“WHY? Come on, you barely even know me. Why do you care?”

“Are you sure that we don’t know each other?”

✖ 

“But the thing is, Jaejoong doesn’t owe you anything.”

“What?”

“He was also the one who saved you from the accident.”

✖ 

So this was all set up. He had planned it out, he had thought out everything beforehand, just to meet me again. I felt more flattered than annoyed now, but I couldn’t understand why he didn’t just introduce himself as the boy who I’d met in the hallway. Okay, fine, maybe it was kind of strange to go up to someone and say, “hello, I’m the boy that was stripped and beat up in the hallway and you called the paramedics for me,” but why didn’t he ever tell me he’d saved me, too? Why did I only remember someone pulling me out of the car and gently brushing at my cheek, and not remember his face?

Why was it Jaejoong? What was he doing there?

These questions swirled in my mind as I walked by the beach, alone. Junsu had gone back to his upbeat, optimistic self, and ran away to bug Changmin and Yoochun. I had a feeling that though he used “boredom” as an excuse, he actually knew that I needed some time alone. Feeling even more lost and lonely, I was about to turn back when someone threw a rock, and it hit the water with a gentle splash.

“What did Junsu say to you?”

Jaejoong had shown up, dressed in a rugged grey jacket, a white scarf draped around his neck. He was rubbing at two silver rings on his fingers, which seemed to be engraved with his name in them. Looking out at the sea, I had an urge to grab a camera and take a photo of him-he was really just that beautiful. The moment was ruined, though, when I remembered what he’d asked me, and the fact that I’d have to respond to it.

“Nothing.” I mumbled, averting his gaze. He didn’t take it as an answer, though. “Tell me.” Staring deeply into my eyes, I instantly broke down once I looked into his.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Tell you what?”

“That you helped me, during the accident?”

His eyes flashed. Were they sad? Angry? I honestly couldn’t tell.

“What accident?”

“Don’t play me, Kim Jaejoong. I know nothing about you, but it seems that you already know everything about me. I never knew that we went so far back, so can you help me regain my memory? I want to know more about you, Jaejoong. I really don’t want to be someone who ignore a person that cares for them-do you know how guilty that makes me feel? Don’t tell me lies and don’t try to sugarcoat it, just tell me everything. Why did you help me? Why were you there? What were you doing, trying to help my brother and me? Why-”

“No.”

He glared at me.

“What?”

“I said no. I’m not going to tell you, and I never will.”

“How can you-”

“What did Junsu say to you?”

“I helped you in the hallway, I saved you, and you can’t tell me why you saved me? You can’t tell me why you were just, oh, I don’t know, suddenly passing by? Why are you making this so hard? I just want to thank you, and you won’t even let me do that? You can’t even tell me what you did for me, so that I can show my feelings?”

“What feelings? What feelings did you ever have for me?”

I stared at him, shocked by his question. His hair blew gently in the wind, his hands jammed deeply into the pockets of his jeans. Scuffing his black converse on the rocks, he looked tired and distressed, like he wanted to anything but have this conversation. Instead of being his jerky self, or his strangely perceptive one, he was starting to be stubborn and snapped at me. “Why do I have to answer you? Why can’t you give me answers?”

“Jaejoong, what are you saying? I just want to thank you-”

“I don’t need your thanks.”

“You did such a huge favour for me-”

He looked me in the eye, but this time his stare wasn’t tender and gentle, like before. It was angry and full of rage, but most of all, it was sincere.

“If you want to thank me, then fall in love with me.”

And then he walked away from me, leaving me there on the beach, near tears. Why did he affect me so much? Why did I start to care for someone like him-or care about what he thought of me? I felt a sinking feeling, a strong sting of disappointment, because he’d done exactly what he did this morning.

He left me alone, right at the time when I really wanted him to be there for me.