The pouring rain isn’t helping my mood any, I’ve been a bit down since the last letter and the fact that I’m still at practice with the guys.

“Onew-Hyung come on!” Taemin says excited to start practicing again while pulling me up.

Getting in my starting position I nod my head for them to start the music, running through the dances over and over, singing our part over and over, when I want to be reading the letter Soon-Kyu have sent me over and over instead is making me a bit grumpy.

“Hyung, maybe you shouldn’t be so focused on the letters.” Minho says looking at me concernedly. “We’re worried; you only ever seem to read them again and again.”

Jonghyun nods his head. “Take a little break maybe?”

Letting out a frustrated grunt Key speaks up. “My guess is Soon-Kyu is putting a time where some of the letters will be right?” He says looking at me. “It’s something Soon-Kyu would do.”

After a knock comes from the door and a black envelope slips under it, all of us staring at it before running out into the hall to see who it was, looking in both directions the carrier’s disappeared.

“She’s good.” Taemin says as we all sit down in a circle, them staring at me as I carefully rip the envelope open.

Sighing I unfold the paper delicately so much more aware of my actions with my band mates here to watch.

Dear Onew,

                Through out our relationship we’ve both given so much to each other, time, effort, love and trust. I know we’ve been dating for quite some time, four years around about. That’s a long time, I suppose, of course to me it only felt like a blink of an eye. Of course Onew through it all we’ve overcome everything…

A year into dating you took me to the swing set, the nervous swing set, our first ‘I love you’, and where you gave me our couple rings. We made it through our first year of our relationship, getting to know each other and, falling in love… Onew that night was magical much like all the time I got to spend with you.

Reason Fifty Six: After a year you gave me our Couple Rings

Course if you look through our photo albums, you’ll quickly see all the memories we’ve made. At the same time they help you remember everything that’s ever happened in our relationship, all the times we were laughing, kissing, embracing and talking, but of course there is a flip side to them; the fighting was unbearable, the two of us spitting our words we know that will hurt not only the other but ourselves. I do regret all the horrible things I’ve ever thought or said, and I apologize for them profusely. I do however am extremely happy at all the recollections we have, good or bad.

Reason Fifty Seven: All the memories

I used to be so negative, I didn’t believe there was any good in people, that we were all abundantly selfish, and didn’t care about the others around us unless it benefited us directly. You showed me that not everyone is like what I had thought. People can help just for the sake of helping, you went out of your way to help me no matter what, and I did the same for you, even if you didn’t know.

Reason Fifty Eight: A positive outlook on life

During our walks we took when both of us had time and wanted to get away from all the stress of  our lives, you always gave me your hand to hold while walking, your arm around me when it was cold out, sharing your warmth during the winter. I always liked cuddling closer to you, not just because I was cold, but because I liked being in your arms it gave me a sense of security, shielded me from the problems of the world if only just for a second.

Reason Fifty Nine: Your warmth during winter

Now Onew, please don’t get too upset with this next reason…

You always paid attention to me, made sure I was happy. Always. If you ever noticed something was off with me you’d ask me about it politely, never forcefully, and I appreciated that. You’d talk to me lovingly to be sure I’d calm down, took the time to tell me that you care about me and what I feel, my dreams, aspirations and our relationship, you’re always so opened with what we had, and I love it.

Reason Sixty: Your time, attention and ‘love’

The next letter will be the place you picked me up from after you told me… 4 o’clock sharp.

Soon-Kyu <3

Setting the letter down I stare at it, she’s still questioning my love for her… “Soon-Kyu.” I mutter feeling tears sting at my eyes.

“Onew, what’s the matter?” Jonghyun asks rubbing my back.

Looking at them I swallow the lump that had gathered in my throat. “The next letter is at the bus stop I picked her up from after I told her about Sang Hee.” I mutter the last part feeling the pain strike my heart at the thought that I betrayed Soon-Kyu’s trust, and for what? A shallow girl’s approval, her looks? Soon-Kyu. “She’s questioning my love for her; she has been for a few letters now.” I admit looking down ashamed at my actions.

Taemin’s the first to speak. “Well, obviously she believes in some part of her that you love her or she would have stopped the letters.” He says quietly.

Looking at him I smile a little, better than nothing, quickly finding the list I’ve written down all of my reasons I add my next five.

Reason Fifty Six: The way you’d playfully mess with my hair

Reason Fifty Seven: How careful you are not to disturb me when I’m sleeping

Reason Fifty Eight: The fact you came back to me after I told you about Sang Hee

Reason Fifty Nine: You still looked at me the same way

Reason Sixty: Letting me prove to you my love

I revealed the break-up reason (: I thought about putting it off until the next chapter, but this way you all know now. I know the work up was like he did this bad thing, and oh he cheated. I mean cheating is bad but I don't know if the reason matches to the work up. I hinted with the betraying things and what not, at least I thought I did. ha-ha....

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