Yunho

"I'm sorry,

But I don't want to be a coward anymore."

Although there were several people passing by, all I could see was Jaejoong. My heart was racing... So loud, so fast. I felt like I could fall down on the ground anytime, by gravity. I was afraid that he'd walk away from me, or reject me by this moment. I have no idea why I said those words to him anyway, it just came out and those words are words I can never take back.

"You're crazy," Jaejoong mumbled. His hand slapped my face so hard, I felt like I was stabbed. ON MY FACE!

"Yes I am," I said quickly, my voice was hoarse. "Yes I am crazy. I am crazy in love with you!" With one dramatic glare at him, tears started to glitter in his eyes. I trembled.

"Show me then. Show me you're not lying. But don't expect me to be good to you like before, because that'll never happen again. We both know I changed. For me, you're just nobody. If you don't like that, then just walk away and forget that you said those...ridiculous stuffs earlier." He said.

I gulped. "I'm not just giving up easily. I will do anything for you. Anything."

"Let's see," he looked away, held Yoochun's hand and then I met his gaze. It was as if he's showing me that he's gotten over me. It was as if he's trying to make me feel jealous and regret.

"Go away." Yoochun told me in a gravelly voice, his eyes staring at me as if he's gonna kill me if I won’t leave. I thought that maybe these two people are really close, that it’s possible for Jaejoong to actually fall in love with Yoochun.

"Okay," was all I said as I turned my back from them, with a bewildered Siwon following after me. I told myself that tomorrow's the beginning. I will surprise Jaejoong.

When we were finally out of Yoochun and Jaejoong's sight, Siwon blocked my way and poked my nose lightly.

"Ya." He said, and slowly he began to laugh.

I ignored him, looking down on the ground, waiting for him to tease me for falling in love with a guy like me. 

"Are you gay?" He suddenly asked. I looked at him with big doe eyes.

"No."

He laughed again. "Don't lie. Come on. You asked to court him! HIM as in KIM JAEJOONG! The famous KIM JAEJOONG, with girls swooning over him." And more laugh. 

I cleared my throats and, well, I repeated, "I'm not gay. No one's gay. I just... like him like 'like'. There's nothing wrong with that."

"Are you telling me you're a fan?"

"A what?"

"A fan! Have you ever heard of that?"

I made a face. "Yeah I heard of that."

"So, you are a fan!"

"No I'm not? Come on. Let's just go," I ruffled his hair as if he's a kid, then continued walking. Siwon, acting like a gossip boy continued to interview me about Jaejoong. I managed to make him stop when I mentioned about his love life. 

"My love life?" Siwon laughed. I have no idea why, but I think I heard him laugh like, a hundred times today and it's kinda annoying. "Well, tomorrow is my monthsary with Aya! Kim Aya, Jaejoong's cousin. I really don't know why, but I'm so in love with her. Hey, can you come with me somewhere? I want to buy something for Aya."

Aya.

Right.

Jaejoong's cousin.

Jaejoong's pretend-to-be girlfriend.

I used to believe they're really together.

I can't even react right now.

But deep inside, I'm so shocked right now.

Why was Aya pretending to be Jaejoong's girlfriend? Or should I say, why was Jaejoong pretending to be Aya's boyfriend?

                                           o_______________________________________________________O

"Come on," Siwon grabbed my hand and dragged me into his desired shop full of toys.

"Does Aya like...toys?" I asked, watching Siwon picking up some Pokémon toys. 

"I have no idea." This guy is weird. 

I sighed and looked the other way. If Siwon's gonna shop for his girlfriend, then I might as well shop for Jaejoong.

Yeah, no matter how much I want to call him 'mine', I have to respect him and his thoughts too.

"But mommy I want that bulldog!" I heard a child whine to his mother, pointing at a bulldog doll. However, his mother kept on dragging him out the shop until they were out of sight. I went to see the bulldog doll the child was pointing at, and then, I remembered Jaejoong.

(Flashbacks)

"Yunho! Buy me something~ Buy me something. Please? My birthday is already coming and it's so damn near and no one in my family is even planning on giving me a gift!" With a pout, Jaejoong shoved me.

That was years ago, our high school years. He used to point at little key chains in a shop, cutely begging me to buy one for him.

"If you can’t buy this little keychain for me, then buy me a bulldog!" He joked.

"A what?" I laughed.

Going back to the past memories still makes me feel good. I have cherished our memories together, even now.

(End of Flashbacks)

"Ya Jung Yunho!" Siwon called me and showed me a doll that looked like a character from Pokémon. "He's Psyduck. Do you think Aya will be move into tears if I give this to her in our monthsary?"

I stared at Psyduck , let out a laugh, and then I put my hand over my mouth. "I don't think she will be move to tears if you buy her that," I cleared my throat and smiled, "she'll probably be very happy to see Psyduck." I said and tap his head with my hand.

"Y-Ya. Are you treating me like a child? Or, are you really becoming gay?"

"Aish. Just hurry up and buy that Psyduck so that I can go home." I walked out of the shop and waited outside underneath a big tree. "Why is he taking so long?"

"Oh it's you!" I turned around and meet this boy I've seen with Jaejoong before. He looked really surprised to see me. "It's you!" He repeated himself.

"Yeah, it's me." I simply said. Should I ask him where Jaejoong is? Hmm, I don't think so. A while ago Jaejoong was spending his time with Yoochun.

"I know you!" This guy really gets on my nerves. 

Perhaps, Jaejoong mentioned me to him since they're really close?

If Jaejoong did, is it something to appreciate or the other way?

"Hmm, what’s your name again?" He asked. "Jang Yu Hi?" 

I shook my head.

"Jang Yu Ha?"

Still not that. Is he joking? What did Jaejoong say to him?

"Eh? You're not either? I thought I heard it right."

"What did you hear?"

"I heard that someone made a scene earlier! They said that a guy confessed his love to Jaejoong hyung!"

Uh-oh. That sounds like me.

"So... What?" I asked, gulping.

"I just wanted to punch that gay's face, send him underwater and let him get eaten by sharks! He did wrong! He's ruining hyung's image! I really can't believe those kinds of people. So unbelievable. Ya, if you happen to know this Jang Yu Ha, let me know okay?"

"Eh?"

"Ahh~ you probably don't know me yet? I'm Shim Changmin!" He extends his hand to me but I just looked at it, still frozen. Not that I'm scared but if this guy is Jaejoong's friend, and he doesn't like it that I confessed my love to Jaejoong because it's ruining Jaejoong's image, then probably everyone does think the same way. What did I do? Am I really insane?

"I'm insane." I muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"I'm insane. Aish. I'm really insane!" There I go, muttering to myself again. 

"You don't like shaking hands? Ya I don't really wash the dishes so my hands are as soft as women’s hands!" Changmin shouted. "You insane guy. Aish, never mind. I'm leaving. I'm not in the mood because of you." And he walks away. Okay, don't come back.

"Aigoo. I'm really insane. Why am I being like this to a guy?" I sighed. "Maybe I need a psychologist?"

"Let's go Yunho! I've bought it!" Siwon returned with an ecstatic smile.

"Go ahead. I'll just go to a nearby clinic." I said and left.

"Clinic? Wait why? Are you hurt somewhere? Ya! Jung Yunho!"

* * *

"So it's like that. You know like in ... They usually exist on Anime or Manga, but... I think I'm experiencing this kind of mental disorder right now. Reality. Do you think... I'm crazy?"

"Get out." The psychologist said.

How disrespectful! "What did you say?"

"I said get out! I have no time to play with children's pranks! Now go away and don't come back again because I'm not in the mood!"

"What?! Not in the mood?" Why do I always hear that sentence? "Fine! I'm not in the mood too!"

Boom.

I shut the door.

And that psychologist even thought I was playing a prank on her. That old wench! Do I look like a joke to her? Aish Old ladies really, I just don't understand them.

Quickly, I jumped on my motorbike and started the engine. "Fine, if an old psychologist wench can't help me. I'll figure this out myself. Let's just pray that Jaejoong's real identity is really a girl so that it won't be so complicated."

* * *

Now in front of Jaejoong's house, my head began planning and loading. Its past dinner time, but I don't feel like eating unless I see Jaejoong's face. "Am I insane?" I keep asking myself. "Right. A man like me is swooning over a fellow guy. That's insane."

"YA ! SHIM CHANGMIN!!!"

I was startled. "Isn't that Jaejoong?" I caught a glance of his shadow on the window. Then a taller man's shadow arguing with him.

Shim Changmin? That name is familiar.

"I SAID THIS IS MY FOOD! I COOKED IT! You already have ramen, just eat that ramen!" I hear Jaejoong yelling.

"I want to try your shrimp too Jaejoong hyung!" The taller man said back.

Shim Changmin?

Why are they together?

Are they...spending the night together?

"No way." Without thinking twice, I stepped inside and knocked on the door. Once, Twice, Thrice, and the last one. Louder. "I- I have a delivery!" I said while waiting for the door to be opened.

"What delivery am I talking about?" I mumbled to myself. "I don't have any. Oh no."