The Present Day

“Where are you dragging me?”

Siwon whines as he’s being pulled out of his bed and into the living room by his friend Minho.

“We have a decision to make”

Minho simply says, before sitting them on the couch and motioning for Siwon to take a look at the paper lying on the table in front of them.

“What is this?” Siwon asks confused, his hands rubbing the sleepiness out of his eyes.

“A list of potential hospitals that we could be interning for”

“Can’t this wait for later Minho-ah? I’m still sleepy”

Siwon states but Minho only shoots him a glare as he shoves the paper into his hands, leaving Siwon no choice but to look at it.

The two boys are in their fifth year of medical school where they have to spend the next two years as interns in a certain hospital. They already sent out their applications to different ones, whether it’s in New York, LA or other cities around the US, and this paper shows the ones they’re accepted in. However, what Siwon doesn’t know, is that his friend had actually sent out one extra application without telling him…

“S-Seoul hospital? I don’t recall sending our applications there” He eyes Minho weirdly, while the latter just smiles at him.

“I did”

“But why? Do you want to go back to Korea?” Siwon asks concerned, because Minho has never once mentionned he wants to go back home.

“I think you’re the one who wants to”

“Minho… We’ve talked about this. I can’t go back” Siwon sighs, knowing where this conversation is leading to. He appreciates everything his friend is doing for him, but he doesn’t think he’s ready to go back. However, as Minho watches how Siwon stares at the last name on the list, and how his eyes are sparkling, it only proves his thoughts.

“You can, and you will” He puts a hand on Siwon’s knee, as if assuring him that it’s all going to be okay.

“We’re in this together, remember? I know you don’t want to go back as well”

It’s true that Minho doesn’t have any intentions of going back to Korea. He has lived in the US ever since high school since his family never cared about him as they just wanted him out of the way, that's why they thought about sending him to a foreign country was the best choice. That only left the boy resenting his parents ever since. However, deep down, Minho wants to go back. He wants to see his homeland once again. He wants to see all the things Siwon has been telling him about, and he thinks now is the perfect chance.

“Yes. That’s why we’re both going back”

Siwon’s eyes widen at his friend’s statement. His stomach starts doing flips over the mere idea of going back home.

“Are you sure Minho-ah? But your family-“

Siwon tries to show his concerns but Minho cuts him off “I’m a grown up now. I won’t get in their way”

The sincere smile on his face made Siwon relax and start getting excited about the idea of being back with his brother. However, as Kyuhyun’s image flashes through his mind, all kind of worries and heartaches rush into his heart.

“Am I ready?” He mutters in a whisper and is soon engulfed in a hug “You are”.

...

And that’s how Siwon and Minho arrive at Incheon Airport, ready to start a new life at Korea.

“You should stop disappearing for years then ask me to pick you up from the airport!”

“Hyung!”

Siwon’s face breaks into a wide smile when he catches his brother waiting for him outside the airport. Of course he’s wearing a mask and a hat to hide from crazy fans, but Siwon can’t miss it.

“I miss you little brother” Donghae declares as he hugs him tightly.

“I miss you too, Hae hyung”

“I almost didn’t recognize you! You’re big now!” Donghae teases him as he studies his brother from head to toe.

“It’s been three years hyung” Siwon points out with a faint smile over his face. He can’t help but think about the last time he was here in Korea.

Donghae pulls him into another hug, tighter than the one before as he whispers in his ear “I’m glad you’re back”

They pull away a few seconds later, as Donghae notices the new face nervously standing behind Siwon.

“You’re Minho, right?” Donghae asks as he tilts his head to one side to take a good look at the boy who kind of saved Siwon from his misery as he has been told.

“Yes. Nice to meet you Donghae-ssi”

Donghae snickers at the formality and lightly smacks Minho on the back of his head “Call me hyung”

Minho soon smiles widely as he nods frantically, happy that Siwon’s brother likes him.

“Easy on him hyung, he’s precious” Siwon teases while shooting a wink at Minho who just rolls his eyes at the comment.

“Okay, we’ll have enough time to chat. Let’s get out of here first before I get caught by my loving ELFs”

“I see you're still a smug about it”

Siwon mutters under his breath, but it doesn’t go unheard by his hyung who smacks him on the back of the head as well.

“I heard that!”

...

As they’re riding in Donghae’s car, the two boys keep staring outside the window, clearly missing their home. There’s a sad smile on Siwon’s face as he lets his head rests on the car seat and opens the window to inhale the fresh air, while Minho nervously fidgeting with his fingers.

Donghae, who was only silently watching for a while, finally decides to talk.

“So, where are we heading?”

Siwon’s body trembles at the question, knowing exactly what his brother is referring to. He snaps his head to the side, looking at the loving look Donghae is giving him before hanging his head low and taking a deep breath. As he is about to part his lips, a very familiar voice echoed inside the car as a song breaks through the radio speakers. Siwon’s eyes grow in size as his heart starts pounding in his chest.

It was Kyuhyun’s voice that Siwon fell in love with the first time he saw him. Since then, Siwon has become a big fan of the angelic voice that always managed to bring his mood up. However, after what happened between them, Siwon completely avoided ever hearing it again. He thought it would only bring him bad memories, and remind him that the owner of the sweet voice he fell in love with, is now someone else’s.

“How is he?” He hesitantly asks, not really sure if he even wants to know the answer to that.

“Okay, I guess”

“Yeah, he should be okay” Siwon states with a faint laugh before his hand rose to caress the pendant hiding under his t-shirt.

...

So during the rest of the ride, Donghae decided to not talk about love topics, or Kyuhyun for that matter. He lowered the radio volume and just chatted with Minho, asking him this and that, and praising Siwon about his new figure that has become more manly and strong, hoping it will distract him from the ache he’s feeling right now.

When they pull off in front of the dorms, Siwon’s chest suddenly tightens and his heartbeat starts to race. It takes him a couple of minute before finally getting out of the car.

...

With each step, Siwon is reminded of all the things that happened ever since he came back to the US six years ago. From the minute he met Kyuhyun, to falling in love with him at first sight, to being rejected several times, to kissing him, sleeping with him, and right to his heartbreak when finding out Kyuhyun never actually loved him back.

It takes Siwon a lot of strength to walk through the building door and into the elevator, and to block the tears that keep threatening to fall down.

...

Siwon can feel his heart about to explode when he hears the beep from the elevator signaling that they reached the said dorm. He can feel a squeeze on his hand from Minho and it makes him relax a bit, but he’s soon nervous again when Donghae opens the dorm’s door for them.

With a deep breath, Siwon follows Donghae inside, finding himself actually missing the place. Whether it’s the first dorm or this new one, it contains a lot of memories for him, good and bad. It was his second home where he was very much happy around his hyungs.

At that thought, Leeteuk comes out of the kitchen and smiles widely when he catches sight of the younger.

“Look who’s here!” The leader exclaims, grabbing the attention of the other members in the living room, who immediately follow Leeteuk to know what’s happening. Well, all of them except of course the stubborn maknae who doesn’t really care about anything when he’s playing his games…

“You’re back!”

“Yah, we missed you!”

Kangin and Shindong crash him into a hug while Yesung, Sungmin and Ryeowook just happily look at him, waiting for their turn to welcome him. They missed Siwon and they always asked Donghae about his well being. They still don’t know why he left in the first place, but they’re glad he’s back.

Meanwhile, another member is standing behind the others with hands crossed over his chest and a serious look on his face.

“Hyukkie, my little brother is here”

Donghae states cheerfully while waving at his boyfriend to come closer, but the latter takes a look towards the living room instead, watching how his favorite dongseang is cursing the characters on his laptop screen, having no idea about what he’s about to face. He sighs before approaching Siwon and hugging him tightly with a sincere smile on his face.

“We missed you little guy”

“I missed you too, hyukkie hyung”

Siwon can’t deny that his heart is anticipating seeing the maknae, but he doesn’t really know if he should feel relieved that he’s not there, or sad because he won’t get to see him.

However, his train of thoughts is answered when a sleepy figure shows up in the hall, rubbing his eyes with one hand and ruffling his hair with the other.

...

Kyuhyun who got disturbed by the noises coming from the dorm’s entrance decided to end his game for the night and get some rest. However, what he didn’t expect is the person who the fuss is all about.

Siwon’s eyes bulge out as the scene of six years ago seems to repeat itself. The man he has been missing for three years is right in front of him looking more dazzling even with the sweatpants he’s wearing and the messy now red hair. His hands start to sweat and his throat feels dry all of a sudden. He doesn’t know what to say or how he should act but before he can figure it out, the memories of what happened and the reason he had to leave flashes back into his mind, causing his lips to curve into a thin line, and for his orbs to turn dark.

Kyuhyun, on the other side, froze in his place when his gaze fell on Siwon. He blinks a few times trying to make sure he’s not hallucinating. His heart starts pounding against his chest and his knees turn weak that he knocks the vase on his right when he attempts to hold on to the table next to him to compose himself.

The loud crash snaps both of the men from their daze, while the other members just shift gazes between them.

“Kyu, are you okay?” Hyukjae asks, and Kyuhyun slowly nods before attempting to take a step forward. However, since he’s too nervous and surprised, he doesn’t notice the piece of glass that his barefoot is about to step onto until he feels a hand wrapping around his waist and his body crushed against someone’s chest.

Siwon, who didn’t move his sight from Kyuhyun and noticed how the boy was about to step on a big piece of glass from the broken vase, finds his legs immediately rushing to help him. His hand wrapped around Kyuhyun’s waist firmly while he pushed the piece of glass out of the way with his foot.

...

When Kyuhyun takes sense in what just happened, and the fact that he’s now in Siwon’s arms thanks to the familiar scent that he’d recognize anywhere, anytime, he unconsciously pushes Siwon away just enough to prevent him from sensing his racing heartbeat, while gazing at the floor to hide his eyes that are b with threatening tears. He takes a deep breath before finally raising his head a couple of seconds later, and letting his eyes meet Siwon’s.

Siwon stood frozen in place. He can’t believe that he’s standing in front of Kyuhyun again, and that he even hugged him. He felt kind of hurt when Kyuhyun kept his gaze on the floor, but when a couple of seconds later the maknae looks him in the eyes, he can’t help the hitch in his breath upon seeing the perfect chocolate orbs of the man who stole his heart.

“Hi”

Siwon mutters in a whisper, but Kyuhyun’s face is turning all kind of different colors from green, yellow, blue to finally red, that he doesn’t have the strength to say anything. His brain is working fast and his body is trembling with fear especially when there’s a quite softness in Siwon’s orbs that Kyuhyun knows he doesn’t deserve at all.

There’s a sudden stab into Siwon’s heart when he caught on the guilt look on the maknae’s eyes, but he doesn’t know if he should feel happy about it since Kyuhyun does need to feel so, or if he should feel bad that he’s the reason behind it.

“Who’s this?”

Luckily, or unluckily, Shindong asks while pointing at Minho who’s still left at the entrance, watching his friend and who he guesses to be THE Kyuhyun.

That makes Siwon snap his head away from Kyuhyun and take a step back as he realizes he still needs to introduce his friend.

“This is Minho”

Siwon walks to him and motions for him to step in, not realizing the erratic breathing of the man he just left standing dumbfounded. Kyuhyun’s eyes narrow as they travel to Siwon’s arm that drapes itself around the stranger’s shoulder. There’s a pang in Kyuhyun’s heart that he needs to rest a hand on the wall to balance himself. His head is asking all kind of questions but one thing he knows for sure, is that he can’t just stand there. He will only embarrass himself, so he needs to get away.

As if he read his thoughts, Hyukjae stood by his side, supporting him by the waist and helping him move to the kitchen.

“Let’s get something to clean this up” Siwon’s eyes wander to Kyuhyun’s retreating back, finding himself worried about him.

...

“So are you two close?”

They now moved to the living room, trying to catch up with Siwon’s news and extracting some information about his guest.

“Pretty much” Siwon answers Kangin who just winks at him before sipping from his beer.

“I just got stuck with him” Minho declares, sticking his tongue out playfully at Siwon who gives him an amused shocked look but laughs right after.

“He’s the best friend I can ever have” Just as Siwon throws his arm over Minho’s shoulder again, Kyuhyun and Hyukjae are walking back into the living room “He’s been a great help for me. I don’t know what I would’ve done without him”

Kyuhyun froze again, trying to let those words sink into his brain. Hyukjae turns him around and makes him face him “Look at me. You can go through this, okay? I’m here for you”

Kyuhyun gives him a weak smile, appreciating what his hyung had done for him so far “Thanks hyung” and they continue their way to one of the couches.

“Tsk, cheesy as always”

“Yeah, yeah but you love me anyway” 

“Yah! Siwon!” Minho slaps away Siwon's hand that's pinching his cheek.

Kyuhyun clutches the sides of the couch upon hearing those words. He reaches for his earlier glass of wine and sips a big gulp from it even though he knows he needs something much stronger to ease the pain in his heart. He’s happy that Siwon is laughing like this again but he has the right to be angry and sad, right? He has the right to blame everyone and everything for being in this messed up situation. If he hadn’t slept with Seohyun, he would’ve been the one in Siwon’s arms right now. He wouldn’t be feeling this excruciating pain and hurt to the point that he doesn’t know if he should stay alive or not.

However, what Kyuhyun doesn’t know, is that under those laughs and so called happiness, Siwon’s heart is breaking into pieces upon meeting him again. He’s just putting a mask over his face so he won’t get hurt again. Even though he’s happily chatting with his hyungs, but from the corner of his eye, he’s actually paying more attention to the guy who still has a lot of power over his heart. Siwon is wondering of course why Kyuhyun looks sad and spent out with his pale skin and the dark circles under his eyes, but he doesn’t have the will to find out. Maybe he broke up with his girlfriend? Maybe I reminded him of what he did to me? Whatever it is, Siwon doesn’t want to get involved because he can’t let history repeat itself again. He knows that he’s meant to forever be in love with Cho Kyuhyun, and that he has a slim chance to ever move on, but a man at least has to try, right?

...

Kyuhyun’s POV
I still can’t believe that Siwon is sitting in front of me. After three years of yearning and heartache, he’s here again. How I dreamt about having him back with me, holding me again, kissing me again… I believed he needed time to heal, to forget about what I did to him, to forgive me… but I guess it wasn’t the case.

Here he is a few feet away from me, looking even more handsome than he’s ever been with his tight dark blue jeans and grey cardigan hanging loose over a white t-shirt, making his tall figure that’s now a few inches higher than me stands up. He’s looking gorgeous with his new short haircut and manlier with his now husky voice … however, no matter how I’m craving to touch him and be with him, I can’t… because apparently he found someone else.

Was three years enough for you to let me go? Did I give you too much time to heal? Why is this happening to me? Siwon… I love you but it’s too late… I have no right to claim you, do I? I lost my chance and now you have somebody new and I will never have your love again.

They say you don’t know what you got until you lose it… It’s a stupid cliché but it’s true. I took you for granted and now I lost you… But what should I do with my broken heart? My yearning for you? Can’t I have another chance? What should I do to make you love me again?

...

Siwon’s POV
It's funny how a person can break your heart, and you can still love him with all the little pieces... Why do you have to look like this Kyu? Why are you looking so desperate right now? You can’t do this to me… I should be angry at you… I should hate you… but you… looking like this… makes it hard for me. Why can’t you look happy so I can find it in me to hate you for the misery I’m in? For cheating on me… For playing with my feelings…

What happened to your smile? Your enthusiasm? Your snarkiness? Where’s the maknae that I fell and still in love with? I need to let you go but I can’t do that with you looking like a lost puppy! Because right now, all I wanna do is hug you and take you away…

I lost you Kyuhyun the minute you decided to sleep with that girl. However in time, I realized that I didn’t, because you can’t lose something that you never had…

It's really hard to pretend that you love someone when you don't, but it's even harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do…

...

“You’re staying for dinner, right?”

Leeteuk exclaims after an hour of chit-chats, trying to at least get a summary of what happened in the past three years, and to tease Siwon about his new friend.

“It’s late, we should just leave” Siwon replies but not before looking at Kyuhyun whose gaze was fixed on him but his head suddenly hung low the second Siwon made eye contact with him.

Why is he acting like this?

“Don’t you miss my cooking Siwon?” Ryeowook interrupts his thought, making him avert his gaze away from the maknae and puts yet another wide smile on his face.

“Are you kidding? Minho is a very bad cook… Ouch!” A pinch on his arm makes him hiss in pain.

“Like you can cook yourself!”

Before Siwon can defend himself, a faint voice cuts him off, managing to immediately make his smile vanish as it’s the first time that night he’s hearing that person’s voice…

“I’ll get the table ready” 

The guys are kind of surprised about the sudden offer since the maknae never does something like that, but as Kyuhyun smirks at them –a fake one-, they just shrug it and decide to let him do it.

Kyuhyun heads to the kitchen first to bring out the plates and glasses to put on the dining table. He just needs something to get his mind off Siwon, something to ease the torture in his heart of seeing the man he loves joking and laughing with someone else.

A faint laugh escapes Kyuhyun’s lips, feeling pity for himself for grieving over his lost love. He carefully sets everything in place, and as he puts the last spoon on the table, he suddenly feels his hand being snatched by someone. He abruptly raises his head, causing his jaw to drop and his eyes to pop out when he sees Siwon holding his hand and seems like examining it or something, tracing his thumb over his palm.

“No scar. That’s good”

Kyuhyun narrows his eyes at him, wondering what Siwon is talking about, and not until a few seconds later that he realizes what the younger is actually referring to... The incident from three years ago where he broke the glass and cut his hand when he saw his picture with Seohyun on the tabloids. However, as much as he knows he needs to stop acting like a crazy mute man, he can’t help but feel lost in the touch of Siwon’s hand firmly clutching his, sending cold shivers down his spine. His fingers curl a bit, searching for more skinship but Siwon soon lets go of his hand and smiles at him.

“Good to see you again” He adds with a faint smile on his face as he puts his hands in his pockets and turns away to leave. However, before he can walk any further, Kyuhyun’s voice stops him in tracks.

“Me too”

Kyuhyun finally manages to mutter, but the single tear that escapes Siwon’s eyes, doesn’t allow him to turn around because he doesn't want to look weak in front of the maknae, so he just walks away.

Kyuhyun’s knees turn weak that he lets his body fall on the nearest chair while a tear of his own runs down his face as well.

...

So just like when they were in the living room, they now sit around the dining table, enjoying the food Ryeowook made for them, leaving Siwon and Minho drooling over it since it’s been a very long time since they hadn’t eaten homemade Korean dishes.

“Hyung! You’re the best!” Siwon compliments before taking his chopsticks and starts digging in the plate in front of him.

The other members just stare at him amused, and even Kyuhyun can’t help but smile at the still childish boy. Even though his body is all built up, he still acts like a baby when it comes to his hyungs.

“Don’t be shy Minho-ah… eat!” Minho blushes a little when Leeteuk puts more fried rice into his plate. It makes him remember Siwon’s comment about the leader being the omma of the group, which he now kind of agrees to it.

“Thanks hyung. By the way, I’m a fan of your music” Minho states politely, making Siwon snap his head at him and look at him puzzled.

“Why are you shy all of a sudden?” Siwon asks, then turns to Leeteuk and adds “He’s being singing ‘y, Free & Single’ non-stop ever since it came out”

“SIWON!” Minho blushes even more, hanging his head low and kicking Siwon’s leg under the table, making him wince in pain again.

“You two love birds are so adorable”

Just as Sungmin comments, a loud bang is heard from where Kyuhyun is sitting, making all of them snap their heads in his direction.

Kyuhyun, who’s sitting across the table from Siwon, is now wishing for the earth to split up and swallow him right there. He was too shocked by Sungmin’s comment that he let the spoon fall from his hand with a loud bang since it touched the plate. Now, all eyes are on him and so he needs to quickly put a smile on his face before they can suspect something is happening… before Siwon can pity him.

“My fault, I accidently bumped his arm” Hyukjae cuts in smiling his gummy smile and managing to make the stares stop. Kyuhyun mutters a small thank you when no one is looking, or so he thought. When his gaze involuntary falls on Siwon’s, like it had been doing the whole night, he finds Siwon staring at him with a big question mark clearly written on his face. Kyuhyun clutches the napkin on his lap and manages to smile at Siwon before turning his focus back to his food.

What the hell is going on with you Kyu?

“Did you call your parents Minho?” Donghae asks, but before Minho can respond, Siwon answers for him

“Actually, can he stay with us hyung?”

“Siwon, you don’t have to-“

“I want you to”

And afresh, Kyuhyun’s heart is breaking all over again when Siwon puts his hand over Minho’s, and smiles at him the way he used to smile at him.

“I don’t mind. You guys are used to living together now”

“You two lived together?” Hyukjae interrupts, causing Siwon to narrow his eyes at the blunt question and the accusing look in the older’s eyes, as if he had done something wrong.

“Yes” He simply answers, still confused, but he shrugs it off and turns to thank his hyung.

“Excuse me, I’m tired. I’ll go to sleep”

Kyuhyun can’t take this anymore. He’s really hurting and in a serious need to cuddle to his pillow and just cry. He has being asking himself ‘what if’ ever since Siwon left with so much as a goodbye song if that even counts, and all kinds of scenarios about what would’ve happened if he didn’t sleep with Seohyun, if he didn’t give in to his nagging thoughts and stubborn head in proving something that didn’t even make any sense but only proved how much he longed for the younger, kept on replaying in his mind.

However, at this moment, he can’t just watch how the man he’s in love with has already moved on. He lived on the hopes of Siwon returning to him one day for three years, three long years, and what does he get? Watching Siwon act all lovey with someone else. Kyuhyun may deserve such a torture, but he has being living with the guilt for too long, no need to add Siwon’s new lover to the equation.

“Are you okay, Kyun-ah?”

“Yeah… Just tired” Kyuhyun manages to put the best of fake smiles on his face before averting his gaze to Siwon, who’s giving him the most worried look that only reminds him of so many memories, before he adds “Welcome back, Wonnie”

Siwon is left shocked as he watched Kyuhyun’s figure leaving the dining room. He can’t believe Kyuhyun just called him that. It immediately takes him back to four years ago, when they were in New York as Kyuhyun used that nickname the night they slept together. He swallows the lump in his throat and doesn’t notice how he was clutching hard on his chopsticks, making his knuckles turn white, until Minho runs a hand over his knee to calm him down.

Just tell me why are you doing this to me Kyu? I need to let you go…

Okay, so we reached the present day, Yeey! XD
Now, we're gonna have to work on getting these two together, right?
Happy ending, remember?
But first, Kyuhyun has to face the consequences of his mistake, and looks like he's having a certain misunderstanding here >.<