Baekhyun didn’t know what to do about Kikwang. He didn’t know what to think after Valentine’s Day. Because after that night, they kissed, and they continued to talk as though things never happened. Kikwang had a beautiful smile, he had a way of making him feel as though everything was going to be okay. Sure, Taeyeon was beautiful. Sure, his date with Suji went alright, and Jeonghan, well Jeonghan was just Jeonghan, but Kikwang made his heart flutter. But now he was back in the big city, and their conversations were just the same as though they never met in person.

When Yixing left, Baekhyun looked at Jongdae and climbed onto the couch with him. “Hey, so, Kikwang,” Baekhyun started as his legs started to entangle with Jongdae’s. This was their relationship, platonic cuddling, and cute couple things. It was because they were both bad at dating, but it was also because they were so comfortable with each other that they could lie in bed, and not worry about anything.

“He really likes me like that?” he asked as Jongdae laid his head down onto the arm of the couch.

“I think he’s confused. He likes you, but don’t think too much about it. Continue this, whatever it is, and hope for the best because he’s not really ready for it, and you still have some things to figure out,” he finished before closing his eyes a little to take a break. It was confusing. Baekhyun didn’t think that this could happen. When people said they weren’t ready for a relationship, it meant they weren’t ready to be a relationship with him. And what was interesting enough, here was someone who kept hearing that from other people, finally saying that someone liked him, but wasn’t ready. It was so strange.

“You’re always getting hit by that statement, why is it different for this guy?”

“Because he has a lot of learning to do about himself, he doesn’t love every part of him, and I don’t think he knows what it’s like to love someone yet. Be patient, and I mean that in being patient with him, but don’t wait hopelessly for him. There’s a chance he might feel the same. So continue to live anyways,” he finished. Jongdae continued to close his eyes, waiting for Baekhyun to say something else. But instead, he let the boy sleep because hearing these things probably took a toll on him. Somehow, it was reassuring to hear someone who was as hopeless as Jongdae to tell him that Kikwang liked him but was struggling with the idea of commitment. Looking out the window, his mind replayed those moments.

Talking the night away at the party before letting him see all of him, the dinner date on Valentine’s Day, how they spent the rest of the night talking outside Jongdae’s apartment, and how he just felt beside him, how it felt right. Sure, he wasn’t looking for a relationship. And, sighing, he didn’t know if he could get over him. Or, if there was a point to. Jongdae would never have the answers, but he knew one thing as he stared at the city lights beyond those windows, he had to keep moving with his life. And maybe one day, he’d find someone that would look at him the same way Yixing looked at Taewoo, or how he even talked about him. Maybe, just maybe, he’d find someone who saw everything in him that he saw in them. For now, he was okay with dating people, laughing with others, and working on his own game.

Yixing came in later that night with a smile like one he could never imagined, and while Jongdae was still sleeping on their couch. He saw how his face lit up, how there seemed to be a permanent soft smile on his face, and Baekhyun chuckled, knowing that things went well that night for him.

“We should celebrate,” Baekhyun stated when Yixing was finally back to his normal self of throwing insults at Baekhyun and working harder on his homework. Always on that grind, it was Yixing.

“If I have time, there’s a lot to do this week,” Yixing replied as he skimmed through his textbooks. And Baekhyun sighed, this boy had to have time to actually relax at some point in his life, he couldn’t always be working, he’d overwork and hurt himself in the long run if he kept doing that.

“You need one break. I’m going to kidnap you to relax,” Baekhyun groaned before Yixing just chuckled and focused on his work. He smiled and that was their night. Yixing working his off while Baekhyun was finishing the rest of his homework, and Jongdae sleeping over without meaning to.

Yixing was always like that. Whenever he was in the apartment, it was either for ten minutes or to sleep. Baekhyun never saw him stay at the apartment for long, but with finals right around the corner once again, that boy needed to take a break. So when Yixing came into the living room about to throw his backpack to the side, Baekhyun intervened, jumping off the couch, catching his backpack (a miracle, really), and dragged him out of the apartment despite his protests.

A week later, he stole the boy’s car keys and drove straight to Doojoon’s coffee shop. Sure, it was twelve am, and sure, it was supposed to be closed, but when they got to the door, there was Jongdae, leaning onto the counter, talking to the barista who Baekhyun knew stole Jongdae’s heart. He was dressed top to bottom in black, with a denim apron tied around his waist. The stranger was drying his hands with a blue rag as he talked to Jongdae, and he noticed his biceps, something Jongdae told him he didn’t care about, but for some reason, it looked like Jongdae was very intrigued by them. This boy was definitely a lot different than all the guys Jongdae went after. And he had to know what their relationship was.

As the door opened, the two looked over, the stranger smiled and looked over to Jongdae, who seemed surprised.

“Your friends?” the brunette with the husky voice asked. With a frazzled nod, the barista gestured them in, and started to turn on the coffee machine once more. “I’m sure they’ll be okay spending a night with a stranger. You didn’t want to sleep, and it looks like the tall one needs a break,” he added before turning back to the coffee machine.

“Who’s that?” Baekhyun asked as the figure was focused on the coffee.

“I can hear you. The name’s Kim Jonghyun,” the barista explained, and he looked over to Jongdae to smirk. “Or, as Jongdae has named me, Duskull.”

Now, Jongdae talked about Duskull from time to time. It was mostly because those two were always texting, or because they looked over his shoulder to see a new text from him out of the blue. For some reason, it never crossed their mind that Duskull could live so close. And when Jongdae talked about Duskull, it was never in much detail. It was just like, oh, he had to take a call, or he was visiting Duskull for a little bit. Unlike all the other people he talked about, he never hinted that he was going to be in any kind of relationship with him. They didn’t even know it was possible for Duskull to work in the area.

“You never told us that Duskull was this attractive,” Baekhyun blurted out as Jongdae’s eyes widened a little. It was the first time they ever saw this boy flustered, or even swayed by anything. But Jonghyun only laughed it off as he put mugs of tea, lattes, and tea lattes on the counter. Wiping his hands on his shirt, he grabbed Jongdae’s mug and sipped from it. It was like seeing a mirror image of Jongdae in his eyes.

Then again, Jonghyun was just that attractive that he had to wonder where this coffee shop kept getting super hot workers. First, it was Doojoon, then Jeonghan, and finally Jonghyun, who was currently making Jongdae flustered. Doojoon was always Jongdae’s friend, Jeonghan was someone who crushed on Jongdae, and now Jonghyun was making him frazzled with the warm look on his face.

“Why thank you, you’re pretty cute yourself,” Jonghyun answered with a wink. Boom, he was surprised by his bluntness. “What brings you folks around these parts on a Friday night?” he asked. With a shrug, Baekhyun looked over at Yixing who only glared at him.

“I was forced against my own will to come to this coffee shop when I really just wanted to do some work,” Yixing explained.

“Oh, so that must be Yixing,” Jonghyun started and looking over at Baekhyun, he said, “And the blushing, babbling, boy must be Baekhyun.” Did Jongdae really talk about them that often when he almost never talked about Jonghyun with them?

There was a moment when Jongdae just laughed. “You were always good at this kind of stuff,” he finished.

“Lemme just drop my knowledge on life with you guys up there in three minutes. I gotta close the shop,” he finished.

Baekhyun nodded while Yixing looked at Jonghyun skeptically before Baekhyun rolled his eyes and dragged him up the stairs. Yixing was always weary about the people Jongdae knew. Someone as attractive as Jonghyun usually meant he was only Tinder material, but the way Jongdae looked at him was a way Baekhyun never saw with other Tinder people. It was just that he seemed so happy and content just standing there, talking to him, and even from afar, it seemed like they were invading an intimate moment between the two.

As they ascended up the red stairs, finding their spot at the balcony like always, it occurred to Baekhyun that they didn’t know much about Jongdae. They didn’t know he went to the coffee shop Friday nights, or that he was like a schoolboy with a crush around Jonghyun. They didn’t even know what type of guy Jongdae fell for. Instead, they only knew what he told them, and it was rarely anything with substance. Hell, Baekhyun didn’t even know what his favorite Pokemon was. Like, Baekhyun’s favorite Pokemon was Azumarill and Plusle while Yixing’s were Hitmonlee and Kingdra, but Jongdae? He had no idea. As Jongdae looked down from the balcony, Baekhyun saw how Jongdae bit his lips in concern, or looked away quickly when Jonghyun waved at him. Baekhyun only knew the small inklings he allowed anyone to see.

And, maybe Jonghyun, this big Duskull guy, was the person he told his whole life story to. He didn’t know, but here Jongdae was, sharing this important person in his life with the rest of them. Sure, there was Doojoon too, but Jongdae didn’t ever let them know what his relationship to Doojoon was, and it never really mattered. Somehow, this guy mattered.

“Hey Jongdae, why didn’t you tell us about him?” Baekhyun questioned as Jongdae finally looked away to sit down with the two of them.

“You two had your own problems, and I just wanted to keep my life out of your hands,” he replied without looking away from his mug. Baekhyun and Yixing stared at each other in confusion.

“But we’re your best friends,” Baekhyun said a little hurt. “How much do we even know about you?” he asked.

“Sorry. I just think you guys would laugh at my problems if I ever told you. You know all about my Tinder life, all about my dating, , and rejections. I thought that was enough,” he said nonchalantly as he sipped.

“Look, you can’t jus-” Yixing said before he was cut off by Jonghyun, who was taking his spot next to Jongdae. Yixing didn’t notice, but Jongdae seemed off when Yixing was starting to get angry, his fists getting balled up. This wasn’t why Baekhyun dragged Yixing out of the apartment, but he didn’t expect Jongdae to be there either, with what looked like flirting, with a barista he didn’t know.

“No, continue, I wanna know what Jongdae screwed up on,” Jonghyun started, noticing the tense atmosphere as he came to sat down. That was enough for Yixing to start up again.

“You can’t just tell us parts of your lives and expect us to share our whole lives just like that. How selfish are you being, Jongdae?” Yixing growled as his eyes narrowed. Staring at his mug again, Jongdae took a moment before he could talk.

“I’m not trying to. I just, you guys always had problems, and if I focused on you two, then I’d forget my own problems. There are some things you’ll never understand like what it’s like to be a community college student who transferred over, or being shamed for being a playboy, or how that all accumulates to feeling like you’re not worth anything, or how people believe you’re fake, artificial, or two-faced when you were trying to make new friends. Or what it’s like to be always joked about because you’re an English major with no job in the future. It’s hard. And, I just wanted to support you guys. Jonghyun has been a good friend for me ever since I transferred, and he has seen me at my worst. And I apologize if you’re hurt, but I hope you understand that when the time is right, I’ll tell you all my stories,” he finished.

Jongdae shifted in his seat, staring down at the markings of the table, surprised by everything he ever said. Jonghyun stole his mug, nodding at Jongdae’s remarks, and patte him on the back, a sign that he was proud of him.

“I always sent Jonghyun all my poetry, writing, and life stories because he loved seeing them, and what was just supposed to be a one time thing became something else. Jonghyun was there for me, and I’ve been there for him,” he finished. With that, they quietly went back to drinking their coffee.

“Sorry, I didn’t know,” Yixing replied. “Just a little mad because you’re always there for us, but you don’t let anyone be a part of your life.” There was a silence before Jonghyun coughed a little after sipping Jongdae’s drink, and it went down the wrong way.

“We all have different friends though. A friend for a reason, a season, and a lifetime. Just because you’re a friend for a reason now, doesn’t mean that won’t change. And if you force something to happen, then it ruins that friendship. When that moment happens, when you think the shallow becomes deep, it’ll be worth it all. Don’t worry. Also, you just seemed stressed out from the finals, Mr. Engineering major.”

And it was true, Yixing was incredibly stressed out because it seemed as though all his tests were on the same day. Some of his group projects was more his work than anything else. Everyone noticed it in his eyebags, or the way he presented himself from time to time: somewhat frantic, somewhat confused, yet he still kept trying to look like nothing bothered him. The amount of dancing he did was never going to cover up the stress. No amount of work done would hide the anxiety in his life. And Yixing was starting to die a little because of it.

“You just need to pass. The lowest grade you can get is the grade you need to pass. I get it. It’s incredibly hard to take that pressure off your shoulders because you’re the first one. You are the first generation college student, and you’re the scholar, but you need to take care of yourself. Know that your body is hurting, and you need to take care of yourself. No grade is more important than your own self. And if I remember correctly, the lowest grade you ever got was a B, right? You’re going to be fine. Take a moment to breathe, it’ll be okay,” Jonghyun stated.

“But there’s so much I don’t know. What will happen to my grade if I don’t do a good enough job? What if there’s something I’m not prepared for? What if my professor throws a curveball? What if I fail? There goes my GPA,” Yixing started as he spiraled out of control. Sipping on the tea, it was as if a dam broke. Yixing’s fears were now out in the open, and everyone was surprised that he was holding onto all of this.

“We don’t know. You take one L, and with your almost perfect GPA, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. If anything, you’ll still be at a 3.9, and it’ll be okay. Take that L. You can’t always be perfect,” Jonghyun stated while Jongdae nodded along.

There was a sigh of relief from Yixing. For some reason, those words stuck with him. This was what he needed, just a moment when someone who didn’t know what he was doing was telling him all he knew. He sat back, the feelings of being completely content with the world around him under those dim yellow lights comforted him. It wasn’t long before Baekhyun was spilling his guts too. He blamed it on the lavender in his tea latte, but Jongdae wouldn’t accept it.

“I am infatuated by a guy who isn’t ready for a relationship. And I know I’ll get over him, but I talk about him so often, and I keep living my life, but it’s just that he’s so different, and I don’t know what to do with this information. And, I don’t know if there’s someone out there for me.”

Each of these boys were like a dam ready to burst. Yixing wanted to be perfect. Baekhyun wanted love. Even though there was something each person wanted, Jongdae couldn’t help but stare at Jonghyun who just smiled, whispering all the mocha words they wanted to hear. That was what he loved about Jonghyun, he had all the caffeinated wisdom and steadfast kindness that people searched for.

“Keep living. Do not wait for someone who doesn’t see the beauty in you. If he comes back to you, and says he’s ready for it all, then invite it in, but continue to live. It is hard, but it’s okay to talk about him. It is okay to be hung up. Talk, think, it’s okay. He had something you loved, and when you see him again, maybe those traits will disappear. But you are too amazing to be put aside. It’ll be okay.”

Those weren’t the words he was looking for. He secretly craved that Jonghyun would tell him Kikwang liked him back, but Kikwang told him those words, and he’d have to slowly accept it. Leaning back on his chair, he closed his eyes and breathed. This was too different, but Baekhyun knew that it was for the best.

“Delete everything first, and because he’s so out of sight and out of mind, it’ll be easier too,” Jongdae added. Opening his eyes once more, he stared at his phone. Ever since that night Yixing confessed to Taewoo, the two of them stopped talking. He was tired of having to initiate, and he was tired of putting so much effort. So it just seemed easier to let it go than to keep him. With a sigh, he blocked his number, and deleted any reminder of who he was on his phone.

“I wish I knew what to do with my life. Seeing everyone maturing, living, and doing something, makes me wonder if I’m just playing games. If my life has any purpose, or if it will ever mean anything. I’m just trying to figure it out. I want to know my future now,” Jonghyun finally stated when the jazz records were playing for too long.

“If you get caught up with the future, you’ll never see the present,” Jongdae stated. “It’ll all work out in the end.” A smile appeared on Jonghyun’s face as he said those words.

“My young grasshopper has learned well.” Everyone laughed.

It was like Jongdae was in his car again. It was as if Jonghyun was voicing it out in the world. No one had real answers to this. They were just college kids who didn’t even know what their next moves were. They were all wearing the same shoes, no one knew what tomorrow laid ahead of them. And just as though they were watching the city lights zoom and blur, they all laid their worries on the table. Everyone was talking about anything and everything. Somehow, a stranger for Baekhyun and Yixing became something more as they sat around a table, talking about life.

Jazz haunted upstairs, and no one wanted to rest until night turned to morning, the way it should have been.