“Hey, I need you to stock this,” someone called out to Baekhyun. Sighing, he looked away from his book to go grab things in the back. Baekhyun’s job at the bookstore wasn’t anything really interesting. A lot of it was just scanning things, making small talk, and being bored out of his mind whenever there weren’t little things to do. Sometimes, there were some pretty cute people who would come by, and he had to remind himself that he wasn’t allowed to flirt with those customers. He would also get really creeped out if the people asked him out when he was on duty. It was just an abuse of power that he didn’t want to deal with. But today his eight hour shift seemed longer than usual. Most days, he could at least amuse himself, but even being at the register didn’t help today.

He supposed it was because the bookstore was expensive, and because there wasn't anything to really buy. But as his figure started to grab all the items he needed to stock, he wondered what he had to do today. A lot of it had to do with the homework that his classes were piling up like crazy on him, and figuring out what Jongdae wanted to do for the rest of the quarter for their bucket list.

Honestly, Baekhyun was surprised with how much they’ve gotten done. In the span of six weeks, they managed to cross off seven of those items. If they kept going at the speed that they were, they would be done even before the school year was over. Sure, someone could have said that they were being insane. It was their senior year, shouldn’t they have been more focused on their work, instead of of playing around like this? They had reason to be thinking that because there were jobs to worry about, there were things after graduation, and not everyone could live the same way of just letting it all happen like Jongdae. Day in day out, Baekhyun was afraid that he wouldn’t get into medical school. There were finances to worry about when it came to school, and yet here he was, recovering from another party where he found the boy he loved for so long.

What would his parents say about all this? That he was playing too much and that he needed to stop? His grades were still good, and he managed to stay on top of things even though he was the type to do everything the night before it was due. Biting his lips, he didn’t know either. Placing books in the aisles, restocking the overpriced snacks, his mind continued to hurriedly think of the reasons they would be disappointed in him. There was that test he didn’t do very well in, or the fact that he kept going out with people. His head should be in the books not with people he could potentially find a relationship with.

He thought people were beautiful, and sometimes they were more beautiful than he could ever imagined. And it was hard not believe there could be a future with any of them. Every single day he saw someone in a new relationship, or he saw couples, and he just wanted a piece of that too. Was that so wrong to ask? Why was it that he kept finding the wrong people?

But not only that though, Kikwang kept popping in his mind. Sure, they still talked each day, and it was something different everyday. Sometimes, they got deeper, and he just wanted to keep him like that every night, but he had to remind himself again and again the party. It was only once. It was never going to happen again. And he kept remembering it. How was it possible to like him that night even though it was never going to go anywhere?

When he placed the last bag of pretzels on the rack, he walked back to the cashier position where he saw a familiar face come to his register, Bae Suji. Something up his spine gave him goosebumps as she approached the register. Jongdae had some kind of problem with Suji, and Yixing and Baekhyun always pestered him for the details.

“Hey Baekhyun,” she hummed, her voice sounding like silver bells as she spoke. And Baekhyun always felt as though she was just too sweet for her own good. “How were your midterms?” she asked as she put her chocolate bar and a cola bottle on the counter. As she ran a finger through her hair, Baekhyun grabbed the items before scanning them away. It was a typical day at work.

“They were fine. Just the usual things, what about you?” he asked. Suji was always so sweet and so pretty. When she smiled, there was just something about that twinkled in her eyes. And she always asked how everyone was doing, she was thoughtful and asked about the things that seemed to be the biggest concern for them. Her french manicured fingers took out bills and quarters as she answered his question in the vaguest terms. He nodded along, still wondering if Jongdae was right about everything, but maybe his friend was wrong. Maybe, Jongdae was the bad guy in this all, and he did something to hurt Suji so they went from friends to strangers in a heartbeat. Yixing and he talked about it for weeks when Jongdae wouldn’t talk to them, or he gave them vague answers.

“Do you wanna go on a date some time?” Suji asked as he handed her the receipt. There was the spine-crawling goosebumps in his bones again. As she said that, his eyes widened in surprise, and he started to stumble on his own words. Suji was the only exception to the asking out at work rule.

“I, uh, yeah, sure!” Baekhyun exclaimed before she smiled, tilted her head to the side, and disappeared from the bookstore. Sure, he never thought of her like that as she walked away in her blue jeans and white top, but she was pretty, sweet, and kind, how was he supposed to say no? Even though this eight hour shift was going longer than he thought it would be at least he had a date with a sweet girl to look forward to.
 

“You did what?” Jongdae asked when Baekhyun invited him over, and he was now on the ground, doing his calculus work with Yixing. It must have been five pm when he got back, and Baekhyun only nonchalantly discussed the possibility off Suji and him going on a date. And of course, it didn’t go unnoticed by Jongdae. Instead, he looked up and stared incredulously at the boy with his coffee eyes. “She asked you out? And you said yes?” Jongdae continued, throwing his pencil on the ground.

His was always a little more dramatic than anything else he saw from someone else. But it was getting annoying. Every time something great happened to Baekhyun in the dating zone, Jongdae was the first time to . But even Yixing looked a little surprised. It wasn’t normal for Baekhyun to be asked out, nonetheless, asked out by someone like Suji, a business major who had her head in the books more than anything else. The two of them always about the people he was going to date, or he was going on a date with, and like Taeyeon, they started placing bets if it was going to last.

Jongdae was always trying to hook him up, and for once, Baekhyun didn’t need his help to grab someone. Yet, he was acting as though the end of the world was nigh. It was frustrating. So, to watch Jongdae just lie on the ground with that dumbstruck face was enough for him.

“Well yeah, she’s super pretty and so nice. I don’t know what your problem with Suji is, but she’s just too nice so of course I said yes. You make it sound like I committed a major crime. Can’t you be happy for me? Or does it always have to be about you? Because, unlike anyone else, you’re the only one with a problem with her, so maybe you’re the despicable one here,” Baekhyun snapped. Without even realizing it, Baekhyun’s eyes widened. Did he get angry at Jongdae? Yixing stared back in confusion as well.

Jongdae could have exploded, he could have done something, anything, but instead, he said, “Maybe there is something wrong with me. I just don’t see it.” Slowly grabbing his things, he nodded to the two of them and left the apartment. This was the first time in months that Baekhyun saw Jongdae so somber about something. In most cases, he was always so bright and charismatic, but Baekhyun watched his surprised face turn into something he never recognized. The two of them were left, and Yixing didn’t know what to say other than look at him with an open mouth.

“What the , Baekhyun?”

And even he didn’t know what to say to those words. The two of them never knew what Jongdae went through with Suji. They didn’t even know that every time they talked about her if it bothered him in any way whatsoever. Instead, they just continued to rave about how sweet she was, how thoughtful, and how great she was. Never once did they realize that their words hurt. It was just they assumed he was okay with it all. Tonight was different. And, he didn’t know what to say to it. Instead, Baekhyun took a seat on the couch trying to figure out why he did the thing he did.

“I don’t know either,” Baekhyun said finally.

Jongdae knocked on his neighbor’s door. Duskull would have some kind of answer to this, right? As he stepped back to listen to the shuffling of his neighbor’s feet, he smiled as a blonde head appeared on the other side.

“Got your text, I can make a mean black and white mocha if you’re down,” he answered with that grin on his face. And Jongdae only laughed as he followed behind him.

“Of course, your coffee is the only thing that makes me happy. Other than Doojoon’s, of course,” he chuckled as he shut the door behind him. He met Duskull a year ago, and he was the one to recommend him to move to his apartment building when he was going through the roughest school year. It was by accident that he got the apartment next to his. His eyes twinkled as he heard the jazz playing in the background and the sound of rain against his windows. He jealously stared out Duskull’s window with the view of the city at night. Everything was so beautiful from where he stood.

“So, you wanted to apologize for being so loud a couple of weeks ago that I couldn’t hear my partner moan?” he asked with a sly grin on his face. And somehow, Jongdae only shook his head in laughter. “So a bucket list, and in apology, you want to fulfill one of my wishes?” he asked as he started to work on the mocha. Looking away from the rain stained windows, he stared at Duskull. He seemed so at peace as he started to do the things he loved, adding steamed milk to his mug of coffee. Jongdae couldn’t help but smile once again. He took a seat on the arm of his couch, and listened to the jazz that echoed throughout his apartment.

Duskull was someone he matched with on Tinder, and unlike all the other guys, they never met. Jongdae was too busy being put down by others, and being hesitant to talk about his uncomfortable life until this year. As they’ve talked more and more, he was happier to tell him everything while he listened along. His neighbor was always Duskull, a ghost type pokemon because he always ghosted Jongdae without meaning to. He would say a few words before vanishing, and just like that, it stuck. But when he got the time to be around him, there was nothing more than good conversation about life, about uality, and about their improvements in life. As Duskull passed a mug to Jongdae, he took a seat on the other arm of the couch, and clanged their mugs together. The mocha colored eyes stared back at Jongdae, trying to figure out what to ask for that bucket list.

“I’ll let you know when I come up with something,” he answered with another smile. Jongdae nodded his head and then listened quietly to the world around them.

“You had other reasons for today though. And I don’t think you’re a bad person. You’re just seeing people in different lights that your friends don’t. You told me the reasons why, and I still have no idea as to why she’d do the things she did, but I’m sure if you wanted to resolve it, you would. Seeing her all the time must be hard on you, but you know how much you can handle, and after everything I’ve seen in you? I’m sure you’ll get it right. You’re a writer, you can right this.”

“You have really ty puns.”

“I’m great, what are you talking about?”

Laughing at each other, they sipped their coffee at the same time, and went back to staring at the rain that haunted them.

They went back to their silence. Duskull started to tell his stories about the new coffee he bought, about the employees he wanted to kick out, and stories from his own life as Jongdae listened quietly with a smile. This was what he loved about their meetings, about their interactions, about him. As the rain continued to pour, Jongdae continued to smile quietly. His favorite Duskull was always a little like this.

to; jongdae
from; baekhyun
yo, i’m sorry about earlier.

from; jongdae

to; baekhyun

you had your reasons. buy me a hard cider and we’re good.

sorry for always giving you a hard time when you got a date.

i’ll buy you a beer too.

“After this, I will never bug you again,” Jongdae explained as he passed Suji a letter at front desk. Her eyes were like a puppy dog's, and it seemed as though she was hesitant to even know what the contents of this notebook paper letter had for her. It wasn’t as bad as she thought though.

Last year, he had a crush on this girl when he lived at the dorms. She worked at front desk. And with a face like hers, he was automatically infatuated.

She was the first person he ever told his life story to, scared and afraid of the world around him, he had no one else but this girl who sat at front desk. As they opened up little by little about their lives, she shut him out among the lines. He didn’t know what to do, and he only had a crush on her because she opened up to him so he stopped. He tried his best to move away from it all. But then he learned she blocked him sometime in the spring quarter.

He didn't know the reason, and while mourning the loss, he relied on others who would betray him and send each other updates about it all.

Just like that, weeks later, he asked her why she blocked him. And the response was that she didn’t want to do this here, did they have to do this here? There was only a simple yes as her eyes avoided him. He tried to figure out why this girl, this beautiful and sweet girl that everyone thought of, would do something as horrid as that to him?

And just like that, she called him fake, two-faced, or artificial. She did it because she felt uncomfortable around him, and there was nothing else to be said. Broken-hearted, he blinked at the girl, without another word, apologized, thanked her, and went on his way, pretending he never had a crush on a girl who called him that. There was no way to change her mind, and he had nothing to do to change it. For the rest of the year, they avoided each other, and every time he saw her, he only remembered that she didn’t want anything to do with him, that he was fake, two-faced, and artificial, and turned the other way.

Now, six months later, he stood in front of her with a letter with his heart poured out on it. He knew his own wrongdoings when it came to her. Calling her a , fake, and anything in-between because everyone saw this girl as sweet and kind, but all he thought was how could he see things so differently from them? Why did he have to see things in a negative light?

With a smile, he nodded his head and went on his merry way. At least she knew what he thought about her. At least she knew how hard it was to pretend every time that it didn’t sting. Sighing, he ran a finger through his hair before leaving the dorms. There wasn’t time to look back to see if she opened the letter. There wasn’t time to worry about it at all. He had a life to live, and he was proud that he gave her the letter and made sure she got it.

Now, he could be okay with Baekhyun going on a date. At least now, he knew things were going to be okay. And finally, his feet dragged him to the coffee shop he loved a little too much. Putting an earbud into his ears, his hands into his pocket, he was going to get some coffee in celebration. He had no idea if there was going to be something out of this, but he was proud of himself for trying again. At least now, he could sleep with no regrets.