I'm already unpacked. It's been a week since I moved from New York back to California but I still feel unwelcomed somehow. It might just be me thinking too much. Of course, it would take a while to transition back to my old self not that my old self was any better. But the atmosphere and weather here are definitely bringing back old memories. Gosh, how time flies.

Sehun has been busy the past week at his company. He had only come back home on the fourth day to take back some new clothing and waited until Stella was asleep before going back to work. It wasn't a surprise though. After Irene's death, he had taken a month off work preparing her funeral and staying home to care for Stella. The time he spent mourning for her also meant that he was falling behind at work. But family is always more important. I'm glad that I could help somehow by taking care of Stella. Becoming her nanny was the most I could do to support Irene and her family.

After she left, her absence had affected me greatly. I guess this was how she felt when I had ignored her calls. How stressed and depressed she must've been. She always seemed so content with life; happy and cheerful. But I guess how you pretend to act like on the outside really does not reveal how you feel on the inside. She must've been so alone.

I am taken from my thoughts as Stella begins to crawl to my room. She was playing with her toy in the living room on the second floor but I guess she was bored now. I am in the same room that I had chosen from my first stay which I didn't mind. Not at all. Instead, I'm pretty satisfied with my choice. I smile at her and lift her up.

"Someone seems happy," I say and walk down the stairs. I had told Sehun that it was best to block the access to the stairs since Stella was becoming better at crawling. I didn't want her to fall down the stairs someday and injure herself. He had agreed automatically and the next day brought back a few new set of small gates used to prevent babies from going places they weren't supposed to.

I set her down on the sofa in front of the big tv screen and bombard her with pillows as barriers. I wasn't too worried about her falling though. By spending three days with her, she seemed like a calm and relaxed baby. "Sit there," I tell her in a soft tone and she starts making sounds. I'm sure that was her attempt at talking and smiling. I grab one of the containers of peeled oranges that I had prepped earlier for her. I walk back and hand her one slice of orange to snack on before I turn on the television. I put on Peppa Pig for her to watch.

I decided to make dinner. I walk into the kitchen and grab ingredients for the pasta that I plan to make. Having a strict grandmother, I knew how to cook and clean. I had the skills to live alone which did not make my grandmother too worried about me when she was still alive. She was always worried that I was going to be a cat lady when I grew older. I had jokingly told her I'd prefer dog lady. Cats weren't really my thing but animals, in general, were very cute. I remember her little scowl at me and encouraging me to beat the boys. She was funny and kind in her own ways. In contrast to my mother who told me boys were never going to fall for a tomboy like me, my Grandmother brushed my mother's comments aside and told me to be tough in order to kick .

But I had to admit, I was a tomboy. Or more in the sense that I mainly hung out with a few boys when I was little. It was usually me and Jungkook or him and his little crew. Girls had too many dramas and too fashionable. I used to always wear sweatpants and t-shirts in high school. I had no shame, it was comfortable. But then, as I matured into a twenty-six-year-old woman, I did realize that I needed to dress up more.

I grew out my short hair which now reached my waist. Learned how to put makeup on. threaded my eyebrows which used to resemble bushes. Oh gosh, how unorganized I used to look. I finally gave in to skirts and dress two years ago. And learned how to wear heels. But then, I wasn't as pretty as my friends nor was I pretty enough to fit the standards of becoming a model. But I did enjoy sports. That was something I was proud of at the very least.

But I could never give away my books. If there was one thing I could always choose to have, it would be books. They were my best friend. Something that I knew would not judge me despite my looks or personality. It's just like what people always say, 'don't judge a book by its cover'. Yet, people still do it anyways. But I had told myself if a book were a person, and you judged it, you would hurt its feelings as well. And books never judged people, so why should I?

I finally finished cooking. It took longer than usual with a baby nearby. I had to stop every few minutes to check on her and as I said, she was a super calm baby. I glanced at the clock. It was already six forty-five in the evening and Sehun wasn't back yet. The past few days, he would usually facetime and talk to Stella but he did not today. It has been four days since the last time we both have seen him face to face. If he did slip in the house, it was usually at midnight. And before I even woke up, he was gone again for work.

I was worried about him. Hopefully, he was eating and not skipping his meal. Also, he needed sleep. A lot of it. And he really needed to clean up a bit. He still kept the beard and his hair was longer. Very long I suppose according to his hairstyles in the past. His eyes had large bags under them that he resembled a raccoon.

I take Stella and me to the dining room. I set her in her high chair and set a bowl of pasta in front of her. I also give her her sippy cup filled with water this time. I didn't want her drinking juice all the time since they contain lots of sugar. She squirms and automatically starts digging in. I laugh and eat my serving of pasta as well. is already covered with the red tomato sauce that I can't help but grin. Taking my phone out, I snap a few pictures of her. And then a few of me and her enjoying our dinner.

There is one picture of us where she grabs my cheek with her hand covered in tomato sauce. In the picture, I am grinning widely while laughing. Gosh, we are a mess. A sudden idea pops up and I'm thinking it might be an excuse for me to see how Sehun is doing. I send it to him via messaging and type a text below, 'Enjoying a late dinner. It seems like princess loved my cooking. Did you eat yet?' I send it but my heart was hammering for an unknown reason.

What was I worrying about? I'm just making sure he's fine and not overworking himself. I look back at Stella who is finishing her last piece of pasta while holding on to a piece of baked garlic bread. I sigh, time to clean up. But lately, dinner has been painful. Lonely. Somewhat depressing. I really enjoyed Stella as my company but this dining room was so big. However, there is only two of us using it.

I clean the mess Stella made and carry her to the bathroom. I give her a nice warm bath and dress her up in her cute pink and light blue pajamas. It is already eight-thirty when I finish and she seems tired already. I take her to her room and set her down in her little crib. Grabbing one of the rocking chairs, I sit beside her and read one of the children's books Sehun and Irene had bought her. After ten minutes of reading the book, Stella is already in deep sleep.

I smile and give her a light kiss on the forehead before going to clean up. After cleaning up, I also go take a shower and dress in a tank top and short pajama pants. They were quite short when I first bought them and seemed to have shrunk after multiple washes. I didn't mind it at first because it was always me alone when I wore them. Since Sehun was never home anyway, I didn't have to worry about dressing inappropriately.

I sigh and glance at my phone. Sehun had just replied six minutes earlier. 'Will be home late again. And I drank some coffee, thanks for taking care of Stella.' He adds a laughing emoji. "Nice makeup."

I snort at the comment and don't bother replying. Our conversations will always be bland. It was usually 'Okay. See you later. Thanks. Be there later, etc.'

I yawn tiredly but decide to stay up and write my book. It is Friday night but I have nothing better to do. I sit at the desk in my room and keep the door ajar just so I can hear Stella if I needed to. There was the baby monitor as well but I just felt better with the door open. I yawn and get to work. My recent book hasn't been doing as well as I wanted. It was a little bit better than the past ones. I usually wrote romance or science fiction novels.

I had hoped the earlier one would do great but it was doing decent. It was back to the struggles of writing a book again. I concentrate and continue writing until sleep knocks me out.

I hear some shuffling as I wake up from my desk. My neck aches from the uncomfortable sleeping position. I roll and massage my neck before glancing at the clock on my desk. It is barely two o'clock in the morning. I groan and walk out of my room to see a trail of lights. I am guessing Sehun is back home.

I tiptoe quietly to Stella's room and see him giving her a kiss. His beard is long and messy. His hair almost shoulder length and his eyes still the same gloomy and sad pair of chocolate eyes. He glances up at me and only offers a nod which makes me kind of sad. At the very least a hello or thanks would make me feel better. But I guess