Huge Lies and Big Regrets
Love The Way It Hurts
Donghae's P.O.V.
Huge lies and big regrets
All day Siwon had been giving me nothing but thoughtfulness. He prepared a delicious dinner for us with all my favorite foods. He even went to Imun Seolleongtang, which is almost an hour drive from our place, just to buy me my favorite soup. Him being sweet is just making it harder for me to say what happened.
Siwon is such a romantic person. He's the kind of guy who's willing to give everything to you. Someone who will take care of you every day. The kind of person every one dreams of marrying. He's loyal and faithful and he will let you feel that all the time. Siwon is someone who isn't capable of cheating. Not like me...
My heart beated so fast every time he asked me what happened in Mexico. I know it was a good chance to finally confess but I just can't. My heart was telling me to, but my brain protested. And my brain won.
I hate doing this to him. I feel like I'm crushing him without even knowing. When he kisses me, my whole body just wants to melt. It felt electrifying. Each of it made me feel how a terrible person I am.
I went to the gym this afternoon to keep my thoughts straight. To distract me. I learned that from Siwon. And it helped. When I work out, my body lets me think about the things that's bothering me. My thoughts seem clearer when I exercise. So, while at the gym, I made up my mind to finally tell Siwon. I decided to do it after the dinner at Leeteuk-hyung's house tonight. I just can't handle lying to him anymore.
While driving on the way there, Siwon suddenly held my hand. It almost made me cry. This meant so much to me. It's as if he was telling me that he's with me no matter, even without saying anything. I held it back with my two hands and hoped that he also gets my message. I wanted to tell him that I'm sorry and I love him so much. My eyes started to tear up so I looked away. I didn't want him to see me crying. Not yet.
When we got to Teukkie-hyung's place, Kyuhyun made a comment about me always being late. Then Siwon countered it with a sweet remark. Oh god... He just makes it harder and harder to tell. But I already made up my mind. All of this hiding is going to end tonight.
Eunhyuk suddenly came out of the kitchen serving food. He looked tired and restless. My heartbeat went fast again when I saw him. Seeing his face gave me a flashback of what happened. Then suddenly, I got more nervous.
I leaned close to Siwon then whispered, "I love you too, Siwon. Always". I wanted to assure him that he will always be the man in my heart. Whatever happens after tonight. He kissed me on cheek and it was enough to give me strength again.
While we were eating, I kept on catching Eunhyuk giving me looks as if he wanted to tell me something. It was so distracting but I tried my best to ignore it. What's wrong with him? What if Siwon notices him? He's gonna ruin everything. I checked Siwon's reaction but he seemed to be busy with his food. I wanted to shout at Hyuk and tell him to stop it but I knew better.
I asked Teukkie-hyung if he had some more gravy and he said yes. He got up to get it but I stopped and told him that I'll do it myself. I gave Eunhyuk a chance to talk to me. I know he would follow me in there.
So I took the gravy boat and went to the kitchen. As what I expected, Eunhyuk came in too. I turned around to face him. "What do you want, Hyuk? What's wrong with you?!" I said coldly. "I just really wanted to know if you've told him already 'cause if you didn't then I will". Ugh, stop it Hyuk. "No, Hyuk. Don't try to be a hero, okay? I can handle this myself". He shook his and said, "You don't understand Donghae. My conscience is killing me. I can't hide this anymore. It's so hard being in the same room with Siwon and not tell him". He was shaking. I have never seen Hyukkie like this before.
"Tell me what, Hyuk?!" A third voice suddenly said. My heart raced and I felt like all my blood went down. Eunhyuk and I turned to face the door. Siwon was standing in the middle of it. His fists were clenched and his eyes looked serious. I knew then that he had heard everything.
Eunhyuk and I exchanged a quick look then we both knew that we're in deep trouble.
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