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“Is it that painful to be with me?” He frowned at me, and I couldn’t tell if he was angry or upset. “Does it hurt that much?”

I didn’t answer his question.

He laughed, slouching slightly, and grabbed the plate from the table, flinging it against the wall. It shattered on contact, into a million little pieces, and I flinched at the sound. It rang in my ears, causing a headache, while I wondered exactly what Jaejoong would do next. I’d never seen this side of him before, and I didn’t like it, either-because I was scared. Love isn’t like this. Love is sacrifice, love is thinking about others before yourself, and it’s about trying to work things out. Love isn’t being scared of the one you love.

So why was I so terrified?

“Am I so scary that you can’t even trust me?”

I stayed silent again, but I wished I could have said words that could calm him.

“Fine. Whatever. Damn, I won’t bother with you anymore. I wasn’t going to tell you, but because you’re so afraid of me, I guess it doesn’t matter anyways. This is going to be our last meeting. ________, I’m leaving to America. So if you’re scared, you don’t have to be anymore. I’ll be gone. Just like you want it to, it’ll be like nothing ever happened between us.”

“W-wha-what?”

But he’d already grabbed his jacket and left, leaving me broken-hearted.

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

“I’m in front of your place.”

Pressing a button my cell phone, I closed the conversation, and rapped lightly at the door. After the fight Jaejoong and I had, I couldn’t stay in my apartment anymore. Little things-from the bite of the apple he’d taken, to the chair that had shifted when he’d grabbed his coat-reminded me of him. I needed to get out, and decided to use this time to spend with my best friend. After all, we hadn’t seen each other for weeks, and I felt guilty neglecting him-but most of all, I knew that he was the only one I could always rely on. As if on cue, the door swung open, and I rubbed at my eyes, plastering a smile on my face. Jonghyun only needed to take one look at it, and frowned, ushering me into the room.

“God, _______, when you’re at my place, you don’t need to pretend.”

“What?”

He poured a cup of hot tea and placed it into my hands, my fingers tingling at the sudden heat. Putting his arm gently around my shoulder and leading me to the couch, he grabbed a blanket from a nearby room and draped it over me. While I sat, I instantly had the feeling of home and warmth flooding back into my bones, and realized just how much I’d missed my best friend.

“Thanks, Jonghyun.”

“Well, you never come to me unless you’ve got a problem,” he teased. “What’s it this time?”

I looked at him sadly, and he knew it was serious.

“Jaejoong-Jaejoong’s leaving.”

I thought that I could tell Jonghyun calmly, and handle it, but as I spoke the words, the tears fell. I hadn’t even realized that I was crying again until something wet hit at my hands, and I suddenly hated myself. Crying didn’t solve anything-why was I so weak? It seemed like I’d been crying a lot lately, and I felt like a whiny brat. Why did I have to show this side of me to two important people in my life?

“Just let it out. It’s alright. There’s no secrets between us-when you’re with me, you can tell me anything.”

He smiled at me, and I instantly felt comforted.

“Jonghyun-it hurts. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m so confused. What am I doing? I feel like without him, or you, I’d be so lost. Should I ask him to stay? Should I let him leave with a smile on my face?

I don’t know-Jonghyun, have you ever truly loved someone? Because if you did, what would you do?”

He looked at me with sad eyes, his body close beside mine. I could feel his chest moving from his slow breathing, and when I looked at him closer, I saw that beads of sweat were starting to form on his forehead. He looked tired, and I wondered how the bright-eyed, charming Jonghyun that had greeted me at the door had suddenly looked pale and sickly.

“I-I-If I really loved him, I would l-let h-him go.” 

And then his eyes closed, and his body slumped after falling limp. His head fell on to my shoulder, and my eyes widened.

“Jonghyun!”

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

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