Siwon's P.O.V. 

Stuck 

I got to SMent this morning to meet up with a TV producer and talk about a new drama. Despite having a heavy heart, I figured that I should make myself busy. I need to be preoccupied and block all the negative thoughts. I should help myself stop being miserable. 

Stella has been bugging me with texts and calls since I woke up. I don’t intend on being cold to her. But what we did last night was too sudden. Too quick. I wanted to keep distance because I don’t want her to expect anything from me. I’m not ready for another relationship. I just broke with Donghae and I still love. Always have and always will. No one can ever change that.

Donghae is in my mind 24/7, I don't think it's healthy anymore. Every single part of me misses him. His contagious smile and soulful eyes... And his magnificent touch. The touch that does unnerving things to me... All little thing he does that I find so adorable. 

Since we broke up, I dare myself every day to confront him. I want to ask him to forget about everything and live happily again. I want him back in my arms and take care of him. If only all these things didn't happen. I wouldn't have to miss a day living with my precious Donghae. 

I've been skipping breakfast lately, since I don't have anybody to cook for or have breakfast with anymore. So today I arrived at SMent a little early than supposed. 

I was about to park my car when I saw Donghae, Eunhyuk and Leeteuk-hyung mingling. Hyuk was patting the top of Hae's head. It was just an awful scene. Heck, I used to do that to him! 

Rage came rushing through my veins. I felt a sudden urge to hit Hyuk. I bet that he wouldn't be able to get up for a two weeks if I do that now. If only Teuk-hyung wasn't around, I'd definitely take on Hyuk right then and there. 

So I tried to calm down my nerves and took a deep breath. I drove towards them on full speed. Then the screeching of the wheels made them jump. 

I counted to ten then got out of the car. I acknowledged Teuk-hyung with a nod then glared on Hyuk and Hae. Hyuk looked back at me but Hae put his head down and avoided my gaze. 

The meeting with the producers went well and we closed off a nice deal. I should be really happy now but not having Donghae by my side overcomes everything. 

Why were they acting like that? Is Donghae really dating Eunhyuk now? If so, then how far have they gone? Did they kiss already? Or probably... they have gone far beyond that?! Just the idea of it shakes my nerves. This is driving me nuts... I can't bear this. 

I got in my car and drove to the only place I can think of right now. While driving, I suddenly got a text from Stella.

 'Hey, Siwon. Why haven’t you been replying to texts? ☹ Are you free tonight? I'm so bored ㅠ_ㅠ’

Hmm... I thought. 'Meet me at Bliss. I'm on my way now'. Then I hit ‘Send’.

A group of young people crowded the small bar. All were in stylish clothes while I was wearing a very rugged look. I got my cap on, a plaid shirt and blue jeans. After two rounds of Gin and Tonic and 30 minutes of being alone in the bar, Stella finally arrived. 

"S-Siwonnie?" I looked up to her. Her face confused. Probably wondering what I was doing in a bar so early in the evening. 

"Sit. Drink with me, Stella". She frowned then pulled a bar stool next to me and sat. "What would you like to drink?" I asked without looking at her. 

"A frozen margarita would be nice", she said. I can tell that she's watching me from the corner of my eye. 

"Siwon, is there something wrong? You seem to be a little... troubled. Is there anything I can do?" Suddenly, her hand is on my arm. 

"Yes. Drink with me". My voice sounded cold. Then I ordered for another round of my drink.

Her smile disappeared. "Oh". She shifted on her chair awkwardly. 

"Siwon. Why don't we just ditch this place and go somewhere more... private. You shouldn't be drinking here. People will see you. And I don't think that this will be good for your image". 

"Stella. I just need you to get drunk with me. Be my drinking buddy tonight. If you're not okay with that then I suggest you leave now". 

She gasped. "Fine, then!" She grabbed her purse then stood up. "Have fun with yourself". Then the clic-clac of her heels were the last thing I heard from her. 

After four glasses of Gin & Tonic, three shots of Tequila and a bottle of soju. My head had gone dizzy. I can't handle this anymore... The alcohol and the heartbreak had taken its toll on me. I paid the bill then walked back to my car. 

This madness has got to stop. I must finish this tonight. Fix what needs to be fixed. So I made way to Donghae's place. 

I knocked on his front door. Anxious to embrace him in my arms again. Seconds later, a sleepy Donghae opened the door. Wearing only a white sleeveless shirt and boxers.

His eyes widened when he realized it was me. "Siwon... what are you doing here?" He's looking adorable and handsome as always. I missed him so much. 

I grabbed his arms then held his body close to me. I leaned down and kissed him. My lips possessing his. This is what I want. What I really need... Donghae is the one. 

He placed his hands on my chest then he pushed me back. I opened my eyes, shocked with his reaction. He's gasping for air and looked mad. 

"What are you doing?!" His voice sounded quiet. Too quiet. 

"Ending this madness, Hae. I can't take this anymore. I need you back, baby. Please... Let's stop this stupidity and forget about everything". I leaned for him again but he stepped back. 

"Donghae... Please". I offered him my hand. Take it, baby. Please... But he just looked at it in disbelief.

He shook his head and said, "No, Siwon. You're with Stella now. Our relationship is over". 

"No... No!" I took a step back in exasperation. "No. No, Donghae. Don't say that, please..." I took his hands and kissed them. 

"Don't do this, Siwon. Don't make this any harder for us". He pulled his hands away. I don't know what to do. I can't... I can't let this happen. 

I grabbed his arm and said, "I said no! We're not over, Donghae. And that's final!" 

"Let go of me, Siwon!" He shook his arm away. "Let go!" I released him then he pushed me back again. Harder this time.

"You're hella drunk, Siwon. Just please go home." He turned to shut the door but I stopped it with my hand. I dropped to my knees and took his hands. 

"I'm begging you, baby. Take me back. Please... Love me again." He looked down on me. His eyes teary and full of sorrow.

"I never stopped loving you, Siwon. But we need to do this". As he said those words, tears rolled down my face.

"Goodnight, Siwon. I'll see you at work." 

He removed his hands from mine. He reached for the door and shut it in front of me. 

No... He can't do this. I stood up tried to open the door. He locked it already. I pounded on it and screamed his name. "Donghae! Open this door! Please!" I said over and over. 

"Donghae!" I kicked the door hard. And there was still no answer. 

My head is spinning and my heart is in deep pain. I'm so dizzy... Suddenly, my body grew weak and I fell down on the floor. 

"Donghae..." I whispered his name before my world went completely dark.