Taeyeon can't sleep at night and as much as she wants to just work till she falls asleep, she knows it's no use; she can't focus. Staring blankly at her Television, her mind recalls how Jessica gives her a sad look or how her name rolls out her tongue with no warmth anymore. She knows she deserves it but the question is, shouldn't she be so happy that a well-sought idol is loving her? Why is she feeling normal- average? In fact, she can feel how her heart tightens every time Jessica gives her a cold look. Her heart beats for the actress, right? But why does it ache when the younger girl ignores her? Doesn't she love the Yoona more than Jessica? What can she do anyway? It was all her fault. Which person doesn't mind her partner cheating?

Nobody, except fools.

She should've just pushed the actress away, should've cursed her for ruining her perfect love life and should've just left her all by herelf. If only she didn't drive her home, if only she could think straight and if only Yoona didn't mark her - maybe we'd still be together, Taeyeon scoffs.

The problem with falling too hard in love is falling too hard in pain too. When love fails, all that awaits is broken heart and Jessica is in that phase. Her boss slash ex lover made her fly up to the sky without telling her that one day she'd let her go. She smacks her own forehead and chuckles bitterly. Why would Taeyeon tell her 'Hey, one day when my first love comes back, I'll ditch you for her'. Her chuckles turn to tears and she wets her pillow with it; she's pathetic and she knows it. 

Three months has passed and now she's finally 'ok' without Taeyeon. She can even greet her normally without a fake smile and she'll be fine, of course that doesn't mean that she forgot everything. She would still cry sometimes when she stumbles upon things at her home that reminds her of the blonde but those days are getting lesser and lesser. At least, she can act professional at work. She finds comfort in her housemates and her colleagues; Junhyuk is amazing and Kris is wonderful too. Even without telling them about her heartbreak problem, they don't try to pry but they make great conversations and she starts to love it; having dinner with one of them has recently become her habbit.

Meanwhile for the CFO, these past three months has taught her that focus is a very an important thing. The problem is, she's losing it. She'd spend her time having dinner in her home with the actress cooking or ordering deliveries, or having movie nights when the taller girl is free or sometimes the actress would just spend her break time in her house doing her own stuffs while she's working. They have good laughs but she feels like something is missing but she doesn't know what it is. Why can't Yoona, the girl she supposedly in love with, able to fill the emptiness inside her heart?

The CFO is peacefully having her soup until her brother mutters something that makes her feel frustrated all of a sudden, "Taeyeon, whatever problem that you're having wih your girlfriend, please sort it out."

"What?" The CFO frowns. "Oppa, I don't have any-"

"I heard from ahjumma that you brought someone home and she's gorgeous, kind and a good cook," the CEO replies. "I'm hurt that you don't ask for my opinions- heck, I don't even know that you have one," he scowls and takes a sip of his coffee, eyes staring straight into her sister's. "Who is it?"

"I don't need to introduce her to you, oppa," she sighs. "We're done months ago,"

"Oh?" He quirks an eyebrow. "You must've liked this girl a lot though, all your past boyfriend haven't touched our home in Jeonju yet but this girl did,"

"Please stop talking about her, we're over," she looks away and sips on her soju.

"Then move on and find a new one or at least, try to be professional," he stares at her. "You don't mix business with your emotions, so why now?"

"Maybe because of the guilt, I cheated on her," the blonde chuckles bitterly and pours herself another shot of soju to gulp it. Both of them stay quiet for a good one minute, until she continues, "Why? Are you shocked that I'm capable of doing that kind of thing?" She smiles but slowly, it turns to a frown and her eyes start to water. "Why did I do that?" She gulps down the soju that she just poured and a tear escapes from her left eye. "Yoona came back, we kissed and-"

"Yoona?" The CEO knits his eyebrows in confusion. "Your childhood friend Yoona? The one you lost contact with? The actress?" He looks at her in disbelief and her sister just nods tiredly. "You like her?" He mutters, slightly raising his voice due to the shock.

"She's my first love and she comes back like a hurricane; fast and impactful, taking away things that brings happiness to you without any preparations but at the same time, you can't escape from it. Why did she come back?" Taeyeon chuckles bitterly and wipes away her tear. "She's kind, dedicates her time for me although she's busy with her career and she's hot too," she chuckles. "My heart races when she's around but at the same time why didn't I feel those stupid butterflies in my stomach when she kissed me? Why am I not happy?" She purses her lips as she pours another shot of soju and when she's about to order another bottle, her brother stops her.

"You've had enough, Taeyeon," the CEO looks at her with worry. "You don't drink, soon all the burden's on me," he chuckles and ruffles her hair, earning a scowl. "Maybe you're not happy because Yoona-" he pauses when he sees how her sister head bangs on the table with a loud thud. Lucky they're inside a private room in the restaurant, or else his sister would die in embarrassment the next day. "Yoona is no longer your happiness and you're just a fool not to realize that," he sighs and stares at her sister who dozed off on the table. He smiles when he knows his drunk sister today is not slurring words or acting like a kid. He clearly remembers a drunk incident of her sister few months ago which was horrible, her sister was pouting and making incoherent sentences and poking him in his cheek annoyingly making him almost wanted to leave her in the restaurant.

Drunk Taeyeon today is managable.

+++

Taeyeon fixes her bangs over and over again despite the compliments that she receives from her colleagues. She was more than embarrassed when her brother told her that she passed out on the table. As much as she doesn't want to trust his words, the gigantic bump on her forehead is more than enough as an evidence. As a result, she has bangs now just to cover her bump.

She is walking to her office when she sees Jessica walking towards her. The brunette greets her normally as if her change of hairstyle is not obvious. Shouldn't the younger girl at least tell her that it looks nice? It's not that she wants the brunette to compliment her, she just wants her to talk to her in a less professional way.

"H-hey," the CFO grabs her arm, effectively making the brunette stop.

"Yes, Ms. Kim?"

"Do- do you like my new hairstyle?" Taeyeon bites her lips as soon as the words come out from and she can feel how her cheeks start to burn.

"Pardon?" Jessica knits her eyebrows in confusion, she is not sure whether she heard correctly.

"M-my new hairstyle," the blonde trails off and breaks the eye contact. "Do you- do you like it?" She gulps the lump on and looks back up, only to find the latter smiling at her which automatically makes her smile too.

"My opinion is not important, Ms. Kim," the brunette replies curtly and she can feel how the CFO's hold on her arm loosens and her smile disappears. "Please excuse me," she yanks away her arm before she walks to her cubicle, leaving the blonde alone. Taeyeon sighs and rubs her nape awkwardly. She frowns and enters the elevator to her brother's floor.

Meanwhile, the brunette sits down and scoffs. Why would her opinion for simple thing matters? It's not like we're dating anymore, she smirks but it slowly turns to a frown. What is the CFO trying to do? She was sure that she almost succeed in wiping out the blonde from her mind but her boss had to come and changed everything. She shakes her head and sighs, stupid Taeyeon. After her working hours, she is waiting patiently at the Lobby for Kris when she notices a familiar white Audi stopping in front of her and the blonde comes out to walk towards her.

"Do you- do you need a ride?" Taeyeon gives her a small smile as she opens the passenger's door.

"I'm waiting for my friend, thank you for the offer, Ms. Kim," Jessica gives her a slight bow and as soon as she stands back up, a familiar black Benz has been waiting for her. "I'll be leaving first," she mutters and she walks to Kris' car. The CFO clenches her jaw when she knows that the car belongs to a certain guy who's close with Jessica. She watches the brunette enters the Benz until the car goes out of her sight. Why does she feel her chest tighten? Sighing, she enters her own and drives off. Friday nights were usually our date nights, the blonde bites her lips and lets out a long sigh. I need to take my files for the weekend, she scowls and drives her car back to the basement; the blonde ran to the basement to get her car in hope that she could drive the brunette home but it turned out thigs are not as simple as she thought.

Kris notices how Jessica lets out a long sigh and slumps on her seat, he knows that this has to do with the blonde just now. He has been trying to ask her friend about this, but he feels like it's not his place to ask questions about their relationship. He respects Jessica's privacy too.

"You know that blonde was my girlfriend, right?" Jessica starts the conversation as she looks away to the window, earning a low hum from the guy. "She.. she cheated on me, you know," she scoffs and looks down to her lap, making her missed the surprised look in her friend's face. "But why is she still trying to be nice to me? Wasn't one time enough? Why does she want to break me again and again? She was everything to me," she sighs and her eyes start to get teary. "She gives me all these butterflies and sadly, even after all this, her action still succeeds in making my stomach churns and my heart beats like crazy," she chuckles bitterly. "If she tries harder, I doubt that I can act like I don't give a damn about her anymore. Why am I so pathetic, Kris? Why can't I forget about her?" She mutters and tears stream down her face.

"Maybe because you see her everyday," The guy replies as he looks at her when the traffic light turns red.

"We are one floor, one department, of course I see her everyday," the brunette sighs. "If only I can move department or something,"

"I can actually talk to my dad so our company can offer you a job, do you want me to do that?"

+++

Taeyeon sighs as her car parks on her favorite beach, she grabs a small book from her dashboard's drawer before she goes out. Sitting on the white sand, she sighs again and closes her eyes, focusing on the comforting sound of crashing waves. She lies down and her hand act as a support for her head. When she opens her eyes, the starry night greets her and she smiles sadly. She scoffs, nibbles her lower lip and lets out a long sigh. She feels empty. Sitting up straight, she opens her notebook and stares at her scribbles. Some have small crosses in the end which means that she has already done that but some don't. Her eyes get teary all of a sudden and she just sighs for one more time. This book is where she wrote down all the brunette's wishes; be it the simpler ones like watching fireworks together until the more difficult ones such as travelling around the world. I only have you now and of course, every single thing that she returned to me, she lets out a long sigh. She takes out a polaroid picture that she put inside the book; it was a picture of her pursing her lips while the other girl smiling so widely. Her lips tug upward forming a small smile when she clearly remembers what the younger girl has said, you should keep this one because I look prettier. She hugs her knees, stares at the polaroid and her smile turns to a frown; before she knows it, she is already crying.

They were so happy.

"Jessica, I really am sorry," she mumbles to nobody but herself. "I don't even dare to do anything much, do you know how my heart beats like crazy every time I want to initiate a conversation? I didn't even get that nervous when I answered the directors' questions wrongly or when Yoona is with me," she bitterly chuckles. "I lost my focus too, can you tell that the dark circles under my eyes are getting darker? Can you tell I'm losing weight?" she bites her own lips and sighs. "Come back to me, please. I really am sorry," she sobs and burries her head on her knees. "I was so stupid, so foolish to cheat on you. That day was the only time I let her kissed me, nowadays we are just simply friends; I draw a line between us. How to let you know all these? How to get your trust back? How to make you want to talk to me?"

The CFO plops on her bed, her body should feel exhausted from the drive to the beach and back to Seoul and from the crying but somehow, it feels perfectly fine. She puts the book inside the box that the brunette has sent two days after their break up and keeps it safely inside her wardrobe before she walks to her kitchen. She opens one of her shelves where she keeps her alcoholic drinks and gives the bottle a good stare. Pursing her lips, she grabs a bottle of Absolute Vodka and a normal glass. She plops on her couch and pours herself a glass. Nothing will happen if I drink in my own house, right? She shrugs on her shoulders. She takes a sip on it and her eyebrow knits in annoyance at the burning taste in . Why the hell do people drink this? She wonders. Should've bought Soju, it doesn't taste that bad, she sighs. However, instead of stopping, she continues drinking and drinking, in hope that she can fall asleep faster during the lonely night.

+++

Jessica and her house mates are seen happily binge watching a new TV series when suddenly her phone rings. She answers the call without seeing who has dialed her number.

"Hello?" She mutters, eyes focused on the screen.

"Jessica!" the person shouts before she giggles in the end. "I - love? ing love? You love?" she slurrs. "I still- still.. still ing you?" she groans and her voice sounds desperate, this makes the brunette automatically sees her phone screen just to make sure that the person really is the the one on her mind. Why the hell is Taeyeon calling her just to let her know that she is still ing around with her feelings? She frowns and about to end the call when she hears the next phrase. 

"I still ing love you," Taeyeon sighs. "There I said it! Yes! I love you!" The CFO laughs in the end as if she is celebrating something. Both Tiffany and Hyoyeon have their attention on her when they heard how her ex laughed like a maniac and the brunette knows that they are giving her a look to make her end the call.

"I ing love you, Jessica," the blonde mutters softly. "Say things! Say!" she raises her voice and both of them stay in silence, only to hear each other's breathing. How the brunette wishes that the blonde will stop torturing her like this. "Jessi-ca? Hell? Oh? Hello? Hey? Low?" she mutters and the younger girl can hear how the blonde curses at her phone from being stupid and dead which makes her chuckles a bit. However, as soon as she chuckles, her tears somehow manages to escape from her eyes. She covers to mask her sobs but when the other girl calls out for her name once more, she decides that she has enough; she ends the call. That night, the two housemates have to hug the crying girl to sleep just like the night when they broke up. Why is her heart so foolish that it still races for the blonde?

A/N special thanks to rhllhshfwh, ramdianihusnul, maomaoo for the vote!! And y'all who subscribed and commented!!

I know Taeyeon messed up, I know.. but at the same time, now you guys know that she actually thinks of Jessica as someone important: who would try so hard to fulfil someone's wishes? Who would write someone's wishes in a book and takes note just to know whether she has completed them or not?

Taeyeon did.