Secret Admirer

-----

a/n: Long overdue oneshot. It's time I hit update neh? Enjoy chicken joy!

-----

It was just like yesterday, when I had made the stupidest move ever. Just thinking about the action I've made bring chills down to my spine. Okay, it wasn't that bad or maybe it was, depends how you look at it. But I just had to do with. I know I had to.

Back when I was in 8th grade, I met this guy name Kwon Jiyong. He wasn't the hottest or the most handsome guy in school but he was descent. It wasn't really the looks I fell hard for or so I thought at that time, but it was something more for sure.

Social Studies wasn't my favorite class back then, however during that year, it had become my number one class I love attending to.

Do you know why it was my favorite class?

Because there is nothing more exciting than learning about the country's history.

Okay I lied, I still hated Social Studies class. But you probably know why it had become my favorite class.

Yup, you guessed it right. It was because of him.

Kwon Jiyong was the epitome of a perfect guy. Okay...okay... you got me. The looks was indeed there. But that wasn't all I liked about him.

He had the whole package deal every girl would want in a guy.

Smart.

Funny.

Friendly.

Humble.

Handsome.

Outgoing.

And lastly,

Sincere.

I have never seen or met anyone in my whole entire life that would look at you in the eyes as he speaks. The sincerity fills right in his dark orbs along with his soothing voice that can put you to sleep. He wasn't boring okay?! I meant to say how soothing his voice was whenever he talks.

He'd leave with the image of his tantalizing eyes of his and the music of his voice would remain stuck in my head.

Whenever he would smile at you, his eyes glows in this weird colors. And it'll you right in forgetting what you're about to say or do. They hypnotize you. Once you look deeply into his eyes, you'll drown forever.

Okay, maybe I'm over exaggerating on that drowning part, but I'm a girl who falls hard okay? For me, Kwon Jiyong was my MCM-T-W-TH-F-S-S which equals to Man Crush Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday and Sunday. I thought about him every freaking day.

Kwon Jiyong to me was a perfect 10!

I would consider myself lucky, since I was able to build some kind of "friendship" with him in class. I was able to get to know him more compare to other girls around there. He didn't really show any motives of liking me, but overall he was a very friendly person. 

There are times where he'd choose me over his friend as a partner. Which of course my delulu mind would convert that move to as something more. Don't worry I didn't get that in my head too deep. I'm not that insane kind of a girl. I just chose to enjoy every seconds of it.

There are so many things to like about Kwon Jiyong, he's a funny guy. He made my least favorite class fun. I've never met anyone as corny as him. To make me laugh, he'd make some stupid song he would say he composed seriously about our lesson. And he sure didn't fail to make me laugh and is it a crime I still remember it. But let's not make me sing okay? 

I found that one unique personality of his as attractive.

It just comes out of him naturally.

And as time goes by so did the class. I knew I had to make a move or else, I'll never get the chance to see him again. It's hard to be in a class with the same people since we have so many students here in our school. So I had to make a plan.

I don't usually stalk, I mean observe but I did. I had to know where his locker was since that is one of the key object to my plans.

No I wasn't planning on breaking in through his locker. I think my school would see that just so you know...

Oh stop judging me people!

I'm a good citizen here! I obey the law...well sometimes.

Okay I try to be a good citizen. But hey I haven't been arrested so that counts!

Back to the point of my story!

So there I was 14, thinking I knew what love was. I had everything put in my so called faith.

I had my dad drop me off to school early so I can get started on my plan.

I had in my hand a typed (yes, you read that right typed) secret admirer letter. I'm very well updgraded in technology you know.

Okay, my handwriting that's why I opted with typing it.

The letter was perfect in my eyes. The bright pink fonts were the highlight of it. Yes, it was pink for love.

I don't exactly remember what I said in the letter, but I definitely poured my heart out to the point I pretty much have embarrassed myself. And I also chose to put my locker number.

Did I mention my locker number?

Oh hell I did! I don't quite know what I was thinking back then, but I did include that in my letter.

Hey, I had high hopes! You know that he'd write back and slip the note in my locker.

But damn! I forgot we're in the 21st century. Even my letter was formatted in 8X11 inches printer paper with pink 12 Times New Roman font.

Curious as how it went well I shall tell you.

Flashback:

"Yah!" I turned hearing my friend say. My friend and I were early today for many purposes or so I say. We didn't actually plan on meeting early today, but I knew I had to catch her today to have a purpose to be this close to his locker.

I was only a few inches away from it that I could easily slip the note inside it.

"What?" I tried looking at her calmly.

"Why are you trembling?" she asked with that look in her eyes. Like she knows I was up to no good today.

"Me? Trembling? Bommah you need to get your eyes check!" I chuckled letting out my oh so trademark snort. "I am so okay! See!" I flashed her my million dollar smile.

She looked at me funnily before returning her attention back to her locker. And once she busies herself, I quickly pushed the note in the tiny space on the bottom of his locker. And once it was half way in, I made one hard tap at the end of my note and the note went further inside.

I could feel my heart pounding hard inside my chest. I knew there was no turning back since the note was inside his locker. There was no way I can take back time or I have no way in getting that note back. Unless of course I try to break in.

And in the end, he'll see it no matter what. Unless of course his locker is messy as mine. Hey! Girls have you know many necessities!

"What are you doing?" I slightly jumped from my spot. I looked up and there Bom was looking at me suspiciously.

"I dropped my contact lens! That's right!" I closed my left eye pretending to be blinded and quickly looked for my invisible contact lens on the floor.

"You don't wear contact lens first of all," she explained. "And two, you're right in front of his locker."

"Who's locker?" I muttered dumbly.

Bom just looked at me and smirked.

"Yah!" I uttered shocked.

"You're trying to break into his locker huh?" she teased making my jaw fall open. Have I told you how I tell my friends everything about me. Like my crushes and all. And based on this I have no escape.

"Am not!" I got up and nervously patted my outfit hoping to ease the supposedly creases of my jeans.

"Sure," Bom smiled again. "Let's just go. I'm hungry!"

I knew today wasn't going to be a normal day anymore. This whole plan of mine will bug me for the rest of the day. I'll for sure be paranoid.

After leaving the cafeteria alone, I became more alert. Students slowly arrived from school and anytime soon he'll see it.

Going to my first class wasn't an easy travel. I was indeed paranoid. I kept glancing left to right, front to back observing the environment. I wanted to know if anything weird was going on, such as people looking at me funnily or weirdly.

So far I had no one look at me like that.

My ears were also open to all the possible conversation out there. And so far there was no topic among each clique about Sandara Park. 

And the moment I stepped in my first class, I totally heard myself sigh in so much relief. As I looked around my Home Econonmics classroom which is basically about cooking, knitting and such girly stuff, there were no desks. It was all tables meaning we'll be put in groups today. Boy did my eyes lit up seeing what we were going to do. We were baking today! Excuse me, I need food okay!

Who can say no to free food?!

I nodded across the room as I saw Youngbae sitting already. I propped myself down next to his seat and started looking at what we were making today.

As I felt him staring, I turned my head and looked at him as well. He sure didn't look away like any guilty person would do.

"What?" I asked and at first he shook his head which I didn't believe.

When he didn't say anything, I glared at him. Yet his eyes remain the same like he wants to tell me something but couldn't. He was looking at me like he knows something like he can see through me. Oh hell! I now know why.

Youngbae is one of his good friend. ! Did I just literally facepalm myself there? I did!

"Okay Bae you are freaking me out here," I uttered irritated since he was still looking at me the same way. "Speak up now or I will use my power to get you to speak."

"Is your locker number 121?" he asked with a slow smirk forming on his lips. My angered/annoyed face faltered hearing his question. I was no longer angry as fear took over. What the was happening?!

Well they're boys so they do what girls do. They also gossip except in a manly way...right? Or I think they do. But ! What do I do?

And as my eyes went back to Youngbae he was looking at me in a teasingly manner. Oh itty !

"Ha...Ha...How did...did you know? Do...yo...you know?" I knew I stuttered saying that. I mean I felt my lips trembling. I sure did save myself well huh? Way the ING go Sandara! Dig deeper for your own grave!

He definitely knows as he just looked at me with that face. That face I'd like to erase in this world. If he knows then that means the rest of Jiyong's friends know.

OH MY ING LIFE!

"Hey would you ease up?" I heard him say which I don't understand right now. Nothing in me is clicking after all its Jiyong knowing who the writer of that letter was bugging me. I wrote it. It was me. And the way Youngbae was trying to comfort me doesn't work at all.

"You read the letter?" I asked and he just shrugged. What is that suppose to mean? "What did he say? His reaction? Was he mad? Was he laughing? Oh god he probably finds this as a joke!"

Yep, I was freaking out. And as much as I didn't want to show Youngbae, I sure showed him.

"Look," he spoke so calmly. "He didn't say much and I doubt he'd share it to everyone so relax."

"Relax?" I heard myself this time say. "How can you tell me to relax when I failed miserably."

He just chuckled and before I could utter another word the teacher arrived. And there the last bell rung signaling that class has begun. That also meant I am so doomed.

.

I didn't bump into him at all today. Or maybe because I chose not to. I'm an expert when it comes to finding a way to avoid people I didn't want to see. It's not that I didn't want to see him. I just don't know how to face him.

I humiliated myself.

One chance to pour my heart out yet I ended up eating it.

I haven't grasped the idea of him knowing it was me all along.

My plan didn't even last a week. And the whole back in the day wish of mine sure was a big failure. A lot horrific than getting an F on a test. I'm such a failure in life overall.

And picturing my supposedly romantic, happy blossoming lovelife turned dark, rainy and gloomy.

What's worst is knowing I didn't even get that chance to have a lovelife.

No duh! You ing put your locker number on your letter.

Must you remind me?

So what am I suppose to do now?

[end of Flashback]

In the end, I tried to ignore it. I didn't ignore ignore it, I actually let it pass for some time before I wrote him another note. Yes, I wrote another one and this time, I handed it to him personally.

I saw him coming down the stairs one time (or so I know he was going that way) and just handed it to him. Without any explanations or a word, I handed it to him and left. He accepted it so that's a good thing right?

In the end, I doubted him for who he really is. That maybe my perception of him earlier that year was wrong. Maybe he's a jerk after all, but I didn't see him that way nor did my heart tells me so.

I was able to put it in the back of my mind that well he probably found this a joke or amusing that he kept taking my letters. Good god he probably let his friends read it and then I become their joke of the day. Just thinking about those pains my heart. I mean here I was pouring my heart and soul to him yet I didn't get any response back.

No letters.

He didn't even talk to me right away.

He kept taking.

He kept giving me hope.

Until that day...

That one day...I first shed actual tears.

[Flashback]

I kept going in circles killing some time before heading to my class. It's the last quarter of 8th grade and its supposedly the last quarter we're all suppose to take seriously. Even though a few weeks had passed since my failed romantic gesture, I still can't erase the thought.

I wasn't the talk of the town since I wasn't even that popular to begin. I stopped giving Jiyong letters after all I didn't want to bother him anymore. I had the opportunity to talk to him once, but it all came awkward that in the end, I knew it was a no go.

After that talk, I decided to give up. I gave him my last note and as far as I remember it sounds like a resignation letter.

Did I do it for him to pity me? Hell no! Although I felt pained writing it and take note I literally cried writing it.

Who would have thought a fourteen year old would act like that.

Young, naive said to be in love.

"Hey," I looked up and found him right in front of me. I wasn't prepared for this. Heck is my makeup okay? Wait I don't even wear makeup.

"Hey," I uttered nervously.

"Can we talk?" Jiyong asked making me nod.

Slow, I was taking this slow hoping to take my time with him. He was right next to me walking beside me. I felt my heart burst in joy. I don't know but my heart was beating unusual. Is this love?

"So..." he muttered unsure. Is he speechless? Like me?

"So..." I repeated. "What's up."

"Look," he stopped making me do the same. I turned to him and there he looked at me unsure again but his eyes. They weren't glowing or happy. They were unsure and scared. Am I scaring him? "Dara, I'd like us to be just friends."

Those were it... the words I was scared to hear.

I wasn't prepared. Hell, I didn't even get myself prepared for times like this.

"You're a great girl and all, but I just want us to be friends," he went on. "Is that okay?"

"Oh yea," I felt my hands tightened into a fist hoping to hold whatever emotion I was feeling inside. I wasn't going to cry right in front of him. "Yes, friends definitely works. I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Jiyong faintly smiled.

"Is that all?" I wanted to escape. I wanted to leave and hope he won't see these damn tears I'm ready to shed. I was going to cry here in school.

"Yea," he murmured.

"Okay, well I'll get going then," I said giving him the possible smile I can give. Unsure where to go, I just went wherever my feet would take me. I ended up going to my best friend's first class.

"Are you okay?" Bom asked worried.

"He just wanted to be friends Bommah," I uttered through my tears. "He talked to me and told me that. He just wanted to be friends."

"I'm sorry Dara," she hugged me right away comforting me like any friend would do.

It wasn't even a breakup yet it felt like one. Is that how it feels to breakup?

No it wasn't even a breakup.

It was a rejection.

A rejection I will never forget.

It hurts so much, that I just wanted to run.

Run to possibly far far away place where I will no longer see him.

If a girl can handle a breakup then how can a girl handle a rejection.

I wasn't given a chances. Instead I was rejected meaning there's no chance given at all.

[end of Flashback]

"Tell me you're not thinking about that again," I looked up and found Bom looking at me angrily.

"Am not," I sat up straight from my chair and tried to gather my work.

"You my friend cannot lie," she sat down on the chair across from me. "You should go out more and meet people Dara. It's been what years since that happened. Just let it go."

"I am over it unnie," I glared at her. "I was just in business thougths."

"Business thoughts my ," Bom exclaimed. "Kwon Jiyong is a jerk period!"

"Unnie," I shook my head.

"Come on let's just get you some food," she got up. "You do know its lunch time."

"Is it?" I looked at my watch and indeed time flew by. This whole reminiscing thing is sure taking my work time.

"Good Lord," she looked at me stunned. "You've been reminiscing about your whole Jiyong fiasco thing since this morning? Did you even get any work done?"

Work? Did I even think about work today? I looked at my desk and not one thing was touch. !

"Come on let's get food in your system maybe you'll function a lot better," she insisted and I didn't even decline.

-

Of course she'd pick a place where it's pasta. Bom loves anything pasta even though she insisted it's for me. She always talks about how I'm thin and all. I do eat like a pig, its just I have a hard time gaining weight.

"Do you think he's married?" I asked.

Bom brought her glass of water down and looked at me suspiciously.

"I'm just curious," I said. "I mean its been years."

"Are you still hoping you'll have a chance with him?" she asked.

"No," I uttered nervous even though a tinge of hope still clings inside me. I mean a part of me thought he's my soulmate.

"Look Dara," she looked at me seriously. "If you two are really meant to be then it'll come. But as a friend, I want you to find your own happiness. Stop dwelling on the past and just move on. Kwon Jiyong had probably moved on and who knows what he's doing. But you need to go out and see other people."

"I just..." I was cut off as our waiter stood beside us and there he was holding a bouquet of roses.

"Yes?" Bom asked the waiter.

"Ms. Dara-ssi?" he said unsure.

"Yes that's me," I said raising a hand.

"Someone wanted to give you these," he handed me the flowers.

"From who?" I asked looking around the restaurant.

"He didn't say his name," he answered. "I was just ordered to hand it to you."

"Oh?" I looked at unnie stunned.

"Someone got an admirer," she teases making me glare. Once the waiter left, I looked at the flowers and there was a note tucked not too deep from the top.

"There's a note," I whispered to unnie.

"Read it," Bom insisted.

I pulled the note out and placed the flower on the table. I roamed my eyes one more time around the area and still no one looked suspicious.

I looked at the note in front of me and slowly unfolded it.

The scent was familiar, but I couldn't remember where it was from.

To My Sandara,

It has been long, since I've seen you. You haven't change one bit from the day I got my first glimpse of your face. You still remain beautiful, ageless as time goes by. You looked the same ten years ago.

Yes, Dara you've seen me. I'm not really a secret if you would just think back. I'll give you a clue. It was the jerk who caused you pain. I broke your heart at the age of fourteen. It wasn't my intention. I wanted to tell you the truth, but as a kid, I didn't know how to put them in words.

You notes, there's another clue had me thinking at the young age that maybe I do have feelings for you, but I was young and naive. I didn't know what love was until it was all too late.

I watched you through high school until our very last day where we had to part ways. I knew how sad and pained you were from the rejection I made. I didn't want to do it, but I didn't see my worth during that year. I didn't know what my worth was to you, until the very last note you've given me.

But like I said, we were young and I wasn't sure I was ready. And with my action, I fully regret it, but what can we do. Even though I want to go back and change what I said, I know I can't. And so I let faith do its work. I waited and waited.

Until I found you. As I said, you haven't change one bit. You still look beautiful.

And now...

I am taking my chances. I'm taking my chance to pour my heart out to you. I want you to know what I truly feel for you.

Ten years of not seeing your face, was a struggle. I didn't enjoy much of my college years since there was no you. I carried with me the letters you've written and I kept reading them hoping that they'd bring me close to you again. Yes Dara I still have them.

I treasured them like a piece of gold. Carried them wherever I go in hope that one day it'll lead me back to you. And now that I've found you, I'm taking the risk.

Even if you reject me, I'll keep on asking. I'll keep on trying hoping to capture your heart once again.

And when I do capture your heart, I'd make sure to love and cherish it for the rest of my life. I want to be with you Dara. You're my forever. You're the only girl I have truly love even from the past.

Since I didn't get a chance to tell you that back then, I'm telling you now.

I love you Sandara Park.

I love you.

Always and Truly Yours,

Kwon Jiyong

The tears in my eyes wouldn't stop. I don't know exactly where it came from, but it kept pouring. I felt so many emotions like I was going to have a mental breakdown in this restaurant.

"Are you okay?" I heard unnie ask. I looked at her and nod happily. There was no trace of regret or pain in me. I felt liberated and loved.

"He's here unnie," I said looking around the place. "He's here somewhere."

I got up from my seat and looked around. I didn't care if I looked crazy. I just had to find him.

I ignored Bom's calls and the waiters I just know I had to find him.

"Is there a problem here Miss?" I stiffened hearing such familiar voice. Slowly, I turned around and there he was standing there grinning like a fool.

It was the familiar grin, the grin I truly missed.

If he looked handsome back then well I take that back.

He looked breathtakingly beautiful now. He's a lot more matured and handsome.

And did I say hot?

Well he is, in his casual suit.

"No," I was able to say. He took a step forward and I did too.

And more steps until the gap between us were small. I could feel his minty breath. And I could see his sparkling eyes. The eyes I truly miss.

"Are you sure?" he asked making me nod again. "Because if there is something wrong, maybe I can ask you to step into my office and talk about it."

"No...it's fine," I mumbled. I probably look like a fool.

"How about some coffee?" Jiyong asked making me smile. "Would you consider having coffee with me?"

"Sure," I answered quite too fast and happily. "I mean yes I'd love to."

"Would you be offended if I do this," he closed in our gap and next thing I know I felt his hands on my cheeks. My eyes never left his as he move his face closer.

Until I felt his lips. His soft lips I've been dying to know.

My eyes closes and there I felt healed.

And most of all complete.

"No," I whispered. "Not offended at all..."

"I miss you," I heard him say making me smile.

"I miss you too," I opened my eyes and there it went straight to his.

"How about we start over?" he asked making me grin. "And this time, I'll do the asking."

"What is your question?" I asked making him smirk.

"Will you marry me?" Jiyong said so calmly.

"What?" I mumbled. I knew I heard it right.

"You heard me," he said like it was normal.

"Aren't you at least going to take me out on a date?" I exclaimed making him laugh. "Court me and ask for my hand properly?! Boy you move so fast."

"Do you really want all those?" Jiyong looked at me teasingly.

"I..." I bit my lips hoping not to let out a smile. "I don't. But you're not even ready!"

"Who said I wasn't ready?" somehow he was able to whip out a ring. My eyes widen seeing the ring in his hand. And gently he got down on one knee and took my left hand.

"Sandara Park," he sweetly uttered my name. His eyes were looking directly at me. It was the same eyes that looked at me ten years ago. The sincerity was in there and most of all I felt the love in his eyes. He longs, adores and loves me. "Will you marry?"

"I'm not an easy girl you know," I teased making the guy nod agreeing. "But If I say no, I know I'd regret it. So yes, Jiyong I'll marry you!"

He quickly slip the ring in my finger and got back up on his feet. He then cupped my cheeks with his hand and crashed his lips once again on mine.

And this time I didn't stop him.

I didn't care.

After all, my own stupidity ten years ago brought me back to the arms I only wanted to be in.

Maybe my secret admirer note didn't fail at all.

Maybe it's faith to mess up.

Look at what I got in the end.

I have him. ;)

The End

--------

Author's Note:

So has anyone done anything crazy back then to get your crush's attention? 75% of this oneshot is inspired by my past. Yes, back in 8th grade I wrote a secret admirer letter to my crush. And like Dara here, I had typed mine in pink, 12 times new roman font and printed it in a 8X11 inches of printer paper. What can I say, I am well upgraded in technology! Not only that, but I got caught since I had included my locker number in my letter. What a ?! Right?! But I was young and naive back then lol so I didn't really think things well.

The other 25% didn't happen, the ten years after. I haven't seen him since we graduated high school. I am well informed though that he's in the navy. And that's all I know...so don't push it. Hahahaha. But the rejection was indeed painful during those times for me. I did continued to write him a note back then and gave it to him personally. I'm curious though if he kept it or shared it with his friends. I hope not! Ahahahaha But lesson learned! Don't put any identity if it's supposed to be a secret admirer letter. LOL

Anyway, I had thought about this for awhile whether to write this, but it won't hurt to share right? So here yah go! And since this is adapted to DG, I had to give them a happy ending. I haven't really found my happy ending, but I know someday I'll get there. I just hope it'll come by fast! ;) Thank you all for reading! I hope this somewhat made you laugh and giddy as well. Can you imagine me doing this back then? I surely did! Ahahahaha

Thanks in advance for reading! Hope to see you all in the next oneshot!

Lotsa Love,

Seungska!