Then again, I began the cycle of self-hate and self-loathe.

You did nothing wrong. I stopped. I figured that I’ve been chasing nothing, deceptive but sweet dreams. All I needed was a break – a long one at that, to rid my mind of useless thoughts and change the foolish me. A break was what I got.

I thought I came back better.

I lied. I lied to people around me.

“Oh, I’m so glad that she isn’t in the same class as me.”

“I prayed to the gods.” I jokingly said.

“It feels good to not be around her. Fresh air.”

Yeah right, sure I do.

Half-true. It felt good to be in a different environment with new people. I’m so sick of your image being stuck in my mind. Yup, a fresh start was all I needed, I thought. Somehow, it still stings when I am so bent-on trying to get rid of you. Hopefully, I would grow numb to the sting.

Once, we made accidental eye-contact but I could see my guilt reflecting in your eyes. Pretending like a stranger hurt, but I thought it was all for the better. I shunned my eyes as I walked away with a heavy heart.

At first, you cared. But now you don’t. It is fine. Things are fine the way it is right now, I convinced myself. The brain wants to, but the heart isn’t easily persuaded.

You are a goal too far for me to grasp, to reach. There isn’t any chance and there won’t be chances,