Siwon's P.O.V. 

Finding Donghae 

I was sitting on the window seat while I watch the grey clouds of a September morning. From my view, I can see the whole city is having a gloomy morning as well. 

I took a sip from my coffee as I saw the old man from downstairs jogging with his dog. Lucky him, he still has someone to spend mornings like this. Not like me. Yeah, this is how I spend my mornings now. No more big plates of pancakes and bacons and eggs. And no more 'good morning' kisses and giggles... 

Oh, how I miss Donghae. It's been so long since we cuddled in bed and made love. I miss everything about him. 

I plan to talk to him today. I thought that if I really want to get back together and grow old with this guy, then I should I fight for him. As long as I'm alive and breathing, I will never give up on Donghae. 

I dialed his number and waited for him to answer. But all I got redirected to his voicemail. So I just left a message and asked him to meet up to with me at the rooftop of SMent. 

I finished my coffee then headed to the bathroom. I took a long hot shower to gather all my thoughts. Then after, I grabbed my razor from the counter then shaved. I haven't shaved in days and sideburns are starting to create a grey shadow on my face. And I don't want to look like a homeless man when I come and to talk to Hae. I want to look clean and handsome for him. Just how he remembered me from our happy days. 

I picked a plain white shirt and put on the leather jacket Donghae gave me last Christmas. I put on cologne, fixed my hair, and then headed out. I hope he got my message and decide to meet me. 

I got to SMent and went straight to the rooftop. I sat on a concrete pedestal and started praying for Donghae to show up. 

After an hour, I tried calling him again. But again, all I got was his voicemail. So I figured to text him.

'I'm here at the rooftop now. I'm waiting for you, love. I really need to talk you.' 

Three hours passed, and still Donghae no sign of Donghae. He must be pretty busy. I went down and looked for someone to ask about Donghae's schedule. Then I bumped into Leeteuk-hyung. 

"Siwonnie. What are you doing here?" He looked surprised to see me. Probably because I haven't been to work in days. 

"I... I was supposed to meet Donghae." I said in a stern but solemn voice.

His eyebrows shot up. And he carefully said, "Oh. I don't think he's coming in today. He's done recording his part already." 

"Is that so? Uhm, hyung, do you know if he has some other schedule today? A photo shoot or an interview perhaps?"

He shook his head. "Mmm... I don't really know, Siwon. Sorry."

"Oh... It's alright, Hyung. Thanks." I smiled at him then said goodbye. 

"Sure. See you around." 

I turned to leave but then Hyung called me up. "Siwon?" 

I faced him again and said, "Yes, hyung?" 

"Why are you looking for Donghae?" He narrowed his eyes then tilted his head to the left. Seems like Hyung already knows the answer but not certain about it.

I swallowed hard. "I want to talk to him."

"Are you trying to get back with him?" 

I looked away then back at him. "Yes. Yes, Hyung. I regret everything now. All that happened was my fault and I need to fix it." 

He nodded slowly. "Well... goodluck, Siwon. I hope you don't mess up this time." He smiled. 

I smiled back. "Thanks, Hyung. I gotta go." 

I went to his apartment next. I rung his doorbell multiple times but nobody answered me.

Donghae’s not home so he really must be on shoot or something. But where?

I went down to the lobby and saw the concierge. He looks like my last resort, so I walked over and talked to him.

"Good morning, sir. How may I help you?" The young boy looked up at me with a huge grin on his face.

"Hi. Do you happen to know where Mr. Lee is right now?" 

"Oh. My apologies, sir. But Mr. Lee does not inform me about his schedules." 

Of course, he doesn’t. It was foolish of me to even bother asking. "Oh. Right." 

"But I did see him this morning."

"You did?" He must’ve felt my desperation.

"Yes. He was wearing sporty attire. I think Mr. Lee might be going to the gym, sir." 

Gym? It's Saturday. Donghae never goes to the gym on weekends. There’s only one place Donghae would wear something like that aside from the gym. And I think I know where.

I looked back at the boy and smiled. "Thanks for your help."

"No problem, sir." 

I rushed to the door then got back in the car. I drove with speed hoping that the game isn’t over yet.

I parked right outside the thick vines and tall bushes towering the basketball court a few blocks away from SMent. I heard the squeaks of Donghae’s Jordan’s then my heart pounded with anticipation.

I ran to the entrance and my found him right away

He swerved to side, jumped, then scored. I watched him as he landed back on the ground then high fived Minho. 

Minho noticed me then exclaimed, "Hey, Siwon-hyung's here!"

Donghae turned to around. Then we were eye to eye.

My knees weakened. My eyes started watering. And my heart raced as he looks back at me. My world stopped and felt like we were the center of the universe.

He said something to Minho and his face softened. Then he started walking towards me. And suddenly, I was smiling. I just couldn’t hide my happiness from seeing Donghae again. His handsome face never fails to stun me off my shoes. One of the many reasons why I fell in love with this man.  The reason why I am standing here now.

He stopped at about three feet away from me. "Siwon. What are you doing here?”  

Little droplets of sweat decorated his forehead up to his neck. And his arms shine under the barely there sunlight. He looks mighty fine and ready for some hot and steamy love-making. All I wanted to do was to slam my body against him and do it with him right then and there... But I knew better.

“Snap out of it, Siwon.” He said as he crossed his arms.

“I’m sorry”. I swallowed back the lust. “I’m here to talk to you, Donghae.”

"Oh... I'm kinda in a middle of a game now." He raised his thumb and pointed at Minho behind him. Who is now sitting on the bench and drinking water.

"Donghae, please..." I reached for his arm. Then he electric feel shock through my veins. It’s been so long since I made skin contact with him...

"What is it, Siwon?"

I shook away my ual desires with this guy and said, "Why didn't you come to the rooftop?"

"What? What rooftop?"

"I left you message to come and meet me at the rooftop." 

"Oh... I didn't get it. I haven't checked my phone yet."

Because he was playing basketball. Whatever happened to my common sense?

"I miss you, Donghae... I miss you so bad.”

He looked down and didn’t say anything.

“I need you, Donghae. You don’t know how sorry I am for all the bad things I've done. I regret hurting you, my love... and I promise I will never ever do that again. Ever. Please give me another chance."

"I don't know what to say, Siwon..."

"Just say yes, baby... Please." I walked closer to him.

"You're with Stella now..." He hugged himself and looked away.

"I don't love her, Hae! I never did. It's always been you. I swear."

"But... our relationship... it's not right, Siwon. People would never accept our relationship. We could lose everything, Siwon. And I don’t want to be the cause of your downfall. Besides, you deserve to be with someone who would be able to give you a family... and you know, I can’t.”

"What? No... no, baby. Don't say that. Since when you cared about what other people thinks about us. As long as we love each other, there's nothing else people could do about that, okay? And I don’t need a family. You’re all I need, Donghae. Please don't think this way, baby..." 

He wiped the corner of his right eye and remained silent.

"Where did you get that idea, anyways?" 

He ignored my question. Why did he suddenly think about these things? We were perfectly happy when we were together. And these things never came up. Unless, someone fed him these ideas.

"Did you talk to Stella?"

He nodded but he still didn’t look at me.

"What did you talk about?" 

He shrugged and kept avoiding my stare.

"What is it, Donghae?"

"It doesn't matter... But she made some pretty clear points, Siwon." He finally looked back at me. He has a cold expression on his face and I do not like it.

"Points? What do you mean?" What the hell did Stella tell him?!

"I don't wanna talk. I don't wanna get in between you guys again." 

"Aish... Please, Donghae!" Why can’t he just tell me?! This is frustrating.

"Siwon, if you wanna know then go ask your girlfriend. Not me.”

"She's not my girlfriend!" 

His body jerked as I said it a little too loudly. I looked down and took a deep breath.

"I’m sorry. I guess I go.” He nodded slowly.  

I walked out of the court feeling angry and disappointed. I didn’t expect this to be easy but this wasn’t how I imagined it. I got back in the car and took deep breaths to calm my nerves.

I have to know what Stella told him. She can’t just claim herself to be my girlfriend and jeopardize my chance with Donghae. That schemey witch! Who does she think she is?

I have to talk to her and shut her out of my life before she does more damage. I the engine then headed to her hotel.