“I love you.”

Tao dropped the bag of pocky he was eating. There it was again, those three words Kris would say out of the blue. Here they were having a small conversation on what to have for dinner when he slowly trailed off and dropped that line on him like a bomb.

Tao looked up and saw the elder man had just finished his shower. He wore grey loose sweat pants and a black wife beater. His towel hanging loosely around his neck and his soft gaze was fixated on the raven haired boy.

Tao picked up the fallen snack and placed them on a nearby counter, “Not this again.”

“What do you mean?” Kris frowned, “What’s wrong with me telling you how I feel?”

“Because you know I can’t… return them.”

“I don’t believe that.”

“I know you don’t.”

“So why try and convince me otherwise?”

“Because I have some hope that you’ll understand and give up.”

“Understand that you’re denying your feelings? I get that, but you asking me to give up is like asking me not to breathe.”

Tao tsked and rubbed his temples, “Listen-”

“No you listen,” Kris cut him off, his tone becoming harsher, “Regardless if we’re in public or alone together, we always act like a couple.”

“We’re just really close friends-”

“Friends don’t hold each other’s hand in public! They don’t shower with each other if one of the showers is broken, they don’t sleep in each other’s beds when they have a nightmare or buy ing couple just for the hell of it!”

“Kris-!”

“This kills me Tao!” he shouted, slamming his fist against the wall. Tao jumped and took a couple of steps back. Kris was panting, looking at him with a pained expression on his face, “It kills me…”

Tao stood there motionless. He honestly didn’t know how to respond to him. Kris noticed this and sighed; he pushed himself off the wall and approached the younger boy who, in turn, took more cautious steps back.

“D- Don’t touch me…” Tao warned as he noticed the taller male had no intention of stopping. He felt his back hit the edge of the kitchen counter and stared wide eyed as the distance between them gradually got smaller and smaller.

Kris placed his hands on the counter and on either side of the boy, effectively trapping the slightly shorter boy from running away. He sighed as he bent down until he was eye level with him, “I won’t touch you unless you touch me first.”

Tao found himself getting pulled into the man’s intense stare and quickly looked away. He grabbed his arms in an attempt to stop them from shaking and looked to the side. Tao could feel his breath tickle his skin and send goose bumps around his body. He swallowed dryly and closed his eyes.

His chest hurt. He cared deeply for Kris, but couldn’t tell if they were feelings a lover would have or a brother. He didn’t dare open his eyes and look at him, but he knew Kris was sincere with himself; and when he said he loved him, he really meant it.

Tao knew he was hurting just as much as he was, maybe even worse. The younger boy couldn’t return his feelings. His relationships in the past weren’t the best; they always ended with complete chaos and him hurt when he was most vulnerable. He came to believe that he and love didn’t mix; he was scared that if he really did love Kris and if they really did go out, he’d destroy the friendship that took years to build. Besides… he didn’t deserve a guy like Kris anyway.

“ZiTao,” Kris’s low, calm voice coaxed him back to reality. The boy slowly opened his eyes, but didn’t dare turn his head, “Look at me…”

“I-I can’t.”

“Please Tao.”

“Ge, let me go.”

“I won’t. Not until you look at me.”

Tao’s eyes prickled with tears and turned his head. At first he only stared at the man’s lips, and when he realized how close he was his gaze traveled upwards until those dark, sharp eyes locked with his. Tao’s shaking got worse when he saw Kris shift, bringing their faces closer.

Tao felt himself start to lose balance, considering how closely pressed he was against the counter, and out of reflex grabbed the taller man’s shoulders. He felt his muscles tense under his touch and a pair of strong arms pulled him into his chest.

“Kris!”

“I told you,” he hummed, “That I wouldn’t touch you unless you touched me.”

“This isn’t fair.”

“It is,” Kris grabbed the boy by his chin gently and tilted his head up, smiling slightly as he did so, “You really have no idea how much I love you, do you?”

“I do.”

“No… you don’t.”

Before Kris could kiss him, there was a loud banging on their dorm door. Tao jumped at the noise and Kris let out a string of curse words. His head fell on Tao’s shoulder and he groaned, “Ignore them.”

“What if it’s Xiumin?”

“All the more reason to ignore them.”

“KRIS! TAO! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR!” Luhan yelled, his pounding becoming harsher and harsher by the minute. Tao, reluctantly, pulled himself from the taller male’s grip and quickly made his way to the door.

“I-In a minute!” he stuttered, his face red from the previous events. His finger’s grazed the door handle before he felt something grab his arm. He looked over his shoulder and was met with another serious stare from Kris.

“What happened just now… you felt it too.”

Tao’s blush returned and he shook his hand free, “N-not now.”

“Tao,” he spoke softer, “You did.”

The boy stared at him a while, before the banging reminded him of what he needed to do and he pulled his arm back. Tao unlocked the door and opened it slightly before Luhan barged in.

“Yah! What were you doing that took so long? Making out?” he joked casually. Kris merely glared at him before turning around and stomping off to his room. Luhan gave him a confused look and turned to Tao, “What’s his problem?”

“…What?”

“Kris, he seems pissed- oh my god your face is totally red!”

Tao looked down and covered his cheeks, groaning slightly, “This isn’t good Luhan.”

“What isn’t.”

“This. I-I think I… No, I may be in love with Kris.”

--

“So you found a fic you actually understand?”

“GAH!” Tao screamed as he fell off his bed. He had disappeared about 20 minutes ago to read more fan emails and was surprised to have gotten another fic from the international fan. Only this time it was in Mandarin so he understood everything. He had been so caught up in reading, like last time, that Kris sneaked up on him again and scared him.

“Are you okay?” the leader asked, helping him to his feet.

“Y-yeah… you’er too quiet ge, it freaks me out.”

He shrugged, “So what are you reading?”

“Nothing…”

“I already saw it.”

“Then why are you asking?”

“For your reaction,” he smiled and pinched his cheeks, “Your face would blend in with a rose garden, seeing how red they are.”

The comment only made Tao blush even more and he turned around, “Ge!”

“Quit teasing the maknae,” Lay scolded. Kris sent him a glare and wrapped his arm around Tao’s shoulder.

“I wasn’t teasing you, was I Tao?”

“You were teasing,” he pouted.

Lay laughed at the leader’s unreadable expression and walked inside, “I’ll take him off your hands for ya, besides we should be sleeping anyways.”

“That’s why I came in here,” the duizhang replied through gritted teeth as he yanked his arm away from the dancer. His mood changed completely as he looked at Tao and ruffled his hair, “We have to wake up early tomorrow, so make sure you get your rest.”

“I will.”

“Good,” he smiled and grabbed Lay’s arm rather harshly, pulling him out of the room.

“Oh wait, I have a question Ge,” Kris stopped and waited for him to continue, “I’m bottom because I’m short… aren’t I?”

Lay’s eyes widened as he gawked at the leader, “Did he just say what I think-”

Kris shoved his hand over his mouth and looked at Tao over his shoulder. He nodded once and saw a smile grow on the maknae’s face, “Just wait Ge, I’m gonna grow taller than you and then I’ll be top.”