Graduate !!!!!
Find the Drug Dealer in the Apartments 
Help Chanyeol Get With Sandara Park.
Take that Freshman Fling out for Coffee 
Be in a
Volunteer for Something, idk man.
Host a Party
Crash a Frat Party 
Resolve Things With an Enemy 
Get Pho at 3AM
All-nighter with a Stranger
Have a Fancy Dinner Party
Explore the City
Party all Night and still go to the 8AM Class
Shout from the Rooftops 
Hitchhike Somewhere
Take the Bus to the other Campus and spend all day there.
Fail an Exam
Meet a Celebrity
Get with That TA
Go to a Concert
Have a Dead Poets Society Moment
Reject a Job Offer
Ask some cute person out. 
Alliteration Week

dear readers,

if you made it this far that means you finished the story, congratulations! after writing thirteen chapters in a week, this has been one of the longest works and by far the most stressful story i’ve written on. whether it be because the characters may come across as flat, or there were too much emphasis on one character, i’m surprised you managed to get this far.

in a lot of my stories, there’s always a character that struggles with depression, suicidality, and i’m sorry if it becomes a common trope like john green’s novels, but it’s because i still work with that, i still run with it, and hope that it’ll disappear.

in 2015, i swallowed twenty pills and was sent to the hospital for a few days. it’s a familiar tale to jongdae’s in the story, but unlike jongdae, i didn’t have anyone who stayed that night. by the time i was taken to my new room, everyone left me. and i distinctly remember a nurse playing bejeweled which is why that appears in c’est la vie club and now in take the l. when i was discharged, it was during finals week at my community college, and i pretended everything was okay.

it’s a lonely time when on the very first night in the hospital you have no one to watch you over. the very next day my friends came and visited, some of us watched running man at like 10pm, others watched the lego movie with me while i napped, some brought gifts, but most of the time, i felt very lonely, very broken, and even though i had people around, i never told my story to them in person.

that’s why chapter 21 is important because jongdae realizes he has friends, who’ll go that extra mile after he came back. and no one has ever really done that in my life.

jongdae not only encaptures my depression in both its past form and current form, but he encaptures my outlook on life on good days and bad days now.

baekhyun encaptures more of the romantic trials of my life, whether it be from falling for someone in an incredibly romantic way, to having many toxic tinder people, to finally being okay with not having a love, he goes through that arc of searching for love and finding self-love. though a never really happened with me before so there’s that. LOL.
 

yixing, being the workaholic he is, is a character that i find myself reminded of my past self with. always trying to be perfect, always trying to get the best grades, not wanting to ask questions to make him look stupid, etc. he just doesn’t want to make mistakes. but he also is me now where i’m honestly just too busy to be thinking about anything and when a person comes into life, it’s almost unexpected because life is like nah fam.

and all our side characters: doojoon, a mixture of my friend cabbage patch kid and my best friend, taeyeon, a beautiful mythical stoner, jeonghan, a pretty server that you could look at for days, kikwang, the boy i almost thought i had a chance with, taewoo, a light in people’s lives and very crush material, chanyeol, a silly fool, sandara, a shy girl, wheein who offered her home.

and finally jonghyun aka duskull, a boy who yes, has that nickname because he ghosts me hella, but when he is around, he’s one of my favorite people to talk to, but also a mixture of someone i go to when i gotta talk and he has more experience with that.

at first, i wasn’t going to give duskull a kpop persona, or even a major part in the story, but after learning that one of my favorite idols in life, a major reason why i continue to post about mental health, continue to learn about uality, and feminism, committed suicide, i knew i had to pay tribute to him. he was one of my favorite idols, high high up there on my bias list because of so many reasons, and i rarely wrote about him in my fanfics because they were mostly about yoona and other guy idols, or in 2012 when i wrote a jongkey fic and he was this lone wolf character, but other than that, i never got the chance to write about him. this was my final chance to do so.

when i was younger, i always imagined my guardian angel to look like yoona, and as i got older that image faded in my mind, now, i think i imagine jonghyun as my guardian angel, and i bet he’s having the time of his life up there. you did well, you worked hard.

jonghyun’s coffee shop is based off an old coffee shop in olympia, washington: café love while the coffee being made is based off of burial grounds, another coffee shop in olympia, washington. the pretend university is based off of university of washington tacoma, and the pretend city? seattle, washington.

so this is my final fanfiction on aff, will i return? maybe, maybe not. do i care anymore though? nah. i spent a lot of my aff career in the dark. even though my friends here have been fabulous writers, and deserve the attention they deserve, i never got the same love. when i was suffering the most from my depression, i wrote more stories, as i become older, a little wiser, and a little stupider, i realize that fiction isn’t my jam.

i may have started my career with my ult bias, yoona and my ult otp: changyoon, but i’m ending it with a slice-of-life, with a hint of romance, with a lot of deep conversations, the repetition of change in the sky, lots of coffee, jazz, leon bridges, bucket lists, and fitzgerald like es and falling actions. this is all a too simplistic version of what goes in my life, and writing is so much more fun when you write what you know. each story has a little bit of my life experience, and i hope you enjoyed reading and learning from my mistakes.

you can find me on twitter, and if you’d still like to stay connected i’m on facebook and Instagram, pm me for those links.

so, my last fanfic right before the new years, right before i start my last winter quarter in my undergraduate life in Italy, and it’s been a long and wild ride, but it’s time to let it all go. thank you for the love on the very rare occasions, but it’s time to go and see where life takes me. i did well. i worked hard. 

sincerely,
lollilovee/alissa.