Jaejoong woke up with a headache and a stiff feeling in his bones. His arms suddenly contorted with pain, and he stared at them. They were covered in scars and bruises, and as he stood up, trying to get off the bed, his legs bent, and he fell the floor. They, too, were covered in the same pattern of blemishes.

What the hell had happened yesterday?

He looked to the left, and caught his reflection in a hanging wall mirror. His eye was bruised, a flowery black shape starting to bloom over the tender skin. His grey t-shirt had a strange tear on the side, near his ribs, and his jeans were splattered with drops of beer.

“You think I’m stupid, and don’t know that you’re using my sister?”

.

Just as he remembered, pain shot up in his head, and he groaned, holding his head in his hands. He felt like crap, his whole body was in pain, and yet nothing felt worse than his heart. Everything that Yunho had said was true. He was using her. He wasn’t supposed to fall in love with her, and she wasn’t supposed to be the girl he’d been in love with since high school. It was supposed to be an easy job, used to find Jonghyun, but instead, things had suddenly gotten so complicated.

Suddenly, shaking him from his memories, his cell phone beeped.

Jaejoong.

Get Jonghyun now. Your vacation is almost over. After you find him, you’re going to leave Seoul and your trainee position.

We’re going to America.

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

After that incident, our vacation had passed by quickly. We stayed for a couple more nights, until the boys had to go back to start trainee activities again. Yunho and Jaejoong had started to avoid each other, and though the other members had noticed their fight, they ignored it, like it was common. Jaejoong and I had also switched rooms, as Yunho had demanded that I sleep in his, and Changmin in Jaejoong’s. After that, we hadn’t spent much time together, and though I knew Jaejoong had noticed, I pretended that it wasn’t much of a difference. As I avoided Jaejoong, I started to get to know the other members more, like how Yoochun had a seriously dorky side (he tended to dance randomly or throw things at the other members, particularly Junsu) and how Junsu was actually more intelligent than I’d first noticed. I began to realize exactly how much time I’d spent with Jaejoong, and as if to prove this point, I always thought that Changmin had an extremely calm and rational personality, but in truth, there were these weird moments where he would “explode” with cuteness.

As for Jaejoong-I wanted to know more about him, but I was still intent on ignoring him. I didn’t need to make it any harder for him to betray me than it was now.

I’d already started understanding that he was a compassionate and caring person, but had no love for himself. He hated himself, but was affectionate towards other people. And that was the saddest thing of all. I’d been starting to wonder how to help him, how to save him, but I’d gotten stuck-how can you save someone who saved you?  Though he was going to hurt me in the end, I felt like it would hurt him more than it would hurt me.

Luckily, though, I had time to ask the other members what I could do for him. I ended up sitting with Yoochun during the plane ride back, after Yunho insisted on switching the seats. Thank goodness that I’d gotten closer to Yoochun over the trip, because our conversation wasn’t forced or awkward-it was genuine. We didn’t have any weird silences or pauses-in fact, we talked like old friends-I could ask him a very straightforward question and he’d just answer it. Like this.

“Yoochun, what did you first think of Jaejoong when you met him?”

“He was like ice. Electrifying, but also frightening.”

I couldn’t help but agree that was what I felt like too, when I first met him. Though his eyes looked sad, he was scary and looked immensely strong. Had I had the same classes in high school with him, I would have mistaken him for a juvenile delinquent-although his pretty-boy looks wouldn’t have matched his reputation.

“But on ths inside, he's warm.”

“Huh?”

“Jaejoong just wants other people to like him. He’s actually a very kind and caring person, and he’d do anything for us. He always cooks for us and he’s a great hyung, sometimes even more caring than Yunho hyung, though he’s the designated leader. He cares about little things that other people don’t even worry about, and he’s extremely sensitive. But even if you hate him or take revenge on him, he’ll never do that back to you. He’ll just smile at you and forgive you. ”

Jaejoong just wants other people to like him.

Even if you hate him, or constantly attack at him, he’ll never do that back to you. He’ll just smile at you and forgive you.

Yoochun’s words echoed in my mind. We both knew the outcome-though that was Jaejoong’s personality; he would just blame himself for others not liking him. He would sum it up to a problem with himself, and not because of the other party. Because he was Jaejoong, that was just something he would do.

“Thanks, Yoochun.”

I smiled.

I knew what I was going to do for him now, even though he would have to betray me.

♩ ♪ ♫ ♬

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