“I used to. But after that day, I couldn’t compose anything because I know you wouldn’t accept it. Even if you force yourself to understand, you wouldn’t accept it…”
He knew my weakness. He was that typical best friend all along. The one who knows everything about you, and sometimes, who knows you more than yourself. It’s quite scary… when people know your weakness. The worst part is that because he knows it, he knew exactly how to end my hurt. And that is to appear like he’s never been a part of me… gone like ashes in the wind; lost for eternity.
The confusing part is… Why did he come back? He could just have ignored me when he saw me again last week. He should know I wouldn’t approach him; I’m not friendly, right? So, why does he have to? Why does he have to return to my life again? The more confusing part…? There is something inside me that says, let him return. Let Minhyun be a part of your life again….
“Sehun…” she said softly while I felt her grip on my hand tighten. “Continue,” I said in a monotone without looking at her. Argh! Why the hell did I have to see her cry? I don’t want to hear it, if it’s because of him… “Are you… mad at me?” she asked it like a whisper then I saw from the corner of my eye that she lowered her head. I’m mad at her? NO! I’m just… confused. Why did she have to cry? “No,” I plainly said and I felt her grip on my hand loosen so I let it go. It was awkward silence and then the elevator door opened. I waited for her to go out first but she just stayed so I ended up walking out the elevator first.
I sensed that she also walked out of the elevator but that she stopped. I turned my back to look at her and I just saw her standing still outside the elevator door. I walked back to her and then I saw her raise her head to look at me. “I’m not mad at you…” I looked straight to her eyes to let her know I’m sincere and hugged her tightly. “You’re mad at Minhyun…” she didn’t hug me back instead she whispered me this cold words; I pulled myself away. “Is it important?” I asked in a monotone. “Don’t be mad at him… he didn’t do anything… wrong to you,” she responded slowly so every bit of what she said, I could absorb them instantly. I looked away. It’s always been my defense mechanism. Because for that moment, I didn’t know how to feel about what she just said. Just perfect! I was frozen and silenced at the same time… helpless.
“Sehun-ah… you just misunderstood the situation,” she suddenly blurted out. “Why did you cry?” it took me some time; I just asked the question I don’t really want to ask her. I just believe that I don’t want to hear her answer… I won’t know how to react if the answer she’ll give me is because of that guy. “I… don’t know. Sehun-ah, let’s not talk about this,” she uttered softly. “Tell me, is there something I need to know… about you… and him,” I said in a cold tone. “What? No, there is nothing. Sehun… you already know what we are---“ “It doesn’t look like that to me,” I cut her giving off a cold tone.
“Sehun… he was the only one who chose to befriend me when others hated me. Please understand, he’s my first friend that isn’t a real family… he was my bestfriend. He chose to protect me when I was bullied; he was always there for me. It just so happened that his parents needed to go to Canada, and of course he needed to come with their parents…” she started talking. “What did he mean… by what he said… just now?” I asked her slowly. I’m still frozen for all I know. “…he knew me all along. I wanted to think that I’m just really confused, but then everyone else said that I hated it. I hated every bit of how Minhyun left me. And he… he also knows it, but he had no choice. His decision, I get it now. Because he wasn’t sure either… if he’s coming back. Even if he knew my address, he chose not to write, hoping that I could just forget him. He knew my weak point, so he also knew the best way to make everything less hurtful for me,“ I heard her finish.
“Okay, I've heard enough. But, why did you cry?” I asked another question, trying to sound as blunt as possible. I waited for a minute but she kept silent. I waited for another minute or two, the same silence. “Fck. Tell me, are you confused because of him?!” I finally broke the silence and had the courage to look at her. “Mwo? Sehun… why are you asking me such a question?” she asked me while attempting to hold my hands. I crossed my arms. “Simple question. Answerable by yes or no,” I kept my voice in a cold tone. “Sehun… why are you asking me? Don’t you trust my feelings towards you?” she gave me a question than an answer.
“You’re asking me a stupid question. ISN’T IT STILL NOT CLEAR TO YOU THAT I FCKING LOVE YOU TO DEATH?! You’re the only woman I loved this much… But from what I just witnessed, I don’t know about you!! Now answer me, yes or no? Are you confused?” I repeated her the same question. “No Sehun. I’m not. I only love you too…” she finally answered my question and I saw tears starting to run down her cheeks. Her tears… the thing I abhor the most next to losing her. I quickly wiped her tears away and gave her a tight hug. I felt her bury her face on my shoulder. “I’m sorry. I was just… ahhh! I was just… jealous. I’m sorry,” I whispered to her while stroking her hair with my right hand and kissing the back of her head endlessly. “Sehun-ah…” she still keeps on sobbing. “Please… stop crying. I’m sorry, I---“ I was doing my best on hushing her when she suddenly cut me, “Sehun, but I want him back in my life…”
Hey my readers!! Had the time to update today.. sorry for the long wait.. I'm getting busy with class. I need to memorize too many articles about the civil code.. I don't know anymore if I would like to pursue law after graduating in BSA.. Fudge... goodbye, my prosecutor dreams... lol~ Anyways, yay~ i love it!!! Ohhh... Sehun's really something when he's jealous... ="> do comment! Love.Laugh.Love
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