❝ chapter forty

s o l a r ’ s

[blue text = spoken in english]

When Eric sees me in my evening gown, he gives me an ooh in front of my stylists and my members. The dress is entirely in white and it clings to my body without a breath. It’s a floor length dress but the fabric only comes up to my waist and the rest of it are soft organza spread with the slightest shade of baby blue so as to matches the interior decoration of our after party. Originally, Eric’s aunt makes it an extremely low-cut dress but instead, I asked her to covered it up a little bit because knowing Eric, I might actually get in trouble. 

    “You’re stunning.” He whispers as we stand by the entrance of the after-party hall. Suddenly, his hand is on my and he drums his fingers against my skin. “But, this is distracting me.”

    “That’s the purpose of this dress.” I give him a playful shrug and he laughs, mainly because he’s so done with me too. 

Drapes of big moss and blue flowers are suspend from the ceiling of the room over our heads and the room is dark but lit up by hundreds of candles in small glasses and several other lights that are hidden along the flowers on the wall. Tables are placed in two rows and they created a long line, a huge vase with overflowing flowers on top of it along with champagne glasses, plates and all the necessities for a meal. Over the table are light bulbs that are specially designed into tree’s branches spreading out from each other. 

In between the table is almost another aisle except it isn’t in white but rather a carpet with flower petals spreading all over it. We’re planning to use this as our stage for our performance along with the front space which is also a stage. 

At the front, I had them re-created a forest-like backdrop, with flowers and branches and vines and lights. It’s beautiful and it gives off an enchanted forest atmosphere which is exactly what I’m trying to re-create. There is a soft, relaxing background music playing in the back along with the sound of birds chirping quietly. It’s as if we’re in an actual forest. Somehow, forests always seem to catch my attention. 

We greeted the wgm casts who were our colleagues and the wgm hosts and writers who made it possible for us. Yoo Jaesuk sunbaenim is also sitting with them and they complimented us on the setting. Park Misun sunbaenim couldn’t stop complimenting both of my dresses, saying how everything has been so magical and it touched her deeply. Park Narae sunbaenim asked if I could planned her wedding for her if she ever gets married with Yang Sechan sunbaenim and Eric jokingly asked if she's not gonna marry Kian84 which made her really flustered and we ended up laughing over it. 

We greeted as much people as we could, Eric got bombarded with drinks from his friends in Korea and America and as much as I tried not to, I could barely refused them. I managed to tell him that he’s not having anymore alcohol until we finished our performances and we excused ourselves before they shoved another glass of wine into his hand. 

    “Your face is starting to get red.” I mumble and give him a slight frown. 

    He shrugs. “You saw how it was impossible to refused them.”

I jokingly rolled my eyes at him then he gave me a peck on my cheek. Who knew it was possible for me to feel this happy in my life. My whole life revolved around singing and performing and that was it. Singing was both the pain and the joy in my life and that was it. Nothing more and nothing less but looking at today, I realized I was even happier. Happier that he’s going to be by my side forever, happier that what we have wasn’t another mistake that I made, happier that all of these ever happened to me. 

Eric looked at me and I knew he was worried because I spaced out a little but I smiled at him and shook my head reassuringly. Gently, I grabbed his arm and we walked toward the front stage. Our very first stage as husband and wife. 

Byul said it’s funny how we never really had the chance to share the same stage in public when we were dating but now, we would be sharing the same stage in our own wedding, performing for the guests and the people who had been extremely lovely in every possible way along our journey. Eric and I decided that we would be singing for our parents, for each other then with each together and I offered to prepared the songs ourselves in secrecy so it would sparked the curiosity and anticipation. Although it’s been decided we’re performing Perhaps, Love together.

    Eric took the mic and loud appluases rang throughout the hall. “First of all, thank you very much to everyone that took times out of their busy schedules to share and celebrate the joy in our journey today. It really means a lot to us to have your presences here so my wife and I decided that as a gift, we’d be performing several songs tonight. Mainly because singing was one of the reasons that brought us here together today.” 

    He looked at me and smiled. “I hope you enjoy it.” 

Eric goes first so I stand next to his side and watches him in his best state. Not the amazing artist Eric Nam on stage but as my husband who just loves singing as much as I do and who sees singing as something more than a career like I do. Eric says something about this song being dedicated to his parents and he has performed this once before and it’s their favorite song. He looks nervous, I wish I could give him a comforting hug right now. 

A familiar melancholy melody starts playing and I recognize it almost immediately. Standing in the Shade of Roadside Tree, a song he sang during The Masked King’s Singer. I diverted my gaze to his parents and his mom is tearing up even before he starts singing as soon as she recognizes the intro. His dad is smiling and deep down, I know he’s trying very hard not to cry. I’d break down if my parents are like this too, I probably can’t even finish the whole song. 

Eric’s sweet voice rides along the melancholy melody and the venue is silent and sentimental. His parents are now really crying along with most of our relatives and almost everyone are recording and swaying along to the rhythm. I watch as Eric sings the last note and looks to his parent’s direction. We both agreed that we would say something to our parents after our performances for them, because really, when else would we get the chance to do this? Eric also agreed that we might regret it if we keep on prolonging it further.

    “Mom, dad,” He said and paused and I knew he was about to break down as well. Eric has a soft spot when it comes to his family, I've always loved this about him. “Thank you so much for everything. I’m sorry that I went against you when I first wanted to walk on this path and I’m so sorry that I worried you after I assured you that I’ll be happy working in this industry then ended up calling to complaint. Thank you for giving me life and teaching me about life. I’ll try to become a good husband, father and provide only the best for my family in the future just like how you did for me. I love and respect you a lot. If there’s really a next life, I’d still want to be born as your son again. Thank you for everything.”

His mom is weeping her heart out and his dad wipes his eyes with his handkerchief, then Eric walks to them so he could gives them a hug. Another round of applauses explode throughout the venue and everyone watch them warmly. It’s amazing what families could do to us and our emotional state. 

After a few minutes, Eric hands me another mic and I close my eyes momentarily, exhaling to calm my nerves. I’ve been thinking a lot the past months about what should I be singing. When I think about it, only one song came to my mind - Happy People. I sang this song entirely in a reason to dedicated this to my parents and I even had them starred in my music video for it but singing for them right now, personally, it tugs several strings in my heart. 

Even if the way that I go is rough and far, you’re the one who gives me happiness.

My emotion suddenly swarms up at once as the song comes to and I try my hardest to swallow it in so I won’t ruin the song but a glance at my mom’s face in her handkerchief makes all my determination shatters away immediately. Thankfully, I finish the high note properly and I look down because I really couldn’t do it anymore and sing the last few lines almost in a whisper. 

    “Mom, dad…” I mumble. “Thank you for everything.” 

My dad is now patting my mom on her back and wiping his own tear and I bow, a complete ninety degrees bow to show them my utmost respect and gratitude for all the years they’ve been through, keeping up with me, dealing with me, being in pain because of me until I’m ready to stand here and vowed to start my own family with the man I cherish more than anything in the whole world. It’s overwhelming. Suddenly the thought that I’d never be able to become as great of a mother as my mom could be overwhelmed me so much, her patience is everything and I would never be able to do that. 

The next seconds, Eric holds me and quietly hands me tissues. I mutter a soft thank you and apologize for mood but really, everyone else in the very front are crying just as much as I do. I remember catching Yoo Jaesuk sunbaenim and the wgm casts wiping their tear in the middle of the song. 

Eric’s next performance is for me. 

I look at the translations of the lyrics that are shown on the VCR and apparently the title is Beautiful in White and I was reminded of Wheein almost immediately. As the first beat starts, I somehow get a flashback of Wheein listening to this song before in our practice room back in the old days and dreamed of getting her husband to sing this song to her. At the corner of my eyes, I see her slapping Hyejin on her arms several times as Eric starts singing to the song and I suppress my giggle.

You look so beautiful in white, and from now till my very last breath, this day I cherish.

And with this ring, I say to the world, you’re my every reason, you’re all that I believe in. 

Another spurge of tears well in my eyes as I read the translation along with his usual beautiful voice accompanying and I catch his eyes then all the emotions fly right through me. He always knows exactly the right words to say, he knows exactly the right flowers and he knows exactly the perfect song for us. He always does. I can’t believe I’m actually getting married to the Eric Nam every household in Korea wants, and the Nam Yoondo who loves me endlessly every single day and lets me know about it every times. This is all so surreal.

But if I have to be very honest right now, my mom would be the happiest because the Eric Nam is her son-in-law. Somewhere in the back of my head, I could imagine Eric rolling his eyes at me again for this and I suppress my giggle again.

So as long as I live I love you, will have and hold you. You look so beautiful in white tonight.

And, if a daughter’s what our future holds, I hope she has your eyes, finds love like you and I did. But when she falls in love, we’ll let her go, I’ll walk her down the aisle, she’ll look so beautiful in white. 

I smile as I read the translation in front of me. If a daughter is really what our our future holds, I'm pretty sure Eric will dote on her so much and will probably not let any of male friends hold her. I wonder if he would really let her go though once she falls in love? We once had this talk and he said he'd never let his daughter date anybody until she's 30. I had to fight him on that because apparently, we're getting married when I am still in my 28 and apparently he was the one who I literally lived with since I was 26. He grumbled back then and agreed to let her date whenever she wanted to but he has to approve of her boyfriends. It was funny to both of us that we were even talking about that because even up until now, we still have no plans in becoming anyone's parents anytime soon. 

I watch him singing his heart out, saying what he wants to say through a song that best describes it. Our very own way of communication. We’re both not very expressive, Eric’s definitely more expressive than me but still, sometimes songs represent our words and we exchange it through songs. Tons and tons of times and never once had we ever failed to communicate in that way. 

    “I love you, Yongsun.” 

I blush at how he randomly and suddenly says he loves me although he says it almost every times then I nod, and he smiles. Another thing I love about Eric would be the fact that over the years, he has learned to understand me by just looking at my expression without even having me saying it out loud. He just understands. 

I can proudly say I might have put a little bit more of efforts into my song for him because I decide Wishlist is a really great song and I regret not writing the lyrics completely for the whole song so for the past 3 months, I’ve been working on the lyrics and asked the girls for help. I wrote every single lines thinking of him and what we both shared and hopefully, as he’s claimed, he’ll cherish this as part of his memory. 

The atmosphere turns a lot more lighter during my performance, my members start cheering and give us teasing ooh every times I mention something about Eric in my song and Eric would just laugh at it. I look at Eric as I finish the song and he couldn’t stop smiling and all of suddenly, something inside me makes me lean forward and give him a peck on his lip that leads into a chaos from the guests especially our families and friends. 

    In the smallest whisper just for both of us, mics away, I said, “I hope you know that I love you more than words can express it and I vow to be yours and only yours.” 

    Eric runs his hand along the bridge of my nose as he stares at my lip and I know this gesture gets everyone hyped but all I could focus on now is what he’s going to do. Then, he smiles cheekily and whispers, “Raincheck.”

Geez, Nam Yoondo.