“You really need to talk to him!”

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore”

Minho and Siwon just got back from dinner outside and apparently Minho doesn’t want to let go of the kiss topic that happened earlier tonight between Siwon and Kyuhyun.

“But Siwon, you can’t keep going like this!”

Minho insists on knocking some sense into his friend’s head because to him, Kyuhyun does have hidden feelings for Siwon. However, the latter is so fed up by his hurt and heartaches that he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. He said he will let go of Kyuhyun and that’s what he wants to do, but Minho keeps on pouring salt into his cut.

“Minho, just drop it… please”

Siwon says with a firm and determined tone, causing Minho to snap at him.

“I know there’s something there… he kissed you!”

However, it only makes Siwon angrier as he faces Minho and looks him straight into the eyes before speaking.

“Enough Minho! You think I’m not wondering why he kissed me? Why he keeps on getting under my skin? But I’m scared, okay? I’m scared to get my hopes up and end up like three years ago. I’m scared of admitting that I still love him and get rejected again. If he has feelings for me like you say, he’s gonna have to tell me personally because I sure hell ain’t doing anything about it”

Minho can sense the hurt in Siwon’s tone which makes him drop the topic… for now.

...

Minho’s POV

I’m sorry Siwon but I can’t just sit around and watch you hurting. If I knew you can let Kyuhyun go, I would’ve been very supportive and won’t ever mention him again. However, I know you can’t. As much as you keep telling yourself that you’ll forget about him, you were never able to do it three years ago when Kyuhyun was miles away, and I’m sure you’re not going to be able to do it now when you get to see him almost every day.

You’re so blinded by disappointment and anger to even notice that Kyuhyun really likes you if not loves you. Something must be stopping him from telling you how he feels… maybe he’s scared as well? Maybe he thinks you can’t forgive what he did? I don’t know what it is, but I have to do something about it. I need to figure out why he can’t confess his feelings for you.

...

The next couple of days, Siwon was so focused on his internship at Seoul hospital, filling up applications and learning about the protocol, and on the other side, showing Minho around the city. He took him to all the places that are worth seeing since it has been a long time ever since he was in Korea, and he even accompanied him to visit his parents who were slightly happy to see their son, but it didn’t stop them from scolding him about deciding to finish his studies here and not in LA.

Kyuhyun on the other hand, couldn’t quite focus on his work the last couple of days. Feeling Siwon’s lips again was overwhelming that it became all he ever thinks about. He scolded himself for moving his lips, but what hurt him more was Siwon not kissing him back, which means Siwon doesn’t have feelings for him anymore.

If that incident happened four years ago, Siwon wouldn’t pass on an opportunity to kiss Kyuhyun. He used to look for the mere chance to have skinship with him and so rejecting him at the dressing room, felt painful and made Kyuhyun realize that things can never go back to the way they were.

...

On the fifth day after that kissing incident, Siwon drops by the dorms to pick up Donghae. When he arrives, his brother asks him to wait for a little bit since he’s still practicing some dance moves with his boyfriend.

Thus, Siwon chats for a while with Kangin and Leeteuk in the living room, which makes him thirsty after several minutes of answering their questions, so he heads to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. When he steps in, he is surprised to see Kyuhyun sitting on the counter, eating cereals.

“Hey”

“Hey” Kyuhyun, whose heart makes a surprise leap, greets him back before turning his attention back to his food.

Siwon doesn’t say anything else. He just walks to the fridge, gets a bottle of water and turns to the counter to take a glass and pours water in it.

Kyuhyun swallows hard when his eyes land on Siwon’s throat that’s moving up and down, gulping water, feeling heat flow to his cheeks at the view. He quickly averts his gaze to the table when Siwon puts back the glass, and just when he thinks the younger will leave, Siwon takes a seat in front of him instead.

“How are you?”

Siwon hesitantly asks, causing Kyuhyun to look at him confused because he’s not quite comfortable with small talk with the person he silently loves.

“Good… You?”

“I’m fine”

Then they fall silent for a few minutes with Kyuhyun focusing on his food, while Siwon watches him eat. The maknae can feel Siwon’s blazing eyes on him but he doesn’t dare to raise his head.

“Where’s Minho?”

Kyuhyun knows he just asked the dumbest question, but he can’t help seeing Siwon right in front of him and not thinking about his boyfriend.

“He’s visiting his parents”

Siwon replies with a low tone, kind of hurt because Kyuhyun is not looking at him. The latter just nods and raises another spoonful to his mouth and staining the corners of his lips with milk. So when he reaches his hand to grab a napkin, he suddenly feels something warm on his chin.

Déjà Vu, ha? I remember the second time I saw you, you were also eating cereals and stained your mouth just like now… I said I won’t let history repeat itself, but why is my hand unconsciously reaching your face? Why are there butterflies in my stomach because of the way you're looking at me right now?

Siwon’s thumb caresses Kyuhyun’s chin from the corner of his mouth down to his jaw. His eyes are focused on where his finger is and his mind is lost in the plump rosy lips, making him recall the incident kiss that they shared the other day. His lips slightly part at the view and his heart starts pounding inside its ribcage.

Kyuhyun on the other hand, is clenching the spoon is his hand tightly while his eyes are studying Siwon’s face. He used to be able to read the younger’s expression but right now he doesn’t seem to know what exactly Siwon is thinking about.

“S-siwon…”

Kyuhyun’s voice brings Siwon back to reality as he quickly withdraws his hand and stands up before turning his back to him.

He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before facing Kyuhyun again and giving him one of his dimpled smiles.

“How’s your girlfriend hyung?”

Kyuhyun’s eyes narrow at the sudden question. He lets go of the spoon and entwines his fingers on his lap to hide his nervousness. He doesn’t know what girlfriend Siwon is talking about, but since the subject has been brought up, he might as well clear up a few things.

However, as he’s trying to form his next statement in his head, Siwon interrupts him “I’m sorry. It’s none of my business”

Kyuhyun’s heart does a hurtful jump before he finally parts his lips “Siwon, I need to apologize for-“

“Don’t worry about it. It’s all in the past, right?”

Siwon has no idea why these words keep on coming out of his mouth but he can’t stop himself. He’s afraid of what might come out of Kyuhyun’s mouth if he lets him speak.

The maknae just stares at him hurt and confused before he abruptly stands up, startling Siwon and making him frown a bit. However, as Kyuhyun opens his mouth “Siwon”, Ryeowook comes dashing into the kitchen with a tablet in his hand, walking straight to Siwon.

“Siwon-ah! Have you seen this? Omo, your video from Star King has a LOT of views!”

Both Kyuhyun and Siwon’s eyes bulge out when they realize which video Ryeowook is talking about. Siwon’s gaze travels to Kyuhyun after confirming what Ryeowook is talking about to find Kyuhyun’s shocking gaze on him as well.

They stare at each other for a while until the song starts playing and Siwon’s voice echoes from the device, and the next minute Kyuhyun storms out of the kitchen. Even though it happened three years ago, that song is still torturing the makane because it reminds him of his biggest mistake.

“You could’ve totally won if you hadn’t left!”

Ryeowook exclaims but Siwon’s mind is only on Kyuhyun’s disappearing figure. He shyly smiles at his hyung and hopes someone will come to the kitchen because his feet are urging him to go after Kyuhyun.

Luckily, Yesung walks in looking for Ryeowook and whining about how hungry he is, which gives Siwon the perfect chance to sneak out of the kitchen and go to look for the maknae.

...

Three Years Ago

Kyuhyun’s POV

Ever since Siwon found out about me and Seohyun, I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t work… I couldn’t focus on anything. All I wanted to do was talk to him but he never answered my calls or any of my messages. I asked Hae hyung about him but he told me he was busy with exams and didn’t even come home in the last month. Of course I knew the real reason and it crushed me to imagine how he must be feeling.

Two months later I had to go to China for SJM schedule, meaning I wouldn’t get a chance to talk to Siwon for a while. However, I was determined on making things right and make him listen to me, which didn’t quite go the way I imagined.

A month later when we returned to Seoul, I heard from Donghae hyung that Siwon was home for that weekend and so I excitedly stopped by their house to talk to him. However, I couldn’t even utter a single word because Siwon didn’t give me a chance to, as he fled out from the house the second he saw me.

So that didn’t go as planned, so I figured I should give him more time. Another month later, we were supposed to appear on Star King which got me frustrated since we didn’t get any time off for a while and I was getting so worked up over my schedules and my broken heart.

Anyway, we went to the show, greeted the audience, laughed and joked with the MC, but deep down I wanted the episode to end so I could go fix the messed up situation I put myself into. I could still see Siwon’s expression from that day and it hurt each time I thought about it. The only thing that helped me get through the last four months was knowing how big Siwon’s love was for me, and how good his heart is that I thought he would forgive me when I explain things to him.

However, nearing the end of the show, I was completely shocked when Ho dong-ssi announced the name of the last contestant. It was no other than the guy that had been occupying my mind for the past four months. When he stood on stage, my heart beat rapidly in my chest and my breathing accelerated.

He was looking very handsome as usual, wearing a plaid shirt, black tight jeans and black boots, making me well aware of how much I missed the guy and how much my heart was aching for him. Siwon has a wonderful charm that goes behind his good looks. Even though he’s so handsome, the thing that made me really fall in love with him was his actions and sweet behavior. He’s not selfish or arrogant. He’s a gentleman who cares about people and is not afraid to show it.

When the MC started asking Siwon the obvious questions, I kept my head low not daring to look up. I missed him for sure, but I couldn’t take on seeing another hurtful look in those dark orbs. Not when knowing exactly that I was the reason behind it.

Ho dong-ssi asked him for the reason he was there, and surprisingly Siwon said he wanted to deliver a message to someone…

MC: So, Siwon-ssi, what brought you here today? Are you here to compete?

Siwon: Actually, no. I don’t know how to say it but I’m here to send a message?

MC: How so?

Siwon: Well I kind of want to take this opportunity to sing a song for someone. I don’t want to be counted as one of the contestants, so I’ll just sing and be on my way.

MC: I see. Well I don’t mind at all. So is this someone your girlfriend?

Siwon: Just someone I love.

Siwon will be singing to someone he loves? That's me, right?

I snapped my head up at his statement but regretted it soon after because Siwon was intensely looking at me as if answering my question about the song.

My heartbeat was getting even more erratic when the first notes escaped Siwon’s mouth, and a beautiful voice shot through the speakers. I never knew Siwon could sing like that. He always complimented me on my voice but if I knew he could sing like this, I would’ve definitely made him sing for me.

Since the song was meant for me, I tried to focus on the lyrics but ended up with a squeeze in my heart because the words were really directed to me… However, what hurt me more was how he kept on saying that he would let me go and that he would forget about me.

...
♫♪

The beautiful times we had, they’re all memories now
The tears I shed when I missed you like crazy
Hoping you’ll come back, time stood stagnant
I’ll let you go and leave now, goodbye

Goodbye? Is he really giving up on me? Am I really going to be just a memory to him?

Couldn’t you find it, the road that leads to me?
Should I wait a little while more, should I wait here a little longer?
Hoping you’ll come back, I waited all this while
I’ll let it go now, I’ll end it for real

Yes please Siwon… just wait until I talk to you… Please don’t shut me out, I need you… I love you…

I should erase it all now, for real

Please don’t…

My love, it ends right here, this never-ending yearning
Stuck in my throat, I couldn’t say it
Those heartbreaking words of parting
All my beautiful memories of you, it’s leaving me right now

I don’t want it to end here… Not when I finally realize how much I love you… You have to listen to me Siwon… I want to apologize… I want to prove to you that it’s you who I want…

Like falling tears, my love is slowly dissipating
The me that went crazy missing you, is gradually changing
Hoping you’ll come back, time stood stagnant
I should erase it now, for real
Should erase it now,
I should forget you now, goodbye
♫♪

I was stabbed in the heart with each line that came out of his mouth. I wanted to know if it was just a song or if he meant what he said. I wanted to jump on stage and stop him but I couldn’t. Chullie hyung, who was sitting behind me, knew what I was feeling as he squeezed my shoulder to comfort me. He whispered ‘It’s going to be okay’ in my ear which I responded to by a weak smile but it helped blocking my threatening tears.

When the song ended and the audience were clapping as they were clearly taking by Siwon’s voice and the emotions he put in the song, I tried my best to look as normal as I can be.

After the show, I went backstage to look for Siwon but Donghae hyung told me he already left because he wasn’t feeling good. My body was shaking and my hands were trembling but I had another recording later on and there was no way I could talk to Siwon tonight, but I had to do it soon.

I remember Chullie hyung telling me… ‘it’s not that easy to forget… not when it comes to my lovely maknae’ I believed him because I had no other choice…

...

The Present Day

Without letting his brain think, Siwon knocks on Kyuhyun’s bedroom before stepping inside and closing the door behind him.

The makane, who’s sitting on the edge of his bed, pop out his eyes when he notices that Siwon is standing in his room. His hands turn into fists as they firmly clench the sheets.

It’s been a long time since Siwon has been inside Kyuhyun’s room, so it takes him a minute to overcome his memories before walking to the bed and sitting next to the older.

“Are you okay?” He asks in a whisper, while looking at Kyuhyun whose head is hanging low.

“Yeah… It’s just that… that day… the song… You-“

“Let’s forget about it”

Kyuhyun was cut off again which makes him curse himself for stuttering and not being brave enough to just say what he’s feeling.

“I care about you hyung” Just as these words slip out of Siwon’s mouth, Kyuhyun’s eyes snap at him making their gazes meet for a few seconds before Siwon adds “So let’s be… friends”

That sent a stab straight into Kyuhyun’s heart… Friends? How am I supposed to be your friend when I’m in love with you!

Siwon faintly smiles at him, only to cause the knife in Kyuhyun’s heart to twist leaving him in even more pain as tears start to well up in his eyes, making him grit his teeth, trying his hardest to stop his emotions from acting out.

“Think about it”

Kyuhyun can feel a soft touch on his hand. He lowers his gaze to see where it comes from, and that’s when his eyes flutter close when he spots Siwon’s hand slowly caressing his. However a few seconds after, when he gets over his overwhelm, he opens his eyes to be faced by a cold breeze in the room and an empty bed. That’s when he lay his body down and let his tears stream down.

...

Two weeks later

Minho and Siwon started their internship and thus ending up as busy as ever. It’s already been two weeks since Siwon last spoke to Kyuhyun and asked to be friends. He, of course, has no idea where that came from because he’s certain that being around Kyuhyun will not help him move on. However, he misses hanging out with him and he misses talking to him normally without the awkwardness. He knows he’s only torturing himself, but he can’t help it.

Kyuhyun on the other hand, spent the last couple of weeks burying himself in work because whenever his mind is not on some schedule, he ends up remembering Siwon’s words about being friends. He doesn’t want to be friends with Siwon… He loves the guy and wants to be with him… not friends… 

...

“My dearest friend, how are you?”

Hyukjae greets as he sneaks his head from outside Kyuhyun’s bedroom.

“What do you want Monkey?”

“You know me too well”

Kyuhyun rolls his eyes and turns his attention back to his laptop “Spill it out”

That made Hyukjae step inside and walk to the bed to sit cross legged in front of the maknae.

“I need you to help me with something”

“I figured… what is it?”

Kyuhyun acts annoyed but he’s actually curious to know what his friend wants this time.

“It’s Fishy’s birthday next week and I want to throw him a surprise party”

“Oh, okay… and what do you need me for?”

Kyuhyun sets his laptop aside and entwines his fingers on his lap, wondering what Hyukjae wants from him.

“Well, since we’re all busy like hell… I’m not going to be able to plan it alone. So can you be kind enough to help me?”

“Hyung! I’m busy too and tired and you know me… I know nothing about parties”

Kyuhyun retorts, ignoring the cute puppy look Hyukjae is throwing him.

“Pleaaaase Kyu… Siwon and Minho will help even though they’re busy as well!”

So if I help… it means I’ll get to meet Siwon? Not only him, but I’m gonna have to watch him with Minho? No thanks, my heart can’t handle that.

“Hyung… I’m sorry, but…”

Kyuhyun doesn’t want to deal with Siwon right now although he misses him. He still hasn’t given the guy an answer about being friends, and he doesn’t really want to because then, he’ll have to explain why he doesn’t want to be friends with him and rejection is the last thing he needs right now.

“Siwon told me to ask you”

Hyukjae casually blurs out making Kyuhyun’s eyes grow in size.

“What? Hyung, I’m in no mood for joking around”

“Whatever. I’ll just tell him you’re busy”

Hyukjae shrugs his shoulders and attempts to stand up when a hand stops him.

“Wait… Did he really ask that?”

Kyuhyun hopefully asks, making his eyes glisten a bit from anticipation.

“Yep”

“How did he ask… I mean did he say Kyuhyun in precise, or just the other hyungs?”

Kyuhyun’s grip on Hyukjae’s arm tightens because out of all his band mates, Hyukjae is the one who knows about his history with Siwon, and it would be very cruel if he’s lying to him right now.

“He said, Kyuhyun can help”

Well actually, Minho told Hyukjae that Siwon said let's ask Kyuhyun to help... But Hyukjae didn't think it was important to mention as long as the maknae is on board.

“Oh…”

Kyuhyun’s eyes narrow trying to figure out the meaning after those words. His mind starts working fast, analyzing why Siwon suggests him to help out and not the others.

Maybe because I’m the maknae? Maybe because he thinks I’m not busy? Maybe he wants to see me? Maybe he wants us to act as friends?

“Don’t read too much into it, and just help me?”

Hyukjae cuts off his train of thoughts, getting a glare from the makane and a tighter squeeze on his arm which he welcomed with a wince of pain.

So Siwon want me to help plan this thing out? Okay, then. If that’s what you want Siwon, then I’ll help you… and… Minho... Friends? Really?

Oh god, what am I getting myself into? I can’t act normal around him… I … Damn you monkey!

...

"Hey baby"

> Hyung! I miss you <

"I miss you too baby. I can’t wait to see you"

> Two weeks hyung… two weeks <

"About that… Can’t you make it a bit earlier? Someone needs our help"

> What are you talking about? Who needs our help? <

"Siwon… "

> Oh, really? So when do you want me to come? <

"Next week? Can you manage that? Please baby?"

> Anything for you hyung... and that dumb horse, i'm miles away and I'm getting annoyed by what you told me <

"I love you babe. You’re the best"

> I love you too, Min <

Where did this come from? Nooo idea hahaha
Friends? Really Siwon... Friends?
I know you guys want jealous Won, so it will be coming in the next chapter
So a birthday party, ha? A lot can happen at birthday parties, don't you think? ;D