.

I knew all about it as much as the next person who got involved in this.

Seunghyun

“Hyung!” Daesung called my name using his usual cheerful tone, free of any exhaustion that he might have felt all throughout the day. We were having a group practice for our Japanese promotions during that time, and things were more hectic than ever. We didn’t release a Korean album this time around, but it felt like we did, obviously. Practices were becoming more frequent and things were more tiring because we had to squeeze Japanese lessons in between our free time. It was one of those busier days.

I simply nodded at him, motioning for him to come over. He grinned and walked over to where I was. He then sat down and leaned on one of those huge glass mirrors surrounding the practice room and sitting with him this close; I could see how really tired he was – like the rest of us. “That was really tiring. I don’t know how they’ll manage to make us look good once we started taping some interviews in Japan!”

I opened a can of diet coke and took a huge gulp. “Don’t I know it. Seriously speaking, I don’t get this sometimes. Why promote in Japan right now? Why fly back and forth? Seriously.”

“Omo, hyung, tone down your voice! Someone might hear you complaining.” Daesung’s eyes scanned the half-empty studio and whispered, “There’s still a few people here,”

I rolled my eyes and continued taking small sips of my diet coke. Who freakin cares if they heard me complaining once in a while. While I’m honestly glad and thankful for the opportunity to break into another market, I still couldn’t seem to see the whole point of it now because we still go back to Korea every so often. I talked these things out to Mr. YG “you-da-man” President (our nickname for him and he knows) himself and he just told me (in a fatherly way) to just take this as an experience for me to grow as an artist. I honestly buy that explanation because it’s true, but it still doesn’t change the fact that I get tired of it as much as the next member in Big Bang sometimes.

“Hey! You should be drinking a bottle of water, not a can of soda!” Daesung and I looked up to see Jiyong looming over us, his hands planted on his hips, acting like a bossy leader with nothing to do, what else.

I raised the almost empty can to him. “It’s diet soda. Dude, I need my sugar rush, this is the closest thing I could get.”

Jiyong frowned, but he sat beside me as well instead. “I heard diet sodas were more dangerous to one’s health. They like, put really artificial sweeteners on it and it could get really bad once you take too much.”

I cocked an eyebrow at him. What the hell? “Jiyong, I don’t have time for this. Maybe if you told me about it before I could ever open the can, I would have stopped myself. But I’m almost done, see?” I took one final swig and shook the empty can for the two of them to see. “It’s all gone.”

“Are you mad?” Jiyong asked, ignoring my previous statement. “I was just saying.”

I tried to smile a little because I wasn’t really mad, but just tired. “I just wish we could go on a vacation, because this is stressing me out a bit.”

“AAAAAAAAAAH, I know hyung. It’s been a while.” Daesung agreed enthusiastically. “We’ve been working so hard.”

“Sorta agree,” was all Jiyong said. I could sense how exhausted he was as well, but among the five of us, he works the hardest. And he’s such a perfectionist; he’d worry about how smooth some things would go more than a well-deserved vacation. 

“Anyway, this is totally random, but are the trainees practicing at the dance room beside ours?”

Daesung and I looked at him. He was leaning at the glass mirror too, but his eyes were closed. He’s pretending to act nonchalant but I knew why he was asking about it.

“Dara?” Daesung mouthed at me, much to my surprise. Even this kid here knows. I chuckled a little, and his eyes flew open all of a sudden so he could take a look at me.

“What?” He asked, a little defensive.

Daesung and I feigned innocence and just shrugged. 

“Whaaaaaaat?” He inquired once again, this time with a hint of annoyance. Daesung and I couldn’t keep it any longer – both of us exploded in laughter.

“Hyung,” Daesung started, still trying to stop himself from laughing. “Do you want to know if Dara was still on the other room?”

“I did say trainees, right?” Jiyong was really annoyed now, and his reddening face was betraying him already. 

Daesung laughed harder. I did too, and it made Jiyong’s face redder than before. 

“Kang Daesung, I won’t be tolerating this…”

We were almost howling by that time, much to Jiyong’s irritation and embarrassment. But before he could say something more, Daesung high-fived me, stood up and left the room.

“He used to be so polite,” Jiyong muttered under his breath after Daesung left. “Now he even makes fun of me.”

“Aish, but we just think it’s cute. I didn’t know how you did it, but it’s kinda funny the way you secretly arranged for us to practice here so you could get a glimpse of her.”

“I DID NOT---“

“Excuse me…?”

Both of us sat up straight and looked at the girl standing by the door. Dara. Just what the hell was happening here? I wanted to laugh out loud at Jiyong’s expense, but I ended up grinning like a maniac, and it disturbed Dara a little, I think. I could see her shuddering a little.

I glanced at Jiyong’s direction -- he looked a little pale. Tongue-tied all of a sudden? Hmm, interesting.

“Do you need anything?” I asked in a sing-song voice, enjoying the moment.

Dara cleared . “Um. Daesung said there was an urgent message that I have to hear,” Forcefully, she looked pointedly at Jiyong. “From him.”

I almost died. That’s pretty EPIC. Hahahahahahaha, Daesung just pwned the rest of us!

Jiyong was just as epic, too. He was just red, purple and almost green at the same time. He looked like he was going to throw up.

“Um,” Dara said once again. She was a little impatient, and I could see that she was a little embarrassed, too. 

“I have other things to do, so maybe if there’s something to say you guys can say it?” She bit her lip. “As in, right now?”

“Oh no, nothing really,” I waved my hands dismissively. “Jiyong just wanted to know if you guys were still on the other room, that is all. He asked Daesung to check.”

Dara’s face read “that’s it?”, but didn’t say anything. She looked at Jiyong expectantly. I had to nudge him so 
he’d say something decent to her, for chrissakes.

“Ah, what is there to say? I just wanted to know.”

Dara rolled her eyes, bowed to the two of us and left, muttering incoherent words under her breath. She must be a little pissed for standing there and having to witness the two of us make a fool of ourselves for no apparent reason.

We were silent for a few minutes, until I felt Jiyong inhaling deeply – trying to calm himself down. Uh-oh. I knew exactly what he was going to say next. 

“That Kang Daesung! HE’S GOING TO GET IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!!!”

-----------

YG Building, 9PM


I was just about to go home after spending a few more hours practicing by myself. Walking down the empty halls of the building so late at night gave me chills, but I had no choice as I had to “catch-up” with my dancing according to our trainer, and well, Jiyong. With Jiyong, I guess he said it out of irritation because he was still pissed; I knew that was it because he said earlier that Daesung’s voice sounded mediocre and very, very, very flat today. I find it amazing that Daesung just smiled and said that he’ll practice more. Very chill guy. If I had an amazing voice like Daesung’s and someone like Jiyong (not that he’s not talented but…) said that it was mediocre after all of us were just practicing all day, I might have reacted worse.

Going back. I tried walking faster because I suddenly remembered those ghost stories I shared on a radio show some few years back. It was creepy because the guys knew it was true. Heck, those were ghost stories straight from our old dorm, of course it’s not something that I would lie about!.

“Is this hall not going to end?” I whispered to myself as I continued to walk faster. Why am I panicking, anyway? It’s not like someone would show up right this moment and ---

I willed myself not to scream as a saw a shadowy figure in front of me, and by the look of things, I could tell that it was a girl. She just got out from one of the rooms and we almost collided.

“Holy peeinmypants, holy peeinmypants holy peeinmypants…” I closed my eyes for a moment, praying that the figure would be gone. The moment I opened my eyes again, I saw the figure running down the hall, taking a left turn and finally disappearing completely.

I blinked for a few times. Was it all just a mini-dream? I hope so.

I took a few deep breaths and started to walk, only to experience almost slipping on the floor. 

“Sh1t,” I cursed as I tried to look down on the floor to check what caused me to almost slip. Was that a box or something? I bent down and looked closely.

It was a notebook. With no time to think and ponder about why it ended lying on the floor, I picked it up and brought it with me as I exit the building.

Little did I know, that shadowy figure still stood at the corner, watching me take what was supposedly hers as I left the place.

--------------------

“I hope you got to improve your less than stellar dancing skills today, hyung.”

Just what I wanted to hear. The thing with Jiyong is that he could be such a nagger at times, particularly when he’s just pissed about something. I was dead-tired by the time I entered our dorm, and for that one solitary moment I should have enjoyed just lying down the sofa for a few minutes, it got taken away in an instant as 

Jiyong sauntered over to where I was taking a short break. 

“I’m taking that you now got the routine perfectly, seeing that you spent hours back there.”

I closed my eyes, but I couldn’t stop my mouth from twitching a little. He’s getting annoying fast. 

“We are expected to get the choreography down pat by tomorrow, you know.”

I took a throw pillow lying somewhere near me and put it on my face. But of course, the Kwon leader just won’t stop.

“What’s that notebook…?”

I angrily took the pillow away from my face and threw it at the back of the sofa. It fell with a soft thump, presumably hitting the floor, but I was too annoyed to pick it up and pretend like I’m still gonna tolerate him. 

“What now?” I asked him, my voice raised a little.

He ignored my scowling face and my more than annoyed tone of voice, like he always did. “That notebook,” he said calmly, pointing the black notebook on the table. “is that yours?”

“No.” He was about to get it but I stood up and snatched the notebook myself. “But then again, I guess it’s mine now.” Without looking at him, I left him standing by the sofa and went to my own room, taking the notebook with me.

-------------------

“Finally!” I took a dive to my covers and lay down, almost blissfully. “So freakin glad I still have my bed to make things better.” I smiled and wriggled my toes, feeling giddy for no reason. I haven’t changed my clothes yet but I felt like sleeping already. Today seemed like a pretty long day, but I was more that ecstatic that it was over. I was almost tempted to just actually fall asleep when I remembered the notebook – I was hugging it like it was some sort of a personal diary.

“Hmm,” I said, lifting the notebook and trying to inspect it more. “Whose notebook is this, anyway?” It was just an ordinary notebook covered in black leatherette, almost 4 inches thick. Nothing really special. 

Or so I thought.

I was about to open it when a small piece of paper fell down and landed right on my face. Without hesitation, I took the piece of paper and tried to see what it really was.
It turned out to be a picture of two girls. One of the girls had crossed-eyes with tongue sticking out of , attempting to make a wacky face. The other one just had this peace sign, along with her smile that didn’t seem to reach her eyes. Kinda ordinary in my opinion, until I recognized one of the girls.

“Dara?” I sat up and tried to look at it more closely. Her hair was short, with unevenly cut bangs. I narrowed my eyes, studying every detail of her face just to make sure. 

But it was Dara, indeed. I looked under the photo and saw the date when the picture was taken. Amid the wacky face, the girl was really THE Sandara Park, only three years younger. I smirked. What is up with the haircut anyway, like seriously? I could keep this picture and post it back once she debuts, haha. Or I could use it for blackmail. Or I could give it to Jiyong so he could voodoo it and make Dara fall for him hard, but I’m too annoyed at him to come over his room and show this picture. Whatever. I flipped the photo to look for some details, if there was any. It actually did have a short dedication.

Dara <3 Ji Eun. Friends forever. Hot anti-Jiyong chicks until whenever. Remember the goal. We must succeed! DaraEun jjang! DaraEun, fighting! DaraEun, hwaiting!

Wait, what? Anti-Jiyong chicks? My exhaustion was almost forgotten and it was replaced by a deepening curiosity with each passing moment. Anti? Dara was…er, is an anti? 

Of Kwon Jiyong? 

I hastily flipped the notebook open. I leafed through the first few pages, scanning it, looking for something that might offer an explanation to what I just saw at the back of the photo. I’m hoping that this was just some sick joke, I really do. I mean, Dara being an anti just didn’t seem to mesh well together.


What a b*stard. He looks in ridiculous every in time. Like in really. Kwon Jiyong is a waste of space and air. 

I gasped. Are my eyes playing tricks on me? 

He plagiarizes sh1t, for in chrissakes! He plagiarizes and still gets all the praises. I almost see him everyday, I’ve seen him fiddle with synthesizers and bass beats and write on his gay notebook. Trust me, there is nothing special about him. Absolutely nothing. You look at idols like Jiyong and think that he must be 
some kind of a living deity. Hell no. no. Sometimes I just laugh at how delusional some people are.

“Holy sh1t,” I murmured, shocked. Jiyong had some intense haters out there, I know…but Dara? Dara? How could this be? We see her everyday, I talk to her. I laugh with her jokes, she laughs with mine, too. She shares her frustration with being a trainee, I sympathize with her cause I knew how hard it is. Dara, who goes with the other trainees who, like her, are little sisters to us. 

Dara, whom Jiyong likes. 

I leafed though a few more pages, each spitting out more hate than the previous ones. It was so out of character; Dara seemed stand-offish and sarcastic, but I’ve always felt that she’s still a good person. Am I wrong?

The next entry I read seemed to answer my question.


Ah, I knew it. He couldn’t take his eyes off me. I find it absolutely disgusting but if it would somehow give me control over his emotions, then I guess it’s okay. He wanted me. 

And I’ll make sure to use this, too. 

….My elf, just standing behind the tree, watching me and Seughyun with jealousy. Poor pathetic being couldn’t even handle his own pathetic emotions.

….He’s losing his touch. I guess me entering YG as a trainee is finally paying off. Just a few more schemes here and there, and I might just successfully make him self-destruct.

I closed the notebook and put it down, my hands shaking a little. I haven’t read the entire contents of the notebook (I don’t think could do it tonight), but from what I’m getting…

Dara and her best friend (Ji Eun) are hardcore Jiyong antis.

They hated him so much so they somehow made some plans to enter YGE as a trainee.

It’s still muddled through, but I guess it was Dara who somehow made it.

She entered and made sure to watch Jiyong’s every move. So she could mock him. And hate him more.

She knew that Jiyong’s interested in her.

And she plans to use it.

The revelation creeped me out, my annoyance with Jiyong disappearing little by little. No matter how much he would deny it, I could tell that Jiyong was falling (quite hard) for her. And it’s sad because I thought Dara might be feeling the same way. But I guess…not? Another thing that bothered me was about what I would do upon finding this out. Should I tell Jiyong? Should I tell Dara, confront her? But how would I explain it? 

------------------

“That’s how basically found out,” I confessed, my head bowed down a little. I couldn’t really look at her straight in the eye because I felt that I might look too judgmental of her actions. I knew here feelings were true, but Jiyong’s my friend. We’re not close like the way he was with Youngbae, but still. Dara’s previous actions way before I knew that she was indeed in love with Jiyong still couldn’t be justified as plain naiveté on her part. It’s still wrong. And as much as I felt sorry for her, I still believe that she deserved to receive a part of the hate Jiyong felt for her now.

“Omo…” Dara buried her face on her hands, her voice in complete and total agony. “I just ed everything up.”

“You know, you did.” I replied softly. “You mattered to him a lot.”

Dara started sobbing again. “He mattered to me a lot, too.” She looked at me in the eye, and for a moment I saw how much she was deeply hurt by what had happened between them. “He mattered to me more than everyone and everything else. He was almost everything to me, you know?” She tried to laugh, but it ended up like she was wailing softly. “He was that one great love I thought I’d have, but I guess I was too wretched to deserve someone like him.” Tears cascaded on her cheeks in a frenzy, and for I moment I thought it would go on all night. She took my hands and pleaded, desperate for some help. “Please help me Seunghyun. I can’t ask anyone but you. Just, just…” She wasn’t able to continue what she was supposed to say because she literally broke down and cried once again. She looked miserable. I sighed and looked away. Somewhere out there, Jiyong was brooding in misery, too.

She cried for a good fifteen minutes more before she finally felt too tired to continue crying. She sniffed and took a throw pillow and hugged it tightly. “I’m so sorry,” she said, almost in a daze. 

“I know.”

“When did you return the notebook?”

“Huh?”

“You were able to read it…”

“Oh.” I laughed uneasily. I almost forgot that about the other half of my explanation, I knew she would ask about it as well. “I did try to read everything. You had your account details on that anti forum, too. I logged in and well, it’s not like the thing you wrote in the notebook differed greatly to the one you wrote in the forums. But it was enough for me to assume that you did hate him. It’s sick, really. I casually slipped the notebook back in your duffel bag one time all of us went out for dinner, you know, when I realized that I’ve read enough.”

Her dazed eyes seemed to regain its focus as I was saying the last details of my explanation. “You slipped it back?”

“Yes.”

She looked at me, confused, her face a little pale. “I remember that dinner. But I don’t remember having my notebook back again during that time. Are you sure you slipped it back?”

“Yes. I did. That’s why I sat next to you, remember?”

“Well, you were wrong. I didn’t get it back.” She pursed her lips for a moment before continuing, “Someone returned it to me as a gift when you guys threw a birthday party for me a few months back.”

I looked at her closely. Surely she just missed it, but I did return the notebook to her, secretly, during that one dinner all of us had. How could I forget it? I thought and pondered about it hard the night before it happened. And that dinner was almost a month before her surprise party. 

“You don’t believe me?” Dara’s voice brought me back to reality. “I could still show you the note along with the package. I’m telling you, I got it back on my birthday.”

“Dara, I do believe you because I could tell the truth just by looking at your face right now. But I did return it before that.” Then it hit me.

HOLY SH1T. How could I forget. That damned girl and I just had a discussion about this a few days ago!

“So you’re saying…”

“Someone must have had the notebook, aside from you and me. “ I don’t think I’m ready to tell her who that person was. I don’t think I’m ready yet.

“But why?” Dara’s asked miserably, her voice almost a whisper. “I was perfectly sure that whatever plans I had, I did it in secret, in the quietest way possible.”

“Guess you were wrong, or you miscalculated everything. “ I’m sorry, Dara. I’m so sorry. 

She just stared at me without saying anything. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking at that moment, if she had some hunches on who could that person be. I wanted to tell her who that person was, but would she believe me? I willed myself to keep my mouth shut as Dara listed the possibilities.

“It must be one of the trainees.” Dara started listing her suspects. I pretended to play along with her small detective hunches.

“It can’t be Bom.” Ah, there you go. 

“I didn’t say it was her.” It wasn’t her, I’ve known her since when. Nope. It’s someone you just knew when you entered…

“Minzy is just too young.”

“We’re not including her, are we?” Minzy? SRSLY?

“CL is just out of the question.”

“I agree, that’s why I didn’t even bother mentioning her.” CL is like Jiyong in many aspects, she’s too focused on her craft to bother.

She moved closer to me, as if to tell a secret. “Aera doesn’t even know that I liked Jiyong.”

I laughed sarcastically. “Yeah right, and Han Mina is just too busy with getting things done perfectly.” 

“You don’t trust Aera.”

“Do you trust Mina?”

“I didn’t say I don’t, but while I do like Mina, she could be so observant sometimes. And cold.”

“Well, I think Aera is a pretty nice girl, you know someone I’d go for if it wasn’t for the circumstances but –“

“Really?” Dara wanted to laugh, and I knew she was talking about how I described Aera. “You’d go for her?”

“Shut up and listen. Well if I’d solely based it on how she presents herself, maybe I would, but—“

“You’re saying that she’s faking it?”

“I didn’t say she was faking it.” I stretched my arms and put my feet on the table. This was going to be a long discussion. “My point is, if we talk about the two of them, Aera and Mina are the same. One is as guilty as the other.”

“But you’re Mina-biased.”

“I can say that you’re Aera-biased yourself.”
Both of us didn’t say anything after that. It was funny how we were arguing about something, siding two different people. I could understand Dara’s apprehensions about Mina, as she is quite distant and a little cold, and I understand why she’d having a hard time thinking that it was Aera, too. Simply put, I could understand her, period, because she didn’t know anything. If I did tell her now, would she be surprised with how wrong she was? Would she be shocked if she realized that she was right all along, at the same time?

“Look, I’ll just go home.” I looked up to see Dara standing up, about to live. She smoothened the creases of her shirt and finger-combed her hair in an attempt to fix it. “It’s been a long night.”

“You’re leaving?” I looked at my watch; it was past two in the morning already. We talked that much? “You could sleep in my room.”

“That’s just…”

“I’ll sleep on the couch.” Dara looked like she couldn’t bear to stay at the dorm any longer in fear of having to face Jiyong once he comes home so I immediately changed my offer. “I could bring you home. Let me just take they keys…”

“Someone might see you and –“

“Relax, okay?” I stood up and placed my hands on her shoulders. “It’s so late, and we’ll use our manager’s car anyway. It’s better that way.” I tried to give her a reassuring smile. “It’s ok.”

“You sure..?”

“I’m sure.” I patted his head lightly and proceeded with taking the car keys. I just hoped Jiyong won’t go home at this very moment.

And as for that yet, unopened secret….

I just hoped that Dara still have some remaining courage to accept it.

-End of Part III-