I Am

Substitute Soulmate

“Hi, I’m Park Chanyeol. What’s your name?” the big-eyed guy whose voice was a notch too low for his boyish appearance greeted in a bubbly way.

His name had been Park Chanyeol and she had never forgotten it since that day of introductory.

Park Chanyeol.

Holding herself together on the threat of her daze, Namjoo gripped Sehun’s hand. If her legs weren’t wobbly her mind was skittering off, leaving her behind.

“Welcome,” Namjoo greeted. She scurried off right after as if dumped with an urgent need for the bathroom. Inside the safe of her office she plopped into her chair, stared off into space with a bottle of water clutched between her fingers. She’d meant to down it but had somehow forgotten.

Park Chanyeol had been her boyfriend of 5 years. They fought intensely sometimes but they weren’t the kind of on and off couple. He loved her intensely for reasons she couldn’t understand, but he loved her. Yeol had been a big, warm blanket to her. A stone that boosted her up whenever she was down. And whenever in pain, he was always to her aid. Her parents adored him, but she loved him more.

Fumbling for the necklace around her neck, she gripped the warm ring sitting against her collar. Since the day of Chanyeol’s burial she had made the decision to stop wearing his ring. Namjoo had spent a good portion of her money on the chain around her neck, had strung her ring on it so she would never lose it. She didn’t keep his picture on her desk. Instead, it was with her in her wallet so that wherever she went, he went with her. It was at least reassuring she wouldn’t be without him.

The phone rang and Namjoo immediately picked it up. No matter how deep in thought she would fall, there was a job to keep. And, she reminded herself, Yeol had not come back to life so it was ok.

¤¤¤¤¤

Amused, Sehun turned to watch Namjoo walk away. Too bad her office was located in a separate corridor or else he would have suggested walking in together. Heading off to work he settled down at his desk. Clients were starting to come in. His senior co-workers had already professionally pulled out files and papers, were up and greeting their clients with handshakes and offering coffee or water. Soon, Sehun expected to learn his own marketing skills to recruit new clients. Today he would just be putting papers together and then tomorrow, he’d be on his own. Highly motivated and excited, he his computer.

At lunch, he clocked out early and headed for lunch with a bunch of other new hires. He had already gotten acquainted with several of them and planned on meeting up with them during the weekend. When they walked back in his eyes surveyed the wide lobby where in the corner an artificial plant was stuffed into the empty space awkwardly. Matching furniture was set around a small table by the floor-to-ceiling window. Beyond that stood a coffee bar. At the opposite end of the building was a cafeteria for employees and visitors. This afternoon Kim Namjoo was sitting alone at the coffee bar. It looked like she was reading, he couldn’t be sure.

Cutting off his newly employed friend, Hyuk Seok, Sehun said, “I have something to do. Why don’t you go up without me.” Stepping away from the lanky male, Sehun headed toward the Team Leader who interested him. He hadn’t yet found out whether she disliked him or not. She was…very quizzical.

Pulling the steel chair opposite her out he sat down. Glancing at her iced coffee he asked, “Is that your lunch?”

She glanced up abruptly then appeared offended by his presence. Clutching onto her book so that he wouldn’t be able to see what she was reading, she pulled it closer to the edge of the table. “I didn’t invite you to sit down.”

“The chair was unoccupied, so I thought why not,” he said. “Have you eaten?”

“Your lunch time is up, you should clock in,” she said.

“I should still be ok.” He glanced at his watch. Looking back at her, “So, you didn’t eat yet?”

Her phone came to life and he spotted a text. Acting as if he weren’t there she stuffed her book into her bag and grabbed her phone. Getting up to her feet she hurried past. Twisting around in his chair he watched her scurry out the doors.

¤¤¤¤¤

A flock of birds was passing by overhead where the clouds hung like ornaments, unmoving. The fat sun was shining freely among the blanket of blue. Very much like her bouncing heart, it was hot and torturing. She didn’t like that new guy. He disturbed her. There was too much of Yeol in him. Her Yeol…

“Namjoo!” a voice called from down the street.

Namjoo turned to see an elderly woman getting out of a cab that had just pulled up since the area nearby was restricted for parking. With haste, she hurried forward.

“Mother, I told you not to come,” Namjoo reached out for the elder woman’s arms where a three-tier lunch box hung. She scolded gently, “Mother. I told you not to bring food.”

“But you were so busy yesterday, you must’ve gotten home late. You probably didn’t have time to pack lunch.” Chanyeol’s mother was 60 years old. Unlike her parents who lived in Cheonju hours away, Chanyeol’s mother resided in the same city, took care of her, treated her like a daughter. She had been the second person to arrive at the hospital on the night of Yeol’s fatal accident. They shared the same grief and yesterday had both been at Chanyeol’s graveyard.

“I’m fine, mother. We have a cafeteria right down stairs.” Namjoo reminded leading her back toward the company.

“Don’t trust their food. You don’t know what they do to it,” she warned which had Namjoo scoffing.

After discovering an empty table, they sat down and she let Yeol’s mother unpack her lunch. There was plenty of fruit, rice, meat, and veggies.

“It’s delicious, mother,” Namjoo complimented. “I’m sorry I haven’t had time to come by. How’s father doing?”

“He’s the same old fart,” she shook her head. “If it’s not work, he’s in the yard fixing who knows what. We already have all the tables, shelves, racks, and counters in the house we need. That old man is too obsessed with refinishing old products.”

“At least he enjoys something.”

“That is if he doesn’t get hurt,” she smiled.

“Has Mina come by?” Namjoo wondered.

“Oh, that girl,” the woman muttered with disapproval, “who knows where she’s been. If she’s not at her dorm, who knows where.”

Park Mina, Chanyeol’s younger sister, was a free spirit, a hardhead, very opinionated woman who claimed she wanted to be an idol not a regular college student. Sometimes she could be found on campus or in class studying for an upcoming quiz. Other times, she was in Myeongdong dancing with her squad. No one really knows where she was.

“She’ll come around,” Namjoo assured.

“I can only hope so,” she sighed. “If only she was level-headed like Chanyeol then I wouldn’t worry.”

“He was smart,” Namjoo smiled and in so many ways he’d had her wrapped around his finger.

Namjoo finished lunch and headed back to her office. On the way down the hall she couldn’t help but pause and stare into the advising department where hushed voices mixed into the air along with the tapping of keyboards and shuffling of paper. Somewhere a fax machine beeped signaling an incoming message. Her hand reached up for her necklace.

What was she even doing there? And looking for whom?

Turning away she hurried off. Minutes later she discovered a stack of papers on her desk and Manager Go walked in apologizing, “Manager Lee had to leave early. His wife is in labor, so he won’t be able to give out the lecture to the new hires. He asked if you could do it.”

“W…what?” Namjoo stammered.

The lecture about marketing had all been pieced together by Manager Lee’s secretary and she had nothing to do with the project for the new hires. Suddenly, her mind shrieked. She wanted nothing to do with the new hires. She didn’t want to face Yeol’s double, Oh Sehun. The thought of him brought back the image of him this morning and in a mere second, the image collided with Chanyeol introducing himself to her.

She was going to get sick.

“You remember having one when you started, don’t you?” Manager Go asked. “Wow, time has gone by so fast that now you’re the one giving the presentation.” He reminisced proudly as if Namjoo had already given her word.

“I’ve never given a presentation before,” Namjoo tried to reason her way out. “I was told I wouldn’t have to worry about public speaking.”

“Don’t be silly,” Manager Go kindly nudged her, “this can’t be considered public speaking. It won’t be that difficult. Manager Lee says there’s an outline you can read from.”

“I’ve still got a lot of work to do,” Namjoo tried.

“It won’t take that long,” Manager Go obviously didn’t get it. The elder man glanced at his watch, “I’ll gather the new hires into the conference room. You have five minutes.”

Namjoo opened to speak but he was already out of earshot. She mumbled underneath her breath and picked up the stapled sheets of paper. Quickly browsing through them filled her with dread. This was obviously a good half hour presentation. Damn Manager Lee’s wife for not being able to hold her baby in for another hour.

Gulping down half a bottle of water she strut down the hall, pausing before the two wide doors. The new 15 consultants were probably seated inside, waiting. Namjoo was outside, dreading. She prayed Oh Sehun had somehow gone home sick, had somehow gotten food poisoning from lunch, or had somehow in some way separated from the group.

At the end of the U-shaped table, Oh Sehun was smacked right into the middle where his eyes would meet hers at the front. Her heart unknowingly raced as she turned away from spotting him and stiffly headed upfront. Manager Go had already pulled down the screen. The computer at the side was powered on, the presentation disc inserted, ready to go. But hell, Namjoo was not ready to go. She was hot all the way down to her toes. It wasn’t like she was seeing her crush for the first time. Dammit.

Controlling herself she watched Manager Go fumble with the computer before bringing up the presentation. Once it filled the white screen the elder man handed her a remote to control the computer and rushed off to dim the lights. in a breath, Namjoo gripped onto the papers in her hand. She swore that even if she wasn’t looking, she could feel his laser-like eyes on her. And why, she didn’t want to know. She just knew that she didn’t want to have a thing to do with this man. Oh Sehun.

Subconsciously, she felt for the ring around her neck. For the most part, Namjoo succeeded in avoiding eye contact. In the middle of the presentation her eyes landed on his. Without meaning to, her words caught in and her heart beat like a drum inside her ears. She was flushed, her mind a haze and her breathing – she didn’t really know about her breathing. If this was not what it was like to start developing feelings for someone, she didn’t know what it was. The only problem was that Namjoo wasn’t a first-timer in that area, so it was no use denying reality.

Gulping, she looked away and stuttered when she glanced down at the papers in hand. Oh Sehun was about to drive her mad. Concentrating again was a struggle. She only managed to quickly pick up where she left off before leaving the room as if she was on the run from the police.

In the sanctity of her closed office, she bit her thumbnail wondering if she’d made herself appear idiotic. Oh Sehun was not Park Chanyeol she reminded herself. Whereas Yeol had been her boyfriend of 5 years and her husband, Oh Sehun was a mere stranger.

But why…why was he so much of Yeol?

This time, Namjoo in a shaky breath.

¤¤¤¤¤

Their team leader was a peculiar one. One glance at him and she seemed as if she’d seen something otherworldly. Was something on his face? Last Sehun checked, he was as clean as a baby.

So when Kim Namjoo rushed out of the conference room at the end of the presentation, he watched, again, observantly. Eyes stricken and feet moving too fast for her body to keep up it almost looked like she was running from something. During the presentation, she had looked at a few others, too. Why was he the only one she seemed to be weirded out with?

He resumed work and once the number of bodies began diminishing, Sehun clocked out. He was on the way to the elevators when he spotted Jung Hyerin, the lady who gave off the vibe that she didn’t like her job.

“Where are you going?” Sehun wondered noticing the stack of papers in her hand and an orange envelope.

“I was told to hand these to the Team Leader.”

“Team Leader as in Team Leader Kim?” he wondered.

“Yea,” she nodded blankly and confused about who he just mentioned. “That one young lady.”

He grinned, “I know her. I can take those.”

Hyerin’s eyes shot down to the papers then to him. “Are you sure? You’ve to wait for her to sign some documents then drop them off at a mailbox.”

“No problem,” he happily offered and held his hand out. Once he received the papers he started down the hall toward Namjoo’s office. The door was closed. He knocked and waited then knocked again. When no one answered, he grabbed the knob and twisted the door open.

If she was in he decided he would drop off the papers on her desk then leave. A second later, he thought he might not leave…just yet.

It was a wonder why it was so silent, no tapping keyboards, no ringing phone. Kim Namjoo was sound asleep in her chair. Quietly closing the door he walked toward the desk and dropped into the visitor’s chair. His eyes searched her empty desktop then to the walls where her diplomas hung to validate her profession. The room was quite small. A bookshelf would cramp it up. There wasn’t even a window in the room he wondered how she made it through the day.

His eyes moved back to the Team Leader still asleep, unaware of him. Sehun studied her through the silence. She did seem quite young, quite the young lady Hyerin had anointed her as. Obviously, she wasn’t married since he didn’t spot any picture of a significant other on her desk. Usually married people kept pictures of their loved ones with them at work. Kim Namjoo had none. She must live with her family he supposed. She gave off the Seoulite vibe.

Propping an elbow onto the arm rest he rested his chin in his palm, watched and waited. Observing once again he thought Namjoo didn’t look the bit of a mean person. Then why did she act so cold around him?

Namjoo’s head drooped to the side. Sehun almost rose afraid she would fall out of her chair but with another abrupt nod of the head, Namjoo awoke. She yawned unaware of him and stretched her arms out with mouth still gaped open. She finally saw him midway through her loud sigh. Arms dropped and immediately straightened, her brows furrowed down her face, expression became stern.

“Oh right,” he recalled and stood. “Papers.” Coming to the side of her desk he settled the papers down and tapped them with a finger. “You need to sign them, so I can drop them off at a mailbox.”

When he glanced at her Namjoo immediately looked away. “No need. I’ll do it. You can leave.”

“But I was told to…”

“I said I’ll do it,” she stated more determinedly.

Awkward tension floated around them. Snatching the papers back Sehun returned to the visitor’s chair. “I’ll help you go through them. Everybody left already. Even Manager Go went home.”

“Take them to your desk. Someone will go through them in the morning,” Namjoo ordered.

“I was told you needed to.”

“Anybody can sign those,” Namjoo aggressively spoke. “Manager Go can.”

“Since you’re staying behind though, it’ll make more sense for you to. Right?” Sehun asked.

“Then leave them and you can go,” she told.

“I’ll help so you can leave early,” Sehun prodded.

“Yeol!!” she raised her voice irritated and when her eyes landed on him she immediately pursed her lips.

Sehun stared at her lost and confused. Namjoo’s eyes skittered around the room before her best option became clearing .

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. “You should leave.”

Sehun flipped through the papers then leaned forward to place them in front of her. “You need to sign this.”

Quiet now her eyes floated toward the document. Sehun continued shuffling through the papers and leaned forward to place another document down beside the previous. “Sign this, too.”

Biting her lower lip, Namjoo finally snatched a pen and began scribbling her name down. Sehun observed her once more but was unable to understand her.

“Kim Namjoo?” he called her name, watched the pen come to a pause. “I can call you Namjoo, right?”

Namjoo began scribbling again, “I’d rather you not.”

“Why?” he wondered. “Team Leader is just a title. It lacks the feel of friendship. It’ll be weird going around calling you Team Leader like that’s your name.”

“We’re not friends,” Namjoo stiffly stated.

“Why?” he leaned forward. “You don’t like me?”

He noticed her jaw tighten before she looked up. Sehun held her eyes and waited for an answer. In the next moment, Namjoo looked away as if she’d seen something she shouldn’t.

“I’m done, send them off,” she shoved the documents toward him and rose to her feet. Pulling her jacket on she grabbed her bag then held the door open for him. He headed out but waited for her. Namjoo locked her door, did a double take before turning to walk past him as if he weren’t there. So she was going to give him the cold shoulder again he thought as he wheeled around to follow her down the hall.

If there was one thing he’d learned, Kim Namjoo was moody. Well, that was a step up from where he’d recently been. Good enough for today he supposed since it didn’t look like she was up to sharing anymore of herself with him.

“I can call you Namjoo, right?” he asked as they stepped into the elevator. “That makes us sound more friendly. I’m Sehun, remember that.”

Her eyes remained glued to the doors. When they opened to the parking lot below the building Namjoo immediately walked away without so much as a goodbye, but unlike her cold demeanor Sehun was jolly.

“Bye Namjoo!” he called out after her. “Drive safe. I’ll see you tomorrow!”


***Namjoo is disturbed but exactly what kind of attraction is she feeling? For Sehun for who he is or are they her feelings for Chanyeol and the Yeol she sees in Sehun? And here we have it, Namjoo is still very close to Chanyeol's family. It'd be very difficult if she were to move on, get married again/start a new relationship and leave them behind 


 

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minifantasy
working on update. plz be patient

Comments

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Pinnk78 #1
Chapter 26: This is good
Exosehunfanindia
#2
Chapter 26: I found this story again
This was my first fanfiction ever and I did not expect it to make me cry(个_个)
I'll be re-reading this
Thank you for this beautiful story ❣️❣️❣️
tonnettie
#3
Chapter 26: Accepting and moving on. It takes a lot of time and effort.
tonnettie
#4
This has been on my list for awhile
katmod16 #5
Another great story. I love it a lot. Nice one!
Moonlight_23 #6
Chapter 9: The reason namjoo cant move is because none of them (chanyeol's family members included) are putting effort in trying to move on.They are constantly living in their memories with Chanyeol.
Baembi
#7
Chapter 15: Mina’s mindset about how Namjoo must be forever tied to Chanyeol, and starting a relationship with another man means betraying Chanyeol is honestly so weird. Like... Mina, girl, you gotta let Namjoo move on! I guess she’s possessive of Sehun because she likes him, but still...
Wooyaboya
#8
Chapter 26: This story is amazing. Do you mind if I include it in a recommendation list?
Alinka
#9
Chapter 26: Hi!
Thank you for finishing this gem XD
It's been a while since I found a fic I couldnt get my hands off of. I love the way you picturized Namjoo, everyone took their time grieving in a different way and you made Namjoo so frustratingly human it is not hard to see why she was thinking that way ^^ Sehun's trailblazing way was also understandable, after all he was the younger one. He was bound to shot off and chipped everything, Namjoo's wall and his own pride not exclude ;)

Take your time writing your new piece! Has put you in alerts and will be back checking out yours again when the reminder come ^^ Take care and have a good weekend!
chamomille #10
Chapter 26: This is beautiful ㅠㅠㅠㅠ thank you for sharing us this work of you. It's a very pleasant journey going through all chapter till the end. Im glad that I could dicover this story <3333