Siwon's P.O.V. 
 

"S.O.S"

I did what I had to do. I did what I know what's best for us. I love Donghae, dearly. But our relationship has gone bad to worse. I have gone too far and lost control. So before taking another wrong move, I decided to set him free... 

I left Hae and didn't know where else to go. I got nowhere to run now. But I know the only person I know who can accept me regardless how heinous I am. Leeteuk-hyung.

I’ve done terrible things before Teuk-hyung never failed to make feel at ease. His warmth and father-like characteristics have a positive impact on me. Hyung is the only person who can talk me out of things when nobody else can.

I drove to Hyung's place, rushing to be rescued. I anxiously knocked on his door and luckily, he woke up. He opened the door and was surprised to see me standing on his front step. He was on his bathrobe and slippers. He read my expression then welcomed me in.

"What's the matter, Siwon?" He asked as we sat on his living room. "I did it, Hyung... I let Donghae go". I gave up and surrendered my emotions. I broke down to tears. I buried my face in my hands and weeped.

Hyung scooted next to me then patted my back. It was really comforting.

"You did the right thing, Siwon. I'm proud of you". I looked up at him and said, "Is it really, Hyung? Then why does this feel so wrong?" My tears flowing as I vent my feelings out. 

"It's hard, I know. But it will get better and make sense. Maybe not soon, but someday”.

He gave me a reassuring smile then hugged me. 

I spent the night in Hyung's place. He was more than willing to lend me his couch.

I got out first thing the next morning. He was still asleep so I just left him a note saying:  'I couldn't thank you enough for caring for me, Hyung. You are the best. I will see you in a few days'. 

I got back in my car and knew exactly where to go next. 

After a 20 minute drive, I parked at my usual spot. Still in the car, I stared at the house that I grew up in. I hope my parents are home. 

I rang the doorbell twice then after a few seconds my mother greeted me. "Siwonnie?". She caught my eye and she knew immediately something was wrong.

She came close to hug me and I buried my head on her shoulders. It's been such a long time since I got to hug her like this. Only my mother’s hug can tell me that everything’s going to be okay without even saying it. 

I went inside to my old room. And I was glad that it looked exactly how I remembered it. All my stuffs looked surprisingly clean and organized. I bet Omoni gets my room cleaned regularly. 

I went to bed then got myself a proper sleep. 

7p.m., Omoni came in to my room and woke me up. "Siwonnie, do you want to join us for dinner?" I just shook my head then went back to my slumber. My appetite for everything just faded. I didn’t feel like talking, eating, or even opening my eyes.

The pain is too much to handle. It took all my energy and passion. I felt like never leaving this room and shut the whole world before me. Without Donghae, my life is just meaningless. I felt like quitting all my projects and commitments.  Quit Super Junior... Quit life.  

In the dead of the night, a sudden urge to pee woke me from my sleep. So I got up and went to the bathroom. I finished my business then washed my hands. I gazed at my reflection. It’s alarming how one bad night can change the way I look. My hair looks greasy. My lips, dry. And my eyes were dark and puffy. But for the first time, I didn't care at all. What's the point of prepping myself up and looking good if Donghae won’t be able to look at me anymore... 

My stomach started rumbling so I went down to the kitchen and made myself a sandwich. While savoring on my midnight snack, the liquor bar of my father caught my attention. It lured me to come for it and grab a drink. I know need it. I need something to numb my mind. I need to get drunk.

So I took a bottle of Hennessey, a scotch glass then ran back upstairs. I settled on the big couch facing the huge window in my room. 

I finished three glasses of my drink and the magic of alcohol worked right away. My mind started to be distracted by random thoughts. Memories of Donghae were slowly fading. I wanted to keep them but I have to let go. 

Six glasses down then bad feeling came back. My head just couldn't get off track. All I think about was: Donghae, Donghae, and Donghae. I started crying again and looking at our pictures on my computer. Torturing myself by looking back on the happy moments I had with him. Then suddenly, an email popped up on my screen. 

Hey, Siwon. How are you? I haven't heard from you for so long. I send you messages but you never respond. Anyway, I'm coming back to Seoul in two days to visit my friends. I hope you can find time and meet up with me. Let's catch up over coffee or something... Looking forward to see you again!  
                                        
                                                                                                                                                    xoxo

                                                                                                                                                  -Stella