I still can’t believe at what happened earlier. In one second, you’re crying because of happiness, another second, you’re crying because of sadness. Everyone was mourning, especially Sunggyu. He requested us some time alone with Woohyun. Sungyeol watched his brother Sungjong while he was sleeping while Hoya and Dongwoo eyed at the area around the headquarters. Woohyun’s death did not excuse us to be still on a lookout, alert for possible sudden attack. We don’t one another life to put on to waste.

I felt being alone this time, still thinking about Woohyun’s death. “I can’t believe it…it’s so sudden,” I said face palming. I silently cried.. I was holding a bottle of whisky and drank it like it was water. The alcohol started to hit me since I’m not the heavy drinker. Thanks for the alcohol, it seems like it I have forgotten about the sad things that has happened.

I can’t remember how long I was sitting there before he came and I can’t remember how long we spent in silence before any of us started to speak.

Myungsoo put his arms over my shoulders. “Life’s like this. We live. We die. Especially in times like these – where every life was risked. We just have to stay strong and live for Woohyun”.

I nodded and let the tears flowed out my eyes. I have no words to say. He’s right. Woohyun has done a lot for us. He’s been good at connecting with people, especially on using the social media. He made everyone else crack up with his failed aegyo attempts. Since he’s been doing it for life, I’ve been used to it and I think I’m gonna miss those aegyo acts from him. I could remember him and Sunggyu fighting because of that. Since Woohyun considered himself as the aegyo master, he teaches Sunggyu some aegyo tricks. Woohyun said that these could win Soyou’s heart and so Sunggyu must learn this before they could meet each other after this war. I could remember Woohyun’s squealing whenever his crush Seunghyun became the topic of the conversation. I just felt sad for Sunggyu for their lost friendship. I felt sad for Woohyun for his lost love.

I suddenly thought about the future. If I die here, will someone mourn for me? I cried the negative thoughts that keep on flooding my mind. I couldn’t voice everything out.

“It’s okay…everything will be fine”.

He hugged me. I could feel his heartbeat. It was calming. I could almost feel my head burying on his neck. I could almost feel myself being addicted to his sweet scent but I instinctively pulled out. No – not this time. This is all wrong.

Then we both leaned against the wall, silently looking at the vast space before us. It’s as if our glances were creating patterns on the space. Tears were still clouding my eyes, ready to fall again in anytime but I controlled myself. I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat and gathered enough strength to speak only for my voice keeps on cracking up.

“I just don’t want to be alone…I’m afraid to be alone…it’s…scary”.

Myungsoo was just there staring at me. “I’m here”.

I exhaled. Now I was unable to control myself as tears started to flow out. I don’t know but in front of this person, I could feel myself weak. I could feel my guards down. I’m no weak girl but his stare could all the braveness out of me. I could see the sorrow in his face. I know his trying his best to comfort me.

“I just don’t want to be alone now”. I said to him with a little desperation in my tone. “I need to feel something aside from this sorrow”.

I looked at him from the side and I could sense that he lowered his view until he could meet my glance.

I don’t know who started it but I could feel our lips kissing. All I could recall was the intense longing and emptiness coming out from me. I could feel the lightning struck me as pleasure rocked my body when our bodies begin to touch for the very first time. We stayed like that for a couple of minutes until he lifted me on the table.

Both of us were breathing heavily as I his shirt. I touched his bare chest, feeling his heartbeat, feeling that there is still life existing around me. That’s what I want to feel.

The kisses went deeper and deeper as it travelled both of our bodies. In a blink of an eye, our clothes went everywhere and we let pleasure controlled our minds.

His lips on my lips.

Our bodies which finally became one.

And a great tidal wave of pleasure hit the two of us and we came really hard.

After that heated moment, the pain stung me back to reality. Why the hell are we doing this anyway? One was gone, numerous were wounded. Why the hell are we going on anyway? Why did we do this? Why did we feel this? We both stared at the wall in silence, catching our breath. No one dared to move. My body was numb and so was my brain but then I had to think straight. I have to know the answers to these questions inside me. As I tried to dish out the questions that keep on popping in my head, I started picking up my clothes.

“Just asking, why did you choose to be here?” I asked Myungsoo.

“There’s always a reason for everything”.

“Now what?” slightly annoyed, I raised my tone. I just don’t want to hear vague answers at this moment. I’m tired to analyze those hazy words that come from his mouth. I just want him to be more…specific.

“Love”.

I sneered. I was expecting he could give me more straight answer than what he had said. I hurriedly went outside the tent, still buttoning my clothes, only to bump into something – or someone hard as rock.

“Ouch!” I rubbed my forehead which formed a little lump due to the collision.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” the guy kept on bowing at me continuously that’s why I couldn’t see his face. He soon stopped from bowing as I asked him to.

“Dongwoo? Since when did you get here?” I asked and it seemed like I was literally shouting at his face.