He grabbed my by the shoulders, pressing the small of my back to the table. Bending his head slightly, so that his eyes locked with mine, he gave me a tight-lipped grin. “You never answered my question, ________. What about us?” He then took his fingers and touched my scar, while shivers went up my spine at his touch. Gently pushing me further to the counter, his shoulders level with the top of my head, I suddenly felt nervous and didn’t know what to do. I could hear him, I could feel him, and though I’d always craved for his attention and his touch, right now, I wanted none of it. I had a sick, twisted feeling in my stomach, and I didn’t like it.

“W-w-what do you m-mean, what a-about u-u-us?”

The fact that I was stammering surprised me, and Jaejoong’s grin only grew wider as he heard it. “Is there really nothing between us? After all these weeks, there’s been…nothing? I remember every kiss between us. We even shared a room together. You were even worried for me after I was hurt. And that-that’s nothing?” Though his tone was light, his eyes were steely and cold, reminding me that his sweet face was just a mask, and that inside, he was jaggedly bitter. 

“No. It-it was nothing.”

“Are you sure? Will you regret that answer?”

“No. I won’t. I’m sure. We are just friends.”

It was better to make him hurt now than later, I thought to myself. We had a strong connection between us, but it wasn’t like the one I had with Jonghyun quite yet-might as well break the ties between us now. However, every word I said stung, like being pierced by a sharp knife. Just why is this so painful? It wasn’t supposed to hurt. We weren’t in any kind of a relationship.

So why did I feel like crying?

“Then I’ll make you remember what happened between us.”

He grabbed me, forcing my body near his, and pinned his mouth on to mine. Though he had done this before, it was different this time-it was forceful, and it made me frightened. His hands tight on my face, his body leaning on to mine, so that I couldn’t escape, my heart pounded with every second that passed. He pressed his face to mine, grasping my waist tightly, and all I could do was stand stiffly. Though I wanted to fight, wanted to kill him for this, I couldn’t. A part of me was already in love with him, and another part of me knew that he was stronger than me. I could do nothing.

After a while of it, he then kissed me, blinked, and kissed me again. Like I would vanish from his arms, like I would disappear. Sighing gently, he suddenly let me go, and wiping his mouth, he smiled at me. “You know, I’ve never done that to any girl before. You’re the first one. Consider yourself lucky.” Turning around, he grabbed the plate of apple slices and popped one into his mouth, closing his eyes. “You know, I-“

He decided to turn around and face me, but his eyes grew wide once he saw me. Without knowing it, there were tears in my eyes -

But a smile on my face. 

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

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