Jaejoong’s words kept on repeating itself on my mind that when the weekend finally came, when I already gave my word to Mister Kwon about the going-out-on-a-meal thing came, Jaejoong’s words made me feel a bit awkward around Mister Kwon.

Right now, we were on his car. He was talking about nonsense things. I wasn’t listening though. He’s too noisy, even noisier than Jaejoong. I was peering outside the car’s window when we stopped in front of a movie house. I stared back at him with a questioning look.

“I already bought two tickets,” he said showing them to me.

I looked at him disgustingly. I stepped out of his car and walked towards the opposite direction.

“Miss Park! Miss Park!” he called. When he caught up to me, he rested his hand on my shoulder. I grabbed his hand to twist it but I stopped myself midway. “Ow… Ow…”

I let go of his hand.

“I’m sorry. Yes, I told you that I’m just taking you out on a meal, but I changed my mind when you helped me from being shot by that gun that night,” he explained.

I pointed a finger at him. He flinched as he thought I’m going to hurt him. “Don’t ever talk about that event ever again!”

Before I could even turn to leave again, he caught my wrist.

“I won’t promise that I will not talk about that event if you’re not going with me,” he threatened.

“Are you threatening me right now?” I asked him and I pulled my hand away.

“Fine then, I guess, by tomorrow, everyone will now about the-“

“AISH!” I grunted, going towards the direction of the movie house.

In the end, I was dragged to the movie house with him. I can’t even believe that he chose a comedy movie instead of the action one. At first, I thought he’ll be choosing the action movie but the tickets he bought are for the stupid comedy movie. I don’t even find it funny. Everyone in the movie house would laugh every once in a while when the actors give punch lines which I must say aren’t funny at all. They were all corny. I would disgustingly grunt every time they’ll laugh. However, I would also chuckle along with them especially if my eyes would wander to the person laughing beside me. He would laugh at every corny joke, and I don’t know why, but I find him funnier. He looked really comical when he watches the movie – the way he bends his head back to bark out a laughter, the way he would bend forward while clutching his stomach as he laughs, the way he would shake the box of popcorn on his hands unconsciously causing pieces to spill out, the way his mouth becomes wide as he laughs. But what caught my attention the most is the way how his eyes turn to two firm lines as he laughs. His eye smile… I don’t know why, but I find it cute.

Once, I haven’t realized that I was staring at him for too long while he was laughing, and not to mention, I was laughing along with him too. When he stared back at me as if he felt that I was gazing at him, he just smiled at me. I don’t know why but I felt my cheeks heat up so I stared back to the screen.

When the movie finally finished, I thought that it’s the end of the day already. But he brought me to a gag show. I don’t know what his intentions are but I decided to go with the flow.

Like the comedy movie, the gag show was corny. Mister Kwon told me that this gag show was often shown on the television. But because I don’t really love watching, I don’t know about it.

But I wasn’t bored that much. I would laugh once in a while when Mister Kwon would laugh too. His laughter also sounds comical like how his expression changes.

“I see you’re laughing already,” he noticed once, during the show.

“You don’t have an idea why,” I said.

When the gag show was done, it was already dark outside. Right now, he was driving silently, unlike when we were on our way to the movie house. I decided to break the silence.

“So, where are you going to bring me next? To a puppet show?”

Unexpectedly, he laughed. I shot him a glare. “I see you’ve got some sense of humor there. I thought you don’t have one.”

I was tempted to break his neck, but I stopped myself. “I wasn’t joking, Mister Kwon.”

“Oh, don’t call me Mister Kwon anymore. It’s too formal.”

“What shall I call you then? Creep? Freak? Jerk?”

Again, he laughed. Aish! He’s so annoying.

“Oh, how about annoying clown?” I added.

He laughed again. I grunted and he stopped.

“Just call me Jiyong,” he said, muffling his laughter. “Then, can I call you Sandara?”

I glared at him.

“Okay fine, I’ll just call you Miss Park since you-“

“Dara… I prefer to be called Dara than Sandara.”

He turned silent after that. But before I could even celebrate from his silence, he talked again.

“I’ve been meaning to ask you-”

“I don’t care,” I cut him off.

He chuckled once. “Are you working for that company?”

“What company?” I asked, totally clueless.

“The one where I followed you.”

I finally realized what he meant. It’s true that from the outside, the NIS headquarters look like any company here in Seoul. Sajang-nim really wanted it to be like that so no one would be suspicious. No one knows where the NIS headquarters are except for the staff.

“My father works there and I just paid a visit,” I explained.

He turned silent again as if thinking about what I just said.

“I’m sorry, Dara. I have been following you last week,” he said.

Oh, so he admitted it just like that? Well, I knew from the start that he was following me.

“But I stopped when I found out that you visited the cemetery,” he continued. “And, I found out who you were visiting.”

I remained silent. There’s nothing I have to say, is there?

“But you just said that you visited your father on the company. Didn’t your father already-“

“Don’t ask me about personal things,” I interrupted.

“How can we be friends when I won’t be able to know more about you?” he asked.

“Who says we’re friends?”

“But I thought-“

“I’m only doing this because I have given you my word.”

He turned silent again. The car halted to a stop in front of a restaurant.

“This is the last stop,” he said.

The restaurant doesn’t look that grand, not too simple either. He led me inside. The meal started in silence. He didn’t dare open a topic, neither did I. I wanted to end it already. I wanted to go home already and sleep or have a chat with Jaejoong. This is getting boring.

When I was almost done, something caught my ears.

“Saengil Chukha Hamnida…” someone started to sing.

My hand stopped midway. My eyes widened in surprise as some clips flashed into my mind. My hand started to tremble that the spoon I was holding fell.

The lights turned off so suddenly that I thought I just blinked. I blinked rapidly as if it would help me see light. But no. It was hopeless. I heard someone say something in front of me but his words refused to register into my mind.

“Saengil Chukha Hamnida…” they sang.

But inside my mind, what I see was my family gathered around the table. My two-year old little brother, Sanghyun, was singing the birthday song with his cute little voice. I remembered clearly how he felt proud that he was able to learn that song in just a day. He was clapping his hand happily while singing. My little sister Durami was also clapping along with him. I went closer to her as I gave her a bouquet of white roses that my mom brought.

“Saengil Chukha Hamnida…”

They were still continuing but I want to shout at all of them to stop right now. But I was still controlling myself. The image of my happy family around the table was still in my mind, though I want to erase the image, the darkness didn’t help at all.

“Saengil Chukha Hamnida…”

Okay! I just can’t take it anymore!

“Nooooooo!” I shouted as I stood up from my chair. “Nooooooo! Stooooop! Stop it right now!” I was already crying. “Don’t sing that damn song!”

I stood up and covered my ears with both of my hands but their voices are still in my ears. I backed away blindly from the table and I felt that I bumped onto someone behind me. I fell to the ground as well as the person I just bumped into. Clanging spoons and forks and breaking plates were heard, which I assumed were from the person I just bumped into.

“Nooooooo!” I shouted again the moment the image in my mind changed. I caught a glimpse of my mother struggling to get free from the grip of the strangers who just barged in so suddenly in the middle of our celebration. She was shouting to my father to keep us away as she was the first one who was caught by the strangers. On our way out of the dining room, I still heard breaking plates as I assumed that she threw them at the strangers in useless attempts to get free from them.

“No… no… no…” I repeated over and over again. I wanted these images to stop right this instant.

I backed away and felt silk on my hands, which I first presumed to be the table cloth. However, another image flashed into my mind. My father pushed me onto the dark space under the bed as I felt the soft silk against my skin. I heard from him that Durami and Sanghyun just got lost so suddenly that he has to look for them. He covered my vision by letting the bed sheets down. The next thing I knew, I heard my siblings shout in pain, followed by my father who seemed to sound like fighting back. I was trembling… trembling all over that I thought the ground is shaking with me too. I reached my hand out but hesitated at once. I wanted to help, but how can I help? My hand finally reached the bed sheets covering my vision, I pulled it up the same time that the whole place became silent. I wanted to see what’s happening but at the same time, I was afraid of what will meet me.

“NOOOOOOO!” I shouted aloud once again when I remembered how a pair of eyes stared back at me as my father was swimming with his own pool of blood. He mouthed my name once. I hesitated but my hand reached out farther. However, my hand stopped midway when I heard a gunshot. I immediately pulled my hand away when blood gushed out of the middle of my father’s head while his two eyes were still staring at me. “No… Dad! Please…” I pleaded aloud again when I remembered how I cowered in fear under the bed as I felt alone. I never felt alone in my life. But right now, I felt lonely under this cold dark space.

I cried… I cried and cried. Then, I shouted each of their names while crying aloud.

“No… No… please come back to me…” I pleaded weakly.

Suddenly, the surroundings brightened. Everything became clear right away as I suddenly remembered that I was still at the restaurant. It felt weird but I thought I went back in time, and then I went back to the present once again. Through my foggy eyes because of the tears, I noticed everyone looking at me, whispering to each other. But instead of getting conscious, I cried more. I cried more and backed away from them. The images still lingered in my mind. They refused to shut themselves off. I was too desperate right now to just suddenly reset my mind to its blank state.

Before I could even think that I will be left alone just like that, I felt a set of arms pulling me out under the table and hugged me to his or her chest. My head immediately buried to his chest. Then, he caressed my hair and my back gently. But instead of feeling comfort, I cried more onto his chest but he pulled me to him tighter.

“Dad… Mom… Sanghyun… Durami…” I whispered through his chest.

“It’s okay… it’s okay, Dara…” he said.

It was as if I went back to my senses. It was as if a finger snapped right in front of my eyes and brought me back to my arrogant self. It was as if just the sound of his voice, he was able to turn me back to normal. It was like magic. Because the moment he talked, my head snapped back to gaze up at him and then I pushed him away. I quickly ran out of the restaurant. The moment I was out, I gasped for air. I wiped all of the tears off my face.

I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“Dara…” Jiyong’s familiar voice said.

I turned to him. “Why?!” I demanded. “Why did you have to bring me to this horrible place?! Why did you have to make me remember all those horrifying things that haunted me?! I don’t know why but I was almost forgetting about them when you came into my life but why did you have to-“ I trailed off when I realized what I was saying. With that, I turned away and stomped my way towards his car. “Just take me home.”

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poster credits to anjellie_ka