Four years and Seven Months Ago

It had been almost a month since Super Junior members went on their tour. They were busy with their performances, the making of the VCR and the rehearsals for the cerography, so Siwon wasn’t in touch with his brother Donghae, or with the others that much.

Ever since the tour started, Siwon had busied himself in his studies to not think much about how much he missed Kyuhyun. It was his last year in high school and even though he already got in to med school, he still needed to do his best in his SATs.

However, as Siwon was used to spend most of his time at the dorm, he felt kind of awkward not being there for the past month. The younger found himself thinking about his hyungs and how they were doing because Super Junior had become a part of his life without even realizing it. It wasn’t just about Donghae and Kyuhyun, but about the ten of them.

He missed the diva Heechul with his snarky remarks, the father-like Leeteuk, his brother’s monkey boyfriend, the turtle Yesung, the cooking-omma Ryeowook, the bunny-pink Sungmin, the always-smiles Shindong, the racoon-muscular Kangin and of course... his never ending love, Cho Kyuhyun.

...

After doing his best ever since his hyungs left in not getting in touch with Kyuhyun, one night he couldn’t do it anymore. His heart was aching and yearning for the maknae. Siwon thought that he at least needed to hear Kyuhyun’s voice. So as he decided to call him, he suddenly realized that he didn’t have his phone number. He felt so stupid for that and scolded himself for not having the phone number of the love of his life! Fortunately, he had Donghae to use a bit.

“Hyung! How are you?”

> Siwon-ah! I miss you <

“I miss you too! It’s been too long!”

> I know, but we still have a lot of concerts to do <

“Is everything okay there? Are my hyungs okay?”

> Yep they are (Hi Siwon-ah) *chorused* <

“Tell them I say hi. So where are you now?”

> We’re leaving for Taiwan. We’re on the bus <

“You must be very busy hyung. Are you taking good care of yourself?”

> Don’t worry about me little brother, I’m okay. How’s school by the way? <

“It’s exams week so I’m kind of busy as well”

> My baby brother is all grown up and he’s even going to med school <

“I hope everything goes well”

> It will, you’ll see <

“Hae hyung?”

> hm? <

“I-Is Kyu hyung okay?”

> Yes... why? <

“Just asking, I mean with the accident and all”

> Uh-huh, wanna talk to him? Here <

Before Siwon could object, Donghae was already nudging Kyuhyun’s shoulder and handing him the phone. Siwon could hear the maknae being surprised as he was asking what and why. However, he soon dismissed that thought when his heart started pounding hearing Kyuhyun’s sensual voice calling his name.

> Oh, Siwon-ah! <

“H-Hyung, I’m sorry I was just asking. I didn’t know Hae hyung would pass you the phone”

> It’s okay… <

“How have you been? Are you taking good care of yourself?”

> I am. Don’t worry about me <

“…”

> How are your exams? <

“I’m managing”

> Good <

“You know what I realized today? I don’t have your phone number yet *awkward laugh*”

> Oh, that’s right… But I think it’s best that way <

Siwon was taken aback. Kyuhyun didn’t want to give him his phone number saying it was best that way? How was it best? Did he think Siwon would disturb him and leave him tons of messages like some school girl? Siwon was really hurt by how Kyuhyun didn’t quite know him that well.

“Oh, I see”

> It’s not like tha- <

“No, no worries. I totally get it. You can’t possibly give your number to a person whose head over heels in love with you. He will only disturb your peace”

> Siwon-ah… <

“Never mind. I’m glad you’re okay. Enjoy the rest of the tour, Bye”

And with that Siwon hung up the phone without giving Kyuhyun a chance to explain himself. The latter was surely startled at the rough turn of their conversation as he kept listening to the dial tone. Luckily for him, the guys have already closed their eyes to sleep and so no one could notice the awkwardness he was feeling right then.

Did I hurt his feelings? Again? What’s wrong with me? I should’ve just given him my phone number... It’s just a phone number for god’s sake!

Kyuhyun scolded himself before sighing deeply and closing his eyes as well, hoping to forget about the conversation with Siwon.

...

Seriously? Aiiich, he’s driving me crazy! After a month of not speaking to him or seeing him, this is how our conversation goes? I shouldn’t have brought up the phone number thing!

He slammed his body onto the bed and tried to have some sleep to forget about his stupidity, as he called it.

...

After that not-so-nice conversation with Kyuhyun, when Siwon would talk to Donghae, he would avoid asking for the maknae no matter how he wanted to. He missed the boy, he missed hearing his voice, but he wouldn’t risk another conversation going bad.

It was the end of that month and it meant Siwon’s birthday. However, the younger was pretty much disregarding that day from his calendar since it only brought him bad memories. When his friends wished him a happy birthday, he would thank them with a genuine smile, however, deep down, with each congrats, he received a slap on the cheek.

Siwon of course couldn’t forget that day. The day he was rejected and being slapped in the face, the day Kyuhyun took out his heart and crushed it. Sure they were passed that now since the two seemed to get along well plus the fact that Kyuhyun kissed him, but you can never get over a rejection like the one in Siwon’s case, especially when he was still being rejected.

So that day only reminded Siwon of his failure. As much as he tried to ignore it, there was always something reminding him of it.

...

> HAPPY BRTHDAY SIWON! < Came the enthusiastic shout from the phone. Of course Donghae couldn’t forget the day his little brother was born, and so when the members were done with yet another concert, they decided to call the younger to wish him a happy birthday.

Siwon appreciated the act and a sad smile crept over his face. However, as everyone started talking in the background and each wishing a different thing for him, he didn’t miss on how one person hadn’t spoken a word.

Siwon of course would recognize Kyuhyun’s voice anywhere, and as much as he hated that day, he couldn’t deny he was looking for a congratulation from his favorite hyung.

“Thanks guys. I really appreciate it” Siwon managed to say even though he felt pain in his heart.

...

The last day of his exams coincided with his birthday, so as much as he knew he should be happy, that day wasn’t particularly his favorite out of the year. So as he walked out of school, he was too immersed in his thoughts that he didn’t realize he was standing in front of the dorm.

With careful steps, Siwon reached for the door and entered the password that he became so familiar with, before stepping inside and directly heading to the balcony. Once he put his foot outside, flashes of the night from a year ago rushed to his mind causing a couple of tears to run down his cheeks.

He closed his eyes and inhaled the air, trying to remember Kyuhyun’s scent. That balcony had a lot of bad and good memories but it mostly held pain within.

A few minutes later, his phone vibrated in his pocket… 2-388-4786 Who could it be?

“Hello?”

> S-Siwon? <

Siwon’s breath hitched in his throat when he heard the voice of the person he was missing so much.

“Kyu Hyung!”

> I hope you’re not busy <

“No, no. I’m not”

> Well I seriously don’t know what to say, I mean… am I allowed to wish you a happy birthday? <

“Allowed?”

> Yeah, I mean… I know what this day is… <

“You mean my confession?”

> … < Maybe I shouldn’t have called, what was I thinking, reminding him of such thing.

“I can’t deny that it still gets to me, but… I appreciate your call”

> Well, that’s not the only thing I called for <

“…”

> I want to apologize for our previous conversation. I didn’t mean it that way. I just thought it would be hard for you to have my phone number and fight the urge to call me. I never meant to hurt you, I swear <

Kyuhyun is apologizing to me. Gosh, I miss him so much. How I wish he was here with me.

“It’s okay hyung, I shouldn’t have asked like that. It wasn’t the right time”

> Well too late for that, this is my number I’m calling from. So if you want to save it or… whatever <

Despite the sad feelings lingering in his heart, Siwon was smiling because right then the person he was talking to was not the same person who rejected him on his birthday, a year ago. Something definitely changed along the road and Siwon was appreciating the change.

“I will. Thanks Kyu”

>  It’s nothing. So… no party? <

“Not in the mood. My head is full of… stuff”

>  Stuff? Such as… <

“How I managed to survive on a one sided love for a year now?”

>  Oh, right. Wow! Already a year <

“Yes. Time flies by”

>  It was like yesterday when you… <

“Told you I love you? Or when I kissed you and you slapped me?”

> Sorry, I didn’t mea-<

“It’s okay. That’s not something I can forget easily, especially not today”

Kyuhyun felt bad for bringing up the subject, so he decided to change the topic.

> Where are you now? <

“Our balcony”

! Not the topic I wanted.

> What are you doing there? <

“Reminiscing”

> Siwon, you shouldn’t be there <

“I know. It just feels like you’re here with me”

I know where this is going, I need to stop this.

> But I’m not! So just go out and enjoy your night. There’s nothing special in that balcony <

And there was again the snarky insensitive maknae, who always managed to slap Siwon right on the face with his hurtful remarks. What made it worse, was that it hurt mentally more than it hurt physically.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll let you go back to your things. I’ll go enjoy my night”

How come our every conversation turns to this? Why is he always taking away my moments of joy? Kyu, why are you doing this to me?

> Bye Siwon <

“Bye”

...

Four years and Six Months Ago

Another month passed by and it was time for Siwon’s graduation. The boy was excited about ending a chapter of his life and ready to start another one. He already bought his graduation cap and gown and since he was chosen to be the valedictorian, he prepared one hell of a speech to end his high school journey with.

Unfortunately, even though Siwon’s graduation was the same day Super Junior would be coming back, Donghae wouldn’t be able to attend since he had an encore concert in Seoul. Siwon of course was disappointed because everyone would be there with their parents, which he didn’t have, and his only family member wouldn’t be able to celebrate with him. However, Siwon knew his brother’s obligations and he was sure Donghae wanted to be there if not for his schedule.

...

When Siwon was getting ready in his room, his phone beeped indicating that he received a message. The boy wasn’t that excited anymore about his graduation since no one would be there to watch him. However, the text he got kind of boosted his moral.

Message From: Kyu-Kyu
Good luck on you big day!
You finally did it ^^
Break a leg! ;)

A smile curved on Siwon’s lips as he imagined Kyuhyun saying those words. He couldn’t deny that he wished he could take the maknae to the ceremony, but even if the latter wasn’t busy, he was still a celebrity and there was no way Siwon would let strange people stare at his perfection up close. Kyuhyun was only his to stare at.

Siwon was about to exit the building door when out of nowhere a man stood in front of him, pointing at some car key in his hand.

“Siwon-ssi?”

“Yes?”

“This is for you”

The stranger handed Siwon the car key he was holding, and the latter received it dumbfounded. His lips parted to ask what was the key for, but the man moved to the side, showing a car that was parked in front of the building.

“It’s yours. From Donghae-ssi”

As Siwon studied the white mini cooper standing at the entrance, he couldn't believe it was his. His brother got him a car! A FREAKING MINI COOPER! (which was cool for a seventeen years old teenager to have). He quickly made his way to the car and didn't waste time in riding it. He was thrilled. Thank god I nagged gramps to let me take my driving license.

...

The graduation ceremony was over and everything went smoothly as it should be, from the speech to handing the diplomas. However, when Siwon’s friends asked him to go to the after party, Siwon simply said ‘I have somewhere else to be’.

And indeed he did. He got into his new car which he loved very much by the way, and headed to where Super Junior was having their concert. Once there, he called his brother to inform him that he was there and so the latter let him in from the backstage door.

When the door opened, Siwon launched his body on Donghae’s and engulfed him in a tight hug, first because he missed his hyung very much and second because he loved his gift.

“I missed you hyung!”

“I missed you too little brother! ... Did you grow taller?” Donghae pulled back as he started teasing his brother.

“Hyung! I’m seventeen years old now!” Siwon sulked while pouting his lips.

“I know, I know and I missed your birthday and your graduation. I’m so sorry about that” Donghae expressed quite disappointed to have missed two of his brother’s most important moments.

“It’s okay hyung. You made it up to me by that awesome car!”

Donghae’s sad face soon turned into a wide smile as he saw the happiness written all over Siwon’s face.

“I’m glad you like it, Siwon-ah” The older ruffled the boy’s hair but their get together was interrupted when manager hyung told Donghae it was time to get on stage for their last song.

...

As Siwon stood in the backstage watching his hyungs performing happily and entertaining their fans, his eyes of course were searching for one specific someone that he missed so much. A person, who even though he was supposed to be mad at because of their earlier conversations, he secretly knew that he could never be angry at him no matter what.

And just when a certain voice echoed through the speakers, Siwon could finally locate where it came from. Kyuhyun was beautiful as usual with his hair dyed black again, giving his white smooth skin a certain glow. Siwon’s heart raced in his chest and a smile crept over his lips as he watched how Kyuhyun was walking proudly on that stage, and when he sang, he sure owned the place along with the hearts of the thousands of fans in the auditorium, including Siwon’s.

...

When they finished saying their thanks to the Elfs, they started heading backstage one after another. Siwon who was impatiently waiting for them to finish, rushed back inside and leaned on the wall next to the members make up room, hands in his pocket and one leg on the wall.

A few minutes later, Leeteuk, Kangin, Shindong, Hyukjae, Ryeowook, Sungmin and Yesung showed up, and when they saw Siwon, they greeted him and hugged him, while congratulating him on his graduation. However, even though a smile was painted on Siwon’s face, his mind was wondering where the maknae was.

The others excused themselves because they needed to change their clothes, and so leaving Siwon standing there alone, waiting again for Kyuhyun. A few seconds later, there he was, walking wearily with his head hung low. The younger couldn’t help but feel concerned about the way Kyuhyun looked. The latter was clearly very tired, and just as Siwon noticed the hand rested on the older’s stomach, he was soon standing in front of him, worriedly staring at him.

“Are you okay?” Kyuhyun was surprised when he caught Siwon standing in front of him, worry clearly written all over his face.

“I’m fine. What are you doing here?” Well Siwon might have taken that question the wrong way if not for the little blush on the maknae’s cheeks, or the little smile that was curving on his lips.

“I-I just missed you guys and wanted to s-see you” Siwon stuttered clearly happy about seeing Kyuhyun again and because the latter was actually smiling at him, meaning he was kind of happy to see Siwon as well.

“What about your graduation’s after party?”

“I’m not really into parties” Siwon admitted shyly as he nervously scratched his nape. The truth was, he would rather be there with Kyuhyun than be at some high school party, even though it was to celebrate the end of his four years of hard work.

“O-okay” Kyuhyun averted his gaze to the side but he could clearly feel Siwon’s piercing eyes on him.

“Kyu hyung, I…”

However, before he got to finish, his brother showed up in front of them, launching himself on Siwon again and rocking their bodies together. When he pulled away, Donghae’s face turned sad all of a sudden which made Siwon hold both of his hands in his.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Omma would’ve been proud of you” Donghae sadly admitted and it was Siwon's turn to be sad. The younger felt a hand tightened on his and as he averted his gaze to the floor, his eyes kind of bulged out noticing that one hand was holding Donghae’s, but apparently the other one was holding Kyuhyun’s. His eyes immediately shot up to look at the maknae, but luckily the latter smiled at him as he again tightened his grip on Siwon’s hand.

“I know you don’t like to talk about this. I’m sorry” Donghae’s voice brought back Siwon from drowning in Kyuhyun’s touch, and he turned to face his brother again.

“It’s okay Hae hyung. I just hope you’re right and that she would be proud of me”

Donghae assured him that she must be watching over them from wherever she was, and Siwon appreciated the comforting. However, he couldn’t deny the impact of holding Kyuhyun’s hand and so he was kind of distracted and not fully listening to what his brother was saying. Fortunately, Hyukjae came out from the room and called for Donghae who headed towards him leaving Siwon and Kyuhyun alone again.

Siwon didn’t know if he should withdraw his hand or not. It felt warm and made him feel butterflies in the pit of his stomach, but he didn’t want to make Kyuhyun feel uncomfortable. Slowly, he pulled his hand away and muttered a small apology that Kyuhyun only smiled widely at it.

“I’m sorry Donghae wasn’t there at your graduation” Kyuhyun admitted feeling sad about the fact that no one was there to witness Siwon’s achievement.

“It’s okay. I’m used to having no one by my side”

He didn’t know what hit him, but Kyuhyun took back Siwon’s hand and held it tightly as he looked into the younger’s eyes.

“You have… us by your side now”

Siwon was definitely startled, but he liked feeling the warmth again. He tightened his grip as well and smiled at Kyuhyun’s sincerity.

“Thanks”

Kyuhyun only smiled back at him before they were both lost in an intense stare.

...

The Present Day

Los Angeles:

Siwon is lying on his bed, letting his memories take the best out of him. There’s a song playing on the radio and Siwon think it fits exactly what he’s feeling right now…

♫ Picture perfect memories,
Scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it anymore.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time. ♫

...

Seoul:

Kyuhyun just got back from another tiring recording for Radio Star. He enters the dorm and heads directly to his room. He’s glad his roommate isn’t there because he wants to be alone. He takes out a bottle of wine from his desk and pours himself a glass before he walks to his bed and let his body curl under the sheets.

After the third sip, he lets his arm reach for the radio on the bed side table as he decides to listen to some music...

♫ Another shot of whiskey, can't stop looking at the door.
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time. ♫

I feel this is not my best chapter, sorry!
Anyway, the next one would be... well you're gonna like it hopefully :D
Some info about the present day are here, and I know you have a lot of questions,
but we'll be reaching that day soon enough ;)
Whenever I hear the song 'Need You Now' I instantly remember OSL :D