— 4 years ago
third year middle school
fall

"Wh-what's wrong?"

Jaemin was at loss for words. It was unlikely for a girl like Sehyun to run away from classes, especially when examinations were just a few steps from today. Without Jaemin realizing, they had just arrived inside a convenience store, a few blocks away from school.

Sehyun endlessly grabbed bags of chips, cups of ramen and drinks. She wasn't herself and Jaemin realized that as well. As she was about to place the items on the cashier front, Jaemin grabbed her arm.

"Sehyun, stop."

Sehyun looked at him, her crystal-like eyes about to burst any moment soon. Just like her eyes, she was fragile and was about to break. She grabbed the plastic bag and dragged Jaemin to the bus stop.

Somehow, Jaemin couldn't stop her. He was still trying to believe that all this wasn't a dream and that they could snap and go back to normal.

Jaemin stood on a familiar street, filled with cement cracks, small plants growing on the sides. It was this neighboorhood. This neighborhood where he experienced various things and he found comfort in.

"There."

Sehyun pulled him towards the old looking playground with its iron bars rusting and lonely swings moving back and forth caused by the old wind. She sat on one, Jaemin on the other. She placed the plastic bag down beside her.

"What," Jaemin sighed, "what's going on?"

She couldn't bring out the words out of . She can never. Her thoughts had been filled with a thousand sentences, a million words that wished to be freed from that chamber. Unfortunately, they were still trapped. Sehyun swung back and forth, like a kid who had never been on a swing before.

"Is this about..."

Sehyun wasn't looking at him despite his attempt to bring out a topic, something, anything out of . She wasn't wavering and Jaemin knew. Something was definitely wrong. He faced the slide in front of him.

"Do you remember that?"

Sehyun finally said as she stopped swinging. The sand shuffled on her feet and she played with it, still avoiding Jaemin's gaze. He was listening as intently as he was looking at her.

"We would go up that slide, I would sit on your lap and we'd slide down. Together."

Jaemin hummed. The reason why she pulled him to cut classes wasn't just a trip down on memory lane, no. There was something else. Something underneath that was slowly revealing itself just like the ground beneath the artificial sand.

"When was it?"

Sehyun stood up and went for the plastic bag. She opened it and stared at whatever was inside. Jaemin stood up and went beside her.

"When was it that we stopped doing that?"

She asked to the boy towering beside her. Jaemin looked back at the shaggy looking slide that was filled with nothing but dirt and memories. He shrugged.

"Wanna try it again?"

It was a joke meant to make her feel a little uncomfortable but it wasn't the day for such things. She carried the bag in one hand and placed the other inside her pocket. She walked away from the playground and Jaemin followed after.

"I know it was a joke," Sehyun suddenly said and Jaemin faced her, "I just don't feel like laughing today."

"What's wrong?"

Even though Jaemin knew that what he was doing wasn't exactly enough to open the chamber gates inside her head, he still wanted to tell her. To make her feel that he, a friend whom she'd had for years, was there for her. She smiled pitifully.

"5th grade."

Jaemin stared at her weirdly. She smiled.

"It was when we stopped. 5th grade . You were too tall and we no longer fit in with the kids surrounding the playground. It was 5th grade."

He wanted to applaud for how far her memory reached and how clear it was. He couldn't because it was a rather weird thing for them to be talking about such things when they never did so.

"Things change a lot over time, don't you think?"

Jaemin nodded. It was true, definitely true but what part in her life had changed? What was it that suddenly enabled her to talk about something so complex such as change? It wasn't a rare sight. She would always stay quiet but contained deep, soulful thoughts.

"And sometimes we can never go back."

It was that sentence that Jaemin knew what she was trying to make him comprehend. The fact that they kept on growing, leaving precious habits behind them? No. It wasn't it.

It was something lighter than Jaemin had expected. Heavy words from a heavy mind wanted to reveal lightweight experiences.

"You don't," Jaemin talked slowly, "want to go back?"

Sehyun shook her head.

"I mean, you can still make something happen. We can go down the slide again but in a different way, a better way that fits us."

"Jaemin."

She called out to him. He looked at her, eyes calling her out, desperately trying to make her have no regrets. She smiled.

"Sometimes, some things are better off left as memories. Not because we can't go back or we can't do it differently, but because we have to accept that we've changed."

They walked, hands shoved deep in their soft pockets and heads heavy, filled with thoughts deeper than how far both their memories could go.