Her frail fingers pressed into his shoulder when she responded. In his entire lifetime, he had never felt so blessed. Cheesy as it may be, he wished time could stop. It had taken long to forge through Namjoo’s steel barrier. Still hard to crack but this moment validated the proof she was opening to him.

That was all he wanted.

Sounds of heels clattered against the ground before he realized what was happening. Hurriedly stepping away he felt Namjoo push at his shoulder to distance them. Her cheeks were flushed. From the alcohol? The kiss? He wasn’t sure.

Her eyes darted aside. Breathing heavily before running inside. Unable to gather his wits, he watched her go. It had gone well he had thought. They had kissed.

They had kissed…

Sehun didn’t want to leave yet. Staying here, even if he was outside, made him feel a little closer to her. Sinking down onto the concrete he sat on the curb reminiscing what just happened.

¤¤¤¤¤

Unable to calm herself Namjoo stumbled into the elevator clumsily. Immediately leaning against the cold wall she watched the doors close, wondering what had gotten into her. A moment later she realized the lift wasn’t moving. Obviously, the machine was still waiting for her to operate it. Punching the number to her floor she waited, anxiously.

Her heart still thrashed hard. She felt hot. Short of breath. Out of her mind.

Lifting her fingers she touched her lips. Her heart fluttered. That had been…unexpected. Why though…the kiss…why? Not unless he…

Namjoo shook her head. Once the doors opened Namjoo rushed out into the hallway. She didn’t want to…with Oh Sehun…she wasn’t ready to fall in love again.

She slept fitfully, tossing, and turning. Waking at the light of dawn she took Olly out for a run because she needed some air. Returning home, she fed her pug and sat down to drink some coffee along with a bowl of cereal. Today, she would stay in. The need to be by herself was strong. Away from everything. Away from everyone. And everyone accounted for Oh Sehun.

After refilling Olly’s water, she turned to peer at her wedding portrait. Subconsciously fiddling with the ring around her neck. Never thought she would have the heart to feel for anyone again. That she would never be able to forget Yeol and spend an eternity with another person. She had held Yeol’s hand. Exchanged rings and vows. Did all that simply vanish the night he died?

Why was she this way?

Her heart was going its splitting. But she was feeling sad, guilty, and lost. How could she forget Yeol?

The memory of last night’s kiss popped into her mind. Sehun’s arm around her waist, pulling her into him. Turning away from the portrait feeling like a criminal, Namjoo felt her hand drop from the necklace.

God…what was she doing?

At a gulp, she abruptly turned shocked when the doorbell rang. Heart pounded, resonating through the silence like a ghostly call. For a mere minute, she stared at the door. She wasn’t expecting anyone. She had made a point in her schedule to visit Yeol’s parents tomorrow. She hadn’t heard from them and she was worried how Yeol’s mother was faring. And how was Mina doing? Would she have run away from home again?

Pressing lips together Namjoo headed toward the door with Olly at her heels. It seemed the dog knew who was on the other side. For that reason, Namjoo hesitated in front of the door. Then the bell rang again and the second following her phone beeped signaling a text message. Lifting her hand she opened the door and found Sehun on the other side.

¤¤¤¤¤

Sehun had slept but not that well. So, he’d promised himself to go see Namjoo the following day. He didn’t want to be bridging a gap in their relationship. They were friends. He thought they were at least. And for one thing, he knew friends didn’t kiss. Not like that. Not the way he kissed her yesterday. And friends…didn’t think of each other romantically or dreamt of each other the way he dreamt of Namjoo certain nights.

He would tell Namjoo. She had to know. He wanted her to know, because if she didn’t know his thoughts then he’d be an idiot just looking. Whatever happened after he would decide later, but he wasn’t giving up so easily. If Namjoo was worried, he'd show her how good he could be. And he…he wouldn’t leave her behind.

Olly barked, welcoming him and breaking the intermittence of their shared silence. Stepping back, she let him in. The pug jumped against his leg bouncing off then came back with tongue lolling happily. Namjoo fiddled with her hands obviously unable to hide her anxiety.

The dog barked again for attention. If they could be alone a second he would be able to do what he came for.

“Ok, I know,” Sehun gave in leaning down to pet the dog. Tilting his tiny head back he Sehun’s hand before trotting off to return with a ball he wanted Sehun to throw. Taking the ball Sehun gently tossed it into a corner by the couch.

“Would you like water?” Namjoo finally asked when the dog disappeared.

“Uh…no. I was hoping we could talk.” If he didn’t get to the point any sooner, Namjoo might find an excuse to make him leave.

Nervously smiling, “I don’t think there’s anything that needs to be said. I mean unless it’s about work.”

“You know it’s not work related.” 

Surrendering she rattled, “Ok, I know. I was a little over my head yesterday. We probably both were. And it was a mistake. I’ll pretend it didn’t happen.”

“That wasn’t a kiss of a friend,” Sehun remarked, “I wasn’t drunk. I didn’t even take a sip of alcohol.”

Tilting her head to the side Namjoo let out an awkward laugh meant to ward off pending awkwardness. “I have somewhere to go. Is that all you wanted to say?”

“I kissed you like a man would,” he admitted. He watched Namjoo freeze, her eyes landed on maybe the stove. “I like you.”

Gasping in disbelief, Namjoo's eyes screamed denial. “Ok, now you don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You think I don’t know?”

Staring at him hard, “You wanted to be friends, but now you what? Aha, you’re funny.”

“You like me,” he stated and witnessed her become more rigid.

Sehun managed to hold her stubborn eyes before she broke off, “You’re wrong.”

“You kissed me two times,” he reminded, “whether you saw me as him or not, you kissed me because you thought you liked me. You kept coming to me, is that nothing?”

“Don’t put your words in my mouth,” Namjoo shot.

“I’m not.” Sehun gently bit down on his teeth. “You kissed me yesterday.”

Aggravated, Namjoo yelled fiercely, “I’m married!”

Calming, Sehun just stood there. He imagined she must have a lot of things to think over. Yeol’s pictures littered her house because she was still living in his memories. Remnants of him surrounded her. Three years and she had gone nowhere.

“Why do you think that should bind you?” Sehun asked. “That you don’t have the right to love again?”

“Don’t talk to me about love. You don’t know anything,” Namjoo argued. From the corner of the couch, Olly lifted his head from where he’d been gnawing the ball and whimpered.

“You’re right, I don’t know,” Sehun agreed. Namjoo’s lips fell apart surprised with his reaction then pursed them again. “But I have been in love before. When I want to validate my feelings, I’ll do it. And I did.”

Namjoo shook her head, “I don’t like you that way.”

“Why can’t you?” he pressed. “Because you’re afraid you’ll think of me as him? I’m not him. I’m Sehun. Oh Sehun.”

“Stop it!” Namjoo raised her voice. “Will you just leave me alone? I didn’t ask for your attention. If you would have just left me alone…”

“Then what?” he cut her off, curious but Namjoo just stared unwilling to finish. “You would have liked me? I don’t want to be inconsiderate, but why can’t you think of anyone but yourself? No one wants you to forget him. Why don’t you think that the people around you just want to see you happy? You lock yourself up, you get sad and depressed by yourself. How long will you plan to do this?”

To test the waters, he took a step closer. Sehun reached for her lower arm but Namjoo quickly brushed him away though she didn’t step back. He took that as an indication that she wouldn’t start fighting with him.

“I know you love him. You miss him and you don’t want to forget him, but I’m not asking to replace him,” Sehun softened. “I deserve a chance, don’t I?”

Namjoo quickly flung his hands away again when he tried touching her. “You’ve never lost anyone. Why would you understand me? You don’t know how I feel! Stop trying to pretend you do!”

They struggled momentarily before he managed to lock to her into his arms and feel her head by his shoulder. Olly came running with an angry bark, but Sehun stopped the dog with his foot. He had it under control. He didn’t need the dog’s help.

“You see, you’ve been neglecting everyone else you forget we want to comfort you, too,” he said.

Namjoo gripped onto his shirt and tried pushing him away. He didn’t let her.

“Cry,” he urged. “You said I don’t understand, so cry and tell me. I want to know.”

Still in his arms she didn’t budge. It was a satisfying moment. He could feel her heart pounding, wondered if it was as fast as his. She was warm and felt right. The scent of her hair was gratifying. Everything about her was heart pounding. He could be the happiest man alive if Namjoo spread her arms open for him, too.

Catching him out of surprise, Namjoo managed to shove him back and turned muttering, “You’ve ruined the mood. I can’t cry.”

The corner of his mouth inched up anyway. “So, are you going to tell me about him anyway?”

Pausing by the table Namjoo placed her hands on the corner. “You’re nosey.”

“You can start off by telling me how he’s better than me,” Sehun suggested moving over to sit down so he could see her even if it was from an angle. Olly walked up to him and stood on his hind legs with paws on his knees. Cupping the dog’s head, Sehun rubbed him behind the ears.

Moving a chair Namjoo sat down staring off into the space by the front door. He glanced at her side profile gushing quietly. At least, he could tell, Namjoo wasn’t about to kick him out. She wasn’t upset or annoyed with him. And at the most, he could sense she wouldn’t answer him about her feelings.

He wouldn’t give up.

In the end, the chase would be worth it. Namjoo was worth every moment.

“He was tall. Handsome. Funny. Was always smiling, even if he looked like an idiot. I loved him. That idiot. He promised he’d be with me until we grew old. Till we’d sit in rocking chairs holding hands. He always said he’d be the favorite parent. You idiot, stupid jerk. You had to go die first.” Namjoo's lips quivered. “That’s it. That’s all I remember.”

Pain coursed through her expression. Her gaze become somber and sad. She wouldn’t continue sharing any more of him. “I just...can’t forgive the fact that I couldn’t say goodbye.”

Sehun saw her eyes water. The tear drops her heavy regrets. What kind of things had she wanted to say that caused so much grief?

“Why did he have to die like that?” Namjoo cried. Sehun’s mind turned into a sheet of ice when Namjoo looked at him, as if he could provide an answer.

How many more years would it take for her think of Yeol and no longer cry? Maybe never? Until she accepted the fact that their farewell would never happen?

Leaving his chair, he knelt in front of her and hugged her. “I’m sorry.” Was as pathetic as it was, but it was all he could offer.

“You wanted me to cry and tell, you jerk,” she mumbled, but her arm was around his neck. And she was holding him.

He breathlessly laughed, baffled. And he could smell her. And gosh, she was adorable. He was totally smitten.

¤¤¤¤¤

Whatever spell Sehun had cast when he came over, Namjoo didn’t think she had the ability to deflect. She was already hell and under.

That next morning, Namjoo watched the elevator doors close then open again. She was standing in the back, having arrived early that morning. It was Sehun searching until their eyes locked. Her nerves tingled. Averting her eyes when Sehun entered she hoped he wouldn’t come stand with her at the back. Pushing his way through the group to get to her was just embarrassing for her.

But that was just what he did.

Stiffening, Namjoo stared at the doors.

Yesterday, Sehun left after she dried her tears, but he’d given her the eye that said it wasn’t over. After he left, all she thought about was him and she felt guilty as hell. The fact that Oh Sehun liked her was not as shocking as she may have imagined. Maybe she had gotten his hints earlier, but still… Would it be awkward? Should she be embarrassed? Happy?

The touch of his hand reeled her back to reality. She turned when his fingers wrapped around her hand and narrowed an eye. Sehun merely shrugged but smiled. Her heart leapt.

When the elevator doors opened again Namjoo pulled her hand away. “That was uncalled for.”

“Why? You didn’t like it?” 

Namjoo bit her lower lip.

“You liked it,” he stated slyly.

“That’s not what I said.”

Sehun tapped her nose with a finger and grinned, “You flirting with me now?”

Quickly glancing around for anyone who may be watching she warned, “Really. Don’t do this.”

“Fine,” he straightened. “You’re no fun.”

As they started down the hallway he turned around to face her, “What are you doing for lunch?”

“I don’t know.”

“Then we’ll eat together,” he promised.

Namjoo was unable to refute. Holding up a hand to gesture a wave he headed into his department. Her gaze lingered maybe hoping he’d come back out to do something funny for her. He didn’t.

It was highly unexpected, but they ate as if yesterday never happened at all. Though she could tell Sehun wasn’t hiding his feelings. Teasing and joking with her. At lunch, he had locked his legs around hers then grinned at her like he wasn’t doing anything. On the way up to their floor he held her hand again, playfully twisting from side to side so their arms brushed every other second.

Inside the sanctity of her office her heart beat…more rapidly than usual.

At the end of the work day Namjoo half expected to find Sehun at her door, waiting for her. Perhaps they’d head down to the garage together. Maybe he would even hold her hand again and in the elevator. They’d stand with arms touching and he’d joke with her. Would she see him smiling like a fool?

He wasn’t at her office doorway though. Namjoo made the lonely trek to the elevator and rode the lift by herself. She had peeked into the financial department. Few workers were left behind, but none of them were Sehun.

My god, she wondered as she waited for the lift to arrive at the garage, what was she doing? Now waiting and now expecting. She shouldn’t be this way. She shouldn’t be swayed.

“Boo!” Someone jumped out when the lift opened and she took a step forward. Jumping, Namjoo screamed then heard Sehun guffawing. On reflex she her arm out into his chest.

“That was not funny!” she grumbled.

Still laughing and rubbing his wounded chest he commented, “I waited a long time. I was almost wondering if you were ever coming down.”

Namjoo frowned annoyed yet was glad to see him.

“You were waiting for me, right?” Sehun asked falling into step with her.

“No.” she lied.

He nudged her with an elbow, “You like me, right?”

Namjoo refused to react.

When they neared her car, he asked, “What are you doing later?”

Slowly pausing, Namjoo blinked then turned to him. “I’m going to see my in-laws.”

The shine in his eyes slowly withered and Namjoo felt disappointment row through her. It was weird because it shouldn’t be like this. Visiting Yeol’s parents was a natural occurrence for her. Namjoo realized she should have done it sooner. It would have drawn the thicker line between them. Reiterated that she had always belonged to someone else.

Yet she didn’t know what was happening to her.

Where exactly did she stand?

“Yea, you should go,” Sehun managed a small smile. “Then, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Namjoo watched him get into his car and start the engine. She didn’t move as he backed up and drove out. At least he should have asked her for dinner. She would have made the time.

****ajdflakdjfal awww they like each other, but Namjoo just has a harder time accepting it. Guilt comes with borne grief

***A/N: sorry for the late update. I've been so into reading Line Webtoons I just couldn't stop xDDD And OMG I saw Jesse McCartney /SCREAMING/ He's still a heart throb. This week has been good to me so far