Jiyong pulled away from me a bit and pinched my cheeks. “Aren’t you too cute when you’re shocked?”

He walked away leaving me frozen on my place. I hugged the stuffed rabbit tightly to my chest as I felt the heavy thumping of my heart against my chest. Aish! What is this?

I felt myself unfreeze when a hand grabbed my wrist.

“Dara…” it was Jaejoong.

I turned to him with shock still apparent on my face from what Jiyong just did to me.

“Dara…” he said again, as if trying to get my attention from my drifting thoughts.

My eyes immediately lifted to his. He was looking down like a while ago, I was about to ask what’s wrong when I noticed something red on his face.

“What happened to your face?” I asked him. I was about to cup his face when he pulled back as if it still stings.

After he pulled back, I felt something brush against my skin. I looked down and saw a blue cuddly stuffed rabbit on his hands. It was the same as mine, except for the color.

“What’s this?” I asked enthusiastically. “It’s for Tiffany right? Anyway, where is she?”

He just stared at me in silence as if measuring many options.

“Why?” I asked in confusion.

A warm hand met mine and I turned to see who it was.

“I have been calling you for a while now,” Jiyong said. Then he noticed Jaejoong. “Oh, what’s wrong with your face?”

Jaejoong didn’t answer. Impatient, Jiyong pulled me away from him.

The university was almost empty of students and guests as it was already 11 in the evening. But Jiyong and I stayed. We were sitting by the well-trimmed grass. The fireworks display just finished. It was the grandest, and it’s one of the most-awaited parts of the celebration this year. And now that it was finished, they went home.

Jiyong and I were just silently sitting while looking at the starlit sky.

“We still have classes tomorrow,” I said matter-of-factly, breaking the awkward silence building up.

“Why did you become nice to me so suddenly?” he asked.

I stared at him. And when his words processed in my mind, I couldn’t help but question myself too. Why? Why was I becoming nice to him so suddenly?

Oh, right. That was because he… he… he what?

“You’re like my personal remote controller,” I told him.

He stared at me too. “I don’t understand you.”

“Me neither,” I confessed. “But the moment I met you, the moment I decided firmly that you’re the most annoying person that always pisses me off every day at school, it was like, I forgot everything.”

“Forgot everything…” he repeated. “I still can’t understand.”

“Of course you can’t,” I told him.

“Make me understand it then.”

I stared at him for too long that I felt awkward and I looked away. Is this the sign I was asking? Will this be the right time to start trusting people? Maybe…

“The sound of your voice, the sound of your high-pitched laugh, your mere presence… I don’t know. All of them, they make me forget the tragic past that happened to my family…” I started.

I stared at him and he was listening to me intently. I looked away and smiled secretly.

I wasn’t planning to say more, but I found myself continuing. “During the young age of eight, one would think that a child should be out playing… she should be out discovering new things in nature. But it was very different for me. I remembered it pretty well; it was exactly twenty years ago when I celebrated my eighth birthday. Instead of celebrating with my family, with my classmates and friends, I found myself in the confinements of a big room – alone. I was alone grieving over my family’s death. I was alone crying my eyes out. There wasn’t anyone with me…” I trailed and stared at him. “That’s why I hate celebrating my birthday.”

He just stared back at me. “Because you’re alone?”

“Yes, that’s one of the reasons. The other one was the tragedy happened during my little sister’s birthday. That’s why, when I hear birthday greetings or birthday songs, or the mere sight of birthday cakes or birthday balloons, I can’t help but cry. The memory of my family being murdered on that special day makes me want to just curl myself in a tight ball to cry and be unnoticed.”

“Oh,” he nodded knowingly. “That was what happened on the restaurant, right?”

I nodded too. “Yes.”

“Can I ask you something?” he started.

I stared at him, weighing my options. I started this, perhaps I’ll continue on?

I nodded.

“How did they die?” he asked, a bit hesitant.

I stared at a distant, recalling the way they died. I exhaled sharply and was about to start talking when he cut me off.

“It’s alright if you don’t tell me…”

“I’m fine with it,” I assured him. “Well…”

I started recounting what happened during that time – from the celebration to the barging in of unwanted visitors, from the panicking voice of my mom ringing inside my ears when dad brought us upstairs to get a gun to defend himself and mom to the panicked voice of my dad when he found out my little siblings went off somewhere, from the way my dad roughly shoved me under the bed to hide me to the sound of a gun that silenced the house, from the way my father’s eyes looked up at me before his last breath to the time when Sajang-nim found me under the bed and took me in.

When I finished telling him what happened, I exhaled. Wow, I can’t believe that I didn’t even shed a tear while recounting the unwanted memories.

I stared at Jiyong. I was shocked seeing his tear-stricken face. His eyes were puffy and his nose was red.

“Why were you crying?” I asked, chuckling.

“That’s so…” he stammered while wiping his tears away. “Why aren’t you crying?”

I thought for a while. “I don’t know.”

“Why not?”

“Maybe because of you?”

“Because of me?”

“I told you, you’re my personal remote controller,” I said, chuckling.

“This isn’t a laughing matter,” he said. “Aish! I feel so stupid before thinking that you’re just grumpy because of everyday menstrual period.”

“Ya! That’s a bit personal!” I told him, slapping his arm.

“I know. That’s why I didn’t ask you about that while you’re always bullying me.”

This guy can be really amusing…

“So the red roses…” he started.

“Oh, yeah, I forgot that detail. I hated it when you gave me those red roses because when I went back to the house after I was taken in by Sajang-nim, I saw the petals of the white roses I gave Durami scattered all over the floor. Then, they were all stained with blood, giving the impression that they were red roses,” I explained.

“I’m sorry,” he said suddenly.

“For what? You don’t have to be sorry for anything.”

“Even so… I feel that I have to be,” he said.

We were silent again.

“That Sajang-nim you kept on calling is your adoptive dad?” he asked, breaking the silence.

Oops, was I calling him Sajang-nim the whole time I was telling the story? I can’t tell him I call him that because he’s the director of the NIS, can I? I still don’t completely trust him.

“Err,” I started. “Yes. I call him Sajang-nim because I got used to it. He’s one of the board-of-directors on the company and everyone calls him Sajang-nim.”

He nodded in response. “But, why don’t you call him Dad?”

I thought for a while. Why, then? Sometimes, I do. But recently, I haven’t called him Dad. I was giving him cold shoulders too. “I don’t know.”

“I wish I could meet your parents,” he said.

Upon hearing this, I panicked. If he’s going to see Sajang-nim, he’ll recognize him from the TV as the director of NIS, and he’ll get suspicious of me. “Oh, no. you can’t meet Sajang-nim, he’s alw-“

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about your adoptive father,” he said. “I was talking about your real parents.”

I stared at him, confusion in my eyes.

“I want to thank them,” he said, shrugging.

“Thank them for what?”

“That you have been born in this world. I’m seriously thankful to them.”

I just stared at him. His eyes were darted towards the starlit sky.

“Staring is rude, Dara,” he said as he stared back at me. Nevertheless, I didn’t look away. That made him flash me a boyish smirk that unexpectedly made my heart beat against my chest. So, I quickly look away, eyes towards the sky. “Why are you telling me these anyway, Dara?”

I slowly stared back at him. Right now though, he had a serious face. “Maybe I could start trusting you.”

He smiled again. “I can understand that you didn’t want to trust me. And I admit, at first, that that was my first objective – to earn your trust. But, somehow, it changed. I just wanted to be your friend now. Or maybe get to know you more.”

I stood up suddenly. “I guess we have to go home right now.”

He stood up too patting his bottom. He draped his arm over my shoulder. And I found myself just staring at the hand on my shoulder while we were walking.

“Gosh I’m tired,” I said, dropping myself on the couch. I stared at the clock and it said that it was already past 12. Time flew really fast.

My eyes darted towards the cute pink stuffed rabbit on my hands and a smile curved my lips. Then my heart thumped wildly against my chest. Why are you being wild, heart?

I quickly stood up and headed towards my bedroom. I was about to drop on my bed and muffle my screams to slow down my heartbeat. But my eyes caught a peaceful Jaejoong sleeping on my bed. I changed direction to change into my pajamas and then headed to the bed.

I settled myself silently on the bed so I wouldn’t wake him up. I hugged the stuffed rabbit to myself and I smiled again. Then, my smile started to become soft giggles. I quickly covered my mouth with the toy to silence my mouth upon remembering Jaejoong.

“You’re home…” he said sleepily.

I stared at him. He still had his eyes closed.

“I’m sorry I left you a while ago,” I said. “Anyway, just sleep.”

Unexpectedly, he sat up. He pulled something from under the bed and he showed me the blue stuffed rabbit he won.

“It’s for you,” he said.

“For me? Isn’t this for Tiffany?” I asked.

He just stared at me intently. Then he lied down on his side with his back facing me. “Go to sleep,” he ordered.

I stared at the blue stuffed rabbit then back to the pink one given by Jiyong. Aish! These guys are giving me a headache.

I roughly lied down on my back with the stuffed rabbits on both of my arms as if I was a child cuddling her teddy bear.

“Thank you,” I whispered to no one in particular.

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poster credits to nanaISyeoni