Staring blankly at the sky, I sighed to myself. My head is spinning round and round because of studies. There is so much stuff that I need to remember and do. Why can’t I just save everything in my brain like computer? Isn’t that easier? Damn! I hate school when it gets serious. Since the final is around the corner, everyone is busy about study and all the teachers want to finish the syllabus fast before exam. In the end, people like me who’s a bit dumb is the one who suffer the most.

“Hey!” Yunho suddenly sat next to me and smile. I couldn’t help but to smile back.

“What are you doing here oppa?”

“I was passing by when I saw you here so I decide to join you.”

“Ah…”

“Don’t you have class?”

“Nope. Our teacher is sick.”

“Ah….”

And both of us went quiet and enjoy the fresh air out here in the field. It’s a sunny day. Birds flying here and there, sun shines brightly, winds blow softly and everything seems to go well. It’s the perfect day. It’s like nothing could turn worst right now. I’ve been through hell these days and I think I deserve to enjoy this perfect day for once in my life. Though I know it’ll end but at least it gives me hope that life will get better soon. I just need to bear with it for a little longer than it all will end in someway that I’ll never regret.

“This feels so good”, Yunho smile and take a sip of the fresh air.

“It’s been a while since I got to enjoy time like this.”

“Me too oppa.”

“I hope it never ends”, both of us smiled. I also wish it never end. Let it last forever.

“~~~~~~~-ah.”

“Ye oppa.”

“Can you sing for me?”

“Eh?”

“Please….”

“Um… Ok. What song do you want to hear?”

“Anything….”

“Ok….” I think about it for a while and decided to sing Always There by TVXQ.

juh haneuleul garyuhjwuh nega ddunagal ddae uhdoowuhjyuh ddunar soo ubgeh
juh taeyangeul soomguhjwuh nega doorah ohl ddae nah eui moseub choraharggah bwa.

yaksok haetdun geu shiganeh geu gosseh ahnjasuh saeng gakhago ddo haedo
saranghaneun geu mam hanaro geudaewah hamkkeh har soo ubneun gungayo

Yunho smile as he heard me sing and close his eyes while lying peacefully on the field. Looking at how peaceful he is, I felt peaceful too. Just like I said before, like there’s nothing could get wrong after this. Like there’s no one else in this world and only two of us accompanied by happiness by our side. Wouldn’t it be great if it was true?

nae muhreetsokeul modoo jeewuhdo joocheh har soo ubsuh dduh ohreuneun ne moseub
Ahpeun geeukdeul seulpeun noon moolro eejuhdo neh moseubeun sunmyunghae
nae gaseum sogeul modoo beewuhdo jooche har soo ubsuh jumyuh deuneun choo uhgee
nuhmoo seulpyuhsuh nuhmoo apasuh nae noonehn nuh hanaman dduh orla

Staring at Yunho’s face, I save the image in my brain and bury it deeply inside my memory and heart. Without knowing why, I got scared. Like Yunho is going to leave me. Like he’s going away from me. And my mind was being defensive so it started to save every bit of memory of him so that if one day that day comes, I have enough memory to remember him always inside of my heart.

As I stopped singing, Yunho opened his eyes and look at me like he never look at me before. There was this something inside his look that I don’t understand. There’s a mix of emotion there. It seems like wants to tell me something but he can’t. Like the words are being captured and throw down on the dungeon of his heart. Oppa, what is it? Tell me oppa. I’m always here to hear it.

“~~~~~~~~~-ah….”

“Ye oppa.”

“Can you do something for me?”

“What is it oppa?”

“Don’t come….”

“What?!”

“Don’t come to the musical tomorrow.”

“Wae yo oppa?” I already promise Mrs. Joo that I’ll come.

“Please… Please just don’t come….”

“But oppa…”

“Please. I’m begging you ~~~~~~~-ah. Please. Do it for me”, his eyes were getting teary by the minute he said that. What’s wrong? What’s going to happen tomorrow?

“A-a… Arasseo oppa”, for you, I’ll do anything.

“Gomawo.”

He sighed in relief. I don’t know what’s going on but I know its bothering Yunho so much right now. It seems like the burden is just too much even for a strong guy like him. Oppa, if you let me, I’ll hold the burden for you. Even if I’ll get hurt one day, I don’t mind oppa. All I want is to see you happy and free from everything that’s been bothering you right now. If only you let me oppa.

“~~~~~~~~-ah.”

“Hmm….”

“Why did you go home early last night?”

“Oh. Um… I….” Should I tell him or should I lie?

“Well…uh….” Decide now ~~~~~~~!

“Is it about Seul Ki?”

“Anijyo oppa! It’s….um….”

“You know you could always tell me everything”, the deep stare of his eyes cause my heart to melt. I know I could trust you oppa it’s just….

“I….I….”

“~~~~~~~~~-ah….” Yunho holds my cold hands. Slowly he put my hands on his chest which I could feel the power of his heart.

“It’s ok. There’s no need to tell me if you can’t. Don’t force yourself”, looking at how he really cares about me, I ended up crying. Without saying a word, he pulled me into his embrace.

“Shh…. It’s ok. I’m here….”

The image of Jaejoong and unnie kissed play itself inside my mind. With all the chaotic stuff in my life, it makes everything looks way much more harder. I still haven’t been able to talk to either one of them. Just like usual, I ran away from problems again. No. this time I didn’t run but I hide myself from it. I don’t love Jaejoong anymore. I don’t and I’m certainly sure of it but…. why does my heart hurts so much when I saw him kissing my sister? I don’t get it! I try to reason with myself but it just gets harder that way.

“I don’t know what’s bothering you but you should know that this is how life is. It gets really hard at one point, and the next, everything seems to be sort out. When you’re young, everything feels like the end of the world”, a small smile formed on my face.

“That’s what my sister usually tells me.”

“That’s what I usually tell her when she’s down.”

“Uh?!” My eyes widen as I look up at him.

“My sister ever gets down?!” Wow! I taught she was the feelings control type of person.

“There’s a lot you don’t know about your sister.”

“There is?”

“Yes there is.”

“Like?”

“She always wishes that she could become you.”

“HUH?!” Ok, that doesn’t make sense AT ALL! Why would she wish to become me? Doesn’t she know how hard is it to be me?

“Don’t you know that it is fun to be you?”

“HUH?!”

“You’re young and fun. Every time things get hard for you, you always get a grip of yourself and stood up against the hardness. And when things are easy, you’d smile and be all proud of yourself. There’s no need to take serious or being responsible of anything. Everything you do is fun and never bothers you at all.”

“So what you’re saying is that I’m still a kid?”

“Yes and no.”

“HUH?!” Ok stop being a smarty pants with me. You know I can’t understand it.

“Yes you are still a kid but no you’re not childish.”

“If I’m a kid but not childish, what does that make me?”

“You.” Me?

“You don’t know how much I wish I could be you. I’ll give my life for it.”

“I’ll give my whole life to trade it with my sister.”

“Why?! Do you know how hard it is to be Jooyeon?”

“No. that’s why I wish I was her. Always the perfect one. She’s smart and beautiful. Even in my parents eyes, she’s always better than me. She listens to what they said, and I don’t. She does whatever they ask her to, and I don’t. She gets good marks in school and I don’t. Now, even my friends think so too. Just this morning, Junsu said she was better than me. And last night, she easily gets the love of the guy I’ve been dying to have before I meet you. I’d give my all to have what she has”, it’s true. Even if I have to trade it with my life, I would.

“What do you mean by Jooyeon gets the love of the guy you’ve been dying to have before me?” For a smarty pants, he is quite dumb!

“Jaejoong and Jooyeon unnie are dating secretly behind my back….”

“Oh! Is that why….”

“Yes….” Now you know.

“Wait a minute! Jaejoong? Jooyeon?! So he’s the guy she’s been loving all this time?!”

“B…bwoh?! W-what do you mean?”

“Jooyeon always said to me that her heart is own by somebody but she can’t have that person because someone she loves love that guy too. Now I know it’s….”

“Me. So all this time, it’s me who prevent her love?” Both Yunho and me just looked down and went quiet. What’s more to be said right?

“~~~~~~~~-ah, it’s…..”

“Don’t oppa. I know it’s my fault”, as much as I don’t want to admit it, I still have to. I’m the reason why they suffer. If it wasn’t because of my selfish act, they would be a happy couple that’s been dating for years now. Jooyeon unnie probably suffer when Jaejoong leave. Again, it was my fault. If only I didn’t tell him my feelings. If only I didn’t push him away after he just ignore my feelings. If only I knew, things wouldn’t be like this.

“~~~~~~~~….”

“I need to go oppa. Bye!” I quickly ran as fast as I could away from him and start to search for unnie and Jaejoong. Where could they be? I need to solve everything right now. I don’t want them to suffer anymore. I want to redeem myself. It might hurt me a lot but its ok. It’s not like it’s the first hurt I’m experiencing. My heart can bear another hurt. It won’t affect me anymore.

I searched for them like EVERYWHERE! Library, no. Class, no. Girl’s bathroom, no. Guy’s bathroom, don’t know. Classroom, no. Canteen, no. Teacher’s lounge, no way! Office, no. Music room, no. Theater room, no. Gym, no. Where could they be? Hmm…. Ah! Roof! Quickly I ran towards the roof and thank God I found them both. I couldn’t take it if I have to run around again. I’m not made for sport ok.

“Aegiya”, Jaejoong slipped his hands around unnie’s waist. I just watched them quietly.

“Yah! What if people see us?”

“Just let them. I don’t care anymore.”

“Yah! What if that people is ~~~~~~~~?” Jaejoong sighed and unnie just smile bitterly. Like someone just stabbed my heart, I cried quietly in pain. I didn’t know I hurt them this much.

“What are we going to do with ~~~~~~~~?” There was pain in unnie’s voice.

“Aish! Mollayo. If only Yunho would love her….” Yeah, if only he would Jaejoong oppa.

“But let’s not think about that now. It’s all about us now. What if I sing you a song?”

“Arasseo Jae-ah.”

“Ok. What song do you want to hear Yeonnie-ah?”

“Sowon.”

“Ok!” And he started singing.

 ijen nae ane gu sowon damaso gudae himduro jimyon jagun son jaba julgeyo
gudaeui maumen naega obtjyo homhan sesangi wonhadushi to honjara mitjyo

So Easily mamnoha shirin gasum boimyon
wiroga dwae julgeyo. gwaenchannnayo?
(duryopjin anke)
Oh Love is strong
nollajin mayo midoyo onusae (onusae)
maldo mothal sesangi dagaonunde

norul boryodun gu oduun gil soge hemaeda igyo naendamyon jogumshik
gudae sarmun to dallajigetjyo
taeron jichyo ssurojyogado onjena momul su itge
ape so innun naega boinayo?

Seeing how happy they are, I felt really bad now. I can’t talk to them now. It’ll just ruin their happiness. Maybe I should just back off and cure my pain first. Than I deal with them. Yeah. That sounds like a plan. Slowly, I retreat and walked away. Where should I go now? I don’t know. I just let my feet take me to wherever it wants.

Unconsciously, I arrived in front of Sunny’s house. It’s been a while since the last time I come here. It’s still the same. Maybe more plants are being planted around the house but nothing changes. The place still feels warm and save. It still holds memories that forever will be lasting. When I was little, this used to be my paradise. Every time umma scolded me, I’ll come and sleep over here.

“~~~~~~~~-ah….” Sunny suddenly walked out of the door. Looking at her, I can’t help but to cry even more. I miss her so much. Even if I don’t act like it, I still do miss her. I can’t get mad at her any longer.

“Sunny-ah!” I quickly ran to her and hugged her tightly. I can’t do this anymore. It’s so hard without her by my side.

“Gwenchana. I’m here. Everything will be alright. Just cry”, lending her shoulder, Sunny just let me cry as much as I want to. This is why I love her. She never turns her back on me when I needed her. I can’t believe I was mad at this cheeky little Sunny.

After a while, finally I’m able to get a grip of myself. I don’t know how many times I had cried this year. Maybe more than hundred times. And that every hundred times, I always have Sunny and other people around me. Maybe my life seems because I’m stuck in this pain of love, but I still have people who love and care about me. Seeing it that way, life seems to feel better now.

“Gwenchana?” Sunny asked as I lifted my head up and look at her.

“Gwenchanayo”, I smiled.

“Gomawo Sunny-ah for being there when I need you.”

“Nah. That’s what friends for anyway.”

“No. thank you and I’m sorry for treating you badly all this while. I don’t know what’s going on with me. Mianhae chingu.”

“I don’t blame you. If I were you, I would do the same to.”

“So are we cool now?”

“Of course we are.”

“Gomawo Sunny-ah!” I quickly hugged her and she just smiled as brightly as the sun. Even if she doesn’t say it, I know she missed me. Who wouldn’t right? Hahaha!

“So, care to tell me what happen?”

“Something really bad.”

“Well obviously but what?”

“Something that makes me cries.”

“~~~~~~~~~-ah….” I laughed as I realized how annoyed Sunny was. She hasn’t change a bit. Still easy to be annoyed.

“Jooyeon unnie and Jaejoong oppa are dating”, I swear to you that Sunny eyes ALMOST popped out of its socket when she heard that. I would react like that if I was her.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah. Seriously.”

“I taught they hated each other?”

“No. they don’t hated each other. They’re awkward around each other.”

“But still, dating? Ok. That doesn’t sound good at all.”

“Agree.”

“But I taught you have forgotten about Jaejoong.”

“I taught so too but I don’t know why, my heart hurt so much when I knew about it. Maybe not as much as how it hurts when I know Yunho has a girlfriend but almost similar to that.”

“I understand. I feel the same when I saw Minhyuk date other girls.”

“Sunny-ah, you only felt that because he was dating a nerd who’s ten times uglier than you.”

“Oh yeah….”

“But that’s not what hurt the most.”

“Than what it is?”

“I got to know that they’ve loved each other since they first met. Now I know why Jaejoong can’t love me….” Looking at how sad I am, Sunny holds me.

“He’s an idiot you know for not loving you.”

“I know he is.”

“Than why are you acting all sad?”

“It feels worst when I know that I loose myself to my own sister, the nerd. HUA!!” Both of us laughed.

“~~~~~~~~~-ah, are you coming tomorrow?”

“Coming?”

“The musicaall~”.

“Ah”, now I remember that Yunho asked me not to go and I already promised him.

“No.”

“Why?!”

“I promised Yunho oppa not to go.”

“Owh~”

“What’s wrong Sunny-ah?” She looks rather disturbed.

“I think you should know something”, her face change from playful to serious.

“What?”

“Tomorrow, Yunho oppa will announce his future plans.”

“What plans?”

“Engage with Seul Ki unnie and move to America with her after graduation.”

“Owh….” What else am I supposed to say?

“Are you ok with it?”

“Yeah. I mean, no. What am I saying”, I really don’t know how to react to that. Somehow it doesn’t hurt me at all now after what I’ve been through.

“Aren’t you sad?”

“Yes.”

“But you don’t seem like it.”

“Well I kind off expecting this to come.”

“Did you know about this earlier?”

“No.”

“Than why do you seem so cool about it?”

“I guess I’m just too tired with all of this. Even if I cry and yearn for him, it won’t change anything.”

“~~~~~~~~~-ah…..” Before I started crying again, I quickly shook the feeling off and smiled.

“So, what’s the musicaall~ all about?”

“Urgh! Why do you have to ask?” Sunny seemed annoyed.

“Why? What is it?” It makes me more excited to know now that she’s acting this way.

“Cinderella.”

“And who’s the Cinderella?”

“Me.”

“YOU?!” And I laughed as hard as I could. Just imagine. Sunny, the devil has to act all helplessly when her step sisters and mother bullied her. Now that’s rare!

“Stop laughing! It’s not funny ok.”

“Sorry but it’s just too funny.” I said between laugh and Sunny just rolled her eyes.

“Who’s the unlucky prince charming?”

“Junsu.” And that just make me rolled down the floor while laughing crazily. Junsu and Sunny? Not the very best couple in the world but definitely hilarious.

“I’m so coming to the musicaall~”

“But ~~~~~~~~~. What about….”

“Who cares anymore about that stuff? All I want to do is watch how you and Junsu act all lovey-dovey.”

“Well that’s not the best part.”

“Than what is it?” What could be better than Junsu and Sunny acting like they’re in love when in fact they wanted to kill each other everyday?

“Guess who the step mother is?”

“Who?”

“Teac oppa.”

“JINJA?!”

“Ye.”

“Whoa! Definitely comedy show to be look at.”

“That’s not the best part.”

“There’s more?!”

“Yup. Yunho oppa is being fairy god mother which look so weird and awful.”

“Seriously?! Omo! I’m so going to enjoy myself tomorrow.”

“And do you know who the step sisters are?”

“Who? Who?” This is so exciting!

“Jooyeon unnie and Daesung.”

“WTF?! Seriously? Daesung wear a wig and dress? Jooyeon unnie has to act all y and girly? WHOA!”

“Yeah. WHOA right? But I think Daesung actually enjoying it.”

“It is Daesung after all. What about Changmin and Yoochun oppa?”

“Rats.”

“Is Mrs. Joo trying to conduct a Just for Laugh show or what?”

“Tell me about it. I almost cried when she gave me the Cinderella part. When she announced Junsu as the prince not-so-charming, I nearly died from heart attack.”

“I am SSSOOOO going to watch that musicaall~!”

“Can you take my place ~~~~~~~~-ah?”

“Eeww! No way! I rather die.”

“Than what about me?”

“Just go with it Sunny-ah.”

“I hate you, you know that?”  

“Awh! I hate you too”, I smiled and hugged her. Tomorrow is so going to be a great, great show. But what about the after show? Will I be able to endure it? Can I control myself from crying? Am I ready for it? No I’m not but it’s ok. I’ll survive it. I always do. This is Lee ~~~~~~~ were talking about. Nothing can take me down. I’m just glad that I have Sunny back and now my life is complete again.