Bomi POV

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god…

I can’t believe I did that… I almost kissed him jeez!

And he was going to let me!

Was he going to let me?

Oh god I don’t know!

What if he avoids me?

He’s going to avoid me for sure oh man!

“Bomi?”

I finally snap out of my internal spaz and see Namjoo staring at me with a worried expression.

“Yeah?” I ask a bit too quickly.

“Are you ok? You look, panicked.”

“No I’m not panicked what are you talking about?” she furrows her brows unconvinced and I secretly scold myself. I hear the bathroom door open and I immediately freeze.

What if he tries to go home?

I take a deep breath and look towards him expecting to see and angry expression but it’s not there. He doesn’t look effected at all about what happened.

“Bomi.”

“Yeah?” I respond a bit too loudly again when my mom walks in.

“What’s up with you?” She asks confused. “Are you ok?”

“No, yeah I’m fine, what?” again I mentally face palm. She looks at me suspiciously.

“The lady next door is sick and I don’t feel comfortable leaving her by herself so I’m going to stay there for the night. I need you to look after things.”

“Is she ok?”

“She has a pretty high fever.”

“Ok.” I say with a nod. She smiles and gets closer to whisper something.

“Do not cause problems.” She orders, referring to Hyuna.

“If she behaves.” I say. She sighs and leaves.

“I’m hungry.” Hyuna says and I feel a sudden snap of anger inside of me.

“Then on your thumb.” I say uncaringly. She glares at me but I couldn’t care less. I hear a rumbling next to me and I look at Namjoo. She smiles at me awkwardly.

“I’m hungry too.” She says shyly.

“Then I’ll cook something for you.” I say with a smile. I hear Hyuna scoff but I ignore it. “Let’s go downstairs and make something. You too.” I say while looking at Hyuna bitterly.

“Why do I have to go down too?”

“Because I don’t trust you.” I say simply and she scoffs again.

“Let’s all go down.” Sungjong says and starts walking down the stairs. Namjoo quickly follows him and I wait for Hyuna to go down before I do. She glares at me as she walks past. I sigh as I watch her walk down. I turn to Myungsoo who was looking at me and immediately blush.

“Let’s go.” I say softly and surprisingly steady. I start to go for the stairs but he grabs my arm and I instantly freeze.

“Stop provoking her.”

I turn to look at him with furrowed brows.

“What?”

“Bullying her doesn’t help him.” I sigh and look away.

“Ok.” I say and he removes his grip and goes down stairs.

“Namjoo, go out there and sit with him.”

Hyuna and Sungjong are sitting at a table talking and I don’t feel comfortable with that.

“It’s ok.” Namjoo says and smiles softly.

“What do you mean?” I ask, bewildered.

“They need to talk.” She says and continues to cut the fruits. A slight smile of understanding lines her lips. How can she be so calm about this? I sigh and go over to the sink. I clench the counter tightly, trying very hard not to snap and kick her out into the snow.

“She’s right, they need to talk.” I jolt slightly when I notice Myungsoo lean on the counter next to me.

“Why does it feel like I’m being nothing but lectured lately?” I mumble with a sigh and look away.

“Because you’re acting childish.”

“Worrying about my brother is childish?”

“No, telling someone to on their thumb is childish.”

“What about what happened in the bathroom?” I ask suddenly. “Was that childish?” I don’t know why I’m even asking this. I see him swallow harshly.

“Yes. It was childish.”

A sharp pain stabs my chest and I try to swallow it down. I shouldn’t have asked something like that.

“That’s right, I’m a child.” I mumble bitterly and continue cooking without giving him a glance.

I finish setting everything on the table and sit down.

“Eat.” I say without looking at anyone. They all start to eat as I sigh and start filling my plate. Things were already awkward between me and Myungsoo but then I had to go and let my anger towards Hyuna make it worse.

“Hey, isn’t that Sungyeol?” I hear Namjoo ask and look out the window. I watch as he struggles while walking past. Is he coming from the school? I furrow my brows and quickly go over to the door and open it.

“Sungyeol!” I yell and he turns around.

“Bomi.” He says and smiles with shivering lips.

“What are you doing out?”

“I had something to do so…”

“Are you kidding me? Get in here!” I interrupt in disbelief. He smiles awkwardly and walks in. “Follow me.” I say angrily and pull him upstairs. I sit him on the couch and quickly go to Sungjong’s room and find warm clothes and bring it out. “Take your jacket off.” I order and start to pull it off for him.

“I can do it.” He says and I notice a blush forming on his pale skin. I take my hands off his jacket quickly. I keep forgetting that he likes me.

“Did Myungsoo not call you guys?” I ask suspecting that was the real reason he was out. School was called off so there is no way that he had anything important to do there besides looking for Myungsoo who didn’t go home.

“You caught me.” He says with a smile.

“Why didn’t you just call him?”

“I did, he didn’t answer. My mother was worried so I snuck out and went to the restaurant he always goes to but it was already closed.” I sigh in annoyance and give him the clothes and a candle.

“Go change. And call your mom so she’s not worried.” He nods and goes to the bathroom. I sigh and take out my phone and dial Myungsoo’s number. After a few seconds Myungsoo walks into the living room.

“What’s wrong?” He asks with confusion. This means he was ignoring the calls.

“Did you call your dad?” I asks and put my phone back in my pocket. He sighs and looks away. “Your phone seems to be working.” I say and cross my arms.

“It’s none of your business.”

“Your brother came out looking for you they were obviously worried.”

“I doubt he came out to look for me.” I sigh and shake my head.

“Call them so they don’t worry.”

“Don’t worry about it, it’s none of your business.” I scoff in disbelief.

“And you think I’m the childish one?”

“Yes. You force your feelings on me and act like you know me. You don’t know anything about me and you fail to understand that I’m never going to like you back. So do me a favor and stop bothering me and stay out of my business.” He says bitterly and goes back down stairs.

I stare at the stairs as his words run through my head over and over.

“Thanks Bomi.” I stop staring and give Sungyeol a light smile. I don’t know why but only now does it hit me that my heart hurts. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, go down stairs and eat, it will help you warm up.” I attempt to go to my room but he grabs my arm to stop me. I don’t look at him because I’m sure my eyes are red.

“What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing. I just, I’m just tired. Go eat with the others.” I say hoping he’ll leave. I don’t want to have to explain why I’m about to cry. After a few seconds he lets go and I quickly go to my room.

It’s been a little over an hour before I hear a light nock on my door.

“Bomi.” I hear Namjoo say softly. I look up and see her peaking her head in. She gives me a smile and walks in with a tray of food in her hands. “Sungyeol said you were tired but I figured you were hungry because you didn’t eat.”

I smile and sit up.

“Thanks.” I mumble as she sets the tray in my lap. I start to eat as she sits down with me.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“Yeah.” I say and give her a reassuring smile. “Man what’s wrong with me? I should be out there with you.” I say and laugh a little.

“It’s okay.” She says and laughs too. “If Sungyeol wasn’t out there it would have been pretty awkward.” We both laugh.

“Yeah… Myungsoo doesn’t talk and Sungjong, well he doesn’t really talk much either and Hyuna… her presence is just completely unwelcome.” We both laugh again. We continue to talk as I finish eating.

We head back out to the others and it seems awkward silence has consumed them with our absence. They are all sitting on the ground with candles in the center. Namjoo quickly sits next to Sungjong and crawls under a blanket. It’s going to be a cold night unless the electricity comes back on.

I see a spot next to Myungsoo that is completely open and if it were any other time I wouldn’t even hesitate to take it but what he said to me earlier makes me want to cry again. Instead I go over to Sungyeol and squeeze in-between him and Namjoo. I notice the look they give me but pretend like I don’t.

Hyuna laughs as she looks down at something. How is it that just her laugh makes me annoyed?

“What are you laughing at?” I ask. She glances up at me and smirks.

“I like L.”

It feels like the world is crashing down on me.

I suddenly remember that I hide my diary in the blanket closet a while ago… she must have found it.

I instantly snap up to grab it but she pulls away and continues to say what she read for everyone to hear.

“HYUNA!” I yell, ready to knock her lights out.

“Who knew tough girl Yoon Bomi had a diary just for her childhood crush.” She teases. “Who is L?”

Before she can tease anymore Sungjong grabs her arm and yanks the diary from her hand, anger written all over his face. He quickly hands it to me and I clutch it to my chest and slap her hard across the face.

I don’t care what anyone says. She deserved it.

“Follow me.” Sungjong hisses at Hyuna and grabs her wrist, yanking her off the ground and down the hall. I hear the door to his room slam as I continue to clutch the diary to my chest, consumed by embarrassment. After Myungsoo calling me annoying and saying he will never like me… then he hears Hyuna say things from my diary… he’ll probably find me even more annoying.

“Bomi.” Namjoo cautiously whispers and touches my shoulder.

“What are you so upset about?”

I raise my eyes after hearing Myungsoo talk, not daring to look at him.

“Are you ashamed of your first love?” I furrow my brows and turn to look at him. “Who cares if she read it?” He asks without a hint of being bothered by the situation at all. I furrow my brows more and look away from him. He can really be clueless sometimes.

The things in this diary are moments that only he and I would know about. To have someone else read them, it is no longer just between us. It hurts to hear him talk like he doesn’t care… like he doesn’t care about the moments we shared in the past.

“Because it’s personal.” I respond, trying not to sound hurt.

“If you’re so worried about it then you shouldn’t have told me about him.” He responds. An anger snaps in me. I glare at him.

“I told you because you’re…!”

I almost made a mistake. I almost told him I knew he was L.

“Because I love you.” I sigh. I wish he wouldn’t do this… act like L is a different person. Will he ever tell me he’s L? A tear falls to my lap and I quickly wipe my eye.

“It doesn’t matter if other people read that. It’s only words. Whatever’s in there, no one else could ever possibly understand it but you. Reading someone else’s memories doesn’t make it theirs. It will always be just yours and his.”

I continue to stare at my lap as a few more drops come out. He’s comforting me. In his own weird way. This is why I can’t possibly stop liking him like he wants. I wipe my face clean and glance at him. His eyes are icy but so soft. As soft as they were when we were kids. I slowly close my eyes and breathe in deep. When I exhale, my eyes open and I stare into his.

“Let’s get ready for bed.” Sungyeol says. I break eye contact with Myungsoo. I notice Sungyeol’s expression and feel guilty. I probably hurt him as much as Myungsoo hurts me.

“Yeah.” I respond and let out a smile. Namjoo smiles at me relieved. We stand and start laying out the blankets.

A thought hits me. Is it possible… that Sungyeol knows about Myungsoo’s childhood nick name? If he does… this situation would hurt him more than I thought.

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*throws up*
OTL
^This is soo many levels of unfair... Myungsoo is mean