Jaejoong

“Ya! Let me go!” I shouted as I unraveled his grip on my arm. The moment I saw the face of my abductor, my heart jumped.

“Jaejoong-ah.”

Urgh. This guy again. Why does he like appearing in front of me like this? What does he want this time? I sighed in defeat as I looked up at the peach tree standing beside us.

“What do you need?” I asked and looked at him. At first he said nothing. He just stared at me for a very long time which is really annoying. I scratched the back of my head and repeated what I just said. “What? Are you playing with me right now? Why aren’t you talking? I said talk!”

“I miss you.” Great, he finally talked. How many times had he said that to me?

“Yunho-ah, why do you keep on annoying me? Do you like it that much? Do you really want me to get mad and kick your ? Stop missing me when you see me every day in school!” I sighed, “I’m leaving. I don’t want to be late in my first class.” When I was about to leave, he suddenly grabbed my wrist. This is another thing that I hate most about him. He holds my wrist very tight, it was hurting me.

“I have something for you.” He said and placed something on my hand. I looked down my hand and found a tiny box. “Please accept it.” He opened it for me and slowly gazed at me only to see an angry expression on my face. He lets go of my hand.

“Why are you giving this to me?” Inside the box was a necklace with a letter J pendant in sterling silver.

“I love you, Jae.”

I thought I heard it wrong. “What?” I questioned while stammering.

“I said I love you. I’m in love with you. I never stopped loving you.”

“Oh,” I grabbed the necklace out from the tiny box while letting the box fall on the ground. I showed him the necklace and put an evil smirk on my face. I promised to myself that I won’t fall for him again. “So, that’s why you’re giving me this necklace? A sign of love?” I scoffed.

“Yes.”

“Too bad I don’t feel the same way anymore. Yunho, you’re nothing to me anymore. Well, actually, you’re just a memory for me. A memory that I’m ready to throw away anytime and anywhere. So, why would I keep this necklace as a sign of love when I don’t even love you? Just take this with you, Yunho, here.” I handed him back the necklace but he just stared at it and then back to me. Obviously, his eyes were filled with tears but it looked as if he was trying to hold them back so nothing would fall. I clenched my right fist while keeping a fierce expression.

“What? You’re not taking it? Oh well, if you won’t then I’ll just throw it myself. How about that?” I threatened him. Of course, I wouldn’t want to throw something precious and expensive like a necklace. But if I had to, just to get this man out of my sight, then I’ll do it. “You choose, Yunho. Are you going to take this necklace with you or do I have to throw it away where you can’t see it?” I finished.

Yunho didn’t speak a word and just stared at me. He’s really serious. After a minute of silence, he spoke. “You can do whatever you want. It’s yours. I gave it to you.” He looked at me with teary but manly eyes.

I need to be strong. I shouldn’t get carried away. When I looked deeply into his eyes, I was as if fallen in love with him again. I get affected so much. No Jae, this is not happening. You should just walk away! I said to myself. “You really don’t want this? Fine!” I threw the necklace on the ground and ran fast.

When I reached the faucets at the back of the gym, I started crying. I had mixed emotions. I don’t know what else to do so I cried and cried. “Jae, stop this. You shouldn’t get affected anymore. You’re over with him. You moved on.” But as I said this, I cried harder. “Why? Why can’t I get him off of my mind?  Why can’t I remove him from my heart?” I said in a whisper. I knelt down slowly and put my hands over my face and started whimpering.

Do I still love him that much? It’s been a long time.

* * *

The bell rang immediately after I get a hold of myself. Good thing my eyes weren’t red anymore or else, I wouldn’t go to my class. When I entered, I force myself not to look at Yunho or even glance at him. I sat on my chair where he seated at my back.

Today, I’ve been sighing time to time. I was stretching my shoulders when Yoochun approached me. “Hey, haven’t seen you all morning. Where’d you go?”

“Oh, I was late. Sorry about that. I should’ve texted you earlier.” I said in an obvious lie.

“No, don’t worry about that. We were just a little worried about you. You were always early.” He said. It was a bit awkward because he was glancing at Yunho and I have a feeling that Yunho’s staring back.

“Hehe... I think I must always be late so all of you should be worried.” I drifted the conversation on the two of us to make the tension smaller. Yoochun stared at me scarily.

“Haha… I was just joking. You should get on your seat soon or you’ll get scolded again like before.” I was smiling at him and he obeyed me.

When the class started, I was feeling uneasy knowing that Yunho is staring at me at the back. It was really uncomfortable. The teacher started blabbering about the lesson while I was daydreaming. I was not specifically daydreaming but my mind is somewhere else. What does he mean? He loves me?

“Mr. Kim.” The teacher called me. “What is the story of Hamlet mainly about base on our discussion?”

“Uhmm…” Oh no! I didn’t even lend my ear on my teacher today. “Ma’am… I… Uhmm… I…” I sighed. “I don’t know ma’am.”

“Mr. Kim, stop daydreaming on my class and pay attention. This is not the right place where you can just dream and have your own world. This is one of your major subjects. This is not only for Mr. Kim but to all of you,” yet the teacher kept eyeing me. “Please listen attentively. Now, back to the question, who could answer it?” The other students raised their hands. I looked at the back glancing at Yunho but didn’t look at him straight. This is his entire fault! Yes. All I could do was blame everything on him in my mind.

The class ended and Yoochun approached me again. “That was very unusual of you. What were you thinking?”

“That was nothing. I was just not in the mood.” I smiled faintly. I should stop thinking about him. “Where should we go after this?”

“Oh, haven’t I told you that I will be taking extra classes this semester?”

“Uhmm… Okay. I’ll see on lunch then.” I smiled and left the classroom alone. I looked back at the classroom and good thing there is no sign of Yunho.

My second subject this day is still after lunch. What should I do today? Yoochun’s taking an extra subject this semester so I won’t be seeing him until lunch. *Sigh* Then I decided to take a trip on the campus. I went first on the hallway near the faculty room. The staff’s pictures were posted there. I smiled vigorously while I was staring at their faces. Their smiles was somewhat forced then I strolled down the buildings and I saw things that I haven’t seen before. That was kind of interesting.

After strolling on the buildings, I decided to stay on the library. I still got three hours before lunch and it’s a big hassle to take off somewhere outside school. I am a really good book reader so I always go here whenever I want to be alone even when I was in high school. I was looking at the shelves when I saw a very familiar book. It was a book similar to the book I gave to Yunho when we were still in high school. It was entitled Space Odyssey. I remembered he was so happy when I gave it to him. I can’t remember how many times he thanked me for that book. He said that he was so glad that I was his best friend. I felt sadness all over me and I felt sorry when I remembered those days. I shouldn’t be remembering those times. Those are cursed days! You shouldn’t be sorry for what you have done. That was the right decision. You saved yourself from getting hurt.

I stopped thinking about what happened in the past and then I continued on looking at the books on the shelves. When I got tired, I picked the book that I read about four or five times then I sat at a table near the window. I loved that spot. The wind was fresh because the library is located near the garden. It is really refreshing to sit there while reading a book. I picked up my phone and texted Yoochun, “Hey, if ever you’re done with your class…I’m just in the library.” Then I attached my earphone and played music. I laid my head on my arms and closed my eyes. The song was really calming. I was feeling sleepy and then without even realizing, I drifted to sleep.

Yoochun woke me up. “Hey Jae, how long have you been sleeping here?” he said with a smiley face.

“Uhh… I don’t know. I just felt sleepy and then I didn’t know that I drifted to sleep.” I brushed my face with my hands then I turned to Yoochun who is sitting beside me. “Is your class already done?”

“Yeah, my class ends at 11:30.”

“Hmmm…” I said nodding while looking at my watch. “Should we go now? I’m a little hungry.”

“Hahaha… Yeah, I’m hungry too.”

* * *

Yoochun and I were on our way home. As usual, he’s the one who drives. Actually, I told him that I wanted to drive even for once using his car, he never let me though. I made countless of cute begs over him but I failed with that. I bet his afraid I in driving just like my mom.

He’s definitely wrong though.

“So, uh, we should go somewhere and hang out.” I said out of nowhere. This gave Yoochun an unbelievable expression. He stared at me. I thought that what I just said was humiliating. “Watch the road. I don’t want to get in an accident, Yoochun.”

“Oh,” he went back to driving while lending his ear to me. “What was that you said again?”

“I said I want to drink soju. Let’s drink soju and eat noodles.” I said.

He laughed. “You’re inviting me to drink and eat outside? Wow, this is the very first time you’ve ever said that to me.” See? He can’t believe it. If he only knows my current situation right now, he’d go wild and punch that Yunho’s face or maybe my face for being troubled because of Yunho. Yunho is just a memory, I say. Yoochun is the present and the future. If I have to forget about Yunho then I should try Yoochun because maybe he’s the one gift from God who can help me move on since his sister, Yoora, is just useless.

Sad to say, but yes. How I wish I could break up with Yoora right now.

“I have something important to tell you, that’s why I’m inviting you out.” I clarified. Yoochun chuckled again while nodding his head like five times.

I mentioned Yoora right? On my mind? Well, speaking of Yoora… We had a short chat and I kind of agreed a first date with her today.

“I change my mind!” I shouted all of the sudden. Yoochun stopped the car and then other cars began screeching. I bit my lower lip and look at Yoochun with puppy eyes. “Maybe we’ll do that some other time? I forgot that I have a date with Yoora, right now.”

Yoochun sighed and looked away. Right, sister’s first before you.

“Okay,” he said.

“You don’t mind if I break up with her right?” I asked, my cheeks turning red. My whole body shivering and waiting to hear his reaction.

“I would be glad.” He said. My eyes widened in surprise. “I mean, I would be glad to punch your face if you hurt her.”

“Oh… So, I can’t break up with her?”

“Of course you can! Just--- don’t let me know.”

“Huh?” He’s making me confuse. “But I already told you.”

“Where are you two meeting?” He asked, changing the topic. I had a feeling that maybe he dislikes his own sister just as much as I do. If that is so, then hooray for me!

Jaejoong= 1. Yoora= 0

“Coffee shop.” I replied sarcastically.

“What are you going to do in that first date?”

“Drink coffee.”

Then both of us fell silent. He probably thinks that this is cheapest first date ever. Well, Yoora is unlucky to be my girlfriend. I’m cheap.

* * *

“Sorry I’m late,” I took my seat gently and smiled at her disappointed expression. “I said I was sorry. Why are you still mad?”

“You weren’t answering my calls.” Yoora said in a brittle voice. Who cares? I was about to explain to her that my phone is on silent mode but I changed my mind. This is a perfect chance to discourage her and instead make her break up with me.

“I wasn’t in the mood to talk so I just ignored it.”

“Just like that? How could you? You should have answered my call and told me than making me worry why you’re not answering you’re phone.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“Who wouldn’t be? I’m your girlfriend? What if you were hooking up with other girls behind my back?”

“Am I?” I questioned in a firm and deep voice, my eyes glaring at her. Now, it’s up to her to walk away from me or else… I’d do it myself.

“What? Are you mad with me now?!” This fierce girl. She must be adopted. Yoochun and Yoora are so… different from each other. To be honest, Yoochun is way better because he’s a gentleman.

“If you don’t like me, let’s just break up.” I finally said.

That wasn’t hard, right?

“What? But… but… this is our first date!” She whined.

“Who cares?”

“Ya! Kim Jaejoong!”

“What do you want from me? Seriously!” I sighed.

“W-What did you just say?” She must be overloaded with pain now. God, I suddenly feel guilty. BUT I SHOULDN’T! I shouldn’t be, right? I scratched the back of my head and suddenly it seemed like the world stopped moving. That’s when I saw HIM.

“I’d like one bottle of water please,” that gentle voice I hear. Those eyes once again met my gaze. I feel like melting…

“Jaejoong-oppa, why are you doing this to me?” Yoora cut in and I stopped envisioning. 

“Huh?” I looked at Yoora.

“Why are you breaking up with me? We’ve only started dating and now you say we’re breaking up?”

Yunho can’t hear this, right?

I laughed.

“What? Why are you laughing?” Yoora pouted. That annoying lips of hers, I will never kiss it. Not now, not in the future. I will never kiss a girl!

“Oh Yoora, you’re so cute.” I said, as loud as I can, hoping that Yunho would hear how much I love my girlfriend. Soon to be ex-girlfriend.

“I am?” Even Yoora’s falling for it.

I watched Yunho from the corner of my eye looking down with the bottle of water on his bare hands. I almost got caught stealing glances at him, but luckily he didn’t. A few seconds later, he stepped out of the shop.

I groaned. “You are cute, Yoora. However,” I met Yoora’s teary eyes, “I don’t have any feelings for you. I don’t love you. To me, you’re just a friend and a little sister. You’re just Yoochun’s little sister. I courted you because of Changmin. Aish, that Changmin. This is his entire fault. Get mad at him for starting that spin the bottle thing and telling everyone that the dare is to court you and date you. I can’t even do that for a week. No offence, but… I’m not ready to be in a relationship especially with someone whom I treat as a little sister. Yoora, you are pre-”

SLAP!

Ouch.

But, wow. This is the first time that I received a blow by a girl on my precious white cheeks.

“Shut up. We’re over. I hate you.” Yoora said and quickly walked out.

Well, that was fast. “Shut up. We’re over. I hate you.” I imitated her like a child. “Aish! She’s making me look as if I’m the one dumped here. How embarrassing.”

When I left the shop, I encountered the most irritating man in the world. Instead of saying ‘hey, it’s you again’, I remained silent and poker faced.

“Let’s talk.” Yunho said.

“Aren’t you talking now?” I said harshly.

“Fine. Tell me, Jae. Why are you being like this with me? ”

“Oh, are you affected?” I faked a smile and began walking. He followed me behind.

“The letter I gave you years ago, what did you think about it when you read it?”

Although I had no idea what he was talking about, I still walked and walked while pondering.

“What letter?”

“The letter I asked your mom to give to you before I went to Germany.”  What is he talking about? I thought. Mom didn’t give me anything. Yunho never gave me anything. As far as I can remember, Yunho left me without anything.

“Didn’t you read it?” He asked over and over again, but I could not reply right away. It was like I was in a middle of a surprising event.

If he really gave a letter to mom, then it’s possible that mom forgot to give it to me. Whatever Yunho wrote there, I should not care. Absolutely not. “It was nothing to me. So, I threw it away.” That’s the spirit, Jaejoong!

“So, you didn’t read it?” He asked, disappointed.

“I didn’t.” I lied. “Why? What’s there to read about? Weren’t you just going to say goodbye?”

“What?” I looked at him. Boy, I was captivated by him for a second. He was too innocent looking. Seriously, I hate that face. “No.”

Well, if saying goodbye isn’t everything that he’d say on a letter… Then, what else?

“Yunho-ah. Just stop following me around. You and I can no longer be how we used to be before. Keep that on mind, will you? I don’t want to see you. I don’t care if we see each other in school, I just don’t want you approaching and talking to me. We’re just classmates or schoolmates from now on. Okay?” With that speech, I crossed the road and disappeared from his sight.

All night long, I couldn’t stop thinking about him. It had always been Yunho. No matter what I do to move on, his face would always pop in and scold me for trying to forget him. I know it’s ridiculous, but that’s how it goes anyway. I couldn’t even concentrate on my studies. Instead of learning how to solve this math problem, I ended up solving Yunho + Jaejoong= YunJae.

“Aish. I’m going crazy,” I went back on my bed and closed my eyes while wishing that I could stop imagining weird things between Yunho and I. However, I remembered the gift I was supposed to give him years ago. It’s still with me. I never threw it away or gave it away. I kept it underneath my bed in a box. I never let anyone come in my room, not even my mom, so I’m pretty sure it’s still there. I just don’t want to see it but hey, what am I thinking? Why am I thinking about that? I should not think about anything related to Yunho! What the heck am I doing? Ahh~ I must be crazy.

Relax, Jaejoong. I told myself.

The next morning, I was once again alone in the school ground excluding the security guards and the school staffs. Since I was too early, I decided to stay near my favorite tree. I sat on the grass and leaned my back on the tree, enjoying the breeze as I let my other hand fall. I abruptly had a nosy feeling when I touched something…familiar. Looking down, I squeezed that item and found out that it was the necklace Yunho gave to me. Or should I say the necklace that I myself threw away.

“This…”

* * *

After being dismissed from our last subject, Yoochun brought me to the nearest eatery. He mentioned about my invitation to him yesterday and about the break-up between me and Yoora. It was funny to think that he’s still friendly to me after breaking the heart of his younger sister.

“You said you want some soju, right?” He said, handing me one bottle of soju.

“Yeah, but I just want one glass of soju.” I laughed.

Yoochun then asked for two glasses from the sales lady and then we started drinking with a combination of chicken noodles. Yoochun talked about how Yoora barged in his apartment and lectured him about me. We laughed about that, but he felt sorry for her too. He just can’t help but be happy that I won’t be his brother-in-law.  I can’t even imagine that myself. Yoochun cracked some joke that made me laugh again. I’m glad I met him, this guy never failed to make me laugh even by just showing me his funny faces and he knows that.

“I’m funny, right? I have my specialty. Let’s just call it ‘Chunnie faces’” He said and then started laughing over and over again. We were so busy chatting, I even forgot about finishing my soju.

Glad to say, none of us got drunk. I guess we’re used to it.

“Do you remember when we first met?” He popped a question while drinking his soju in a very cute way.

 I stopped eating my noodles and thought about my first day in college. I had a shoulder-length hair since I always combed it and never cut it. I wasn’t planning to be a girl. I was just depressed over Yunho that time so I wanted my hair long because I thought it would make me stronger and manly looking. I was still undecided about my course until I bumped with Yoochun.

Yoochun is still the same until now. He had a charm that would always make me feel relax and safe. It was that moment when he unexpectedly said ‘I love you’ to me.

1… He stared at me. 2… Closer… 3… His mouth dropped open.

“I love you…” He said those three magical words in an unexpected time.

As I recall that funny moment, I couldn’t stop laughing.

Yoochun laughed as well. “It was funny right? I thought you were a girl and I was immediately captivated by your beauty. But when you said that you’re a guy, I was embarrassed of myself.”

“Haha! Oh, Yunho, you’re so funny!” I laughed. He stopped laughing.

And I was like, ‘Oh my God, did I just call him YUNHO?!’

“What?” I looked at Yoochun naively. 

“Did you just call me Yunho?”

“HAHAHA! That was a joke too! HAHAHA!” I laughed, although nothing’s funny. “I was just joking. Hey, you know how ridiculous it is just to mention Yunho’s name? God, he’s so fugly.” I cleared my throat, eager to change the topic. “So, did you finish the song you were composing?”

He just smiled. “I couldn’t finish it.” He answered.

“Why not?”

“I don’t have any idea how to end it. But don’t you worry… Someday, I’ll sing it to you.”

T-To me? Why would he? It’s just because of our strong friendship right? If yes, then why would he be leaning closer to me? Is he going to kiss me? Don’t tell me, he likes me?! I thought miserably.

Thankfully, he back away after getting startled by some loud cheers of high school girls somewhere. Both of us looked around until we agreed to follow those high school students running to where the cheers came from. Yoochun held my hand and then we watched two people performing some kind of showdown in front of so many youngsters. I noticed that the first performer was Choi Siwon, that famous basketball player in school. The following guy was… Jung Yunho.

He was dancing. The background music fitted his moves perfectly. I was afraid he was bewitching me intentionally, so I hurriedly left the crowd with Yoochun following behind me.

I only stopped when we were away from the crowded ground.

“What’s wrong?” Yoochun held my shoulder and turned me around to face him.

“I don’t like it. I don’t like the music. It was hurting my ears.” I lied and made a face at him. Behind him, I saw Yunho with Siwon behind him.

“Jaejoong-ah.” Yunho called my name.

“What do you want?” Yoochun blocked him from me and asked gravelly.

“Yoochun, let’s just go. We still have a lot of places to go to.” I invented a lie and grabbed Yoochun’s arm. However, Yunho pulled me away from Yoochun. “Let go of me, Yunho! If you have something to say, just say it!” I yelped. I sounded as if he was molesting me. It would be better if some policemen would take Yunho away from me though. Lucky me, I have Yoochun to help me get away from Yunho. This time, I am pretty sure that I really hate him to the utmost.

“Just leave, Yunho.” Yoochun told Yunho.

“Kim Jaejoong!” Yunho said my name loudly. The people around us even stopped and looked. “I want to officially court you.” When Yunho said those words, none of us could believe it.

It was just… unbelievable.

“Kim Jaejoong, I’m serious. I … I want to officially court you.” Yunho repeated.

“What?”