Siwon's P.O.V. 

Untie the knot 

I failed and lost control again tonight. I took advantage of my weak and fragile lover. I just couldn't stop myself when I'm angry... I hate this. I hate myself. How could I ever let this happen? 

When I got to our place and parked the car, I turned my head and checked for Donghae. His eyes were shut and he was snoring softly. My poor boy... How could I let myself hurt such a beautiful thing? 

I opened the backseat door and stared at his face. This guy is really handsome. His features are really charming. I'm truly lucky to be able to get loved by him.

I took him out slowly so I wouldn't wake him. I rode the elevator while carrying him on my arms. He stayed fast asleep all the way through and he just looked so adorable. It almost feels like I am cradling a baby. 

I gently placed him on the bed and put a blanket on top of him. Then I realized that I've too harsh on him these past few days. My little sweet Donghae never makes it to the bed himself because of crying. Because of me. 

What's wrong with me? How could I do such crazy things to him? He doesn't deserve all this horrendous acts. If I really don't want to lose Donghae then I should treat him better. Nobody does. I need change... I need it for good. I must learn how to trust him again. I know he loves me, and he will never betray me again. Tomorrow morning I will make it up to him. I will make feel loved again. I brushed the hair on his face. "I love you". 

The next day I woke up early to get us breakfast. I grabbed my cap and keys then headed to the porridge store. It was about twenty blocks away, but I really want to make Donghae happy, so I didn't mind. I got us two big bowls of porridge soup and fish chips.

I went back home and prepared the food. I was feeling so much lighter inside. I am ready to take care of Hae again. Be the prince that he wants me to be. 

I arranged the table with a white linen cloth on top and put fresh flowers on a vase that I picked from the bushes down stairs. Everything looked perfect so I decided to wake my sleeping Donghae up. 

I knocked twice then slowly opened the door. "Rise and shine, Fishy..." I got in and found the bed empty. I went to the bathroom but he wasn't there either. 

Where is he?! I walked out and checked the balcony but he wasn't there. I searched the whole apartment and didn't see any sign of Donghae. My heart raced and I began sweating 

I got my phone and called him. But then I heard a ring coming from the room and found his phone sitting on the side table. I started panicking. Where could he be?! Did he ran away and abandon me? No... He can't... He can't do this to me. My knees weakened so I sat down on the couch. I rested my head on my hands. Donghae... where are you? The thought of him running away from and losing him forever sent chills on my body. 

I shut my eyes and in the emotions to stop myself from crying. Should I call Leeteuk-hyung? Should I call the cops? I really don't know what to do. 

Suddenly, the front door opened then Donghae came in. Blood raced to my head and my mind went blank. I was relieved and furious at the same. 

"Where have you been?!" I shouted. "W-we ran out of milk so I went out and bought some", he said. "Do you know how much you scared me?!" I clenched my fists hard and tried not to come near him. His eyes went to the dining table and saw what I made for him. "I'm sorry, I thought you went to the gym, so I decided to---", he uttered. I swept everything on the table. The food and flowers scattered on the floor. "DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!" I screamed while pointing at him. "Siwon, I said I'm sorry". I grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him to the room. He lost balance and dropped the milk. 

"Stay in there! You're not leaving this room the whole day!" I pushed him then he tripped and fell on the bed. I shut the door and locked him in. He pounded the door and yelled, "Siwon! Siwon! Open the door, please! Don't do this to me!" I paused and took a deep breath. I grabbed my keys then left him. 

I went for a drive. I didn’t know where to go. I just didn't want to stay home. I was in a different mental state now. I felt bad that I snapped again on him. But... I don't know. I really didn't know what had gotten into me. 

My cell phone rang so I decided stop on a side street. "Yeboseyo?" I answered. "Siwonnie, this is Leeteuk-hyung. Where are you?" I looked out and didn't really know where I was. "Somewhere in Seoul, Hyung. Why?" I hope that didn't sound too stupid. "Are you free tonight? Let's go have dinner somewhere". I thought about it... I wonder what does hyung want. "Uhh. I think I am, Hyung. Where?" He hummed. "I'm not sure yet. Text you the details later". He's probably lonely again. "Alright, Hyung". And he said before I hung up, "Oh, and don't bring Hae with you". I bet he wouldn't be happy to come with me either. "Yes, Hyung. See you". 

The sun came down and it was time for dinner. Hyung asked me to go to some Sushi bar. So I thought about coming back home to change. But I just wanna leave Donghae alone now. So I just parked somewhere then wore the extra clothes I always bring with me in the car. A black and white baseball shirt and plain jeans. 

I walked in the restaurant and saw Hyung right away. Sungmin-hyung, Wookie and Kyuhyun sat next to him. I was surprised because I expected that it was just gonna be Hyung and I only. From the looks on their faces, I knew something was up. 

"Hey. What's this all about?" I said when I got to them. "Take a seat, Siwonnie", Hyung said while gesturing to the chair in front of me. I pulled it out and took a seat. 

"Siwon, we need to talk". I pursed my lips and nodded. "Where's Hae?" Wookie asked. "Uh, he's home now", I replied. "How is he?" Sungmin-hyung butted in. "He's fine". They looked at each other. "Siwon, we're concerned about Donghae..." Hyung leaned closer. "Yeah, we think that you're relationship with him isn't healthy anymore", Kyuhyun said abruptly. "Kyuhyun! I told you to take it slowly!"

They planned this. They're ganging up on me. They want to take Donghae away from me. I eyed Leeteuk-hyung. I didn't expect this from him. 

"So what do you guys want?" I said coldly. "Siwon, we just want to help Hae. And you as well", Wookie explained. "The way you're treating him is so wrong. We heard about what you did to the employees at SMent, Siwon. Things are really going overboard", Leeteuk-hyung said slowly. "And... I saw the bruises on Hae's arm the other day. I say that it looks pretty serious". Sungmin-hyung's eyes looked upset. 

"Donghae needs to be rescued, Wonnie", Kyuhyun blurted out. "You need to stop this relationship... before you destroy each other", Leeteuk-hyung declared.

I put my fist on the table. "First of all, you guys don't know a thing about us! Second, I don't think that's for you to decide, Hyung. We love each other and this relationship is between us only. He is mine and there's nothing you guys can do about it". They shifted uncomfortably on their chairs. "Siwon---", Leeteuk-hyung was about to say something then I stood up. "Looks like this dinner's over. Goodbye". I walked out and got back in the car. 

I feel angry. I feel hurt. And once again, I feel betrayed. Those things they said... It can be the truth but I'm afraid to face it. Does Donghae really need to be rescued from me? Is my love for him really going overboard? I need answers. I need to know how Donghae truly feels. Now, there's nowhere else to go, but home. 

I returned home and walked straight to the room. I unlocked the door and saw Donghae sitting on the corner of the floor sobbing while watching cartoons on TV. He got up when he saw me. He ran to my direction then gave me a big slap across the face. 

"How could you do that to me, Siwon?! How dare you lock me here all day?" I looked at him. His eyes all puffy and red. He must have been crying all day. "What?! Say something!" I remained silent. It pains my heart seeing him in this condition. He is clearly unhappy being with me. "You're crazy, Siwon!" He shouted then pushed me. I started to tear up. 

"I'm sorry, Hae". I held his arms. The bruises were still there. Haunting me with the horrible things I did to him. "You're sorry?! Sorry for what? Sorry for me? Sorry for abusing me? Sorry for what, Siwon?!" He was shouting at me like never before. "I'm sorry for everything, Donghae". He started crying. "I'm tired of forgiving you, Siwon..." 

"Are you tired of loving me?" He paused and looked down. "Answer me baby..." I reached for his hands. "I don't know, Siwon". He sat on the bed. "What do you mean you don't know?" I wiped his tears. "I just don't know". 

I kneeled in front of him. Placed my hands on his lap. "Tell me what you feel, Donghae. Do you still love me?" He raised his head to look at me. "Yes. but..." A tear rolled from my eye. "But what?" He looked down and shook his head. 

"These past few days, I look at the man I love, and tell myself that I have let him go". I took his hands and laid my face on it. "I don't want to make your life harder anymore". 

"What are you saying, Siwon?" We were both crying now. I forced the words out of me. "I'm letting you go, Hae". He didn't say anything and just cried harder. 

I stood up and whispered, "I will always love you, Lee Donghae". I kissed him on the forehead for the last time then headed to the door. 

I left him crying all on alone in a dark room. But this time I know he’ll be okay. He’ll be better off without me.