❝ chapter five

s o l a r ’ s

If I have to choose the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever done in my entire life, it’d be an hour ago when I accidentally swallow a confetti during our pre-recording. They rush me to the hospital immediately even though I insist that I’m perfectly fine - feeling itchy in my throat and nauseous aren’t exactly a big deal anymore. Byul sends me several messages, checking if I’m fine. The news spread like wild fire and before I know it, I have several people texting me and calling me if I’m fine. 

Habitually, I checked my phone again even when there’s no buzz from it. It had been a week since we last texted, it had been a week since we last met in person, it had been a week since he suddenly confessed and it had been a week since I left without giving him a proper answer and we both acted like nothing had happened at all. Did I expect a text from him worrying about me? Did I expect him bugging me for an answer? I don’t know.  

    “Yongsun-ah, you should rest today. You heard the doctor, there isn’t any problem so far but there might be so just rest. I think the girls would prefer not performing together for a week rather than for a few months.” 

    I smile. “Unnie, do you think a tiny confetti will hurt someone as big as me?” 

    She chuckles. “How is it going with him?”

Oh. 

    “He confessed a week ago. I left. I kinda rejected him.” I shrug, feeling bitter with myself about everything. “Now, we both acted like nothing happened at all.”

She stops the car at the traffic light and lets out a soft sigh. I look down, fidgeting with my own fingers. I don’t even know why I’m nervous. Probably because he hasn’t call at all, probably because if he actually does, I don’t know what to say and probably because I’m afraid I’m going to lead us to nothing. 

    “You know, Yongsun. I think Eric is a nice guy and I’m not trying to be nice. But, I seriously can’t imagine you being with someone else when he set the standard that high during your wgm days.” She shoots me another glance. “Think about it again and gives the man his answer. You know you have the easiest company ever, they don’t even ban you guys from dating.”

    “Yeah, but I don’t want to hurt our moomoos. I don’t want to disappoint them. After all, they are the one who made Mamamoo possible until today. You do know most of them don’t really like us together back then.”

    She shrugs. “There will always be someone who is against you about something, Yongsun. The only thing that matters is whether you’re able to have confidence in your own voice and lives up to it so they can hear that voice.” She stops her car in front of my house and I frown confusedly. “Just like singing. You managed to change your parents’ minds with that beautiful voice, didn't you?”

Sometimes, I’m just really grateful I signed with the right company and got the right manager. I bid her good bye and went inside, seeing the route only reminds me of the time he walked me home during our shoot. It was strange but I liked it, I liked that it felt safe and strangely enough, for the first time in forever, I didn’t feel lonely walking down the very same route with only music as my companion.