I was left crying while Jiyong drove me home. He let me cry alone, he didn’t bother asking what’s in my mind. But it’s not like I’m going to tell him, right?

I was too preoccupied with my thoughts that I haven’t noticed that the car suddenly stopped. When I finally realized it, I wasn’t brought home. I was actually brought to an old church. I stared at Jiyong in disbelief.

“I thought I told you to bring me home,” I commented.

“Yes you did,” he answered casually.

I just stared at him, urging him silently.

“Well, you didn’t tell me your address.”

“I thought you were following me last week,” I told him.

“I did,” he answered. “But, I told you I stopped when I followed you in the cemetery and I don’t follow you when you go home.”

Somehow, I thought that he’s lying. But whatever!

I stepped out of the car and decided to walk home. But he caught my shoulder and spun me to make me face him. Then he slid his hand off to grasp on my wrist. He started pulling me towards the church.

“YA!” I called. “YA! Let me go!”

When we finally reached inside the church, he let me go. But instead of turning back to leave, I found my eyes wandering around the enormous church. Truthfully, I wasn’t really a religious person. Since I was a kid, my parents never taught me to be religious. And when I was taken by Sajang-nim, he didn’t teach me either. Maybe I grew up in a family of non-religious people. However, I do believe that there’s a Creator up above. But I don’t really know what to call Him. And sometimes, I doubt his existence, especially when I have my down times, which is almost every day of my life. But right now, I felt a weird atmosphere being here. I felt light. I felt that the burdens I have been shouldering for twenty years are gradually getting off me.

While my eyes still wander around, I felt a warm hand on mine. I stared down as Jiyong’s fingers locked with mine. Without hesitation, I pulled my hand away. But he grabbed my wrist and pulled me towards a church bench. He went to sit and motioned the space beside him. I hesitated at first, but I gave in. When I was finally settled, I stared at him, as if asking him what to do next. But he wasn’t looking at me. He was looking straight ahead.

“You know, this is a very special place for me,” he started.

I just stared at him while his face remained relaxed.

“My parents used to bring me here every day. And when I’m down, I just step here and I feel light, I feel happy and relaxed. This place never fails me to be amazed with its wonders and miracles…” he trailed off. He stared at me then.

Instead of getting conscious, I found myself staring back at him.

“When you have something bothering or troubling your heart and mind, do not ever hesitate to come here and talk to Him. He will always listen to you…”

With that, my eyes flew to the front.

“You can ask anything from Him. He will grant them to you although not right away. He will give them to you in the right time. But if He doesn’t, He might have other plans for you. But, He always knows what the best is for you.”

I got confused. His words jumbled in my mind. But I understood one thing – there’s still Someone who could help me through everything.

I felt him move beside me. I stared at him as he went to his knees and clasped his hands in front of him. He closed his eyes shut and turned silent.

“Mis-“ I started but I stopped myself upon realizing of what I was about to call him. “Um… J-Jiyong?”

He peeked at me with one eye and smiled at me. He motioned me to do the same. Hesitantly, I did. He went back to his motionless state. I kept on staring at him, wondering what he’s doing.

“Staring is rude…” he said out of nowhere.

“Eh?”

He peered at me through one eye again. “What are you waiting for?”

“Eh?”

He grabbed both of my hands and clasped them to each other.

“Look ahead and talk to Him.”

“Talk to Him?” I asked. Hesitantly, I thought of something to say. Without any ideas, I looked back at him. He was staring at me, waiting for me to say something. “What shall I say?”

“Anything… not only your wishes. You can also thank Him, ask for His forgiveness, pray for someone – living or not.”

As if I understood him, I looked up ahead again. But I stared back at him again. “What shall I call Him?”

Unexpectedly, he laughed out loud, causing a nun who was just lurking around the church to look back at us. He gave the nun an apologetic smile.

He turned his voice to a soft whisper. “You can call Him anything.”

I looked back up ahead again and hesitantly started speaking. “Um… hello there?” I paused when I heard Jiyong muffling a laugh. “Um… b-big brother?”

Jiyong barked out another laugh but immediately covered his mouth. “Big Brother?” he said, chuckling. “Isn’t that a reality TV show?”

I glared back at him, but looked up ahead again. “Um… then… Big Boss?”

He chuckled again, but I didn’t stare back at him.

“Big Boss? I know You don’t mind me calling You that, but please I hope this annoying clown beside me will shut up at once so I could talk with You seriously.”

“Okay… okay….” Jiyong said, in between fits of giggle. He started standing up and walked away to sit on the farthest aisle of the next bench.

When he was out of earshot, I thought of more to say.

“Um… th-thank you for this day, I think. I would have hated the way it ended but I loved how I felt going out with someone I barely know but has successfully made me smile,” I paused as I smiled to myself. “I know I should be praying for my family. Or maybe ask wishes for myself. But, I don’t know why, I feel like thanking you for letting me meet this annoying clown right here. He might be the most irritating person I have ever met, but I’m still thankful of how he tries his best to make me smile. At first, I always push him away, or drive him off me, but he’s the most persistent guy I have ever met. I must admit, his persistence and his annoying self makes me momentarily forget of the past, of how painful the past is. Maybe that’s exactly the reason why I agreed to him to take me out for a meal. Although I don’t know him that well, he makes me want to know him. I am not that kind of person. I don’t know why I suddenly changed. I don’t know why the thought adding another person to my friends list – which is, by the way, only composed of Jaejoong – always crosses my mind. I always drive those thoughts away. That’s because I know I must not trust anyone. I should not trust anyone. But there’s always an exception to the rule, right? Just look at Jaejoong. I trusted him, though he took time in earning my trust. Maybe that’s exactly the reason why I can’t give my full trust to Jiyong. We only knew each other, for what? I think two or three weeks. But why do I always feel light when he’s around even though he’s an eyesore?”

I paused for a while. I glanced sideways to look at Jiyong, who was starting to doze off on his seat.

“I want to ask for a sign,” I said, still looking at Jiyong. “I don’t know just yet. I don’t know if I could trust him already. But maybe… maybe it’s time… maybe it’s time to clear up the wall I have been building up around me… maybe it’s time for me to start trusting someone again...”

I flinched as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned and stared up at a nun who was smiling down at me.

Maybe the time is right now… I thought.

“Are you feeling cold, Miss?” she asked.

I smiled up at her. “I’m fine.”

She sat beside me and held on to my hand. I looked down at our hands. Her hand was warm. I felt light and comfortable.

“Are you alright? I think you’re new here, this is my first time seeing you here,” she said.

I nodded. “Yes. He brought me here,” I said, motioning to Jiyong.

She smiled again. “I’m sorry but I overheard what you were saying while I passed by just a while ago.”

My eyes widened for a while, but I remained composed.

“I know it’s too hard to trust people around you. But you should not close the door in your heart. There will always be someone who would always knock on that but you remained it close. There will always be someone who you can trust but you’re too scared to do so…” she trailed off then looked behind me. I followed her gaze and saw Jiyong who was already lying on the bench. “He seems a nice guy. I know he’s trustworthy.”

I looked at his sleeping figure, a smile curved my lips. I felt the nun’s hand slipping off me. I stared back at her.

“You should go home now, it’s late,” she said. She left and I smiled.

“Thank you,” I whispered while she was walking away.

I stood up and walked towards Jiyong. I sat beside him. I didn’t want to wake him up, but I didn’t want to stay here so long either. Hesitantly, I reached my hand out and shook him.

He sat up and rubbed his eyes.

“Why were you sleeping?” I asked.

“What took you so long?” he asked back.

“I’m sorry, I was too preoccupied with talking to Him that i-“

“Did you just apologize?” he asked in surprise.

I creased my brows. “Why?”

“Wow, I’m doing a good job,” he said, standing up.

“What are you-“

“Come, let’s go home,” he said grabbing my hand.

“So, you live here?” he asked as the car took a halt in front of Sajang-nim’s house.

I nodded. I feel bad lying to him. I don’t live here. Well, I used to. But I personally requested him that I want to live on the same apartment where the agents live too.

“I shall visit you often then,” he said.

I shook my head frantically. “No. Please.”

He grimaced and frowned. “Okay, then.”

I stepped off the car.

“Bye, then,” he said, waving.

I stood on my spot until his car was lost in sight. I turned and decided to walk to the apartment when I felt a familiar presence. It was the same presence I felt when I thought I was alone in a room and was the lone survivor of my family’s murder case. I know it came from the same person who kindly took me in the moment he discovered me crying alone under the dark bed twenty years ago.

“Who was that?” he asked.

“Sajang-nim…” I greeted.

“Is he your-“

“He’s a co-teacher.”

“Did you-“

“It was a friendly meal.”

He turned silent.

“Since when did you have interest in my personal life?” I asked.

He remained silent.

“I shall take my leave, then,” I said, turning away.

“Don’t you want to stay for a while?” he said, stopping me from my tracks.

“I rather stay on the streets,” I said. Maybe I was too harsh?

When I arrived at my apartment, I half-expected to see Jaejoong waiting for me. And well, he didn’t fail me. He was already sleeping on my bed.

Since I didn’t feel sleepy and tired, I sat on the couch and turned the television on. I scanned for a particular channel. When I finally found it, I smiled. Every now and then, I would chuckle, until it turns into giggles, until it turns into laughter.

“Since when did you learn how to watch gag shows?” Jaejoong’s voice emerged behind me.

I turned my head towards him and got amused of how he was rubbing his eyes so cutely and the way how he looked with his disheveled hair. He settled himself beside me. Then, he laid his head on my lap. “Ahh… I feel like sleeping here. Your rare laughter and giggles are lullabies to my ears.”

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